Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) You really need a thank you from her to feel complete?<snip>. The thing is she goes through phases. She might not write for 3 months because she says life is busy, even though she don’t work a job. And then when she does write, she tells me very personal stories about her past. Essays. She’s very expressive and uses lots of emojis. Always says she wants to get together. Her mom says she’s very busy. And I ask why and it’s because she watches baseball and is very vested into her kid. I don’t understand her patterns though. When I told her sister she’s gonna help out with the reunion, she was in disbelief and was very close to cracking up. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 How old are you OP? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) I’m an adult. It doesn’t matter. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 She doesn't really want to use her time that way. She's just been being polite. Apparently she has plenty of time to waste writing you, but she couldn't care less about meeting up with you. People with families just often have too much to do and too many people to please already. I think you need to stop trying to force a relationship with someone's whose actions clearly say she doesn't want that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) Here’s the thing. She was gonna come. She confirmed it. She told 5 other family members she can’t wait. Then when she couldn’t, she wrote a whole page explaining how sorry she was and that she wanted to come. When she was gonna come, I wasn’t anxious. But once she made herself unavailable like that, it brought out all kinds of emotion for me. Now I keep on getting let down. And I’m upset and it’s not as easy as just turning off a light switch. So I’m not sure what I can do to not care anymore. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Don't confront her or be blunt or rude. Be honest and speak from your heart. Let her know that it's been hurting your feelings that she keeps cancelling. Tell her that you were really looking forward to spending time with her and getting to know her again as adults. Say that you understand she has a son and is busy much of the time but would it mean a lot to you if she made time for soon. You're assuming a lot of her and her life seeing as you don't know her well or see of often enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 I asked my dad if I can write that and he says noooo. Even though we think it sounds fine, he thinks it sounds awful. He thinks it’s very passive aggressive. If your dad thinks it's bad, in the interest of family harmony, don't send it. Now I keep on getting let down. And I’m upset and it’s not as easy as just turning off a light switch. So I’m not sure what I can do to not care anymore. You change it by recognizing that she's unreliable & then you stop caring. Right now you still think there is something you can do to motive her. I'm sorry you are hurting but when you continue to engage with her, you set yourself up to be disappointed again & again. Just stop talking to her. Write her off as a flake. Then go do something fun that doesn't make you crazy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) Okay so write her off as a flake? I wonder if there’s any way she can know I know that. She writes 2 page apology letters for not coming. Why does she do that? Anyways last time she did that, my response back was very short. I wonder if that gives her a hint. Or if she thinks I believe her spiel. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) You don’t understand. We have exchanged thousands of messages. She might not write for 3 months because she says life is busy, even though she don’t work a job. Trying to do the math to reconcile these two statements. Why don't you go visit her? Mr. Lucky Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix spacing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Does it matter? We can't fix her. You are the one who is here. So you are the one I'm trying to help. The best thing you can do for yourself is give up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 . Trying to do the math to reconcile these two statements. Why don't you go visit her? Mr. Lucky I don’t mind visiting her but she didn’t invite me. My friend says I need an excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 LOL ten characters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 Does it matter? We can't fix her. You are the one who is here. So you are the one I'm trying to help. The best thing you can do for yourself is give up. But if it best to tell her I’m hurt before giving up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 LOL ten characters. What do you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 I don’t mind visiting her but she didn’t invite me. So she doesn't invite you to come see her. And she doesn't follow through on plans to come see you. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 But if it best to tell her I’m hurt before giving up? No. Just stop trying to get together. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Okay so write her off as a flake? I wonder if there’s any way she can know I know that. She writes 2 page apology letters for not coming. Why does she do that? Anyways last time she did that, my response back was very short. I wonder if that gives her a hint. Or if she thinks I believe her spiel. Don't respond to her messages anymore then she will get the idea you think she's a flake. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) So she doesn't invite you to come see her. And she doesn't follow through on plans to come see you.<snip> It's obvious the cousin doesn't want to be bothered except to write her feelings down and send a letter. That's all she wants. I would leave her alone for good. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) So she doesn't invite you to come see her. And she doesn't follow through on plans to come see you.<snip> But she was the one that said she wanted to come visit. She was literally 2 days away and she messaged me before and said she is so looking forward to it. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 It's obvious the cousin doesn't want to be bothered except to write her feelings down and send a letter. That's all she wants. I would leave her alone for good. Then why did she say she wants to come and was about to come until she found out she had something else? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Look, I don't know why, but you are SO overly invested here. You should just drop it and stop trying to force a relationship with her. She isn't at all invested. Yes, maybe she intends to make a trip to see family sometime, but she's not invested and YOU are overly invested and think she should care about your feelings and all that and think the family should care and it's just one of those things. She has her own life and it's rarely ever going to cross into yours. Knowing how intense you are may well have scared her off. It would me. She may be thinking, Geez, I don't dare go visit or she'll never give me any space. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 Don't respond to her messages anymore then she will get the idea you think she's a flake. Maybe I will do that. But the thing is we are supposed to be working together now for the reunion. But I just told her to contact the other cousin about it since she’s the one in charge. I swear she wanted my opinion on the decorations but I was so fed up that I just told her our other cousin will assist her. Wouldn’t be surprised if she drops the ball this too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) Look, I don't know why, but you are SO overly invested here. You should just drop it and stop trying to force a relationship with her.<snip> Then she can never complain to me again and give me a sob story. She’s the one that did that many times. It’s all on her. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 Well, yes, there are people who will do that and not reciprocate. So just step down the communication. Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 You're obviously very young, and I dont think anyone here can understand why you are so obsessed about this. If she wanted to meet you, she would. People do what they want to do, they make the time for things important to them. Its not important to her, nor does she want to meet up with you. And you need to scale it way back, and stop getting so neurotic about things you can't control. You can't control other people. You can't make them want what you want them to want. She has her reasons, whatever they are. At any rate, whatever her reasons, its up to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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