Pathological Lying relative.

[FrostBlaze]

I have a cousin that is a pathological liar. Or that's what i have come to believe and she is making my life rather miserable, unsure of what to do.

 

She is a scumbag as well, outside of being a liar. I feel like i have to describe her a bit more so yall can understand the kind of person she is.

She will talk **** about anyone if they are not present, best friends, relatives (me included ofc) even her boyfriend. Only persons she doesn't **** talk are her parents. Sure, talking behind someone's back is not that rare, but she tends to lie her ass off about whatever it is she is saying. She is a bit dimwitted as well and to make it short, she is at a point that she has no real girl friends. Cuz she just manages to argue with all and any girl, and if you are prettyer than her? She will hate you automatically because you are a threat and might hit on her boyfriend, she hella trippy and jealous. She can only keep friends for a few weeks/months until they get to see her true side, she actually just has one remaining girl friend, but they both use eachother for female company. As they both said, they don't really like eachother but don't have with who else to hang out.

 

Sorry i am also taking this opportunity to vent.

 

Now my problem with her is the following, i knew she was scum, but not this big of a scum... she has been talking behind my back to people about me and saying a ton of untruthful things. Unfortunately i am very introverted and because of that i never had much love from my family and relatives, since i don't have much of a connection with most of them. She being extremely extroverted was more liked by the family in general. So they believe all the crap she says. To the point that my relatives look at me differently and even treat me differently now, her parents barely even talk to me now.

 

This is tiking me off a lot because she is very manipulative, like a pro at it, i'm really not at all since i don't quite bother with these things. keeping it simple.

I really hate the tensions that have grown betwen our parents because of the stuff she says, while i don't say anything about her.

 

I know a few things about her that would be rather shamefull, humiliate her even and ruin her relationship, but i won't resort to such things...even tho i am tempted.

The stress is just killing me and i don't really know why she is talking all the crap about me, then again she does that to everyone so maybe she just has nothing else to talk about?

 

Or she is trying to put me in a bad light because she KNOWS i know all those secrets about her that could ruin her, so she wants to make sure if i do ever spill something, noone will believe me cuz my image will be ruined.

I am honestly believing she is doing exactly that at this point...

 

The heck can you do against such a person?

[FMW]

You can't DO anything about her beyond avoiding her.

 

Do you really know for sure that your family and others believe what she's saying about you? If she's as bad as you make her sound most of them surely take whatever she says with a grain (or whole shaker) of salt.

 

When anything untrue she has said comes up set the record straight immediately.

[d0nnivain]

You avoid her in general. When in her presence & she starts talking about others, you start asking Question like "why do you feel compelled to be so nasty / negative / gossipy?" or you make statements like "treat people kindly because you don't know what they are battling." In short do not let her get away with talking trash in your presence. This isn't about being extroverted or introverted. It's about being a kind person. If you want others to stick up for you then you have to stick up for them.

 

When around other relatives, ask them if they have ever noticed these negative traits in the cousin Do not outright defend yourself with words but prove that she's a liar through your actions. It's all you can do.

 

Sometimes you just have to cut negative people out of your life. I severed ties with a toxic cousin & my life was better for it. I eventually reconciled with her because all that hate was eating at me. I struck a balance & keep her at arm's length feeling pity but not hate for her & that easier on me.

[Rockdad]

You can't pick your family but you sure can fire them.

[Mr. Lucky]

The heck can you do against such a person?

 

Wow, like high school all over again.

 

You've been given good advice, I certainly wouldn't proactively start a reverse disinformation campaign. Those that know both of you know what kind of person each of you are and that's your best defense. If any of her lies or half-truths are repeated in your presence, just say "that's simply not true" and leave it at that.

 

Don't let her drag you down to her level...

 

Mr. Lucky

[FrostBlaze]

I know that people believe her lies simply because well like i mentioned, her parents for instance barely even talk to me when i go visit to the point that i stoped visiting them, and they used to talk to me a lot. They disregard anything i have to say. They then tell some of the stuff to my parents wich are the only ones holding my side and won't believe what they are told.

I have net met such a master manipulator cuz that is what i believe about her right now, she really plans stuff ahead a lot and lies so much she has a whole lil system working.

 

She pretty much told her parents not to talk or listen to what i have to say cuz im probably full of bull****. <--this in itself is a manipulating lie, she just wanted to make sure that her parents don't talk to me so i dont accidentally slip the stuff that i know.

 

So really my side of the familly holds my part, her side is with her, but its making tension betwen the families because of this, since everyone is with their own kid.

ANd i feel bad about it cuz i like my uncle and aunt, just because this freaking kid is such a liar she's ruining all of this. Oh wells.

 

For the most part i do ignore her completely or avoid saying anything to her that she could later use to say against me. Works fine, but then everytime i go home to visit my parents, my mom keeps moaning about how new stuff about me poped up from my cousin, causing more tension betwen the families.

For me, its rather simple, i just ignore her. But it still gets to me when i see my folk upset over this, because they shouldnt be dragged into this garbage.

[justwhoiam]

The heck can you do against such a person?

First of all, your main problem here seems to be slander (defamation by oral utterance) rather than calumny (false and malicious statement designed to injure the reputation of someone). Don't think of her as an enemy, think of her as an opportunity.

 

 

From what you wrote, you have witnesses who can report what this cousin is saying about you. You didn't share that with us, but if what she's been saying is false, it shouldn't take too much for you to prove the truth.

 

 

 

Secondly, slander is an offence that you can report to the competent authority. Consider doing that if you're in the right.

 

 

Thirdly, what can you do to save your good name? Do good and act good. Invite your uncle and aunt over for dinner, let them be in your nice, fun and loving company. Let the judge by themselves.