Any point in contacting her again

[max3732]

I went out with this women from OLD twice. The last time I saw her she asked about meeting early in the morning the following week and I told her that was a bit too early for me, but I'd be in touch later about planning something and mentioned a local event.

 

The following week I sent her a text asking about it and got no response. Then I waited another couple weeks and asked her about meeting up for something else and also said that even if she can't do it I would really appreciate it if she'd let me know. That got no response.

 

To me if she's getting my messages this is rather rude and I obviously wouldn't want to date her if that's the case. It just boggles me mind that you'd completely ignore someone you met twice and even offered to see again at a specific time. Just to know for sure she's ignoring me I'm tempted to call and leave a voicemail just asking for confirmation she received my messages or sending her a message on the dating app saying the same.

 

Would this be a waste of time?

[olivetree]

Yes it would be a waste of time.

I think that you should assume she got your messages.

Contacting her three times without a response is chasing and will come off as desperate.

[max3732]

Yes it would be a waste of time.

I think that you should assume she got your messages.

Contacting her three times without a response is chasing and will come off as desperate.

 

This is really confusing then. Why would you suggest meeting again at the end of our last date without any prompting from me and then never respond when I bring up meeting again?

 

When she got the message saying "please let me know either way" why wouldn't she let me know she wasn't interested or at the very least say she couldn't do it? She really messed up my schedule the first time I invited her because I wanted to keep the time open and I didn't make plans with friends.

 

Plus if she told me in person or by text she wasn't interested I wouldn't have wasted time finding another potential date activity with her. She made things much more difficult for me by suggesting something then never responding again. Why do that?

[Simple Logic]

This is really confusing then. Why would you suggest meeting again at the end of our last date without any prompting from me and then never respond when I bring up meeting again?

 

When she got the message saying "please let me know either way" why wouldn't she let me know she wasn't interested or at the very least say she couldn't do it? She really messed up my schedule the first time I invited her because I wanted to keep the time open and I didn't make plans with friends.

 

Plus if she told me in person or by text she wasn't interested I wouldn't have wasted time finding another potential date activity with her. She made things much more difficult for me by suggesting something then never responding again. Why do that?

 

May be she figures you are smart enough to realize no response means she is not interested.

[d0nnivain]

Then I waited another couple weeks

 

When you waited weeks to contact her, she concluded that you moved on & had no interest in her. When you did reach out after so much time had passed you made her feel like 2nd choice . . .She felt like whatever you were doing during those weeks when you weren't contacting her didn't work out so now you were willing to settle for her.

 

Do not contact her again.

[greymatter]

I too think that allowing several weeks to go by may be the issue. It's possible she met someone else in that short amount of time. It's also possible she blocked your texts and isn't receiving them even if they appear as delivered.

[rightondude]

Sorry player I can't think of any woman that's ever told me "I'm not interested in you." It's always either ghosting or "I'm not in a good place to date" or "I'm seeing someone else." They all mean the same thing; they don't want to be with you. If she did, you'd have heard something by now.

[chillii]

l'm not up with all the dating stuff especially the way it seems to be over there.

But l'd say pretty obvious.

She offered that day and that was really nice of her but you say you'll be in touch, that sounds like you'll "think", about a business deal.

Then get back to her sounds like it was a week or so later and she's thought to herself fk you. Actually she probably thought that after the you'll be in touch.

Try to be a bit warmer and nicer to the next one yeah , and don't eff her around especially when she's already put herself out on a limb for you,

Edited December 20, 2018 by chillii

[ExpatInItaly]

I went out with this women from OLD twice. The last time I saw her she asked about meeting early in the morning the following week and I told her that was a bit too early for me, but I'd be in touch later about planning something and mentioned a local event.

 

The following week I sent her a text asking about it and got no response.

 

Why did you wait until the following week to ask her about the event?

 

As the others said, she was probably assuming your interest level was low if you took your time asking her out again, and she moved on. I know I'd be thinking the same thing if I were her: I ask the guy out while still on the date, he says he'll "be in touch" about planning something, then I don't hear from him until the next week? Nah. Next.

 

Don't send any more messages. She's hoping you will take the hint and leave it be.

[JuneL]

My apologies for sounding harsh. I have read quite a few of your similar threads (and even responded to a few). You have had gone on a number of early dates and interacted with quite a few women on this front. I am quite surprised by your utter lack of social cues; you also come across as very inflexible. If I may be honest, you don’t sound like a pleasant company at all.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, is it this woman? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/669170-handshake-greeting-goodbye-1st-date-4.html

 

Did you shake her hand after you told her you'd be in touch?

[elaine567]

Ever heard of the phrase - "Strike whilst the iron is hot".

"I'll be in touch" usually means "You won't hear from me ever again"... so after you rejected her offer of a meet up, you come up with that, so at that point you were dead to her, hence why she never replied.

Forget the wishy washy stuff, if you want to go on dates be clear and arrange set times.

Women are not going to hang around waiting for you "to get in touch".

[max3732]

l'm not up with all the dating stuff especially the way it seems to be over there.

But l'd say pretty obvious.

She offered that day and that was really nice of her but you say you'll be in touch, that sounds like you'll "think", about a business deal.

Then get back to her sounds like it was a week or so later and she's thought to herself fk you. Actually she probably thought that after the you'll be in touch.

Try to be a bit warmer and nicer to the next one yeah , and don't eff her around especially when she's already put herself out on a limb for you,

 

To give a bit more detail when she suggested getting together I let her know I couldn't do it then, but said I'd try to find another time, suggested a few activities, and then sent her a text within a few days asking if she could meet up. I was honestly swamped and made it a point to leave the evening open for her, which is why I wasn't very happy she didn't have the courtesy to tell me she couldn't make it.

 

After she didn't respond to my invite I waited a week to ask her out again and she didn't respond to that one either. That's the one where I even said "please let me know either way"

[elaine567]

To give a bit more detail when she suggested getting together I let her know I couldn't do it then, but said I'd try to find another time, suggested a few activities, and then sent her a text within a few days asking if she could meet up. I was honestly swamped and made it a point to leave the evening open for her, which is why I wasn't very happy she didn't have the courtesy to tell me she couldn't make it.

 

After she didn't respond to my invite I waited a week to ask her out again and she didn't respond to that one either. That's the one where I even said "please let me know either way"

 

 

"Too busy to date", does not actually send a very good message.

[max3732]

Why did you wait until the following week to ask her about the event?

 

As the others said, she was probably assuming your interest level was low if you took your time asking her out again, and she moved on. I know I'd be thinking the same thing if I were her: I ask the guy out while still on the date, he says he'll "be in touch" about planning something, then I don't hear from him until the next week? Nah. Next.

 

Don't send any more messages. She's hoping you will take the hint and leave it be.

 

Sorry if I wasn't clear. I met with her late in the week so it was just a few days later (the following week). So when I met with her was I supposed to have another date ready and cleared for her?

[max3732]

When you waited weeks to contact her, she concluded that you moved on & had no interest in her. When you did reach out after so much time had passed you made her feel like 2nd choice . . .She felt like whatever you were doing during those weeks when you weren't contacting her didn't work out so now you were willing to settle for her.

 

Do not contact her again.

 

Sorry if I wasn't clear. It was a few days after I saw her that I contacted her about a specific place and time and I never heard back. Then about a week later I asked her again and specifically stated "please let me know either way" and never heard back from that either.

 

From her point of view what does she have to gain by not taking 2 seconds to say "can't make it" or something to let me know she isn't interested vs. just ignoring my messages and leaving me in the lurch and ruining my plans?

[Wallysbears]

She doesn't owe you any sort of reply. If she was interested in you, she would have replied. Don't contact her again.

[max3732]

My apologies for sounding harsh. I have read quite a few of your similar threads (and even responded to a few). You have had gone on a number of early dates and interacted with quite a few women on this front. I am quite surprised by your utter lack of social cues; you also come across as very inflexible. If I may be honest, you don’t sound like a pleasant company at all.

 

In what way? I'm sorry if I interpret someone laughing and saying "what are you doing at such and such time? Let's meet up" after a 2nd date as indicating they want to see me again. You're absolutely right that I don't pick up on the social cue that indicates someone saying and acting like this means she never wants to see or communicate with me again.

 

I also apologize that I have to work for a living and can't devote every minute of my day to meet up with someone without double checking my other commitments. When I double checked and got back to her in a few days I was expecting her to be courteous and let me know so I could figure out if I could make plans with other people. I even gave her a couple days to choose from.

 

To be more specific, I'm part of a group that needs people to commit at least a few days before and if I don't sign up early I would miss out. I also had a friend in town visiting and my family wanted to get together. I missed meeting up with the group and gave those couple days to her, which is why I was hurt she never had the basic courtesy to respond.

 

In what way was I being inflexible?

[PRW]

but I'd be in touch later about planning something and mentioned a local event.

 

You already knew when the event was. If you would have just made a specific date right then and there you might have gotten by. But all you did was talk "about" the "idea" of a date that "might" be on that day at that event.

 

The following week I sent her a text asking about it and got no response. Then I waited another couple weeks and asked her about meeting up for something else and also said that even if she can't do it I would really appreciate it if she'd let me know. That got no response.

A "couple weeks" with OLD is an eternity. You basically begged for a response. It may not seem like it to you, but you did. It showed that you had nothing else going on and that you were too invested in getting a response from her.

 

To me if she's getting my messages this is rather rude

It is not rude,...it is called Online Dating,...so welcome to Online Dating. With OLD if they aren't throwing a brick through your window with a note on it,...then it is not rude,...it is just the way it is.

 

You don't seem to understand what happens with OLD from the women's side of it. She probably had 2-3 other guys on the hook the same time she had the date with you. In the "couple weeks" she never heard from you she probably had contact with 15-20 other guys (and that is probably a conservative estimate). It is simple, one or more of the others made a bigger impression on her than you did. You are in the past. A couple weeks with OLD is an eternity.

 

Would this be a waste of time?

Yes, a waste of time.

OLD is a waste of time in and of itself as well. People just hop from Shiny Object to Shiny Object on a daily basis and never make up their minds or make a definite choice on anything. There are a few success stories but they are very rare percentage-wise.

[elaine567]

You already knew when the event was. If you would have just made a specific date right then and there you might have gotten by. But all you did was talk "about" the "idea" of a date that "might" be on that day at that event.

 

He hedged his bets, by not committing there and then. Few want to be put on hold in case "something better turns up" so she refused to play that game, no doubt accepted a better offer and disappeared.

[PRW]

When she got the message saying "please let me know either way" why wouldn't she let me know she wasn't interested or at the very least say she couldn't do it?

 

 

It isn't her job to make the date. Women just aren't going to do this when they have options. This is OLD,...she has more options than she can keep up with. They are almost never going to "let you know either way" unless you are the only guy on their mind,...and you are not. That is why it is critical to make a specific date at a specific day/time/place. This is something solid. When it is something solid they will either except or reject. Then there is no ambiguity. They don't like uncertainty and wishy-washy from a man,...they expect a man to provide the certainty for them, the man is their "rock".

[olivetree]

So the message sent the "following week" was really just a few days later.

Then you waited a couple weeks after that to send another text that also went unanswered.

 

Either way, she is not responding to you now, so sending another text or calling will likely get you the same response - none at all.

 

Let this one go, and next time, try to make a firm alternative plan in the same convo or at least the next 24 hours as when you must decline a date because you're too busy.

[d0nnivain]

Sorry if I wasn't clear. I met with her late in the week so it was just a few days later (the following week). So when I met with her was I supposed to have another date ready and cleared for her?

 

Sorry if I wasn't clear. It was a few days after I saw her that I contacted her about a specific place and time and I never heard back. Then about a week later I asked her again and specifically stated "please let me know either way" and never heard back from that either.

 

From her point of view what does she have to gain by not taking 2 seconds to say "can't make it" or something to let me know she isn't interested vs. just ignoring my messages and leaving me in the lurch and ruining my plans?

 

 

You weren't clear. You used the word "weeks" plural which is why I quoted you in my original reply.

 

The time frame you painted here was more appropriate but since you now have 2 instances of her not responding, you need to assume she has ghosted you. Yes, it would have been more polite for her to give a quick no thank you but people aren't that gracious any more.

[max3732]

It isn't her job to make the date. Women just aren't going to do this when they have options. This is OLD,...she has more options than she can keep up with. They are almost never going to "let you know either way" unless you are the only guy on their mind,...and you are not. That is why it is critical to make a specific date at a specific day/time/place. This is something solid. When it is something solid they will either except or reject. Then there is no ambiguity. They don't like uncertainty and wishy-washy from a man,...they expect a man to provide the certainty for them, the man is their "rock".

 

After you've met her twice in person is it still OLD? This wasn't some random person from OLD, this was someone I'd met twice in person and had been communicating with for a while. Plus I paid for and setup 2 dates. Women don't think it's rude to just ignore someone after that?

 

If I send her a text asking "would you like to go to X this Tuesday or Wednesday night? Please let me know either way" that's being uncertain and wishy-washy?

 

What am I supposed to do with the next woman to make it more "solid"?

[d0nnivain]

If I send her a text asking "would you like to go to X this Tuesday or Wednesday night? Please let me know either way" that's being uncertain and wishy-washy?

 

What am I supposed to do with the next woman to make it more "solid"?

 

It was solid & clear. Maybe your timing could be a little tighter but with OLD you have to recognize that some people are going to ghost in part because there are no consequences. You don't share friends in common or frequent the same places so they don't have an incentive to be polite.