brigit87 Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 This is not a factor at all. Don't expect any alimony, hoping for a fair and easy separation. Thankfully I can support my self. Then get divorced ASAP. This marriage isn't good for anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
40somethingGuy Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 Cliff notes: - married over 20 years, he was my first, married young - grown kids, younger one is college bound - he's a nice guy, kind, loves me unconditionally, great roommate - very few interests together, mostly spend free time separately, doing our own thing - no sex with him for 2 years now, prior to that it was maybe twice per year, and it was always horrible, that's why I refuse to do it anymore. He thinks that I have no desire. - on the contrary, I have a very high sex drive. Have had affairs to satisfy that need for almost the whole duration of marriage. On and off. Learned so much about what it can be like - WOW! Never really got emotionally involved, just looked at it and used it for what it was. - would specifically seek out APs - always thought that if I meet someone who caught my attention, I would leave my husband. Otherwise, why break up the family? Kids, etc. - well, I finally have met that someone - MM. Strong EA/PA for 1.5 years. I was ready to make the move, he wasn't. Typical story. I ended it. Heartbroken still. And now I am at a crossroad. I don't want to continue to do what I've been doing. With my last AP I understood what I've been missing - I want that (minus the affair fog)! Kids are now grown, so there's no reason to stay for them. Yet, I am in this constant state of ambivalence! I am so unhappy, yet so scared to do make the move! Gave myself until younger one goes to college. Talked to him about it, and he correctly says that I had shut down. I do not allow or initiate any physical contact, and my last affair completely checked me out of our marriage. That he can't do anything, unless I at least make one small step forward. He's right! But I can't. I cannot make myself do this. I am not in love with him anymore. I want out. And logically, given the above, it's the right thing to do. Why is it so hard for me to pull the trigger??? Take nothing, give him almost everything and leave. Your husband was robbed of having a loving wife. You lived a lie/double life all these years. Truly sad. Did you try and 'teach' him what you wanted in bed after all? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 There's a number of ironies and contradictions in your post, but I'll just point out this one - you've engaged the entire marriage in the behavior that breaks apart more families than any other circumstance. Almost everything you've done has been at cross purposes, you've claimed to want one thing and then embarked on a path that nearly guarantees the opposite result. And figured out how to blame your husband along the way... Mr. Lucky This is what is so amusing about wayward spouses who claim they stay because they don't want to break up their family yet they are doing the very thing that will break a family up. It's selfishness pure and simple. As you will notice from the first post it's all about me, me and what will make me happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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