FMW Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 Are you being really honest with yourself that you completely trust him? A three year affair isn't just some blip on the radar screen and not something to play around with now as far as him getting anywhere near her. Your husband surely has more influence on the choice of office space than he is letting on. There's something a little hinky about this. As has been noted, there should be many options, in most cities office space is at a surplus. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnneD Posted February 21, 2019 Author Share Posted February 21, 2019 Are you being really honest with yourself that you completely trust him? A three year affair isn't just some blip on the radar screen and not something to play around with now as far as him getting anywhere near her. Your husband surely has more influence on the choice of office space than he is letting on. There's something a little hinky about this. As has been noted, there should be many options, in most cities office space is at a surplus. I’m sure they haven’t had contact since ...actually just about a year ago. Nothing. I trust that. And there was a definite switch flipped where he stopped flip flopping and was done. And he hasn’t wavered since. The three years was literal back and forth, false starts, and him trying to decide and being unsure. Once he was sure. He was clear and hasn’t flip flopped since. I asked tonight if anything happened with the office space. He said that boss is trying to figure out if it could work. He said it’s a little small, she brought up how could improve it etc etc. I said “can’t you just tell her for personal reasons it would be better if you didn’t move there “. And he said yes, that he was willing to do that and could. But didn’t think she would ixnay it based on that if it turned out to be perfect in other ways. He did tell me that from what he knows of OWs job (which she just started st end of affair) is that there is an office there and an office in another town as well and he said he’s not sure if/where she works at but it’s possible she’s not even there. He said when they were together, she held another job because this job was a project Mgr type job where she was only in office for meetings and what not and did events in the community the other times but also it didn’t fill up all her time cuz she had to have another job. So I know I have reason to be anxious. But I don’t believe he’s in contact and planning this. But I do get nervous that she could be in close proximity. I’m just hoping it never happens Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 I tend to agree with FMW that a three year affair during which he went back and forth several times in not just a blip on the radar... Again, you can’t provide constant supervision or monitor his decisions. You should not need to do that to your life partner. He is a big boy, capable of making his own decisions. If he makes the wrong decision, he will experience the consequences. The only thing that you control here is whether you chose to take him back, should he ever cheat again. And dare I say, you are a better person than I. He would have flip-flopped once before he found the locks changed when he attempted to return. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 I am just so sorry for all the pain your going thru. I hope you are able to find peace soon my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnneD Posted February 21, 2019 Author Share Posted February 21, 2019 Thank you. We have been through a lot. We both are not perfect. Yes, he has done some horrible things to me. Yes, I have not been as ....not sure of the word....strong I guess as I should have been. Something just told me to hold on. I know some people won’t inderstand this but we both found God through this. It made a difference. It is hard to explain. No, it wasn’t a blip. But we talked about it. He chose our marriage. With all our imperfections, with all the work, with all the history. He chose us knowing that. He chose us knowing he probably could have had a good life with OW (for awhile anyway imo). He choose us over the limerance. We have come a long way and have a different understanding of marriage now. Anyway, I’ve had a few drinks tonight and I’m just done with her. I’m done worrying. Spending too much time worrying about things that might never happen. Affair PTSD is real. I need to stop. If he’s gonna cheat he’s gonna cheat. I don’t think he will but if he does......I already reached the point of done and I think I’d be ok just bowing out. We were close before so I’ve worked thru that emotion. He seems ok tho. He is different. We have done a lot of work Anyway. Drunk rambling!! Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 Why is your H still working at this messed up place? As soon as you two reconciled, he should've found another job. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 Husbands affair was three years of hell. Getting her to stop calling/showing up was another six months of hell. Now it’s been a year without OW. We are in a good place. We have our struggles but a new understanding of the commitment of marriage and working through things. Sadly, you chose to stay with a cheater so this type of thing will probably always occasionally stain your life in some way or another. It's pretty much a given when you choose to stay with a cheater. Three years is a long time to disrespect someone the way he chose to disrespect you because he couldn't let go of his young girlfriend. You're extremely forgiving. Extremely. You DO know that burner phones are pretty cheap and can be bought virtually anywhere, and texting/calling/chatting apps are free and can be downloaded and installed in about 2 minutes, right? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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