Simple Logic Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Would you be excited if this was a blind date? I suspect not. What you are attending is a sight impaired date. You see some of the picture, but so far are not impressed. It is awkward. If you walk in the door a little cold and guarded it will be difficult to objectively evaluate this man and should during the date your opinion change, you risk sabotaging your chances with him. Just food for thought. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 Would you be excited if this was a blind date? I suspect not. What you are attending is a sight impaired date. You see some of the picture, but so far are not impressed. It is awkward. If you walk in the door a little cold and guarded it will be difficult to objectively evaluate this man and should during the date your opinion change, you risk sabotaging your chances with him. Just food for thought. So what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 So what should I do? Go get a coffee with him... Maybe there will be something about him that will spark your interest and you'll forget about his average appearance. It's just a cup of coffee & 45 minutes to an hour out of your life. I've wasted more time today watching bad sit-coms on HULU. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 100% True!! Of course I want a Christina Hendricks look-a-like, but I'll settle for a Kathy Bates. Haha lemming. Thanks for the chuckle, it did make me feel a little better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 There is always a chance that the guy will be such a charmer that looks won't matter as much. It's rare, but it can happen. A date is just a date to get to know someone. It holds no obligations otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Well u said urself ur husband was attractive (to you). This man isnt attractive to me, also isnt ugly. He just sort of is. Im not really excited to go. But he was kind and has his life together so I thought why not? I dont know if the same thing applies. And I have every intention on going. I never said that I wasnt. I dont think I'll want to kiss or hug him at the end tho This is why you should not go on this date, you are totally negative to the whole thing. The guy has 0% chance at changing your mind, just not right to waste this guys time. I agree with the poster above, you should definitely pay your portion since you are bored and only going out to get out of the house 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 So what should I do? Not waste this man's time by going to meet someone you have zero attraction and no positive things you like about them... I only go on dates with people I have some attraction to, have been on too many of this type of date and it is really annoying to waste my time on someone who has no interest they just wanted to get out of the house 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 This is why you should not go on this date, you are totally negative to the whole thing. The guy has 0% chance at changing your mind, just not right to waste this guys time. I agree with the poster above, you should definitely pay your portion since you are bored and only going out to get out of the house I'm not trying to just get out the house. I want a bf. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 (edited) Not waste this man's time by going to meet someone you have zero attraction and no positive things you like about them... I only go on dates with people I have some attraction to, have been on too many of this type of date and it is really annoying to waste my time on someone who has no interest they just wanted to get out of the house To be fair, I did say positive things. I mentioned above he has his life together, was nice to me and asked me out. He was not creepy or gross like some other men on old. The only negative thing I said was that I am not really sexually attracted to him. He is neutral in my eyes if that makes sense. But at the same time Im tired of being single. So why not give a good guy a shot by going on a date? Maybe I'll like him despite the looks thing. That's what everyone said. Edited January 24, 2019 by HiCrunchy Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 So what should I do? Go on the date, dress to impress, smile, have fun, then evaluate. It is no difference than going on a date with a very attractive man to find he is an ass. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Since you aren't attracted to him make sure you pay your portion of the bill. This might be a nice gesture if at the end you still aren't attracted to him. One time this guy took me to Olive Garden for dinner. I wasn't attracted to him and I guess he could tell because at the end he tells me he wished he had taken me to Taco Bell. I let him pay the bill. lol... It totally makes me laugh now... seriously...Taco Bell. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 He might be thinking the same about you , she'll do for now l did it myself back when . Should it turn into a nice surprise things like that can change though so seems as your going anyway may as well give it a shot . Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 He was nice and asked me on a date. He has a a good job and close to my age. I suspects he drinks more moderately than I'm used to but that's okay I guess. He hasn't be creepy or disrespectful Doesn't sound like much to attract. Tell me, when you've dated guys who attract you, do they have also have more personality which attracts you? Or do you describe them as above but also hot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I finally solidified plans and now I'm sad. I feel like crying. I know it's because I have baggage. Or maybe because I feel like I'm settling? I dont understand myself. But I have to try right? There is no reason for tears. It's a coffee date where you are planning to buy your own coffee. You are meeting & you will have pleasant conversation Maybe he does look better & will be more interesting in person. I'm a lousy judge of who somebody is through OLD & I don't think I present well in that forum. You do have to try. This is an important 1st step in your dating evolution. You stated that you want a BF. That is your goal. To achieve that goal, you must go on dates. Mentally opening yourself up to be willing to try is part of that process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 She also seems to be making a mountain of a molehill. It's only a date, not a marriage proposal. Gosh... I probably went on hundreds of dates. You don't like the guy, you leave after one hour. No biggie. It seems OP has unresolved emotional traumas that go beyond the theme of this thread. I've never gone on a date with a stranger. Dates were always special and with someone I liked already and kinda knew. Maybe this is why I'm not excited. Also getting coffee doesnt feel like much of a date tbh. It could also add to my lack of excitement. Plus the looks thing. Emotional trauma? Check. Also one of my longest threads on LS and most popular is on how I'm not attracted to most men. It's not so easy for me as to just go on a date with a man im attracted to. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I've never gone on a date with a stranger. Dates were always special and with someone I liked already and kinda knew. Maybe this is why I'm not excited. Also getting coffee doesnt feel like much of a date tbh. It could also add to my lack of excitement. Plus the looks thing. Emotional trauma? Check. Also one of my longest threads on LS and most popular is on how I'm not attracted to most men. It's not so easy for me as to just go on a date with a man im attracted to. I can relate to some of this, if you aren't attracted I wouldn't bother going unless you want a potential friend. Doesn't sound like you have done much OLD, I have done only OLD and I cannot tell you how disappointed I felt after most dates, there was nothing remarkable about them at all. However, why not try this once, if it doesn't work you can at least say you have tried it. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I've never gone on a date with a stranger. Dates were always special and with someone I liked already and kinda knew. Maybe this is why I'm not excited. Also getting coffee doesnt feel like much of a date tbh. It could also add to my lack of excitement. Sure, but this is OLD. This is what happens. It’s not really a “date.” You are meeting a virtual stranger for a couple of coffee to see if you want to see him again and go on an actual “date.” Your expectations are way too high and you have gotten too far ahead of yourself. You have already convinced yourself that he/this date won’t meet your expectations. You need to be more realistic with your expectations. Would it be nice to go on a “date” with a good looking guy who you are head over heels for... of course it would. This is the first step to hopefully get to that. Don’t treat it like a “date” with a man you love - it’s not. It’s a meet and greet to get to know this guy and see if you want to go out with him again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Everyone settles. It's not a negative. No one marries their ideal, we all compromise. There is no arrogance. Well, I suppose that depends upon what you want in life. And yes, people do marry their ideal. It's just that many do not define their ideal by physical traits. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I've never gone on a date with a stranger. Dates were always special and with someone I liked already and kinda knew. Maybe this is why I'm not excited. Also getting coffee doesnt feel like much of a date tbh. It could also add to my lack of excitement. Plus the looks thing. Seriously you have to start somewhere & this is a good place. Substitute the word "date" with all it's emotional triggers for the word "meet." You are going to a public place to talk to somebody. Take the pressure off. If you meet & it's better then expected, then you can have a date next time. If it's meh, be gracious. Do not give false hope & be definitive: Thank you foe meeting me but I don't think this will work out. Best wishes in your search. You will be OK. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 (edited) I agree with d0nnivain. Treat it like a meet not a date. The date will happen later on, if the meet goes well and you're interested in getting to know him. I understand you're not used to meeting strangers, but at least give this kind of venue a try. Anyway you will be fine. Maybe you're the kind of person who needs emotional connection first to feel attraction. I hope you are working on finding out why you are not attracted to most men, and also on the emotional traumas. I've never gone on a date with a stranger. Edited January 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix spacing Link to post Share on other sites
Mike800 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Just have fun and see where it goes. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Maybe I’m built differently but I’ve been attracted to all types of women physically, emotionally etc. a women’s personality and warm ness can make her more attractive to me. Of course if I find her unattractive there’s no shot but plenty of women I started nuetral about their looks once I met them became extremely attractive to me. I just don’t get people who are only attracted to a small percentage of really hot people. Is it because you get validation for being with someone really hot? Or maybe you’re trying to sabotage yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 plenty of women I started nuetral about their looks once I met them became extremely attractive to me. Same with me and pretty much every guy I've ever dated. OP, if you were able to have this approach, I think your dating life could get so much easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 Doesn't sound like much to attract. Tell me, when you've dated guys who attract you, do they have also have more personality which attracts you? Or do you describe them as above but also hot. Well of course personality trumps everything. But in order for personality to happen to sexually attract me, it took months or years of knowing that guy for that to grow. I dont think guys on OLD would be willing to wait in that way. I'll be left in the dust. And I can guarantee that my feelings for these guy friends will eventually turn romantic. For the attractive people I have been with, yes there was instant attraction but their personality still won me over too. It was easier to be physical and let my emotions grow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Ah, we do rush dating. Clearly it works for some, but not for others. Almost all the advice given to men doesn't consider women who are slow to warm up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 Just have fun and see where it goes. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Maybe I’m built differently but I’ve been attracted to all types of women physically, emotionally etc. a women’s personality and warm ness can make her more attractive to me. Of course if I find her unattractive there’s no shot but plenty of women I started nuetral about their looks once I met them became extremely attractive to me. I just don’t get people who are only attracted to a small percentage of really hot people. Is it because you get validation for being with someone really hot? Or maybe you’re trying to sabotage yourself. Same with me and pretty much every guy I've ever dated. OP, if you were able to have this approach, I think your dating life could get so much easier. I'm not wired that way. My pool is small unless I go against how I feel. It's hard for me to believe I will find "someone better" or love again. I tried dating men im not attracted to in the past, but when they try to kiss me or anything I instinctively pull away. Yes, it sounds bad but it's the truth. I'm trying to flexible because unless I settle, I will continue to be alone. I'm tired of being alone. Link to post Share on other sites
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