Unsure how to define a relationship

[LonelyITGuy]

Thank you so much, Ronni. I've thought about that A LOT. My depression/pessimism is something that I'm not familiar living without. That's a great question and you might be spot on. As I've said before, I have NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT in my life. I have a great job that pays well and gives me tremendous flexibility, a supportive wife, happy, smart and healthy kids, a great home. There are plenty of people who have none of that. Yet, I'm miserable most of the time. I get hung up on things or feelings that keep me in a bad place.

 

I'm gonna get there, some way, some how. But I won't deny I may be, subconsciously, avoiding it.

Edited March 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Pinknyc]

LonelyITGuy -

 

I agree with the above poster that Mary has little or no sense of appropriate work behavior. Given your emotional state, it is easy to view her behavior

as possibly something more, and you almost need/want to view it as something more to make your current life more manageable (even though its sounds like you have a good life). It's almost something you need so you have something to look forward to in your day-to-day.

 

This woman does not sound romantically interested in you. I'm sorry, but the fact that she has *NEVER* asked about your wife or relationship is very telling. Anyone interested would inquire or at least be curious. She may not be comfortable telling you about bfs because she senses you hold a candle for her, and does not want to hurt your feelings. I'm sure she enjoys your company as a friend/co-worker, but not more than that. Please don't waste another 6 years of your life pining for someone where it is not reciprocal. Either try to appreciate your current family situation or move forward. I know it is not easy.

[Ronni_W]

I'm gonna get there, some way, some how. But I won't deny I may be, subconsciously, avoiding it.

YOU deserve much better than this, from yourself. As do your wife and children.

 

You may not have anything to complain about as far as externals and outer conditions and circumstances, but clearly there is something very wrong internally.

Procrastinating on fixing it, perhaps because of some fear that you won't be able to handle whatever comes up in that process for healing that you need to do,

is only doing yourself (and your family) a major disservice. Perhaps it might help to consider if it's the kind of role-model you want to be for your children.(?)

 

Speaking from my own experience, it comes as a very pleasant surprise when we finally learn how actually and truly 'strong', resilient and resourceful we are when it comes to facing

and overcoming past trauma. .

In your own case, consider how much you have already accomplished/attained as an adult...even while dragging around the weight of this 40-year-old piece of destructive baggage.

[Ronni_W]

But I won't deny I may be, subconsciously, avoiding it.

ITGuy,

 

Am I wrong, or is it true to say that you can no longer claim that you are only 'subconsciously' avoiding making the effort and doing the work that you know is needed?

Edited March 15, 2019 by Ronni_W
Correction.

[LonelyITGuy]

Not sure why this was moved, but anyway...

 

Ronni, I'm just trying to find an entire day I need to do the work. I'm not avoiding it. It just takes planning and life is crazy for me right now. I would like to get this over with.

[Mrs._December]

I’m sorry for your loss, as I have experienced intense grief and it does certainly affect our lives in ways we can’t sometimes imagine.

 

What I struggle with is understanding how grief for a loss you experienced so long ago could be responsible for the poor boundaries you have established with your coworker in the workplace.

Honestly? I think it's because shrinks continually make up mumbo-jumbo excuses and justifications to 'explain' away bad behavior - especially for cheaters. They're famous for doing that.

 

The OP is now a victim of his repressed feelings, see how that works? :rolleyes: