Ishy Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 I am beginning to wonder if its an unhealthy sign I miss him that much. I'm fairly new to the dating scene even though I have been dating him for a year but I have not much experience overall. He has not been able to message me much over Christmas . He does in the evening usually. It's fair enough he's busy. But I really do miss him. Massively. Not sure if its healthy. And I tell him I miss him but I don't want to scare him or creep him out. My days feel a little empty and it's like somethings missing. We always said we don't want to lose our individuality. We want to do things together but also things apart. But it's as though I am struggling on days without him there. We don't live together btw, but I am worried because I don't want to suffocate him. I want him to have his space. But I can't help but send a message his way whether he responds or not. 1
chillii Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 Everyone does and likes things differently l guess so you'll probably get everything here. But me and mine , of course we miss each other, l'd be disappointed if we didn't. We message all the time when we're not together. But we do still go on with whatever we're doing when apart too or if there's no time or one of us needs to really focus we won't talk at all. Usually on those times we won't message all day but maybe call for awhile that night or somem.
GTR King Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 It's good to miss your Boyfriend But it becomes unhealthy if it stops you from doing other things e.g see your mates etc... When me and my Girlfriend are not together (Been going out 2 months) we miss each other loads but we usually text a few times a day then usually call each other for 15-30 mins usually in the evening or late afternoon when she is doing night shifts, She is a nurse... So you gotta balance things out there will be times when u won't see him as he will be busy on holiday etc
I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 Just curious why are you apart for the holidays? That aside I would be super disappointed if my bf and I only texted in the evening during the holidays. I don't expect 24/7 attention, but at least a couple texts a day. Before dating my dating my bf, I would feel empty w/the guys I was dating. Outside of working and friends, there was something missing. The missing piece was a partner that cared.
Author Ishy Posted December 31, 2018 Author Posted December 31, 2018 He lives quite far from me and I have not met his family.
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 It's OK to miss somebody but it's not mature or realistic to expect constant communication over the holidays if you are apart. Everybody's schedule is off. There can be little down time. If he's contacting you in the evenings, enjoy that time but be reasonable.
Giraffe-A Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 We all miss someone and it can actually become unhealthy when you seize to function in his absence. You have a family and friends that can help you divert your attention. You can also do things on your own to help you be comfortable with your own company. When you stay busy, it helps to take the anxiety away.
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 He lives quite far from me and I have not met his family. Wait a minute. You haven't met his family; you are not satisfied with the amount of contact you are getting over the holiday even though IMO, it's adequate, but you are wedding planning? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/getting-married/673125-we-re-not-getting-married-anytime-soon-but You need to keep the horse before the cart. If the wedding thread was about your vision of a wedding in general, that is one thing but . . . coupled with this thread, perhaps there is a bit of unhealthy obsession going on.
Lotsgoingon Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 Hard to tell. But why can't he text you during the day? Busy? Is he in the middle of a war zone? Just being away and at work or with family does not interfere with texting ... which can take ten seconds ... and can be done on break while at work, can be done in the bathroom at home or at work, can be done while sitting in car as a passenger, while taking an Uber ... I don't get why he's not texting you during the day. Yes, it seems you are across the line of healthy vs. unhealthy. Not pathological, but you want to build up your life and confidence without him. Don't you have activities you can participate in or friends you want to meet? When partners go away, people often use that time to hang out with people they can't hang out with much while their partner is around. The nicer to be is to just feel that smile and good feeling when thinking about an absent partner ... or have some stories you can't wait to share with them ... And I looked at the thread that d0nnivain found ... sounds like you are jumping way ahead ... Worry about a wedding when you get ready to get married.
Author Ishy Posted December 31, 2018 Author Posted December 31, 2018 Ok, we talk more in the evening. He still sends a text here and there during the day but the communication flows during the evening. I am not saying he shouldn't have his space. I am not complaining that he doesn't message. I do message to say I am thinking about him regardless of whether or not he responds straight away. All I am saying is I miss him. And asking if that's ok and healthy. It is my first long term relationship. Yes, I do think about marrying him. It may or may not happen as I mentioned in the thread. Which I am fine with just living with him. But I don't see any harm in thinking about getting married We do talk about it... like we talk about most things....
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 There's no harm but I see some areas of concern. 1. It's your 1st LTR. You are still trying to figure out what one is. You haven't got the experience to navigate these uncharted waters smoothly. Stop rushing. 2. You are texting too much. You have these long talks in the evening & text periodically throughout the day. This is overkill. There is no mystery. There is no chance to grow independently. Needing constant communication is unhealthy. Back off. Step away from the phone. 3. Already dreaming about marriage in your 1st LTR when you haven't even met his family is you moving extremely fast. You are going to get hurt. Dream about your midnight NYE kiss if that will happen. Dream about your 1st Valentine's Day together as a couple but get your head out of the romantic storybook clouds with premature talk of marriage. 1
Author Ishy Posted December 31, 2018 Author Posted December 31, 2018 There's no harm but I see some areas of concern. 1. It's your 1st LTR. You are still trying to figure out what one is. You haven't got the experience to navigate these uncharted waters smoothly. Stop rushing. 2. You are texting too much. You have these long talks in the evening & text periodically throughout the day. This is overkill. There is no mystery. There is no chance to grow independently. Needing constant communication is unhealthy. Back off. Step away from the phone. 3. Already dreaming about marriage in your 1st LTR when you haven't even met his family is you moving extremely fast. You are going to get hurt. Dream about your midnight NYE kiss if that will happen. Dream about your 1st Valentine's Day together as a couple but get your head out of the romantic storybook clouds with premature talk of marriage. I will try to back away from the phone. And I will try to curb the over excitement or at least try to show it less. He always tells me it's fine for me to message but he may not be able to respond quickly. But I can kinda put myself in his shoes. I am probably annoying him regardless of what he says. I'll do my best to step back. Thank you. I appreciate your perspective. Because I can not always see things how they are. It helps to see things differently.
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 If you can be a bit more zen, you will find yourself with less anxiety & greater fulfillment. Rather than fretting about him, go do something. In having interests apart from him you will be more enticing to him.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 He lives quite far from me and I have not met his family. Then there is more reason for him to text often. Texts are simple form of communication, so there really isn't an excuse for not texting your partner. A guy I dated lived super far away and was terrible at texting me. I gave him so many excuses on why texting isn't important, but still I like hearing from my guy. People aren't THAT busy where they can't send a couple texts throughout the day. Do you notice if he is active on social media during the times he is too busy to text?
I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 I will try to back away from the phone. And I will try to curb the over excitement or at least try to show it less. He always tells me it's fine for me to message but he may not be able to respond quickly. But I can kinda put myself in his shoes. I am probably annoying him regardless of what he says. I'll do my best to step back. Thank you. I appreciate your perspective. Because I can not always see things how they are. It helps to see things differently. If someone loves you and you aren't blowing up their phone, I can guarantee you that they will not find you annoying.
Author Ishy Posted December 31, 2018 Author Posted December 31, 2018 Then there is more reason for him to text often. Texts are simple form of communication' date=' so there really isn't an excuse for not texting your partner. A guy I dated lived super far away and was terrible at texting me. I gave him so many excuses on why texting isn't important, but still I like hearing from my guy. People aren't THAT busy where they can't send a couple texts throughout the day. Do you notice if he is active on social media during the times he is too busy to text?[/quote'] He hates social media and is quite old fashioned. He does message a heck of a lot but understandably busy during this period.
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