Foxhall Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 Hey, Looking for some thoughts on this. I am a late 30s guy who has sampled online dating over the past few years. I have met perhaps 15 ladies in this time (and still searching for the right person although I have made friendships with 3!!) What has generally surprised me with the online dating is how confident, articulate, well travelled and high achievers the ladies are. I suppose my perception initially was that ladies on online dating sites might be a little bit less confident, less achievers etc. Why do you think women on online dating sites are so confident? I feel like I am a decent guy , however my personality is best suited to a girl who is somewhat less of an achiever, a little more vulnerable and so on. and where are the less confident, more down to earth women, or where can one meet them?
chillii Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 Must be the sort of person your choosing. You could easily pick that stuff up from her page on the date site those type have a real way about them. When l was on one back when there was all kinds of women and personalities. But the only ones l bothered with were the few that sounded as close to the type of person and girl l'd go for as l could find. 1
Andy_K Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 Why do you think women on online dating sites are so confident? A cynic might suggest that many of them have a slightly inflated sense of self worth, and are online because they can't find anyone else who values them as much as they do. and where are the less confident, more down to earth women, or where can one meet them? People project how they want to be seen online, it's not always reality. Spend enough time with whom you consider to be confident or aloof women, and you'll find they have plenty of insecurities. They're just normal people. 1
PegNosePete Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 where are the less confident, more down to earth women, or where can one meet them? They are on there too, but you're not messaging them. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 The more educated and accomplished a woman is, the harder time she has finding a suitable partner in general, as most women don't find men who are less accomplished than they are desirable for romance. So online dating is a typical route for these women to search from a wider pool. Also, accomplished women are usually better marketers, know how to take and showcase those attention-grabbing photos that reel in prospective dating site dates. For the less accomplished women you're seeking, you'll need to look under the radar. Filter to women with only a high school education or some college. Look at the profiles with pics that are less glam, more average. In the wild, chat with women in service occupations - waitress, barista, store cashier, cleaning lady. 5
Gretchen12 Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 It takes some initiative and confidence to go online, post photos of yourself, chat with a variety of men from different walks of life, and go meet strange men in person. Many less confident, awkward low achiever women are not up for all that. It's basically negativity and complacency that makes someone end up being a low achiever. Those same traits would tell her to not bother with online dating because the attitude of the low achiever is: it's too much effort to do all that when it won't work out anyway.
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 Putting yourself out there on a dating site takes confidence. OLD is only one tool. To meet a variety of people use a variety of techniques. Also work on your own self esteem. Then these accomplished women won't be so intimidating. 1
soyou Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 the more educated and accomplished a woman is, the harder time she has finding a suitable partner in general, as most women don't find men who are less accomplished than they are desirable for romance. So online dating is a typical route for these women to search from a wider pool. Also, accomplished women are usually better marketers, know how to take and showcase those attention-grabbing photos that reel in prospective dating site dates. For the less accomplished women you're seeking, you'll need to look under the radar. Filter to women with only a high school education or some college. Look at the profiles with pics that are less glam, more average. In the wild, chat with women in service occupations - waitress, barista, store cashier, cleaning lady. excellent! Love your reply <3 ;-) 1
Hopeful30 Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 I dont think the question should be why are online women confident. The question should be, why are confident women resorting to online means? Says a lot about the selection of men... 2
Author Foxhall Posted February 18, 2019 Author Posted February 18, 2019 cool, thank you , I enjoyed all the responses Donnivain, to be fair you have summed it up in a nutshell really, thank you all for taking the time to reply.
preraph Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 I think the real issue her is your own sense of self-worth.
MeadowFlower Posted February 19, 2019 Posted February 19, 2019 and where are the less confident, more down to earth women, or where can one meet them? Right here, just saying.
Cfgrace Posted February 20, 2019 Posted February 20, 2019 I am in a similar situation - 30 year old female, on and off dating apps for the last few years. I see the same thing with guys on these apps but I attribute it to them selling themselves. I read a Wall Street Journal article about dating via apps that dives into the challenges faced by prospects on dating apps vs. the old school ways of meeting someone in person. I should mention this article was recommended to me during a first date with a guy I met on an app and it didn't work out because, well, he reads the WSJ and I do not (ding on me I guess). Unfortunately, I can't find the article now but basically, to sum it up - you have no time at all to make an impression before the left or right swipe. Your first picture. Your first comment. Your first typo could be enough to make someone swipe left whereas in the real world you have a chance to redeem yourself. You have time to make a real impression. So in a world of unlimited swipes - how do you make yourself stand out and seem most interesting to someone else?
nospam99 Posted February 20, 2019 Posted February 20, 2019 I am in a similar situation - 30 year old female, So in a world of unlimited swipes - how do you make yourself stand out and seem most interesting to someone else? 1) 30 y/o? You are a child. (I'm 65) 2) Swipes are not unlimited 3) At your age, I can make a strong argument that your social contacts are still open enough (many, if not most, of mine are DEAD) that you still have options to meet people without using 'the apps'. I'd say that it's time to turn to the apps somewhere north of 35. All that said, if you must turn to 'the apps', there are a few that give you the possibility of 'picking' less superficially. As much as I hate to sound like a salesman for the site, because there is a LOT I don't like about it, I appreciate match.com for the breath and depth of the information about potential dates that I get from it. BUT, you have to do your homework, too. That is to say you must read the profile and look at and assess all the pictures to get more than a superficial idea of who the person is. And there are still pitfalls. The person may not have taken advantage of the open-ended format to tell a lot about themselves. Or they be simply lying or faking (photos taken when they were 20-25 y/o?). At least you can have more to go on than swiping on the basis of a few photos. Anecdotes: I tried Bumble for a month and got no matches while I'm averaging a month in between face to face meetings generated on match.com (again, not a sales pitch, just my experience). 1
Author Foxhall Posted February 20, 2019 Author Posted February 20, 2019 Right here, just saying. hi Meadowflower, yes I have read some of your posts on other threads with interest, me and you would probably get on quite well. just a thought!
thefooloftheyear Posted February 20, 2019 Posted February 20, 2019 If they were really about anything they wouldn't be on dating sites/apps... Over inflated sense of worth due to the attention that in most cases isn't even real.. Its like judging your worth by Facebook likes... TFY
Calmandfocused Posted February 20, 2019 Posted February 20, 2019 I can’t be the only one whose hoping that meadowflower and foxhall live in reasonable close proximity to each other? Problem solved op. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted February 20, 2019 Posted February 20, 2019 I think these confident women ... have basically learned the lesson that if you want guys to treat you with respect ... and if they want to set high standards (and not let a guy walk all over them) they have to really project confidence and certainty--from the git-go. Some of these women, I imagine, put up with lots of nonsense from guys in previous relationships. They're "correcting" to signal this time that they don't want to put up with nonsense. And they're signaling high standards not just to guys ... but to themselves. There's also the possibility that you are just sensing deep confidence in a way that you wouldn't if you read the profile of a man touting his virtues. Not a criticism. I don't know. But yeah, I think people are still figuring out how to find the right voice and tone on dating sites ... how to be confident but not arrogant ... confident and impressive but not unapproachable ... serious ... and yet fun and real. People are still figuring out how to find that balance.
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2019 Posted February 20, 2019 What I find ironic is that I am a reasonably successful woman with an impressive education & licensure. Being on OLD was one of the worst, most depressing things I ever did. There was so much rejection & negativity. It was demoralizing.
olivetree Posted February 20, 2019 Posted February 20, 2019 Curious...it sounds like you're saying you want someone with low self-esteem. Why would you want that? 3
smackie9 Posted February 20, 2019 Posted February 20, 2019 I would say he's looking for someone who is submissive, but in a feminine way. Let's the man take the lead, and be protective of her, her being a little more dependent on him. Not all guys like the new age independent woman.
MeadowFlower Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 I can’t be the only one whose hoping that meadowflower and foxhall live in reasonable close proximity to each other? Problem solved op. Not overly likely.
MeadowFlower Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 @Foxhall you can message me if you like, when you are able to by Loveshack.
Olivia_daviss Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 I think the Confident women are putting themselves out there dating and I'm not very confident and I have tried online dating the confident girls make a move and put themselves out there the less confident ones are waiting for a guy to make a move on them I wasn't expecting anyone to like me but a guy just started chatting with me then asked me out look for them they won't be looking for you
Author Foxhall Posted February 23, 2019 Author Posted February 23, 2019 Hey, Firstly just to say appreciate all the replies, good to get the different perspectives on it! Meadowflower, thank you for the message, cool I would like to message you. I will check with loveshack people. Obviously I am reluctant to put up a contact e mail or anything in public but we will figure out a way!
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