My ex girlfriend humiliated me through mutual freinds how should I feel about this?

[srt92]

It's been 8 months. At this point you have to let it go. To still be hanging on to that level of violence is incredibly unhealthy. Get some therapy.

 

 

What you needed to do was this: when she got violent you should have called the police & filed criminal charges against her. Newsflash, men can be the victims of domestic abuse too. Second when this other guy showed up at your work & threatened you & your family, you needed to call the police again & report him for terroristic threats & to report her for inciting him. You showing up twice to fight him was both immature & indicative of your need for anger management. Violence is no way to solve anything.

 

What you need to do now is rise above all of this. Do get revenge on her in the best way possible: Living an extraordinary life without her. Living well is the best revenge!

Given the fact that she is too selfish & immature to be a good mom & all the drama she put you through, frankly you dodged a bullet. If you stayed with her she would have dragged you down. If you had gotten her pregnant do you really think your child would have fared better then the kid she already had. I mean your kid would have had you but that child still wouldn't have a great mom.

 

Honestly I swear I was going to plot or do anything, I was just explaining how upset it can make me sometimes because of the embarrassment. She humiliated me and told mutual people that I was bad In bed and so forth. Do you understand my point? And besides I didnt know that she said those things about me until recently through a mutual freind.

[Redhead14]

We were together for 3 years. I'm 26, she's 28, and has a 5 yr old that stays with her grandmother. We had a horrible violent break up. She lied, and went around and told everyone that I broke up with her, when she slowly let me down to where I was traumatized. Here's what happened: with me being so heartbroken and sad, I kept texting her and stuff trying to get her back. Out of no where her co-workers boyfriend calls me talking **** to not contact her anymore, to fight me if I did, and threatening me he was going to pull up at my house and stuff (i didnt take that too well, and wanted to beat his ass) and he also told me how his brother was gonna **** my ex. All this happened at post break up. I felt enraged and even more heartbroken when this happened. So we agreed to fight, and I left out to meet up with this guy so we can fight. I showed up, and he didnt I waited and waited still no show. So I went back home. On my way back home he called me again and told me he was on his way to the spot so we can fight. I did a u-turn and went back to the spot to meet him again, I waited a while hour, and he still doesnt show up. So I threw in the towel, and headed home for good. When I get home he texts me a specific address for a place for us to meet up and fight. My brother warned me and told me not to proceed as it sounds like a setup. And the next morning he threatens me again to come at my house to fight. He still doesnt show up. Its been 8 months and every now and then it gets me highly upset, and wanting to get revenge back on him and my ex. And it's possible I can run into these guys again in my area. What should I do?

 

 

You are 26 years old????

[srt92]

You are 26 years old????

 

Yes, Honestly I swear I wasnt going to plot or do anything, I was just explaining how upset it can make me sometimes because of the embarrassment. She humiliated me and told mutual people that I was bad In bed and so forth. Do you understand my point? And besides I didnt know that she said those things about me until recently through a mutual freind.

[PegNosePete]

Recently, i found out through a mutual friend

You should tell your mutual "friend" that you don't give a good gorram about her and you don't want to hear any stories about what she is saying or doing ever again.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, Honestly I swear I wasnt going to plot or do anything, I was just explaining how upset it can make me sometimes because of the embarrassment. She humiliated me and told mutual people that I was bad In bed and so forth. Do you understand my point? And besides I didnt know that she said those things about me until recently through a mutual freind.

 

OP, I don't think anyone is telling you that you don't have the right to feel upset and hurt. That isn't the point.

 

The point is that at some stage in life, we all have to grow up. I can't imagine what sort of "revenge" you felt would be appropriate here, but you need to let it go. Exacting revenge is not the way to do so. If anything, it's going to suck you even further into your ex's drama and make you look like a desperate, butthurt guy who still pines for her. You'd be making an utter fool of yourself, and for what? She will still be gone forever.

 

Honestly, I would stop dating this new girl too. You are nowhere near ready for a new relationship if you're still this stuck emotionally in the previous one.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, remember what I said in your other thread about my suspicion that you have a lot of immature people around you? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/671145-should-i-get-revenge-my-ex-girlfriend

 

My point stands. I don't know what kind of friend would share this unnecessary and hurtful information with you, especially this long after the break-up, but you need to tell them to knock it off and re-evaluate your definition of "friend"

 

Yes, it hurts to hear an ex was malicious. No doubt. But remember how you describe the source of this nastiness: unstable. Your best bet is not to pay her or her apparent gossiping any attention.

[srt92]

You should tell your mutual "friend" that you don't give a good gorram about her and you don't want to hear any stories about what she is saying or doing ever again.

 

Yea I kno we were just talking about females in general and he used my ex as an example of a story he was telling me about, then he had told me...it was kind of embarrassing.

[srt92]

OP, remember what I said in your other thread about my suspicion that you have a lot of immature people around you? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/671145-should-i-get-revenge-my-ex-girlfriend

 

My point stands. I don't know what kind of friend would share this unnecessary and hurtful information with you, especially this long after the break-up, but you need to tell them to knock it off and re-evaluate your definition of "friend"

 

Yes, it hurts to hear an ex was malicious. No doubt. But remember how you describe the source of this nastiness: unstable. Your best bet is not to pay her or her apparent gossiping any attention.

 

Well he didnt tell me this during the break up...but we were just having a conversation about females in general, and he used my ex as an example because he understood how effed up my ex did to me...that's how I founded out. I was just asking advice on how I should feel about this because I do feel a little ashamed. But on the other hand, it's kinda silly she would say I was bad in bed based off she was during sex, and how often would have sex...or maybe ...I'm not sure..

[d0nnivain]

Honestly I swear I was going to plot or do anything, I was just explaining how upset it can make me sometimes because of the embarrassment. She humiliated me and told mutual people that I was bad In bed and so forth. Do you understand my point? And besides I didnt know that she said those things about me until recently through a mutual freind.

 

 

OK if you just found out about what she said / did I can better understand why you are now upset.

 

 

But based on your Q about whether or not you should get revenge on your EX, how were we supposed to know that you weren't going to "plot or do anything"?

 

 

I will share with you that when I was feeling particularly hurt & petty I used to wish mean things on people like -- may their phone ring when they get in the bath / shower; may they miss every elevator they run for etc. I called a few bad nicknames in the privacy of my own head. I felt better but they weren't actually harmed.

[srt92]

OP, remember what I said in your other thread about my suspicion that you have a lot of immature people around you? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/671145-should-i-get-revenge-my-ex-girlfriend

 

My point stands. I don't know what kind of friend would share this unnecessary and hurtful information with you, especially this long after the break-up, but you need to tell them to knock it off and re-evaluate your definition of "friend"

 

Yes, it hurts to hear an ex was malicious. No doubt. But remember how you describe the source of this nastiness: unstable. Your best bet is not to pay her or her apparent gossiping any attention.

 

But check this out, i just thought of..if she told people I was bad in bed, then doesnt that make her look just as dumb? Because I know women aren't going to stay with a man for 3 years if the sex is bad. It's impossible. I damn sure wouldnt stay with a woman for 3 years if I couldn't get off either. If that made any sense...

[PegNosePete]

Why are you so obsessed with your ex, what she says and what she thinks?

 

Dude you need to MOVE ON.

[d0nnivain]

Be done with the toxicity of your EX. Not responding is the best thing you can do. Of course people will wonder why she stuck around for 3 years if you were so bad. For you to pop up now, all this time later & try to convince her friends that you are the victim in whatever she did to you makes you look way more foolish then anything she could ever say about you. Don't play into her hands like that. You will give her so much power by doing so. Your new GF of 3 months would also be justified in dumping you if you did anything involving ancient history with your EX. Even if you just found out about it for you to respond all these months later screams that you still care & that you are still carrying a torch for the one who got away. If that is not the message you want to send, do nothing. Doing nothing shows that you really don't care & that she's inconsequential. Doing something means your life is all about her.

[srt92]

Be done with the toxicity of your EX. Not responding is the best thing you can do. Of course people will wonder why she stuck around for 3 years if you were so bad. For you to pop up now, all this time later & try to convince her friends that you are the victim in whatever she did to you makes you look way more foolish then anything she could ever say about you. Don't play into her hands like that. You will give her so much power by doing so. Your new GF of 3 months would also be justified in dumping you if you did anything involving ancient history with your EX. Even if you just found out about it for you to respond all these months later screams that you still care & that you are still carrying a torch for the one who got away. If that is not the message you want to send, do nothing. Doing nothing shows that you really don't care & that she's inconsequential. Doing something means your life is all about her.

 

 

First off all i didnt pop up to try to convince anything, I didnt do anything, I didnt participate in anything, I have not contacted my ex for 8 months now, yes i have a new girlfriend of who I really like--long story short, me and my freind had quite a few drinks, we were discussing about women, he used my ex as an example because he knows how horrible she is, and then he throws that in the story as well. That's all. You are making it seem like I'm still crying over this woman. I started to get over her in the fall, and when i met my new girl, that just did it in. It's just it was a surprise and if course yes anyone's mind would wander, and it was embarrassing I wasnt expecting that...that's all

[srt92]

Why are you so obsessed with your ex, what she says and what she thinks?

 

Dude you need to MOVE ON.

 

I'm not, It was just something that I heard it was a little embarrassing that's all. You guys are making it seem like I'm stalking her something

[ExpatInItaly]

But check this out, i just thought of..if she told people I was bad in bed, then doesnt that make her look just as dumb? Because I know women aren't going to stay with a man for 3 years if the sex is bad. It's impossible. I damn sure wouldnt stay with a woman for 3 years if I couldn't get off either. If that made any sense...

 

Yes, but I doubt anyone actually cares, OP.

 

Nobody is giving this as much thought as you are. Remember that.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm not, It was just something that I heard it was a little embarrassing that's all. You guys are making it seem like I'm stalking her something

 

You did post a thread asking if you should seek revenge on her and her new boyfriend.

 

What sort of impression do you think that creates?

[d0nnivain]

First off all i didnt pop up to try to convince anything, I didnt do anything, I didnt participate in anything, I have not contacted my ex for 8 months now, yes i have a new girlfriend of who I really like--long story short, me and my freind had quite a few drinks, we were discussing about women, he used my ex as an example because he knows how horrible she is, and then he throws that in the story as well. That's all. You are making it seem like I'm still crying over this woman. I started to get over her in the fall, and when i met my new girl, that just did it in. It's just it was a surprise and if course yes anyone's mind would wander, and it was embarrassing I wasnt expecting that...that's all

 

You misunderstand me. I did not think that you popped up in the past.

 

Your Qs is what should you do now that you just found out that your EX was saying unkind things about you after the break up. You want to know how to respond in the present. My answer was do nothing. If you do anything now then it will be all about her & you will look weak, silly & all the things you are hellbent proving you are not.

 

If you are not still crying over this woman, why start two threads about her? If you are well & truly done, ignore all of it because it is irrelevant.

[Purepony]

No ! You already know that.

 

Just move and and be glad it’s over without any arrests or more trouble

[srt92]

You did post a thread asking if you should seek revenge on her and her new boyfriend.

 

What sort of impression do you think that creates?

 

It was just a question, and I wanted someone else's point of view on what they would do if they were in that situation. At first it was embarrassing but I'm over that now. I'm not gonna lose my current girlfriend to get revenge on a lost 28 yr old woman that never took care of her child. Yes I am in my right mind.

[srt92]

You misunderstand me. I did not think that you popped up in the past.

 

Your Qs is what should you do now that you just found out that your EX was saying unkind things about you after the break up. You want to know how to respond in the present. My answer was do nothing. If you do anything now then it will be all about her & you will look weak, silly & all the things you are hellbent proving you are not.

 

If you are not still crying over this woman, why start two threads about her? If you are well & truly done, ignore all of it because it is irrelevant.

 

 

I know, I was just wanting different point of views that's all. You do have to realize that, that situation was new to me and I didnt know how to handle it. And ever since I been on here posting I been getting positive tips that I could use later in life. That's all.

[FMW]

If she's as big of a mess as you say then others know that and won't give any credence to what she's saying about you.

 

It's only natural that you will have feelings about what she said, but feelings don't translate to the reality of what others think. Don't sink to her level, maintain your dignity.