She thought she was completely over her ex but then this happened

[Grisha]

I started dating her 4 months after she broke up with him. They were on and off for 6 years but this time she felt she was done with him and saw no reason to ever try again. They remained friends though.

 

3 months after her and I started dating and I was already emotionally invested.. she hit a low point in her life and lost her job, car, and got kicked from her place. She had no money so she told me she had no other choice but to live at her ex’s house with his family.

I was understanding and figured she really had no other option because she has no family here.

The weird part was she couldn’t tell him she was dating me because he wouldn’t let her live at the house and his parents wouldn’t either.

At this point I just went along with it because she was sleeping with me and the sex was there and she seemed like she was completely over him.

 

As months went by she got more distant and eventually she stopped the sex and one night even left my house and went home.

2 weeks later she tells me she doesn’t feel like we are meant for each other and can no longer have sex withbme or go on dates with me.

I tell her that I can’t be just friends and so I tell her we need to move on and if we are meant to be it will be.

When she broke up with me I didn’t care what her reason was because I figured if someone doesn’t want to be with you, it doesn’t matter why.

 

So we break up, I don’t contact her at all, two weeks later she texts me telling me she moved out of her ex’s and doing great financially and in life.

I simply say congrats, keep my responses short as she continues to tell me about things.

I assumed hmm well I guess she didn’t leave me because of her ex at least.

A week later she texts me again and tells me about her new place and I remain short.

After being broken up for 6 weeks she texts me about car trouble and I tell her basically to no longer contact me unless she’s open to being open to a relationship with me.

 

5 days later she responds saying

“I completely understand, you need to do what’s best for you.”

I never responded.

It’s been 2 months since the breakup and 15 days of NC.

We were together for 8 months. I hate that idk why we broke up if we were both getting along great and everything was going well.

I hate that I feel like she left me for a new guy or left me for her ex.

I know girls don’t leave great guys for nothing.

You don’t throw away a diamond for nothing.

She told me she loved me very much and was very attracted to me but there’s things I won’t understand and just confusing language that I didn’t care to ask her to clarify at the time.

 

What do you guys think it is?

I’m too embarrassed to even go back and ask..

I keep feeling like she’ll come back to me which is making me wait for her

Edited December 23, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Some semblance of paragraphs

[Purepony]

She just wasn’t into you.... maybe you’re a great guy on paper but she’s not attracted to you.

 

Before you know it you’ll see her with some clown who doesn’t have a job or a car and she pays for everything but she’s attracted to him

[ExpatInItaly]

She was on the rebound from her ex. You should have split the moment she moved back in with him. I would bet any money they rekindled things after that, while she continued to see and sleep with you. She might not have had any sincere intentions but simply wanted to keep receiving help from him and his family, which is also really not cool.

 

I have a feeling she contacted you about her car trouble in hopes that you would offer to help her out this time. Good for you for not taking the bait. There are a lot of things about this girl that would rub me the wrong way.

 

How did she manage to lose her job, car and housing like that, anyway?

 

EDIT: OP, this girl? The one who thinks she has a "twin flame" that lives abroad whom she's never met? The one who believes she's just oh-so-deep and spiritual? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/671883-my-very-spiritual-gf-left-me-because-i-wasn-t-deep Was she also "twin flaming" with this ex while she was dating her ex?

 

She sounds like an utter dipstick who can't get herself together.

 

Or are these threads about two different women? I am confused because the story you describe here is totally different from your other thread.

Edited December 22, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

[Grisha]

<snip>

 

EDIT: OP, this girl? The one who thinks she has a "twin flame" that lives abroad whom she's never met? The one who believes she's just oh-so-deep and spiritual? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/671883-my-very-spiritual-gf-left-me-because-i-wasn-t-deep Was she also "twin flaming" with this ex while she was dating her ex?

 

She sounds like an utter dipstick who can't get herself together.

 

Or are these threads about two different women? I am confused because the story you describe here is totally different from your other thread.

 

My previous posts are about the same girl but I feel like those were bull**** excuses hiding the real reason why she left me. I feel like she rekindled with her 6 year ex who is actually not spiritual at all and he’s actually the reason why she got into this spirituality after he cheated on her and broke her. I have so many reasons and long stories why I think she’s not over him eventhough she swears she’ll never be with him in that way.

She was definitely into me because we were screwing for 8 months but a woman doesn’t randomly barge out of a man’s house crying unless something serious happened. She either realized she has feelings for her ex and feels wrong that she’s sleeping with me without him knowing OR she slept with him and felt wrong for keeping it from me so she broke up with me.

The reason why I can’t stop thinking about it is because I’m just assuming given a lot of good reasons.

This girl hangs out with his mom yet avoided meeting mine.

Ik she’s into me but I feel like she just can’t leave this man and his family no matter how unhappy she is.

Physically she’s always been there but she wasn’t ever fully there emotionally and she never kissed me. She’d give me oral sex every time but no kissing. Isn’t that also a huge sign she’s not over someone? Idk. I never understood that

She has told me so many stories how she can’t stand her ex and how toxic he is..

If she told me she cheated on me I would move on, but if she has feelings for him still I’d at least respect her. Two completely different things and my mind is just not moving on.

Edited December 23, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[Grisha]

I given more thought into her and put pieces together and realized that she’s only spiritual because she’s trying to find “self love” and all that hippe **** because she wants to move on from her ex. She said it herself that she got into it because of wanting to move on.

She is NOT slutty, she doesn’t go out, she’s only had 4 bfs in her life, she’s shy, keeps to herself. Her traits aren’t what one might think when they think of a hippy. She doesn’t smoke or do any drugs besides plant medicine called ayahuasca.

[ExpatInItaly]

It doesn’t really even matter if she’s not over her ex. You don’t need to waste your time or emotional energy trying to convince us she’s not. Why? Because it doesn’t change the bottom line for you, which is that she doesn’t want to continue a relationship with you.

 

I know you’re trying to make sense of it, but you’ll like only drive yourself mental doing so. You’ll never get clear, definitive and satisfying answers from her.

 

Take it is a tough lesson learned not to overlook the glaring red flags next time. Don’t try to be Mr. Nice Guy and be “understanding” of such ridiculous conditions in the future, my friend.

[HumanMachine]

She was deceiving her ex and his family by lying about her relationship status so she could stay for free.

 

That should tell you EVERYTHING you need to know about this girl

[fromheart]

She moves back in with ner ex, you go along with an abusive situation because of the sex.

 

Choose a woman who has the respect to not live with her ex, when she's dating you. Don't go along with things because of the sex, you'll get used and abused.

 

You've handled the break up very well, keep that up. You'll probably hear from her again, but bear in mind she's not relationship material. FWB, but she's not emotionally stable enough to have a relationship.

[Grisha]

She moves back in with ner ex, you go along with an abusive situation because of the sex.

 

Choose a woman who has the respect to not live with her ex, when she's dating you. Don't go along with things because of the sex, you'll get used and abused.

 

You've handled the break up very well, keep that up. You'll probably hear from her again, but bear in mind she's not relationship material. FWB, but she's not emotionally stable enough to have a relationship.

 

I agree with all of this. I figured hey if she’s having sex with me there’s no way she is emotionally invested in him.

She’s only living there because it’s free and a way to get through her situation.

The reason she lost everything at once was because she was living with her female boss and her boss gave her a job and a car too.

She’s basically been struggling financially her whole life cause she didn’t have any family. Sad situation. I became successful because I had family which gave me a solid base to build my life up.

Although she knew what she was doing was wrong, I feel like after awhile she felt very ****ty about herself and she’d even talk to me about it.

At least she’s on her own now and getting by.

She is super feminine and the type of girl who can easily have a man take care of her, but she’s out there grinding and I hope she doesn’t give up.

[Giraffe-A]

I’m getting the feeling that you need to go through this one more time to help open your eyes. This girl is not stable.

[fromheart]

She is super feminine and the type of girl who can easily have a man take care of her, .

 

This is not femininity. A real woman can be emotionally responsible, and take care of herself. She's not doing this.

 

Sorry to say, she's more like a child.

 

I can see that you care about her, but to be honest your giving your time and thoughts to someone who isn't doing the same. Its very important to discipline yourself to not do this. It must be a two way connection, or it will cause pain.

[Grisha]

I’m getting the feeling that you need to go through this one more time to help open your eyes. This girl is not stable.

 

Probably.

Or give it a very long break and see if she stabilizes herself. Honestly wouldn’t mind if she met a NEW guy and was happy with him..

Honestly I’m happy being single. I like sex and obviously grew an emotional attachment for her but I’m emotionally strong to be on my own and find that I do best on my own. I stay committed to the gym, focus on investing and growing my business, all things that I pause on when I’m in a relationship.

So I’m okay with this. My prime will be in my 30s-40s like all men.

I’ve been cheated on before and it wasn’t until the second time that she cheated where I said no because I lost all trust. She tried to get me back for over a year until she finally realized I was happier with someone else. The ex ended up marrying a guy and having a family so I guess by me completely moving on it made her change? She’s happily married the past 5 years.

I guess I’m known to give 2 chances.

[Grisha]

This is not femininity. A real woman can be emotionally responsible, and take care of herself. She's not doing this.

 

Sorry to say, she's more like a child.

 

I can see that you care about her, but to be honest your giving your time and thoughts to someone who isn't doing the same. Its very important to discipline yourself to not do this. It must be a two way connection, or it will cause pain.

 

I didn’t mean to say that’s femininity. She’s like a “doll” where she’s used to people taking care of her and having her way like her ex bf has been doing from age 18-24.. she’s just now getting a taste of reality.

I’ve been able to see everything for what it is after we broke up.

I’m definitely not going to get back with her seriously unless she becomes stable and drops her ex bf out of her life completely because he still wants a relationship with her.

I would talk to her if she came to me. I’m just way too attracted to her physically and emotionally.

[fromheart]

I would talk to her if she came to me. I’m just way too attracted to her physically and emotionally.

 

That's why you shouldn't be talking to her, unless she feels the same way. That's actually the best way to help her also, seeing how a man acts.

[Grisha]

That's why you shouldn't be talking to her, unless she feels the same way. That's actually the best way to help her also, seeing how a man acts.

 

Thank you. You’re right. Her first bf (not the 6 year ex) stalked her and she’d sometimes look outside her window and he’d be standing there and he also keyed her car multiple times. She had to get a restraining order on him.

Then this 6 year ex came along and ended up breaking up with her, quickly sleeping with someone, (which she considers cheating because she felt it wasn’t a serious breakup) but she never got over that so they always argued and end up breaking up.

She dated a guy after him who also cried and begged for her back for over a year... she had to block him off everything and he’d make second accounts to talk to her.. then she went back to the 6 year ex.

Then she started dating me and I will be the first guy she dumps that doesn’t stick around at all so at least I have that pride. Would have been better if I broke up with her because I saw it coming anyway.

Her 6 year ex never put up with anything. It would make her go crazy but I realized that’s how it’s done.

Thanks again

[fromheart]

Of course she went back to her 6 year ex. He never put up with nonsense form what you're saying, and as soon as he broke up he moved on.

 

Sorry to have to say this, but its likely she was having sex with him when she moved in with him. This doesn't sound like the sort of man who'd have an ex around, unless there was a sexual transaction.

 

That's why if a gf moves in with an ex, you disappear.