Fiancee posting somewhat revealing pic on social media

[GorillaTheater]

My approach would be a little different from both of yours. I wouldn't "discuss" it, and I wouldn't laugh it off, either, if it was genuinely bugging me.

 

I'd go with "I'm not okay with this", then STFU. The next move is hers.

[ShadeOfGreen]

I think there are cases where all our approaches would work.

 

In PRW's approach, the guy has high confidence in himself. He doesn't worry, because he know's he's a good catch. He's proud to have a hot partner he can show off. She expresses herself like this with no intent to stray or cheat. Even if she does cheat, he knows it's not about him. It's her loss. He knows he'll be fine.

 

In the other case, he just sees how it plays out. It doesn't bother him enough to see it is a red flag. It keeps happening innocently, and no reason to raise concern. It blows away. If something serious actually happens, then address it then.

 

It seems clearly different for the OP. He's concerned enough to ask people on the internet about it. There's history of insecurity issues according to him. He's not the type of guy PRW is, and he just can't blow it off. If she can't express herself the way she wants while in a relationship with him, better to know before they get married. I see discussion as a way for both of them to understand this before it goes any further.

[smackie9]

We have given the same advice with your other threads..."Discuss it with her and let her know how you feel." And yet you still post threads....have you ever talked to her straight up about the issues you've had with her?? The key to any issue is COMMUNICATION. If you can't bring yourself to talk to her, your future marriage won't have a leg to stand on.

[PRW]

Good breakdown.

 

I think there are cases where all our approaches would work.

 

In PRW's approach, the guy has high confidence in himself. He doesn't worry, because he know's he's a good catch. He's proud to have a hot partner he can show off. She expresses herself like this with no intent to stray or cheat. Even if she does cheat, he knows it's not about him. It's her loss. He knows he'll be fine.

Yes, exactly.

[Lobouspo]

Thanks for the respnonses and constructive criticism. I talked to her about it, yesterday in a respectful way. I didnt accuse her of anything. I just said I wasn't comfortable with the pic. She just said "ok I will take it down" and that was it. I went to her place last night and she cooked dinner. I apologized if I was coming across ad insecure. She said she wants me to address things right away if there is a problem and not let things simmer. All in all it went better than I anticipated. I don't think she thought there was anything wrong with what she posted but at least she was sensitive to my feelings

[Normm]

In PRW's approach, the guy has high confidence in himself. He doesn't worry, because he know's he's a good catch. He's proud to have a hot partner he can show off. She expresses herself like this with no intent to stray or cheat. Even if she does cheat, he knows it's not about him. It's her loss. He knows he'll be fine.

Yes, exactly.

 

 

Dude you totally missed the sarcasm. Your "tough guy, don't talk about it" approach is good for shallow short term flings, where the two parties don't mean that much to each other. It's not for a committed lifetime relationship.

Edited January 24, 2019 by Normm

[CollinW]

Seems a bit like an attention whore. If I were you I'd address it. Considering she's getting married she shouldn't be throwing bait out there. It's more of an optics thing and about respect.