Braless. Have I done something wrong?

[LastStraw]

I believe it started with Christianity, probably earlier, not wearing a 'modern day bra' obviously but not exposing the breasts with some form of clothing.

 

There is nothing shameful for boys in school to get erections in the sight of breasts, it is a completely normal bodily function and not a matter of 'bad social skills'...

 

So nobody here (I think) assumed the workers were going to rape OP. But the mom was probably aware they WILL get aroused by seeing a young woman without a bra... So I don't think she did anything wrong telling OP to cover up.

 

Btw if OP was wearing layered dark shirts etc - the mom wouldn't even be aware she's braless... It's not about the bra itself, t is about how to dress in presence of strangers, and it's not a bad skill to learn it young.

 

 

More and more, I question who decided that it was “appropriate” for women to wear bras. Says who, exactly ... ?

 

I actually don’t mean that to be a combative question, it’s sincere. It’s kind of like high school dress codes that include shorts that come down below the fingertips and no visible bra straps. Why, so the boys can go through their days with slightly fewer erections?

 

Why must a woman’s choice of dress be policed? Why can’t we socialize boys and men to respect a woman’s bodily autonomy regardless of what they wear? If I go braless in my own home while a plumber is there, and he decides he wants to take advantage of me, he’s firmly in the wrong. A lack of a bra is NOT an invitation.

[LastStraw]

Oh god, men's clothing is FAR more uncomfortable than ours... In the summer I slip on a dress while my male coworkers wear their brains off in pants and shirts and ties... yuck.

 

Btw if the son of this mom showed up in his boxers in front of the female cleaner, she would have reacted too I bet lol.

 

I can't even imagine how nipple pasties (stuff you stick on the skin) is more comfortable then a bra... I would wear the stick on cups under backless dresses and they are itchy and non-supportive ... Unless the bra is ill fitting, it's a comfortable enough item of clothing (well, in the general case - I'm standard size, I guess these with Fs and up would have issues with straps etc).

 

 

You shouldn't be required to wear something uncomfortable just because men are around. Frankly, I find this sort of thinking so very patriarchal - would your mum tell your brother that he needed to wear, say, a tie (honestly, I can't think of anything men EVER wear that is as uncomfortable as a bra, so this is the best I can come up with) in the house just because the female cleaner was coming? Eugh.

 

On the other hand... you do live under her roof, presumably rent-free, so unfortunately I think you do need to compromise somewhat. When you are able to move out, you can look forward to being bra-free whenever you want.

 

As an alternative compromise, maybe tell your mum that if she buys you one of those nipple pasties, you can wear it for these occasions. They tend to be more comfy, just expensive because they're limited-use.

[major_merrick]

I think many are missing the point here. There are two purposes for a bra: support and concealment. I believe the OP indicated that her breasts are small, so unlike me support is not an issue. Thus, the only major issue is concealment. Unless the fabric is really thin or really light, concealment issues can be worked with. At that point, a bra isn't the issue...it is fabric choice. Wear a thicker, darker fabric and those issues are solved. No dark nipples/areolas, and minimal unsightly pokies.

 

Maybe I'm more of a bra-burning feminist than most? I'd get rid of mine if I could, but having D's flopping around in your shirt gets a bit uncomfortable if you want to be active.

[lolita888]

I don't like wearing bra when I am home as well (and mine are small too) but when there are guys around I wear them or at least cover them. It's not because of shaming or anything - I just don't want to give those guys some small freebie and just to be safe... you'll never know what goes on to their minds.

[Miss Clavel]

sports bra.

[Shining One]

Tell your mom to hire women to work in your house.

[littleblackheart]

A man canÂ’t see a set of untethered breasts and expected to keep control of himself?

 

You make a good general point but sometimes motherly instincts trump the feminist stance.

 

What if mum saw one of the workmen look at her daughter lavisciously?

 

I barely wear a bra myself; I went to work braless by accident (it was hot, I forgot to put one on) a couple of years ago. There were no students and barely any colleagues but the walk to my office was not my favourite time - I was looked at not just by the couple of men who were there, but by the women in the admin office too.

 

I am a woman in my 40s, I've never been fussed about how people see me - I very rarely wear make-up and sometimes go to uni in jeans and trainers - so I just shrugged it off. As a mother, I would want to protect my daughter from this; especially if she's a pretty 18yo with a bit of a rebellious streak.

[d0nnivain]

Your mom was hoping to prevent a malevolent misunderstanding.

 

You were not wearing a bra because you wanted to be comfortable. However, what if the workman looking at your thought you took the bra off for him because you want him to have sex with you? Although that was not your intent what if some blockhead thought you were just playing hard to get & then committed a crime by raping you?

 

Although I am not blaming the victim, there is something to be said for taking precautions for your own safety.

[major_merrick]

If we're advocating self-protection here, a bra is not going to prevent a rape, and lack of a bra isn't going to provoke one. The best form of protection from rape isn't a bra - it is a gun, a knife, and a "don't mess with me" attitude! The few times I've had to deal with strangers working at my house when I lived on my own, I open carried a pistol on my hip. I makes the weirdos back off, but also sparked some cool conversations with like-minded people. But that's kind of beside the point for this thread.

 

If a mother wants her daughter protected, she shouldn't have unknown workmen coming over to the house, bra or no bra. Hire friends and neighbors only, or hire women. Of course, an interested female might check you out if you aren't wearing a bra

I think there's plenty of options to be comfortable without presenting your nipples to the whole world. Thicker fabric, darker colors, looser fit, or even some of those wireless bras that girls with smaller breasts wear. Find something that works for you, rather than what your mother demands.

[preraph]

You know, there's a LOT of things before you get to rape. Things you don't want. Like to feel uncomfortable because some guy is salivating and staring at your chest. Things like maybe he propositions you. Things like maybe he starts driving by your house. Things like two workers talking and laughing at you behind your back.

 

Don't be ridiculous. Use common sense. This isn't a hill anyone should want to die on. Wear a bra, wear a vest, wear a heavy jacket. It won't kill you.

[Lozza1]

Yes I still live at home but I'm 18. Not 12

 

But thanks for your replies. I understand a few things now that I hadn't thought of

[preraph]

More and more, I question who decided that it was “appropriate” for women to wear bras. Says who, exactly ... ?

 

I actually don’t mean that to be a combative question, it’s sincere. It’s kind of like high school dress codes that include shorts that come down below the fingertips and no visible bra straps. Why, so the boys can go through their days with slightly fewer erections?

 

Why must a woman’s choice of dress be policed? Why can’t we socialize boys and men to respect a woman’s bodily autonomy regardless of what they wear? If I go braless in my own home while a plumber is there, and he decides he wants to take advantage of me, he’s firmly in the wrong. A lack of a bra is NOT an invitation.

 

Wouldn't you be embarrassed to go out to a nice restaurant with, say, a middle aged woman who wasn't wearing a bra and everyone thought was tacky?

 

Look, I get away without a bra most of the time because I work from home, and I hate bras, but I have a sister who would go anywhere without one and her boobs showing through a thin t-shirt who's 70. It looks tacky. No one wants to see that.

 

I have a friend who was still wearing braless tank tops (she has a nice rack) everywhere in her 40s. It just wasn't appropriate to go out to eat at a nice restaurant like that. It's fine for the beach or river. Now she's a teacher, she's required to wear extra supportive very substantial high-dollar bras to be totally contained and nothing visible and nothing moving -- and this is elementary school because the little boys react. Older ones are even more distracted. I just don't know why anyone would want to draw attention to themselves from unknown random workmen.

 

I run around my backyard in my pajamas sometimes, but that's not anyone seeing me up close at least. I'm glad that when I was real young, it was braless times, but I was flat chested anyway. However, I had a friend built about like me who wore a bra and she got more male attention because the bra gave her shape and lift. I now regret I didn't at least wear one when I dressed up to go out. I wore camisoles instead. I'd have gotten more attention if I'd pushed them up there, especially since I was so flat.

Edited February 19, 2019 by preraph

[basil67]

Going to restaurant with a braless middle aged lady? Then it depends on her size, shape, colour and the fabric choice. For some, it would barely show.

[preraph]

Well, I'm talking about if it did show. Because it usually does. Even if you wear a coat, your breast line is going to be way low. I mean, that's fine, because it's not rude looking, but everyone can tell if they are paying any attention. I mean, I went to the store this morning with a coat instead of a bra.

[Lozza1]

Thanks everyone