JTSW Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 It's your life and your choice at the end of the day. But don't say that we never warned you. Counselors will never tell you to stay away from people. You need to come to these decisions on your own. 1
Author thr1986 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 Yes the counselor knows everything. The exact story. I told the counselor I wanted to get back together with her and that something felt off. She said it seems like the woman is speaking to me some and leaning on me right now and to keep talking with her. She said I entered her life in a time when she needed a lot and that having a baby is going to be part of the situation regardless of who is in her life and if I want to be with her that’s something I need to understand. I’ve had several sessions with this counselor. She knows the entire story and the chronology of our relationship
Minneloa Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Did you talk about your anxiety and constant rumination over the situation? I think that’s the crucial bigger picture here. Yes, the “presenting issue” is your anguish over this failed relationship, but imho it’s important to look at how you are responding and, in this case, keeping yourself stuck. 1
Author thr1986 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 Yes I told her I’m a mess. I said I can’t sleep sometimes and I take NyQuil to sleep. I said I go to work and come home and feel anxious over leaving her and that I want to fix it. when I saw her previously, I told her that I was feeling used by the woman and that I was worried about her motives. shs knows the whole story
Minneloa Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Ok, so first of all, well done on seeing the counselor and disclosing the full story. I am a bit surprised that she advised you to keep talking with your ex, however. Did she seem to recognize the manipulative elements of the situation that we have discussed here? Also, how do you feel about your ex’s disclosure that she is seeing another man? 1
Author thr1986 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 The counselor just didn’t say that she felt I was being manipulated. I guess when I speak for her again I could ask her point blank.
Author thr1986 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 When we spoke about the other man she told me that she doesn’t like him, that it’s a rebound for sex. And that if we got back together it would obviously be cut off
Minneloa Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Ok, but how does it make you feel that she is seeing another man?
Author thr1986 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 I would expect that it would make me mad and jealous. But for some reason it doesn’t and only because she played it down so much. I even challenged her and said are you sure if’s not more than what you’re saying and she almost like seemed to worry and wanted me to definitely know that it’s nothing. She said it is a “rebound”. I said ok well if we get back together it has to end and she said ok. She was then curious if I’ve been with anyone. I slept with two women (basically strangers) and hardly spoke to them again since we broke up. I was honest with her about that. She wanted to know details and I didn’t really give her any.
JTSW Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, thr1986 said: When we spoke about the other man she told me that she doesn’t like him, that it’s a rebound for sex. And that if we got back together it would obviously be cut off She threw another man in the works to make you feel even more desperate and fragile. Just now, thr1986 said: I slept with two women (basically strangers) and hardly spoke to them again since we broke up. I was honest with her about that. She wanted to know details and I didn’t really give her any. No woman ever wants sexual details about their guy and another woman. She's fishing for things to manipulate you with. To use against you. Something else she can make you feel guilty about. 1 1
Author thr1986 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 (edited) When I say details, she just asked what they were like. Asked me if they were prettier than her. Asked me how I met them. Asked me if they had better bodies than her etc I of course assured her that they didn’t come close to her Edited January 9, 2020 by thr1986
Author thr1986 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 (edited) my Dad is not good at listening to me and giving me time to speak and express my feelings about things so I never talk to him about things. IVe spoken to him once before about all of this and he told me to get out. I spoke to him this morning about it again, I told him i was struggling and I needed to talk to him. He did a great job at listening. He says he’s not so worried about what has happened as of now. He IS worried about if we get married and again reiterated his leave the relationship advice. He’s worried that she will push me around and get angry about money. I’m very fiscally sound. I save and do the right things with finances I’m also generous though. He’s saying her issues with us splitting things so early in the relationship and asking me to financially contribute to her IVF worries him (and it does me too but I just keep overlooking it and rationalizing it in my head) because he thinks when we get married (as she has asked for in the last profusely) that she will try to take control of everything and if I don’t go along then she will divorce me (as she did her last husband). Edited January 9, 2020 by thr1986
JTSW Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, thr1986 said: When I say details, she just asked what they were like. Asked me if they were prettier than her. Asked me how I met them. Asked me if they had better bodies than her etc Exactly!
JTSW Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, thr1986 said: He’s saying her issues with us splitting things so early in the relationship and asking me to financially contribute to her IVF worries him (and it does me too but I just keep overlooking it and rationalizing it in my head) because he thinks when we get married (as she has asked for in the last profusely) that she will try to take control of everything and if I don’t go along then she will divorce me (as she did her last husband). Listen to your dad. He's right. Even he can see what she's doing. 4
Author thr1986 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 When I spoke to her last night she said we could see each other Friday evening. But she sort of rushed off the phone and it felt a little like she might change her mind. Do you think she will stick with it? I’d like to at least see her one last time to talk
JTSW Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, thr1986 said: When I spoke to her last night she said we could see each other Friday evening. But she sort of rushed off the phone and it felt a little like she might change her mind. Do you think she will stick with it? I’d like to at least see her one last time to talk She was probably with that guy. 1
Author thr1986 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 You think she was with that guy last night when I spoke to her?
Author thr1986 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 We talked on the phone for like an hour
JTSW Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, thr1986 said: You think she was with that guy last night when I spoke to her? Very likely. Just now, thr1986 said: We talked on the phone for like an hour He probably turned up, that's why she rushed off the phone. 1
Author thr1986 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 No I ended the conversation. Also I just called her. She was asleep and had to be up at 8. She answered. She was half asleep but I helped her wake up. I asked again about tomorrow she said ok.
Author thr1986 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 Jtsw... I see you just joined December 20th. Your intuition is strange. Are you somehow linked to this whole thing? Are you in nyc?
JTSW Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, thr1986 said: Jtsw... I see you just joined December 20th. Your intuition is strange. Are you somehow linked to this whole thing? Are you in nyc? Nope. Just a woman who see's a man heading for major heartbreak because he's blinded by his feelings for a woman who is greatly manipulating him. I'm not the only one telling you this. Everyone here has pointed this out. Your own father has said the same as us. 2
Author thr1986 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 You all are helping me tremendously. Seriously. You’ve gotten me through some uncertain feelings. She keeps saying she’s unsure. I’ll just tell her tomorrow that she can have the time she needs and we will see other people and if she wants to contact me she can if she changes her mind. Then I’ll just leave and will move on. how does that sound?
introverted1 Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, thr1986 said: You all are helping me tremendously. Seriously. You’ve gotten me through some uncertain feelings. She keeps saying she’s unsure. I’ll just tell her tomorrow that she can have the time she needs and we will see other people and if she wants to contact me she can if she changes her mind. Then I’ll just leave and will move on. how does that sound? It sounds like the start of the next 21 pages. If you want to leave her, there's no need to see her and this whole "she can have the time she needs and we will see other people and if she wants to contact me she can if she changes her mind" is just prolonging the insanity. Every minute you spend agonizing over this train wreck of a relationship is another minute where you are not moving forward to find a good woman with whom you could be happy the rest of your life. Edited January 9, 2020 by introverted1 1 3
JTSW Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 (edited) Just now, thr1986 said: You all are helping me tremendously. Seriously. You’ve gotten me through some uncertain feelings. She keeps saying she’s unsure. I’ll just tell her tomorrow that she can have the time she needs and we will see other people and if she wants to contact me she can if she changes her mind. Then I’ll just leave and will move on. how does that sound? Good for you. We're all on your side here thr1986. You are such a nice guy with a good heart and allot to offer the right woman. But i don't think she is the right woman. I'm confident she will hurt you and you don't deserve that. You deserve better than the way she is treating you. Edited January 9, 2020 by JTSW
Recommended Posts