Author Iamyoungjuan Posted December 24, 2018 Author Share Posted December 24, 2018 It’s only been two months since she left but since she left she refuses to see me or spend anytime with me she is living with her female cousin when she first left she was calling and texting me but now all of that has stopped I feel like my life is over she all I know over the last 14 years we did everything together every time I reach out to her she yells or get Irritated at me she says she want a month of space she also still saying she doesn’t want a divorce but if ai want one then that’s fine Link to post Share on other sites
Giraffe-A Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 Sorry you are going through this. There’s really nothing you can accomplish from begging her to stay. She mentioned that you can’t make her happy and she can’t be herself around you. This is what you should be focused on right now. Why is she feeling this way? How did you contribute to this, and how can you work on it? Give her space. Beggind is not attractive. Just communicate to get all this worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
Matt77 Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 (edited) With her female friend huh. That's what mine said. Guess what? She was living with the dude she left me for. If she told you she's living with her female friend. Fact check that **** however you have to. Hell, go over there and confront the dude. It may shatter the affair. It may make her more mad at you, but it's headed in that direction. But you might as well take a run at taking her cake away. Don't believe a word she says dude. Trust me on this. Cheaters and abandoners lie their asses off. They will say whatever they need to to keep their fantasy life going. She's gonna keep hanging you in the balance as a fall back. She said she doesn't want a divorce but is okay with you filing. She's doubtful that you will call her bluff. Why? Cause she knows how desperate you are. Do the 180 and take her benefits and toys away. Get some proof and expose the affair. File for divorce. It's not permanent. You'd be amazed at what people will do when their world comes crashing down. Haven't you read all the stories on here and other places that depict this to be so. It's not full proof but more often than not their affair never works out. Be part of closing them curtains. You don't like being apart of this show do you. Whether you know it or not, your are one of the main characters. So quit playing your part and get that show canceled my dude. Edited December 24, 2018 by Matt77 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted December 24, 2018 Author Share Posted December 24, 2018 I’m starting the NC as of today hopefully I can keep this going for awhile to get my mind right this I have for her have to go away right her love for me did I really wanna lock Tesla in a room and cry my heart out Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 (edited) 5 kids? nobody will want somebody else's 5 kids, 1 or even 2 might be okay ... but 5? ... never happens, unheard of ... she is vulnerable/lumbered as a result ... possibly needy of help Edited December 24, 2018 by darkmoon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted December 26, 2018 Author Share Posted December 26, 2018 I’m on 3 days of NC and it’s really hard I just seen that she made a post on Facebook going off on me because I didn’t see the kids on Christmas and I didn’t answer her calls yesterday am I doing the right thing Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 You CANNOT do no contact with 5 kids. You are still their father. And FFS, it is the holidays. Call your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Matt77 Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 Go easy on him there Wally. Going true NC with 5 kids or any kids is impossible. Don't be too hard on yourself for not contacting her or your kids on Christmas. Your kids will remember why **** is this way. Don't let her Facebook post bother you. Yeah it may kinda say something bad about you but she is the one that looks petty now for trying to put you on blast on social media. What kind of a mother does that? One that is bothered by not getting your attention. Don't go NC to the point of neglecting your kids, but do keep the communication between you and her about the kids only. Maybe set up visitation schedule between you and her. That will lessen any further communication between you and her. Maybe get ahold of a lawyer after the holidays and get a divorce decree going with a separation agreement that includes time sharing with your kids. This is some difficult stuff man. I get it. I don't hold it against your for not getting ahold of your kids on Christmas. Your wife is the catalyst for all this and one day your kids will know the truth. Continue to love them and tell them this isn't their fault and your relationship with them will remain intact into adulthood. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted December 26, 2018 Author Share Posted December 26, 2018 I just broke no contact to apologize for my not seeing my kids on Christmas see text back and said F me And she admitted to having a boyfriend and told me to get the divorce I’m so hurt I don’t know what to do I told her that I love her she reply back and say I’m gone ignore you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted December 26, 2018 Author Share Posted December 26, 2018 I feel like my life is over and I can’t live without her 2 months in and she moved on and I’m stuck Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted December 27, 2018 Share Posted December 27, 2018 Call your kids and speak to them directly. No Contact means her not them. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted December 28, 2018 Share Posted December 28, 2018 Right now, you need to concentrate in being a good dad to your kids. They need you and should be your number one priority. She has proven herself to be a cheater, unworthy of your trust or consideration. I guarantee this guy is not going to want to take on the responsibility of your 5 kids. It's just a matter of time before he kicks her to the curb when he is bored of her. Do not be there to take her back. File for divorce. I predict that when she tells her boyfriend you've filed for divorce, that's when he'll get cold feet. It happens all the time. Take care of yourself and your kids. You don't see it right now, but you deserve so much better than her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted January 2, 2019 Author Share Posted January 2, 2019 Haven’t heard or talked to her in 5 days but she texted me Happy New Years I’m having a bad day today I wanna reach out so bad but I know I’m gonna get turned down was I on her mind Link to post Share on other sites
Matt77 Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 (edited) Wow!! 5 days!! Good for you man! Keep it up. I know it's hard. That doesn't even come close to saying it. No she is being nice to bait you into talking to her. She wants you to say something back to know that you are still in play. My wife did the exact same thing. You wanna know when it's real? Or when there's hope? It's when she's back in the house with you and actually trying. How will you know when that's even for real. Because it will feel right. Trust me, when and if it happens it will feel right and you will know. Anything less than that is just baiting you to keep you in play. Again keep communication between you and your kids only. If you even have to talk to her, make sure it's only about the kids. No small talk what so ever. Have you gone to see a lawyer yet or making plans to after this week? You can file to shock her and not actually go through with it. Or file at the end of 30-60 days NC/180 rule when your strong enough to go through with it should you have to pull the trigger on divorce. If you need to talk, let me know man. I know this is the hardest thing you will ever go through. Don't do it alone. Anyway, good luck! Edited January 2, 2019 by Matt77 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted January 2, 2019 Author Share Posted January 2, 2019 Well Matt I broke contact last night and it was a bad idea found out she just recently had sex says she is fine with a divorce still doesn’t wanna see me or anything it’s been two months still can’t get a minute of her time I guess I will give up for good this time Now I have to start all over with NC she always told me not to contact her for a couple weeks I’m in for a tough battle my heart still hurts still can’t eat much or sleep right my life is a mess rite now Link to post Share on other sites
Matt77 Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 Dude, I'm so sorry. D-days hurt really bad. Trust me I know. I had a few of them. And she acted like a narcissistic sociopath on almost all of them. I can assure you this. Unless she is a certified clinically diagnosed sociopath, she will realize what she has done is wrong. Especially when the affair fizzles out. It will hit her like a ton of bricks and she will be an emotional wreck. Mine has been sobbing uncontrollably because of what she did. They do realize later on what they did, but right now your wife is in the affair fog. Right now her OM can do no wrong. He is probably inferior to you but because he's new, she is infatuated with him. Does she depend on you for anything right now? Does her being married to you provide her anything at all? Health insurance or anything of the sort? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted January 2, 2019 Author Share Posted January 2, 2019 Naw she doesn’t depend on me for anything she has her own job and health insurance I’m two months in and it still hurts like it just happened Link to post Share on other sites
Matt77 Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 Yeah D-days do that. You could be 5 months from the first one and then find out some new stuff and it will feel like a reset to day 1 of recovery. My wife originally told me she only slept with him 5 times and that she was living with her female friend. Then I finally sacked up and reached out to the OM 6 months after D-day1. Admittedly this is a risky move cause the other person could just brazenly lie. But he told me that she was living with him and ****ed almost every day, sometimes twice a day. She owned up to it and said that it was not an over exaggeration. This sent me back so hard man. I'm still really messed up by this. Don't follow in my foot steps. Don't play the "pick me" dance. Go over to where she lives and see who she is living with. In the process, get ahold of your lawyer. I know this is excruciating and difficult to say the least, but your just delaying moving on one way or another. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 Man, you gotta detach. No contact will help, but not much as long as you see her as a decent option. You have to stop looking at her like a mate or friend or standard. She is bad. Replace every good thought with a bad one. Focus on you. Be NC in your thoughts. If you think of her, immediately replace that wistful thought with a bad one. Look at other women. Not to compare them to her but to see them on their own merits. She is not being replaced because she no longer exists as a decent option. I don't want you to hate her, I want you to view her like the person you walk past on the street who smells bad and has an attitude problem. You avoid them, minimize contact with them, and try to end any incidental contact as soon as possible. Get to know YOU. like then love yourself. Once you stop pining and see her for what she is and begin to get a little mad at yourself for wanting to be with her, it will start to fall into place. Then being alone will be heaven. Being with the kids will be awesome. Dealing with her will be like going to the IRS. something you gotta do, but you say little and leave fast. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted January 2, 2019 Author Share Posted January 2, 2019 Yeah I gotta let her go I’m slowly starting to realize she is not the one for me I’m still deeply in love with her and I just want it to go away so I can get back to myself Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 I understand the pain you are going thru. Three decades ago I walked in your shoes. A few years back I Googled my Ex's name and found some photos of 30 years later. Boy did I get lucky, the years have not been kind to her. She is easily pushing the 200 mark on the scales. While for the past 25 years I have shared my life with a gal who is totally out of my league in the looks department. A grandma, now a great grandma with long shapely legs, hour glass figure and a flat stomach. And at the same time the nicest, sweetest most giving woman I have ever met. Rule of Thumb "Cheaters affair down" I knew my ex sure did. While those cheated on eventually find someone so much better Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 While those cheated on eventually find someone so much better In an ideal world perhaps. It doesn't always happen that way, there's no balancing force in the universe that gives people what they deserve whether its good or bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted January 6, 2019 Author Share Posted January 6, 2019 I was in NC for 4 days then wife text me say can she have sex tomorrow I fail for it and texted back yeah she said ok see u tomorrow I said ok then she text back a couple hours later asking me to buy her some food I didn’t reply because She just got payed and went clubbing with her money so she get mad and say never mind leave me alone I’m Frustrated why do I feel like she was trying to use me Link to post Share on other sites
Matt77 Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 OMG Juan!!!! We tried to tell you. Go back and re-read everything we've been telling you. She is just ****ing with your head. She is testing to see how high you will jump when she asked. She is making sure you're still there as her backup plan. There is only one way she is coming back. It's when things don't work with her boyfriend. Right now she is making sure he is her soft place to land, all the while making sure landing over to you is still soft in the event she has to come crashing back to you. Seriously, re-read everthing. Go read my story that I posted. Please ****in tell me you get it now. Don't give her ****. No money, no time, no communication (unless it's about the kids or divorce), give her nothing!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 (edited) Why do you feel like she is only using you?? Because clearly she IS trying to use you. She can only do that if you allow it. As hard as it may seem, you must stick with the no contact unless it's about your kids. Otherwise, you need NOT care about her or anything to do with her life. Period. Edited January 7, 2019 by vla1120 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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