Married but obsessed with another much younger woman

[The Dude Abides]

Hey Joseph

 

How are you doing with this? How about this suggestion: divert your mental energy expended on this young woman to a new effort to court your wife. Put extra effort into doing nice things for her, make dinner for her, ask her out on a date (no kids), bring home some flowers, have some quiet time to talk and some cheese/fruit/crackers and drink some wine (or whatever appeals to you both).

 

I try this as much as possible with Mrs Dude Abides. No kids, no phones, no tv, no distractions. It doesn’t have to be fancy or spendy, just time together. One of our favorite things is to call and order a specialty pizza at the local family-run pizza joint, go pick it up and sit someone in my truck and eat the pizza and just talk. We call it our “parking lot pizza date “ It doesn’t get much more low-key than that.

 

You might just find that you realize how much you love her and how valid (REAL) that love is, based on the life you’ve lived together.

 

The love (infatuation/crush) for this young lady is ephemeral, fleeting, it’s like vapors floating around your mind.

 

Like I said earlier, you shouldn’t be judged on having an emotional response to something. What really counts is how you handle the emotions/temptations.

 

Go romance your wife.

[elaine567]

Don't destroy your marriage for her. Tell your wife, she will be upset, but she will accept that you are acting in her best interests. Affairs thrive on secrecy so the best way to keep yourself right is to expose yourself and accept the reality of your situation.

Really?

That may work for some women but for others she will be straight down to the divorce court.

[Simple Logic]

I guess I just need to talk to someone about this.

 

I’m a married man for 20+ years, 2 children in college. I’ve been in contact with a single woman 24 years younger than I am through emails for about a year (she used to work under me for a brief period of time before moving away). For the past couple months, my feeling toward her for some reason has grown like wildfire despite my hardest effort to not let it out of control. I absolutely don’t want to hurt my wife—we promised to grow old together. But now all I can think of, every single minute, is her. This obsession is so painful, it’s like tearing off my chest and eating into my heart.

 

She said our friendship is very important to her; she’s never had a friend like me, I believe I’m the closest friend she’s ever had. However, I don’t believe she’s attracted to me romantically.

 

I know my obsession is wrong and can potentially hurt a lot of people. So I admitted to her that I’m selfish and would love to have all her attention, but because I care about her and her well-being, she should go out and get to know some nice men. I also admitted talking about this made me unhappy, but it’s for her good. When I said that my heart ached.

 

Now, every minute is a torture. I’m expecting her message or email every second, though I know perfectly she might not respond for many days, even a month or two. I don’t know if I can survive another minute. But I guess I just have to. So many times I just want to scream out “I love you, more than anything” but it’s simply unacceptable.

 

It hurts so much.

 

Yea most of us married men go through this period of mid life temptation - at least I know I did and ended up making the right choice. After having a serious cancer scare over that last few weeks I am extremely happy to my wife next to me.

[snowcones]

My goodness. This reminds me of how boring marriage is.