Mutual friend professed his love

[Turning point]

Sorry but you’re quite off base here. There was 0% chance this would turn into an affair. I’ve never entertained thoughts of being with anyone but my husband, and I know very well the process of how affairs start. It’s not a loyalty issue between my marriage and my friend.

 

You're being incredibly foolish and naive. This guy doesn't need to have an affair with you to destroy your marriage. He can simply sow doubt and watch it grow until your marriage rots from the inside.

 

My exWife spoke just as you are defending a friend when it was obvious he was pursuing her. In the end her intractability and his two-faced evil broke up to homes, permanently altering the lives of 7 children. He's long gone now, moved on to the next victim. Did they ever truly have an affair? I don't really know - but, the world believes they did.

 

This man is NOT your friend. Forget what you think you know about him. No one who actually cared about you would ever place a fulcrum at the center of your marriage. He has done that now and there is no way to remove it. It will continue to exert pressure until you remove him from your lives.

 

Telling or not telling your husband matters not because this is a highly effective, insidious poison, and the potency increases with time. He knew that when he administered it to you. Think about that! If you ever wondered what the face of evil looks like - well, you just got a sneak peak.

Edited January 20, 2019 by Turning point

[Mrs._December]

While I definitely think the statements that you're in peril of having an affair and/or the sky is falling and your marriage is about to blow up just because some guy proclaimed his love for you are way over the top, I do think that your statement about him being young, inexperienced and not knowing what he's done are kind of ridiculous.

 

I'm just being honest.

 

Unless this guy is some hormonal 15 year old high school Freshman with Cheetos stuck in his braces, then you're making excuses for him.

 

If he's old enough to be one of your best friends and old enough to be working full time AND old enough to have a financial investment in some sort of business venture with you and your husband, then he's old enough to know EXACTLY what he did. So stop making excuses for him.

[DKT3]

Mrs December, she is testing her boundaries by waffling over discussing it with her husband. So what happens when a guy she is slightly interested in does the same? And there will be a guy at some point. Will she again waffle over telling her husband? Cheating is never a isolated incident, there is always prerequisites behavior. That is what this is.

 

Ultimately she handled the situation well, now if she will just recognize that this isnt some innocent thing that is harmless if unchecked.

 

I'm actually sensing that she was somewhat flattered and see this guy as some harmless victim of circumstances that has feelings for her and in some way wants to allow him to hang around.

[JuneL]

“...the thought that maybe I feel the same way, and he’s making a mistake by not telling me...”

 

The above is very telling. So this guy had all the intention of breaking up your family and stealing his best friend’s wife, if the wife is willing.

 

I am also puzzled as to why the OP was not angry at the guy at all. I would if I didn’t feel flattered.

[pepperbird]

op,

 

I'm really wondering why this guy chose to make his confession. It sounds as if he might have been half hoping you'd be interested in him. That's not your fault, and I don't think he's some awful person either. I don' think he handled the situation very well though.

 

I do think telling your husband was the right thing to do, as this confession also affected him. This wasn't a secret about something that was completely isolated from him.

 

It sounds to me like you have made your marriage your top priority. Use that as your guide. Do whatever it is that puts your marriage first. Ass for this other guy, well, he can't unring the bell. What did he think was going to happen? In fact, in some ways his confession was actually quite selfish. he's unburdened himself and asked you to carry the weight of his secret.

Edited January 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix spacing

[ShadeOfGreen]

I think you did the right thing by telling your husband. I get they you had this rule about confidential conversations, but it sounds like the rule wasn't discussed to the point of covering something like this. I feel it's fair to revisit the rule to make sure your marriage and your husband's feelings are protected, and that's exactly what happened. Good for you.

 

It sucks that your friend proclaimed his feelings towards you. Being a friend to someone is also being a friend to the relationship they have. If the friend realizes romantic feelings have formed, then they need to have the wisdom and self control to pull away. It's better for him to talk to a therapist about his feelings and how to cope rather than bringing you into it. It just sounds like he was fishing to see if you had feelings for him, and I don't see that as friendly behavior. I'm sorry, but I don't see how I could be friends with someone after that. I'd always wonder if they properly dealt with their stuff or not.

[Sugarkane]

I think the OP is being very naïve. I'm wondering why he bothered to express his feelings for you- its not like he didn't know you are married!

[usa1ah]

There is a difference between someone confiding in you or your husband and some azzhat fishing for a bite.

 

This is no friend of your husband or you.

 

Break ties with this pos.

[todreaminblue]

i feel you should tell your husband and explain to your friend that you have to tell your husband and maybe all three of you can move on from this...keeping a secret with another guy who is known to your husband and who your husband sees....is a mistake....keeping a secret with any guy other than your husband is a mistake....but more so when that guy is a mutual friend...i wish you the best...deb