ExpatInItaly Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 Me: what are you up to Him: hanging at home on the couch in my sweats (included selfie) Me: I’m wearing sweats in dress form. Small talk, I’m making a cocktail Him: I’m imagining you making a cocktail in your sweats, I should stop before things go too far I think he's just trying to flirt with you, OP. Personally, I don't think this is risque, but to each their own. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 The comment wasn’t great but I’m more concerned about that much texting with someone you hardly know. That would be the biggest turn off for me. Until I met him and established a relationship with him, that level of texting is ridiculous. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lavenderandvelvet Posted November 19, 2018 Author Share Posted November 19, 2018 I think he's just trying to flirt with you, OP. Personally, I don't think this is risque, but to each their own. There were suggestive comments. I generally go back and forth on my opinions on these types of comments. It rally just depends on what the rest of the conversation is. The comment wasn’t great but I’m more concerned about that much texting with someone you hardly know. That would be the biggest turn off for me. Until I met him and established a relationship with him, that level of texting is ridiculous. I have no hard and fast rules about messaging and texting. There is also some seasonality on it for me. If the only texts are good korning, good night and wyd, I get annoyed. If there are sime conversation topics mixed in, I don’t mind. For me texting and message boards serve the samw social purpose. Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 The tough thing about being a guy in OLD is that it is pretty much required that we escalate at the right amount. But without meeting, it's really hard to determine the right amount Too little and we're boring. Too much and we're boorish. And for all the women claiming they would "next" someone for being flirty on text before meeting, there are probably five that would "next" the guy for being boring ans asking about your Monday or if it was cold enough for you. That's not to say that guys don't go too far...we do. But saying no kissing for you or telling you that he is imagining you in sweat pants...if that's too much, then please just meet the guy right away because most guys will violate your unknown puritanical standards accidentally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jess060191 Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 I just posted about the same thing... but my situation is a little more risque... i guess its all up how you feel about it. If it seems off don't engage in it. But if it seems innocent texting then why not. I personally would like to meet in person before these type of texts start. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 That wasn’t the only comment! Things escalated. The "no kissing" comment was innocuous and just a joke, but someone who hasn't even dated you and expects you to (assuming he is -- not sure what he said) to sext with him is smarmy. And one thing that bothers me about it is sometimes these are the same guys who would judge you if they knew your number, yet they expect sexting before they even meet you or take you out -- if they're that type guy (certainly not all), they will also judge you for sexting them, even though they will whine to the heavens at those who don't. There are things in texting that seem harmless until you think about what they are doing on the other end of the phone. And why else sext? That creeps me out. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 So the question - how do you feel about sexual messages in the early stages? I think that before we even kiss a good fashion, sexual messages are creepy and a turn off. I"d rather wait to have that kind of talk until we've met one another and figured out we like what we see and want to move forward. “no kissing for you.” That's not sexual--that's cheeky. It wouldn't bother me because he's right--I'm not kissing anyone with a cold. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 I'll just caution you too that there are plenty of guys out there whose end game is just having someone sext them so they can get off and have no intention of anything else. It's like free audio porn. And that would include a large amount of married or otherwise taken guys. Just want to get their rocks off. For many reasons, being taken among them, being fearful or younger than they represent, another. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 The "no kissing" comment was innocuous and just a joke, but someone who hasn't even dated you and expects you to (assuming he is -- not sure what he said) to sext with him is smarmy. And one thing that bothers me about it is sometimes these are the same guys who would judge you if they knew your number, yet they expect sexting before they even meet you or take you out -- if they're that type guy (certainly not all), they will also judge you for sexting them, even though they will whine to the heavens at those who don't. There are things in texting that seem harmless until you think about what they are doing on the other end of the phone. And why else sext? That creeps me out. Are you also "creeped out" by what women are doing on the other end of the phone? You may be surprised to find that there are some absolutely, for lack of a better term, filthy women out there. And, I don't mean unwashed. I'll just caution you too that there are plenty of guys out there whose end game is just having someone sext them so they can get off and have no intention of anything else. It's like free audio porn. And that would include a large amount of married or otherwise taken guys. Just want to get their rocks off. For many reasons, being taken among them, being fearful or younger than they represent, another. "Audio" is something you listen to. "Sexting" is not "audio." Sexting does absolutely ZERO for me. It couldn't be any more boring. Words on a screen are supposed to turn me on, and I'm supposed to be typing on a phone while I pleasure myself? Yeah, NO. I don't even like phone sex. Sure, if I'm away from my gf for a long time and that's the only intimacy we can have, then it will have to suffice, but in my experience women are far more into sexting and phone sex than men. Link to post Share on other sites
lucky-girl Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 I don't see an issue with flirting by text before you meet, especially if you aren't going to to meet for some time. Flirting by text (if you're both enjoying it) means you are more likely to feel an attraction when you do meet - and isn't that the goal? Of course if you are actually uncomfortable with what he is saying then don't engage. But don't worry that he'll judge you for flirting or sexting because you're a woman. Perhaps some men would but would you want to be with one who did? Do you want to have to pretend you are asexual in order to keep the good opinion of a man with old fashioned and hypocritical views or find one that likes the real you? Do what you want to! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 Some people just hit it off over text....so it all depends on the individual and the situation. If you find it forceful, too soon for that, or inappropriate, my guess it's not going to be a match after all or the guy is trying to play it up....the only solution IMO is to delete/block, find someone else that is more your speed....you know "boundaries". Link to post Share on other sites
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