Curiousroxy86 Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 OP I enjoyed reading this post. Very humorous and heartfelt even if you wasn't trying to be. And I understand where you are coming from. There is great value in being authentic when it comes to dating. You want to be yourself. You want to attract a man thats going to love you for you. You don't want to try to be someone your not However facts remain that there are things that men in general find attractive such as positive attitude, smelling good, not looking disheveled, femininity, not being drama, etc Find a balance that you cosign and be the best you that you can be thats all you can do and have confidence that you are going to bring in men that like you enough to a lot For example I am the type of woman that I don't paint my nails. So I don't go on dates with my nails painted. I keep them cut short. Now I'm sure many men love to see painted nails with length and looks feminine. But I don't do it and I'm okay with that. I don't wax. I do shave but I don't like pain so no wax for me. I'm curvy af. Not sk*nny. I'm not going to the gym either lol. I have kinky thick natural hair and it's too much of a hassle to straighten it. So I don't. Also I have tomboy tendencies that won't change. Also I'm very much a homebody. I can be sarcastic af. I prefer flats than heels and I'm not above wearing them on dates either. The only jewelry I wear are small hoops. These things may work against me. I may not attract every guy that has a thing for manicured straight hair skinny super feminine girly girly. but this is who I am. F*ck it. I CHOOSE not to change these things though I could if I wanted to try to catch a man/get more men. But I'm not. I'm okay with my choice therefore im okay with the loss I might be experiencing as a result. However there are things that I recognize that's considered desirable that I am willing to do. I like to wear feminine clothes too and show off those curves. The minimal makeup I choose to wear on dates is what I know guys like/tolerate. I like to smell like a bakery (cakes, cookies, anything vanilla or gingerbread or cocoa butter), though I don't like going to the gym I play volleyball and dance so there is some weight control, I choose to let men pursue, I choose to be positive, I choose to buy sexy bras and panties, I choose to try to resolve conflict in a sweet way instead of being drama, I choose to be reciprocal. I choose to flirt with my suitors. I choose to do things so I too can be a good partner. So you see there are things I do that may work against me but i like what I like and I'm comfortable with what I'm comfortable with and I'm flawed af and that's okay and I choose to be me. But there are things that I know is attractive to men that I also choose to do because I do want to attract men if I want to be in a relationship/married. But im doing things that I'm okay with doing so it's not like your losing authenticity if you decide to do something that's attractive that your consigning if that makes sense. Find the balance that works for you my friend and own that sh*t. They will come. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 And that's completely fine/appropriate... TBH, most of the people i know that constantly laugh/smile are kind of annoying and quite idiotic.... TFY Oh yea, constant laugh or giggle gets a bit much. They sound a bit loopy. That said, I was watching my husband tell me a story last night and I thought of this thread. His face was animated and he gave little smiles while telling it. And I fell in love all over again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 Not really. I just don't smile that often. I am at rest, I don't smile. Doesn't mean I am depressed it means I don't waste energy smiling. What about when you have a nice or funny thought? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 just like yawning, smiling is contagious 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 And I fell in love all over again. Aw, Sweet! (that made me smile and I'm by myself) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nilfiry Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 Not really. I just don't smile that often. I am at rest, I don't smile. Doesn't mean I am depressed it means I don't waste energy smiling. It is okay. I am totally on board with you. I do not smile when I am at rest either, even if I am joking or socializing. You have no need to change if it is only for socializing a certain way. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 Nilfiry and MO, when something nice or funny happens, is it not instinctive to smile? Do you ever laugh when something funny happens? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 Not really. I just don't smile that often. I am at rest, I don't smile. Doesn't mean I am depressed it means I don't waste energy smiling. As long as you feel happy on the inside. Some people (can be both men and women) have "RBF" (resting bitch face) expression. I have a friend who's got RBF and she's quite aware of it too but doesn't do much to change it. She's a funny, sweet and genuine person. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 My mother used to tell me to smile and wouid not listen. You will probably look more pleasant and attractive smiling. I agree, don't fake it. I began smiling more when I told myself jokes that I make up. Sounds silly but it works. Humor is the best reason to smile. Make yourself laugh with dumb jokes or scenes from TV or movies. I worked on being funny--at least to myself anyway. I'm no comedian. It might shake up your depression or apathy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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