edgygirl Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 Would you give a second chance to this? Yesterday one of the only men I did like who mentioned a second date but ended up not acting on it (end of 2017) "superliked" me on a dating app Wth? I wonder if he didn't recognize me, or if he is now ready and finally over his divorce. I wondered at the time that might be the issue, but of course there's a chance he probably wasn't that into me. Background here on this thread: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/638414-divorce-red-flag Does it make sense to give something like this a second chance? He's really a high quality man, exactly the type I am searching for in all senses And do I mention we've been on a date already or play dumb?
d0nnivain Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 Since you liked him but he sort of flaked, I'd remind him that you have met before you actually get invested or physically go anywhere. Just a simply "nice to hear from you again." Let him figure it out but I wouldn't do a "gotcha" when you actually show up. 2
losangelena Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 Don’t really think there’s a right or wrong answer here, more like, if you liked him the first time and want to try again, then do. I would say you’re better off going in sans expectations and treat it like a totally new encounter. He may have forgotten you/not realized it was you, so I agree you should make it obvious that y’all have met before. 1
Gretchen12 Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 Ha! Yeah happened to me before but not online. We date once then went our separate ways. Years later it's like old friends catching up. I had friendzoned him but not in a bad way, if you know what I mean, just comfort. Edgygirl, why not go out with him? Remind him of the date and tell him you'd be interested to hear what he's been up to. Then maybe enjoy a fun evening of good conversation? 1
amaysngrace Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 How can someone who forgets he dated you be your type? 1
Author edgygirl Posted February 23, 2019 Author Posted February 23, 2019 Thank you everyone for the super helpful responses. I see your point... but we don't know if he forgot, do we? Maybe he remembers, but wasn't really ready to date then. He was divorced for 1 year only (link @ OP). I remember when I was divorced for a year, thinking I was ready to date... but looking back I was still recovering. How can someone who forgets he dated you be your type?
losangelena Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 Thank you everyone for the super helpful responses. I see your point... but we don't know if he forgot, do we? Maybe he remembers, but wasn't really ready to date then. He was divorced for 1 year only (link @ OP). I remember when I was divorced for a year, thinking I was ready to date... but looking back I was still recovering. No, *we* don’t know anything. I personally have questions, like, if you liked each other so much back then, why is he reaching out to you via a dating app, and not, say, your phone number? Did you never make that far in your dating last time? Also, did he just ghost you last time, or did he explain why he didn’t want to continue with you? This similar situation happened to me once. A guy who I'd been out with several times (he faded out the first time) circled back about six months later. We went out another couple of times, but it was basically a repeat of the previous time—it just fizzled out again. When it comes to these kind of do-overs, I don’t think you should have your expectations up very high. Yes, they work out sometimes, but I’d imagine that they mostly don’t go anywhere.
Author edgygirl Posted February 23, 2019 Author Posted February 23, 2019 I agree with all you said thanks losangelena. I don't remember exactly what happened to be honest, but no - it didn't go far. As I said - I - liked him the first time, I have no clue how he felt as it was only one date. I do remember on the date itself he mentioned a restaurant we both liked and a second date. But then he only sent me 1 or 2 messages after the date and didn't really book another one. I was surprised as I did feel potential and usually when that happens people book other dates. Re: phone... I thought about that too. But I don't have his # either. Well he probably realized we haven't talked for a while and deleted my number. That's what I do too. Or, he doesn't recall we went on a date. Or, perhaps after dating horrid people these 1.5 years, he realized I was probably a good choice? Or is now ready to date? Who knows. I almost feel like I don't really want to know I won't expect anything from this. I feel a mix of excitement for a second chance together with being irked at the same time. When it comes to these kind of do-overs, I don’t think you should have your expectations up very high.
Gretchen12 Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 You're almost like being a guy about this. Guys struggle more with initial dating, gals struggle more with defining a relationship. There shouldn't have been much expectation on your part the first time anyway. You liked him, but you like a lot of other men too, don't you? Women get dates so easily that we don't get all worked up about one date. If you get carried away with just one date you need to check yourself. I'm sure you need no validation nor lacked dates the past 1.5 years. So it's not like he did you wrong. I'd only be reluctant to see him if he was boring. 1
Author edgygirl Posted February 23, 2019 Author Posted February 23, 2019 Gretchen as usually you're right No def not worked up about this. Indeed I have zero trouble getting dates with men who interest me. My problem is making things work after. It's just that some seem to have more people potential than others. I'm fascinated in what he does for a living, he's mega intelligent and that gives me the hots I'm a total sapiosexual and he made my juices flow. But let's see, it's Tinder... people take ages to write you there after you match. Let's see if he even writes. Cause I'm not going to. I'm sure you need no validation nor lacked dates the past 1.5 years. So it's not like he did you wrong. I'd only be reluctant to see him if he was boring.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 When I was a high volume dater, I would often match with people I have met before. I didn't realize that we have met because their pics looked somewhat different. I would usually figure it out when we meet in person.
Happy Lemming Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 Recycling is for glass bottles, cans, paper, plastics, etc. not dates. I actually did try that once where I went out with this woman twice. She kind of had this entitled attitude about everything. We ran into each other again (about a year later), & went out, but she had that same entitled attitude. Some aspects of her life had gotten better, but she had not changed one bit. Yes, I understand circumstances (and lives) change, but the base personality & mannerisms are still there. If you are taking votes, I vote "no". 2
allofme Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 Edgygirl I think you’re overthinking this. You only went on one date. It’s nothing. Anything before exclusivity and you weren’t friends in the first place, i don’t think he did anything wrong (unless you asked him specifically why he didn’t text back). Just roll with it if anything does happen and see where it goes. 1
Author edgygirl Posted February 23, 2019 Author Posted February 23, 2019 And how does such a situation usually work out in the end? Are both people turned off, or it doesn't really matter and feels like starting from scratch? I would usually figure it out when we meet in person.
littleblackheart Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 Apologies in advance for the dumb questions but here goes anyway (I'm not online dating savvy at all): does the 'superlike' choice not come with a chat option? Maybe he's waiting for you to 'superlike' him back so he can explain?
Author edgygirl Posted February 23, 2019 Author Posted February 23, 2019 He already knows I "like" him back. So here is how it works so you have an idea if you have time and are interested: On Tinder when you look at someone's pic/profile, you either slide right (like), or swipe left (don't like). If you swipe right and the person likes you back, you will "match" with them, and either of you can write each other. The possibility of convo stays there unless one of you decides to "unmatch". Because I already went on a date with him, and back then it didn't work out, I would normally swipe left on him and we would never match, or talk again. BUT... there's a thing called "Superlike" that people either pay for, or once in a while you get one of those you can use if you're not a paying member. What it does, is it shows to the person seeing your profile that you already liked them, they appear in blue showing they "Superliked" you - so you know if you swipe right you will match with them 100% sure. And his pic showed he Superliked me. I was surprised given the past situation. But I said wth, I will swipe right on him again. Hence we are matched and could talk... if one of us now initiates the convo. I won't. Other apps give you 24h to write someone so this dead-end doesn't happen. The window only stays open for a day and it's usually the woman who has to initiate. does the 'superlike' choice not come with a chat option? 1
littleblackheart Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 Gotcha (I think?) Thank you for explaining . So basically if he wants to take things further, he needs to get in touch? If so, that seems fair. 1
Author edgygirl Posted February 23, 2019 Author Posted February 23, 2019 You're welcome Yes that's exactly it. I can also get in touch now. The problem with Tinder is you match with hundreds of people but only a few actually write you. It's kinda weird to be honest and different from the other apps, where people actually DO write you. I don't use it as much as the other apps. 1
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