basil67 Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 basil67 and brigit87, what is our way forward? My way forward would be to work with a psychologist and learn the tools to make progress. This is why I asked the OP if she had been seeing one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 My way forward would be to work with a psychologist and learn the tools to make progress. Yes, exactly! Although I would also consider a psychotherapist or 'new age' type of practitioner...anything to help move the consciousness forward or to a higher level. . Best of luck, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brigit87 Posted December 9, 2018 Author Share Posted December 9, 2018 I guess the only examples I've seen you write about were things which were normal for the time and yes, there likely are things you haven't told us about. However none of this negates the fact that you have to let it go. Move on from your past and stop being a victim to stuff that happened decades ago. Your past is relevant when it comes to understanding how you think today. But once you've unravelled the past, you need to learn the tools to live in the future. What work have you done with a psychologist? I did therapy for two years. I'd like to get back into it but finding the right therapist that takes my insurance has been difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brigit87 Posted December 9, 2018 Author Share Posted December 9, 2018 Yes, exactly! Although I would also consider a psychotherapist or 'new age' type of practitioner...anything to help move the consciousness forward or to a higher level. . Best of luck, OP. Right now I listen to massive amounts of Eckart Tolle he always seems to help me regulate my emotions. I also listen to all types of spiritual talks from different religious perspectives, Buddhist, Christian, Judaism. I like listening to wise words and soothing voices. I try to be a good person and do the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 I did therapy for two years. I'd like to get back into it but finding the right therapist that takes my insurance has been difficult. I'd like to ask a question and I've asked my girlfriend the same question (who has been in therapy the whole time we've been dating). What are you going to learn in therapy that hasn't already been said?? I ask her every week, did you receive any new tools?? Make any progress?? Did anything change?? Aren't you supposed to be working towards a goal, did you make any progress?? And I always hear "no"... So why go?? You went for two years, what are your expectations if you go back to therapy?? Do you think you will learn some new process or gather some new tools?? Please educate me, as I really don't understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 Please educate me, as I really don't understand. Therapy isn't about being given tools... Therapy is about helping you figure it out, a therapist doesn't have any answers but experience to help people help themselves. You hen pecking your GF seems like an issue with you rather than her and her therapist, I would tread carefully on this as it is borderline abusive to be removing value on something she values.. I'm not saying it is abusive but getting close... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 You hen pecking your GF seems like an issue with you rather than her and her therapist, I would tread carefully on this as it is borderline abusive to be removing value on something she values.. I'm not saying it is abusive but getting close... No issue for me... no skin off my nose. Just curious why she is wasting her time and the medical insurance funds going to something where there is no progress. She has even admitted that some days she doesn't want to go, as she is getting nothing out of it. She tried "Group Therapy", hated it and quit it. Oh trust me, if she thought I was abusing her, she would speak up. This woman knows how to complain and speak her mind!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 I also listen to all types of spiritual talks from different religious perspectives, Buddhist, Christian, Judaism. I like listening to wise words and soothing voices. I try to be a good person and do the right thing. That's what I was trying to say in my post in your other thread -- after you listen to (or read) inspirational or spiritual words, it falls back on you to study the deeper message and meaning, and then, most importantly, figure out how to apply it to your own psychological perspective and habitual ways of looking at, interpreting and doing things. The true way of being a 'good person' is outlined in the esoteric spiritual text 'Pistis Sophia', and also in 'The Second Book of Hermas, Called His Commands'. It goes far beyond what most people consider, so is definitely worth looking into if that is your goal. I ask her every week, did you receive any new tools?? Make any progress?? Did anything change?? Aren't you supposed to be working towards a goal, did you make any progress?? What you are describing is a life coaching relationship. In personal therapy, the 'goals' are not clearly defined because the process of uncovering and fixing our deepest (non-constructive and negative) psychological patterns and habits, and emotional wounds and traumas, does not happen in a linear or predictable way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brigit87 Posted December 9, 2018 Author Share Posted December 9, 2018 I'd like to ask a question and I've asked my girlfriend the same question (who has been in therapy the whole time we've been dating). What are you going to learn in therapy that hasn't already been said?? I ask her every week, did you receive any new tools?? Make any progress?? Did anything change?? Aren't you supposed to be working towards a goal, did you make any progress?? And I always hear "no"... So why go?? You went for two years, what are your expectations if you go back to therapy?? Do you think you will learn some new process or gather some new tools?? Please educate me, as I really don't understand. IDK sometimes it's good to get the perspective of a trained professional. I need someone who is familiar with BPD as I've been told I have traits but don't qualify for the diagnosis. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 (edited) I need to stop acting like a child and need to take charge of myself and my emotions. This is difficult but I need to try. What do you need to do? Funny , even as a guy l had to start waking myself up a but in that way too. l realized my whole life l'd let my emotional side or temper or anything else get out too often too easily. l'm still practicing and it still gets the better of me but l am a lot better these days. One thing that helped me a lot was realizing that 90% of the bs in life is exactly just that, it's just fkg bs, and it's not even worth bothering with or taking seriously anyway. Edited December 18, 2018 by chillii 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brigit87 Posted December 18, 2018 Author Share Posted December 18, 2018 One thing that helped me a lot was realizing that 90% of the bs in life is exactly just that, it's just fkg bs, and it's not even worth bothering with or taking seriously anyway. I know! I get so caught up in nonsense, everything that goes wrong makes me insane. I'm very sensitive by nature and even a nasty look can send me spiraling downwards. I'd like to buy a thick skin because I can't seem to develop one. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 I'd like to ask a question and I've asked my girlfriend the same question (who has been in therapy the whole time we've been dating). What are you going to learn in therapy that hasn't already been said?? I ask her every week, did you receive any new tools?? Make any progress?? Did anything change?? Aren't you supposed to be working towards a goal, did you make any progress?? And I always hear "no"... So why go?? You went for two years, what are your expectations if you go back to therapy?? Do you think you will learn some new process or gather some new tools?? Please educate me, as I really don't understand. Why does it bother you so much that she wants to go to therapy? Lots of people take many years to make progress. Weekly progress is extremely rare and unrealistic. You can't change mindsets that you spent a lifetime cultivating in a week. And badgering her on a weekly basis about something that doesn't even affect you is frankly bizarre. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 Why does it bother you so much that she wants to go to therapy? Lots of people take many years to make progress. Weekly progress is extremely rare and unrealistic. You can't change mindsets that you spent a lifetime cultivating in a week. And badgering her on a weekly basis about something that doesn't even affect you is frankly bizarre. The question wasn't directed at you, it was for the OP. I talk to my girlfriend about a lot of things including many activities during her week. No one is badgering her. She has been in therapy for over 20 years. I've been dating her for almost 7 years. I am always hopeful she will make a break through and no longer be sad or depressed. Her goal is to quit going to therapy and be "normal" (her word, not mine). What I find bizarre is you "crapping" on my posts?? What do you care?? Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 (edited) I know! I get so caught up in nonsense, everything that goes wrong makes me insane. I'm very sensitive by nature and even a nasty look can send me spiraling downwards. I'd like to buy a thick skin because I can't seem to develop one. Haaaa yessaa, l hear ya. Younger days l use to go off at the stupidest things. Doing something and it messed up l'd lose my temper, these days l chuckle at most eff ups. And looks ha, tell me about it , tbh though l think l was a bit paranoid for a long time. Edited December 19, 2018 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 Therapy isn't about being given tools... Therapy is about helping you figure it out, a therapist doesn't have any answers but experience to help people help themselves. "Therapy" may not be about tools (I don't know enough about therapy to comment), but psychology most certainly is about supplying tools. Problem is, the terms get used interchangeably and confused. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 (edited) l've got a mate that's a professor at uni, 59, one of the smartest guys l ever met. Thought he needed a shrink so he signed up with some woman and now he's convinced he has two little twins within he's personality , a girl and a boy, he even has names for them,buys them things, now he really does sound like a nut he's more effd up than ever. So ahhh, yeah , careful of shrinks. PS, he's spent about 10grand on her so far and she's had him reliving his childhood for the last 3 or 4 years and everytime he sees her he's a mess for the next week. Edited December 19, 2018 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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