fred123 Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 reconnected with a girl i knew after a few years online ( not on a dating website) we started chatting via text again the last 2 or 3 weeks. She lives in america i live in the UK. so we have been texting and we planned to skype sometime next week. we were in a texting conversation yesterday and i texted her saying i was going to bed soon, would you want me to call you for a few minutes before i go sleep. id like to hear your voice:) she replied " no lol im good. thanx" i thought that was a rude and kinda hurtful message. i messaged her her yesterday saying that i was kinda pissed with her message and found it quite a bit rude. she responded : SORRY GEEZ I WAS WITH MY MOM" in caps! me " wtf is your problem?" she : " You dont respect me i was busy with my mom and now you message me about this stupid thing and you get pissed off with me. i thought the nicest way to message you and be short was that. Why dont you respect what i told you instead of being an ass?" me " i respect you but i was just saying your message came across rude and blunt, thats how it is in UK , but maybe americans talk and communicate differently and we just had a misunderstanding" her : " thats what pisses me off that you think americans are rude and i dont understand your way of talking and you dont understand our way etc etc" anyways she was pissed and started talking to me direspectfully. I was just telling her how her message made me feel. Is it true americans communicate differently? anyways she has blocked me and i think its good. was it my fault?
Wallysbears Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 What was rude about saying "no I'm good"? I am missing something.
Orokotikki Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 Why did you quote every text except the critical one where you described how it made you feel and talked about it? Although to answer your question - Yes it was, and that's fine and you're better to move on and find someone local. 1
Author fred123 Posted February 11, 2019 Author Posted February 11, 2019 What was rude about saying "no I'm good"? I am missing something. well when u ask if its ok to call a girl cos you want to hear her voice snd she replies with " no lol im good thanx" what do you think it makes me feel?
divegrl Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 From my experience, Americans and Europeans have similar communication styles. Her comment was disrespectful. Although text is a horrible way to talk as you can’t discern tone, sarcasm, etc. Have a beautiful day. 2
lurker74 Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 From my experience, Americans and Europeans have similar communication styles. Her comment was disrespectful. Although text is a horrible way to talk as you can’t discern tone, sarcasm, etc. Have a beautiful day. Basically this. Yes, her text read as rude. But you don't know her tone. Maybe she was distracted in which case replying at all was prioritizing you to some extent. Or maybe she thought it was weird that you wanted to hear her voice since she didn't think of you that way. Who knows? Your response the next day was a bit harsh if you wanted to keep the relationship. Perfectly fine if you wanted to call her out.
elaine567 Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 she replied " no lol im good. thanx" What is so rude about that? Have you ever talked to her on the phone before?
Wallysbears Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 Eh, I guess I would just find it odd that you felt the need to tell this person that you're only texting with that you are going to bed and felt the need to call her before you went to bed. To me? That's WAY too clingy for someone you haven't even seen...let alone aren't really dating, etc. But I'm old and don't understand all the texting, skyping, etc. stuff with dating now. 1
kendahke Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 She was rude. All she had to say was "I'm with my mom right now, so I'll catch up with you in the AM". If I'd asked someone if they'd like me to call them and they come back with "No, I'm good", then I'd leave them alone. For good. 3
40somethingGuy Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 (edited) She should have said she was with her mom. Still, you kind of come off as weak and sappy. You should have just cut off communication there instead of acting like a baby. Edited February 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact full quote of starting post 2
elaine567 Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 She should have said she was with her mom. . I guess she already had done hence why she said this, she : " You dont respect me i was busy with my mom and now you message me about this stupid thing and you get pissed off with me. i thought the nicest way to message you and be short was that. Why dont you respect what i told you instead of being an ass?"
kendahke Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 . Is it true americans communicate differently? Not too terribly different... One thing that I had to get used to when talking with my English friend was being asked "are you alright?"--because that doesn't mean the same in America as it does in England. In America, it means "you look like you're about to fall out/something's wrong"; in England, it means, basically "what's up?". But she was straight up rude, Fred. Her reaction clearly showed you that you dodged a crazy bullet. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 Is this the girl who stood you up in London a few years ago? It's probably for the best that you are not longer in contact.
basil67 Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 If she was your girlfriend, your request to hear her voice before bed would be reasonable. And her response would be rude. However, it sounds like you're just text buddies. In which case, your request sounded unnecessarily romantic and she just very firmly put the breaks on to make sure you don't get the wrong idea. The upshot is that you've likely just lost yourself a text buddy by blowing up instead of recognising that she was making sure you don't expect more from her. 1
Rayce Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 Maybe... just maybe she thought you were fishing for some phone sex and didn't want any part of it...then you put her on the spot over it. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 Your bringing in that you were about to go to bed ... that was the creepy part that threw her off balance. You're only friends online ... why the heck does she care when you go to bed or what kinda soup you ate in the morning or the kind of dreams you're having. In her position, I would have taken your request as attempting to escalate and get much more sexual ... and I would have said, "no" (as this woman did) without any justification ... because I didn't wouldn't want to justify saying no. You share "I'm going to bed" with a serious partner ... not with someone you met online ... 1
BaileyB Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 (edited) She was rude. All she had to say was "I'm with my mom right now, so I'll catch up with you in the AM". If I'd asked someone if they'd like me to call them and they come back with "No, I'm good", then I'd leave them alone. For good. I totally agree with this. The best thing for her to do would have been to tell you that she was busy talking to her mother, and that she couldn’t talk at the moment... it’s not like you could read her mind, to know that she was busy... “I’m good” is appropriate answer when someone asks you if you would like another piece of dessert. “I’m good” when someone asks if you want to call and say goodnight is not particularly respectful... although, why you are doing this with a woman you don’t know very well is another matter... That said, I think a long distance, two different continents separated by an ocean romance is not going to go very far... there is probably not a lot that was lost here. I’m sorry. Edited February 12, 2019 by BaileyB
basil67 Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 “I’m good” when someone asks if you want to call and say goodnight is not particularly respectful... although, why you are doing this with a woman you don’t know very well is another matter... Actually, it was 'lol, I'm good'. I interpret this as being a compete brush off to a request she thought was too much. 1
BaileyB Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 Actually, it was 'lol, I'm good'. I interpret this as being a compete brush off to a request she thought was too much. Lol. I agree. The request came at the wrong time and it was too much, so she dismissed OP in a way that he obviously found rather disrespectful. 2
kendahke Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 Fred-- Up until this exchange, how had your conversations with her been going? Had she been showing romantic interest in you, or has she been shining you on all this time?
emeraldgreen Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 You were outcome-dependent and she was a bitch. Meet better women, lots of them so you don't let one in particular throw you off balance.
Author fred123 Posted February 12, 2019 Author Posted February 12, 2019 Fred-- Up until this exchange, how had your conversations with her been going? Had she been showing romantic interest in you, or has she been shining you on all this time? we have been texting most days. we planned to meet up in chicago at some point over summer. we had already planned to skype next week. it was as innocent as me aboit to go sleep as i am 6 hours ahead of her. we were texting back and forth so i suggested that if she wanted to i could call her for a few mins before i hit the hay as i would like to hear her voice again. ( last time we spoke was 3 years ago) that was all. people have their opinions but i believe what i believe and i think a response like that is rudr and shows shes not interested. its like me asking a girl ' hey you want to go for dinner or a film on fri night' and she responds "no lol im good thanx."
FMW Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 I'm an American, I think it was rude. I also agree though that maybe you came across a little too intense for the nature of your current relationship. I wouldn't bother with her anymore. 2
Author fred123 Posted February 12, 2019 Author Posted February 12, 2019 I'm an American, I think it was rude. I also agree though that maybe you came across a little too intense for the nature of your current relationship. I wouldn't bother with her anymore. not sure what was intense? i swear people on here say that a guy should try call a girl rather than text? im confused. all i did was ask thegirl iv been speaking with for 2 weeks if she wanted to talk on the phone??! i have done this with many girls before and ot hasn never been an issue!
frus69 Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 I find her response odd, not the nicest but not that rude either. It would make me go "whatever then". But I find your reaction way over the top. "WTF is your problem" is a lot ruder than her "lol Im good". And you sound like an angry person, like you get pissed and bitter at every little things. 2
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