edgygirl Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Excuse moi? I don’t have kids but look at my post just above yours. It’s a matter of empathy, not of being a woman or not having kids. People who never had kids shouldn't date people who have....They never seem to "get it".... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Excuse moi? I don’t have kids but look at my post just above yours. It’s a matter of empathy, not of being a woman or not having kids. Relax....I didn't even read your post, and none of it was directed at you... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 (edited) What part of having a mental illness you don’t understand? She’s apparently emotionally unable to have normal relationships right now. Of course she has to take his money, it’s a matter of survival and she doesn’t seem to have a choice. It seems that sooner or later she will collapse and need family intervention. Perhaps you guys should look at local laws and see if it’s possible to have an intervention before she totally breaks down. We had to do it for an addicted family member, but the law said he had to agree to sign. We called the professionals to talk with him and he ended up agreeing to do rehab. Maybe his daughter needs something similar, a psychiatric intervention. Maybe your husband need to give her a loving ultimatum that he will only continue helping if she agrees to treat herself. I have researched group counceling for him and actually advised that we go to counciling together (the three of us) and she refused- She's ok to talk with her mom (who doesn't agree with her NON BINARY status) than her dad who has been with her through her changes and has made him self available. She wants NO Help from him other than money. SO that tells me something. He has talked to her landlord in the past to keep her from getting evicted and not even as much as a THANK you from her. She takes takes takes from him and then ignores his requests for contact. This last stint he is fed up with bailing her out as she wont even acknowlege the money he has sent her. Edited February 7, 2019 by edgygirl Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 (edited) I know. That’s not the point (I didn’t take it personally or so). But my post is one example that what you said is not a given. Relax....I didn't even read your post, and none of it was directed at you... TFY Edited February 7, 2019 by edgygirl Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 I am not jealous of their relationship what so ever in fact if you read my full post you will see that we all went out and did many things together. It was me always invited her over for dinners. They are wonderfully close and I appreciate that as he is a wonderful dad to her. But the way she has treated him over the past year is not acceptable. And he is bothered by it and hurt which in turn affects OUR relationship. IN fact I was the one to suggest that he GO AND PHYSICALLY TALK TO HER .. without me . Went back and read your op...You seem to feel like his issues with his daughter (whatever they are), are now affecting how he interacts with you...And its pissing you off enough to sound off about it on the internet...It must be bothering the hell out of you.. I have a daughter as well..While all is pretty good, and she doesn't have nearly the type of crap going on, there are times that our relationship will affect my mood, both negatively and positively... Most women that have had kids understand these dynamics better and are better equipped to deal with it...That's not a knock on you...It's just the way these things work out..... Don't take my word for it...Hang around here for a while...You will see threads started by childless women complaining about their bf's kids, this isn't unique... Best of luck getting it resolved...My only advice is be supportive as possible and don't be judgemental of how he decides to handle it...If it becomes too much for you to deal with, then you may have to make a decision to move on... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamthenew50 Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 What part of having a mental illness you don’t understand? She’s apparently emotionally unable to have normal relationships right now. Of course she has to take his money, it’s a matter of survival and she doesn’t seem to have a choice. It seems that sooner or later she will collapse and need family intervention. Perhaps you guys should look at local laws and see if it’s possible to have an intervention before she totally breaks down. We had to do it for an addicted family member, but the law said he had to agree to sign. We called the professionals to talk with him and he ended up agreeing to do rehab. Maybe his daughter needs something similar, a psychiatric intervention. Maybe your husband need to give her a loving ultimatum that he will only continue helping if she agrees to treat herself. psychiatric intervention. Not sure how one would do that. But I see what you mean. She's being very picky as far as WHO she is having relationships with (her mom only currently) to which I am sure she get only lectured by her as she never had a good relationship with her mom in the past. If she refuses counceling then I am not sure what else we can do. She seems busy going out and doing photography according to her Instagram account that her dad and I see. She has friends that she does this with also. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 If she is still having a healthy life otherwise with friends photography etc the she is probably not in a terrible place mentally speaking. Maybe it’s just the relationship with dad that doesn’t work well. I see why he’d feel sad about it. She seems busy going out and doing photography according to her Instagram account that her dad and I see. She has friends that she does this with also. Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 psychiatric intervention. Not sure how one would do that. . a good start might be for your husband to get in touch with her psychiatrist and share his concerns. the psych is bound by laws to not reveal any information (unless the daughter has signed a release), but that doesn't stop them from listening to the concerns that would give them a broader picture. A risk assessment sounds in order to determine if she is able to take care of herself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Great idea SunnyWeather. I’ve had family members talk with psychiatrists & doctors behind another family member’s back just to understand where the person was standing and if they could help and get posted if something of concern happened. Interestingly psychiatrists were open to be in contact with the family members. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamthenew50 Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 a good start might be for your husband to get in touch with her psychiatrist and share his concerns. the psych is bound by laws to not reveal any information (unless the daughter has signed a release), but that doesn't stop them from listening to the concerns that would give them a broader picture. A risk assessment sounds in order to determine if she is able to take care of herself. How does he find out who her doctor is as she won't tell him anything? He would LOVE to do that but has no idea on how he is to locate her doctor. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 The mom probably knows How does he find out who her doctor is as she won't tell him anything? He would LOVE to do that but has no idea on how he is to locate her doctor. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Lithium may steady her a little bit, but you don't really get cured from being bipolar. And she may refuse to keep taking the medicine because bipolars miss the mania. It's true everyone kind of needs a computer in today's world. She doesn't sound high functioning enough that she will work. She does sound very artistic, but as you know, that normally will not help you make a living, though you never know if someone makes friends, they might find a little niche for themselves. It's the dad's job to worry about her. It's not like he's not trying to make her get and keep a job. Sounds like she's had several, so at least she's been willing to GET one. You can both see that she's fine enough to be able to post on social media. You can't tell him what to do, and he's not going to ever stop worrying about her. You should give him some slack here. However, I will say, if this was living under my roof and it got a laptop and left and showed a sign of being independently living, I'd be vastly relieved. I assume he still gets all the cellphone bills, etc. You need to just try to support him. He doesn't sound oblivious about that she needs to work and pay for things -- he's tried and still trying with her. Either accept it or remove yourself from the middle of it. This isn't a spoiled child problem. It's more complex than that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamthenew50 Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 The mom probably knows No the mom lives in another state and has no idea of her doctors either Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamthenew50 Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 Great idea SunnyWeather. I’ve had family members talk with psychiatrists & doctors behind another family member’s back just to understand where the person was standing and if they could help and get posted if something of concern happened. Interestingly psychiatrists were open to be in contact with the family members. I will see if there is any info on the bills he gets from her doctor.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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