Lobouspo Posted January 23, 2019 Posted January 23, 2019 So my fiancee of 18 months posted a pic on WhatsApp of her in a bra or bathing suit top. She's on the ground leaning forward with cleavage hanging. Shes active on social media and post pics of herself, but nothing ive ever taken issue with. How should I handle this?
d0nnivain Posted January 23, 2019 Posted January 23, 2019 It depends on whether it was a bra or a bathing suit. If you think it's too much, do approach her about your feelings on the subject but do not attempt to control her self expression. Focus on how it hurts & worries you. Ask her to stop but don't force the issue.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 23, 2019 Posted January 23, 2019 Say, "You look sexy! I'm a lucky guy!" 4
smackie9 Posted January 23, 2019 Posted January 23, 2019 Is this the one that has a girls vaycay planned right after your wedding?
Author Lobouspo Posted January 23, 2019 Author Posted January 23, 2019 Is this the one that has a girls vaycay planned right after your wedding? She had talked about taking a vacation with friends after we are married, but it was just talk nothing had been planned
Author Lobouspo Posted January 23, 2019 Author Posted January 23, 2019 It depends on whether it was a bra or a bathing suit. If you think it's too much, do approach her about your feelings on the subject but do not attempt to control her self expression. Focus on how it hurts & worries you. Ask her to stop but don't force the issue. Maybe a bathing suit top. Now shes taken selfies on the beach in a bathing suit, but this was different
smackie9 Posted January 23, 2019 Posted January 23, 2019 Sounds to me she's a free spirit, full of life and fun. Be proud, not possessive, that you have such a lovely lady in your life. 1
olivetree Posted January 23, 2019 Posted January 23, 2019 What are your thoughts and feelings about the picture?
Author Lobouspo Posted January 23, 2019 Author Posted January 23, 2019 What are your thoughts and feelings about the picture? I dunno, I just feel that leaning forward in your closet with a bikini top and boobs practically hanginig out are a bit much if you getting married in 6 months. Like I said, she posts alot of pics of us and herself on social media and I've never taken issue with stuff shes posted. She's taken pics of herself that are sexy without meaning to be sexy if that makes sense, and I usually make a point to like her pics. I just thought this one time it was a bit much
Interstellar Posted January 23, 2019 Posted January 23, 2019 How’s your relationship? any red flags? Have you been fighting lately?
Author Lobouspo Posted January 23, 2019 Author Posted January 23, 2019 How’s your relationship? any red flags? Have you been fighting lately? Nope, we've been getting along pretty good actually. No real red flags to speak of.
Normm Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 If you feel more comfortable discussing her posting revealing pictures with a bunch of internet strangers and yet cannot bring it up to her, consider postponing the wedding indefinitely. 3
Highndry Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Screams "attention whore" and a lack of modesty. Why else would a woman feel the need to show her tits off to the world? There's a hole that she's trying to fill (no pun intended). There are women like her, then there are some like one of my ex-gfs who used to try to hide her beautiful chest with baggy sweaters, etc. because she didn't like men staring and was just very modest. I loved that about her. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Look if this is your fiancé then say "babe I have a problem with this". And show her the picture. Surely if y'all are about to be married y'all should be able to express feelings without ruining anything.
d0nnivain Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Even if they offer the same amount of coverage the bra would be worse then the bikini top. Just show her the picture & talk to her about it makes you feel. If she accuses you of being insecure, own that. Ask her to do things that make you feel better not worse. Somebody who loves you should not want to act in a way that intentionally upsets you.
kgcolonel Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Sounds like "because" you're about to get married, your perspective of who she is and how she should act is changing. She is who she is and if you can't embrace her as she is today, think again about marrying her. 3
ShadeOfGreen Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 I do think it's important to discuss this with her before getting married. It's not something that is likely to go away on its own (her behavior or your feelings). You don't want to bottle it up, get married, have it keep happening, and then excessively blow your top later. Resentment has a way of cracking the foundation of a relationship until it all comes crumbling down. Divorce is an emotional train wreck and typically very expensive. People can still be themselves, and shape their behavior in ways that satisfy mutually agreed upon relationship boundaries. Approach it from the standpoint of how you feel about it, and don't accuse her of trying to do something wrong. As we grow, we realize how we present ourselves can impact others. Of course, it's also on you to assess your reactions, and make sure they are reasonable. You are allowed to feel what you feel, but challenge yourself to approach the situation rationally. Good luck with the conversation. How you both resolve these things is massively important in how your marriage will go. You say everything else is good between you, so hopefully you two can find common ground on this. 1
BaileyB Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Either you trust your fiancé, or you don’t. And based on this previous post, it would seem that insecurity and lack of trust is a pretty constant theme in your relationship... https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/651433-me-being-insecure-major-red-flag It wouldn’t be my choice, but she has every right to post whatever photos she wants of herself. If you don’t like it, that’s for you to sort out. Good luck.
PRW Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 I'm more concerned about the fact that you worry about it, more than I am worried about her posting such a pic. This wouldn't be a one-off behavor for you, so you have probably showed some insecurity about things along the way to getting here. So you are getting closer to being married,...some things she may have seen in you along the way is going to worry her more and more as she gets closer to the "The Day". So she may very well bait you with things to be "upset" about to see how you handle it and if she feels she could put up with it "till death does she part". The fact that you were upset enough about something this trivial that you came here to ask a bunch of strangers about it says at least a little bit. Do you really think that men are the only ones that may get second thoughts as the day gets closer?
Wallysbears Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Do you not trust her? If you don't trust her then end the relationship. Otherwise, this isn't a big deal at all. Who cares what she is posting pictures of? 1
doyathinkso Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Lobouspo, you have a problem. The problem is not you. The problem is with your "fiance". Posting boob selfies on social media for any random to gawk at is the action of an attention-wh*re. Who exactly did you propose to? That? Give pause and reconsider.
PRW Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 I do think it's important to discuss this with her before getting married.That would be throwing a lit stick of dynamite into a bucket of gasoline. This would make a guy look weak and whiny. A strong man would just laugh at the whole thing. "Oh, sweetie, haha! You're just making all those other guys out there feel bad because they can't have any. Show those poor souls a little mercy, LOL"
ShadeOfGreen Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 So I just read another one of your threads a poster linked where you mentioned you are in therapy for insecurity issues. Please consider this is at least similar in nature. Have you talked to your therapist about this? 1
ShadeOfGreen Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 That would be throwing a lit stick of dynamite into a bucket of gasoline. This would make a guy look weak and whiny. A strong man would just laugh at the whole thing. "Oh, sweetie, haha! You're just making all those other guys out there feel bad because they can't have any. Show those poor souls a little mercy, LOL" I respect that you are not wrong to have this opinion. You and I just appear to have different values and approaches to this.
PRW Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 So I just read another one of your threads a poster linked where you mentioned you are in therapy for insecurity issues. Please consider this is at least similar in nature. Have you talked to your therapist about this?This makes my point in each post I have made in this thread.
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