Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 It's been really frustrating. It's been more than a year now. I'm getting fed up. We actually don't know each other that well because she never got to meet a lot of her family due to reasons I won't get into. She thought it has been really great getting to know me. We talk on FB a lot. And we met one time at my other cousins house more than a year ago. We were supposed to get together after that. And she has always said that she's busy but in a month or two we should get together. She doesn't really work. She has a kid that plays sports and that's about it as far as I know. Last month we were finally supposed to get together and she canceled at the last minute because she had to take her son to football practice. And then this month, she canceled again and said that she has birthdays and weddings and all kinds of things going on for the next 2 months. And she had promised to come visit me and my parents. So this has been going on for a while. I don't feel that she's too busy. I feel something else is making her make excuses. We can do it ANY day she wants, but something gets in the way.. So I want to confront her about this. I don't wanna just say it's fine.. I want to be blunt with her. But I don't wanna do it in a way that scares her off. But I'm sick and tired of her canceling. I don't like people that cannot commit to what they said they were gonna do. This has been making me very hurt and upset. She has to know this.
amaysngrace Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 It sounds like she has other priorities in her life and getting together with extended family is just not one of them. When she was suppose to meet with your parents what were you all going to be doing? 1
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 Maybe she's scared or reluctant. Either way, give up. Assume you will never meet. Enjoy the social media connection & leave it be until she plans something. 1
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Posted February 22, 2019 Maybe she's scared or reluctant. Either way, give up. Assume you will never meet. Enjoy the social media connection & leave it be until she plans something. Why can’t I tell her my frustration and be blunt with her?
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Posted February 22, 2019 It sounds like she has other priorities in her life and getting together with extended family is just not one of them. When she was suppose to meet with your parents what were you all going to be doing? Well we have a reunion coming up and she herself said she was coming down to get on board with us and to meet all of us. She went to school with some of the cousins and said she was so looking forward to it. But she’s been pulling this BS for a while.
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Posted February 22, 2019 Hey guys I just would appreciate some sincere and thorough responses. There’s a lot at stake here for me.
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 Why can’t I tell her my frustration and be blunt with her? You can but be diplomatic or you will spoil any chance for meeting. Say something like I realize you have a lot going on but I'm frustrated by the last minute cancellations. I sincerely want to meet you but I have doubts about your interest. Ball is in your court. If you want this to happen, you have to come to me.
stillafool Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) It's been really frustrating. It's been more than a year now. I'm getting fed up. We actually don't know each other that well because she never got to meet a lot of her family due to reasons I won't get into. She thought it has been really great getting to know me. We talk on FB a lot. And we met one time at my other cousins house more than a year ago. We were supposed to get together after that<snip> It's pretty obvious that she has no interest in getting together with you. Why don't you just let her be? You can't force people to be with you. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote 3
amaysngrace Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 We have a reunion coming up. So the reunion hasn’t happened yet? I’d wait until then before stressing about if she’ll show up or not. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 There’s a lot at stake here for me. In meeting with a cousin you don't really know and have only seen once or twice? Doesn't seem either of you have much invested... Mr. Lucky
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Posted February 22, 2019 In meeting with a cousin you don't really know and have only seen once or twice? Doesn't seem either of you have much invested... Mr. Lucky We have exchanged thousands of messages
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Posted February 22, 2019 So the reunion hasn’t happened yet? I’d wait until then before stressing about if she’ll show up or not. But I’m talking about her coming over, not the big event. She has said many times she would love to. So it’s frustrating.
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Posted February 22, 2019 It's pretty obvious that she has no interest in getting together with you. Why don't you just let her be? You can't force people to be with you. So negative. She told me and the family she was so looking forward to seeing us, but something came up. Now she’s saying in April she should be available. But how do I know she’s not just saying that?
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 But how do I know she’s not just saying that? You know darn well she IS just saying that. 1
Orokotikki Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 We have exchanged thousands of messages Whaaat? What exactly is the nature of your relationship with this cousin?
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Posted February 22, 2019 You know darn well she IS just saying that. How do you know I know? If she’s never gonna come through, is there anything vengeful I can say?
Orokotikki Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) How do you know I know?<snip> 1) Common sense 2) Sure, "You know what? Forget it, you are always flaking on these plans and I need to move on." Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote 1
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) Whaaat? What exactly is the nature of your relationship with this cousin? She’s just very sassy and emotional. Tells me stories. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix spacing
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) How do you know I know? If she’s never gonna come through, is there anything vengeful I can say? Vengeful? Really? perhaps she senses you can go from concerned & wanting to meet to vengeful. I'd avoid you too. Messages may be all she wants. You need to divest yourself from this & let her come to you in her own time & her own way. You are making yourself unnecessarily crazy. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix spacing 3
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) Vengeful? Really? perhaps she senses you can go from concerned & wanting to meet to vengeful. I'd avoid you too. Messages may be all she wants. You need to divest yourself from this & let her come to you in her own time & her own way. You are making yourself unnecessarily crazy. You don’t understand. We have exchanged thousands of messages. She’s very emotional. But something is really getting in her way and she’s not being upfront. She said so many times she is gonna come through. It’s making me upset because it’s been so long and now she has canceled and she wrote a 2 page essay explaining her predicament and said she still wants to. How about this? “I totally understand you’re busy. No problem. But we have sincerely been trying to reach out to you. Let us know when and if you ever wanna get together. Take care cuz.” ----------------- Another thing is she always complained about how she never got to meet her extended family due to unfortunate circumstances out of her control. And I’m giving her the opportunity now. I feel I deserve to be thanked. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge and truncate quote 1
Orokotikki Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 She’s just very sassy and emotional. Tells me stories. This explains nothing and does not answer the question. It is confusing to many readers why you would feel so emotionally invested in this cousin making plans with you. 1
amaysngrace Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 You really need a thank you from her to feel complete? Look, you did the right thing. Knowing that should be all the thanks you need. If she doesn’t appreciate your efforts just chill on answering all of her emotional messages. Treat her with as little regard as she’s been giving you and your family. Laying back may be your best bet not to become frustrated with her. It’ll give you back some power rather than leaving it all up to her. This will be your choice now.
stillafool Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 Another thing is she always complained about how she never got to meet her extended family due to unfortunate circumstances out of her control. And I’m giving her the opportunity now. I feel I deserve to be thanked. Nothing has happened yet for her to thank you for. She is not being direct and honest with you but trying to nice her way out. She should just be honest and say she doesn't want to get together.
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 You don’t understand. How about this? “I totally understand you’re busy. No problem. But we have sincerely been trying to reach out to you. Let us know when and if you ever wanna get together. Take care cuz.” I do understand. You want more from her then she is willing or capable of giving. What you want to write is fine. Being "vengeful" is not. I thought you wanted to write something awful like: You ungrateful B*T*! I'm doing everything for you & you are so rude you can't even keep a commitment. Well screw you. As far as I'm concerned you are no longer invited to the reunion. I hope you rot. That would not be helpful or constructive. Another thing is she always complained about how she never got to meet her extended family due to unfortunate circumstances out of her control. And I’m giving her the opportunity now. I feel I deserve to be thanked. You do deserve to be thanked but she's never going to thank you. Read some of my threads about my MIL. All I do for that woman you'd think she'd be appreciative but nope. (She was on my nerves again this morning) Some people suck. All you can do is recognize that & stop bending yourself into a pretzel for them. Although she says she wants to meet family her actions say something else. You need to start listening to her actions.
Author Intevel80 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) I asked my dad if I can write that and he says noooo. Even though we think it sounds fine, he thinks it sounds awful. He thinks it’s very passive aggressive. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post
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