elaine567 Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 A real gold digger is not going to have children with her target man. If her main aim is to take all the money she can why would she lumber herself with dependents that will eat money and need looked after... He may be a lovely kind man but many abusers are on the surface and in public are lovely kind men. Why if she is abusing him did HER family beat him up? Your loyalty may be misplaced here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 Hi, I just heard about my friend who is a wonderful, gentle kind Indian man, who is a great cardiologist and ICU doctor - who is now divorced. The ex wife is just living on the court-mandated donations from my dear friend. He's divorced after some physical assault at home, verbal abuse, beating by the ex-inlaws, and the courts have judged: he shall pay 1200$ child support until the child (whom he adores) is 18 he shall get 30% custody he shall pay 70% of any medical expenses until the child is 18. So my question is - what advice would you give to the world to find these gold diggers (whether they be man or woman)? How would you be sure you aren't being taken for a ride? I'm particularly sad for him because he's got a 90 hour work week from Cardiac ICU, and now still has to work overtime to make ends meet. The woman is probably laughing all the way to the bank. Without knowing this persons income it is impossible to comment on the fairness of the child support. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 Indeed my friend asked for 100% custody and was denied it; he lives quite well in his city at the moment. The 1200$ is not truly a hardship - I agree - but the lawyers fees are quite a hardship Respectfully, your friend seems like he's withholding some info from you. 1. There normally is no jury in a divorce court - a single judge decides on the trial. So likely no jury 'took his side' re the abuse. 2. Calling your ex W a gold digger is a classic scenario among fathers who don't normally have a lot of daily input in their children's lives (childcare, homework, extra-curricular activities,...). 3. If he's serious about his kid's welfare (because allegedly his exW is such a violent, dysfunctional person), his first thought shouldn't be 'gold digger'. The money side becomes completely irrelevant when it comes to your child's safety. He has the financial means to appeal / take things further. This is what he should do, if what he says is true. Otherwise, people may think he's simply making stuff up to cover for the fact that he's more concerned about taking revenge on his exW than about the welfare of his child. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 Indeed my friend asked for 100% custody and was denied it; he lives quite well in his city at the moment. The 1200$ is not truly a hardship - I agree - but the lawyers fees are quite a hardship Ha. 100% custody to a man working 80+ hours is a joke. Your friend is an idiot. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 Ha. 100% custody to a man working 80+ hours is a joke. Your friend is an idiot. If she is violent then she shouldn't have custody though. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 100% custody is a huge responsibility that would have negatively affected his career. Was he proposing that he pay nannies to do the parenting? I'm asking because courts don't favor parents whose solution is to minimize the child's access to the other parent so a nanny can raise the child instead. Then he’ll be complaining that the nannies are gold-diggers Something clearly doesn’t add up in his story. I hope the next woman he dates won’t take his story at face value like the OP did. So, according to him, the in-laws are violent to him, not the wife? Has he/the police pressed charges? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 To add, it’s not extremely uncommon for a seemingly “kind” medical surgeons to have a totally different side in their personal life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 To add, it’s not extremely uncommon for a seemingly “kind” medical surgeons to have a totally different side in their personal life. Dr Jekyll.. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 Exactly. She's a dentist. There is no reason for her to want $1200 a month for the kid plus having the guy pay for 70% of all medical expenses, [/i] The child support and medical expenses are not a special treat for his ex and his child. They were a high income couple. Because he is now divorced, for whatever reason, his financial participation in the upbringing of his child is not suddenly alleviated. Also as this story has been recounted by the OP, the ex wife is not a "gold digger." Relationships deteriorate and come to ugly ends all the time, divorces end up bad, and this is one of those time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 If she is violent then she shouldn't have custody though. Are there police reports? Did she abuse the kid? I’ve seen a LOT of bs play out in breakups and divorces. It is VERY rare that a parent gets 100% custody. They have to abuse the kid for that to happen. Kids should have relationships with BOTH parents unless one is too unhealthy or unstable to do so. And that is really hard to prove. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 I agree violent people shouldn't get the kids, but the truth is it happens all the time. One thing they do to distinguish it is are they abusive to the spouse only or also the kids. If it's spouse only, it usually (and I disagree) won't affect them seeing the kids. I disagree because kids shouldn't have to see that. It changes them. Some consideration is given to whether they are fighting in front of the kids, and often both parties will be blamed for that (why not leave?). So it depends on the judge. We don't know both sides of this, so it would take investigation to see how one-sided this is or if it's just a chaotic couple. But if it's violent -- leave! And take the kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 So my question is - what advice would you give to the world to find these gold diggers (whether they be man or woman)? How would you be sure you aren't being taken for a ride? I'm particularly sad for him because he's got a 90 hour work week from Cardiac ICU, and now still has to work overtime to make ends meet. The woman is probably laughing all the way to the bank. The only way would be to have an air tight prenup and don't have children. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 So my question is - what advice would you give to the world to find these gold diggers (whether they be man or woman)?I do the math before considering marriage. If the risk is significantly unbalanced, then marriage is off the table. A perpetual, non-legally binding relationship is still an option though. I don't want children and have already had a vasectomy, so they would not factor into it. Link to post Share on other sites
See-Me-Feel-Me Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 So-called "gold-diggers" usually tip themselves off pretty early. It's their priority to be materialistic and show that they expect shows of willingness to part with wealth. I experienced it a few times and wound up kicking them to the curb. I couldn't give advice across cultures though. Indian folks have all sorts of materialist customs around marriage and often get into arranged marriages where they really can't know their partner that well. I don't know if this is his case at all. But consider that India is THE world's biggest consumer of gold jewelry and there is extraordinary media pressure on men and women to value gold in symbology western people have no idea about. "Gold-digger" might have to be a term re-stated just for native of the Indian sub-continent. I agree with pre-nups for wealthy people who want to ensure they are not targets of the long con. Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted January 3, 2019 Share Posted January 3, 2019 I'm on the opposite side. I'm now a single mom of 4 kids. Been a SAHM for 4 years. Living off alimony and child support (starting school next week though). Started dating someone and immediately, his family were concerned I was after his money. Rightfully so, I would be concerned if I was his family, too. They didnt know me. Thankfully, as they have gotten to know me, word is, they no longer believe it is the case. But it also helps that I refuse to take any next steps until I have my degree and a good paying career. I want to bring something to my next relationship. (I do have a lot of worth from my previous marriage but that alone doesnt do it for me). Link to post Share on other sites
TreadedSole47 Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 (edited) Guy is a Cardiologist? And he is only paying 1200.00 and some medical? Not sure where he is from but I have some friends making peanuts compared a cardiologists Salary paying way more than that monthly for one child. I’m sure there are gold diggers out there men and women. But that sounds more on the “Silver Mining” than gold digging. Edited February 17, 2019 by TreadedSole47 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 Ummm... how does $1200 a month and medical expenses render a cardiologist incapable of making ends meet? There has got to be something else going on here. This case has nothing to do with gold-digging and everything to do with child-related expenses. Yes, when you have children, you need to pay for their medical expenses, EVEN if you get divorced! Shocker, right? And $1200 a month is less than half the cost of daycare in most urban areas. Sounds like dude got a bargain. The only real issue here is the physical assault and abuse, which should have been pursued further. Kid still needs to be paid for, but criminal charges should have been filed for those. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 Maybe this guy is like Conrad Murray; he has to pay child support to a bunch of other kids from a few other different women Link to post Share on other sites
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