bathtub-row Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 Your choice to trust? I think you’re really minimizing the situation here because you’re afraid to lose your “well” - whatever that means. Fear is keeping you pinned to this situation and blinded. You’ve got serious problems in this relationship. The fact that this is a co-worker making these kinds of comments only makes it easier for her to shut him down. But she didn’t. Bad sign. My guess about what ‘monkey branching’ is is a person who swings from one relationship to another. They grab one ‘branch’, then another. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 Monkeybranching is setting up your next relationship or hookup before your out of your last. You don't let go of the current branch until you've secured your hold on the next. Ah! Makes sense. Well they (the Dumpers) all do that most of the time, they just lie and say they don't. No big deal to me, it's just life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr.Me Posted November 19, 2018 Author Share Posted November 19, 2018 Your choice to trust? I think you’re really minimizing the situation here because you’re afraid to lose your “well” - whatever that means. Fear is keeping you pinned to this situation and blinded. You’ve got serious problems in this relationship. The fact that this is a co-worker making these kinds of comments only makes it easier for her to shut him down. But she didn’t. Bad sign. My guess about what ‘monkey branching’ is is a person who swings from one relationship to another. They grab one ‘branch’, then another. I feel I have free will. Free to control my body, mind and emotions. So, Yes, I get to choose many things. Perhaps I am minimizing, I'm not controlling either or feel that I own a person or their actions so transparencies and integrity will enlighten me with time. While I hear and ya and feel what your saying I'm kinda thinking it's much easier to run then stay for me. It's always been easier to run than stay for me. She has shut him down, it was in person, and missing from the messages above. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr.Me Posted November 19, 2018 Author Share Posted November 19, 2018 Ah! Makes sense. Well they (the Dumpers) all do that most of the time, they just lie and say they don't. No big deal to me, it's just life. To me it's just an indicator of integrity as I define it. Who am I to tell someone else how long they have too be single before meeting someone new? Not my monkey, or my circus. Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 "I know you don't want me LOL" this guy is pathetic and just hoping beyond hope she is gonna respond with a "well, I kinda DO!!!! COME GET IT!!!" She shows 0 interest but yeah I'd love to see a "Please keep our conversations professional" or something a little more concrete. But women have their reasons for not totally shooting down creeps like this, I get it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 I feel I have free will. Free to control my body, mind and emotions. So, Yes, I get to choose many things. Perhaps I am minimizing, I'm not controlling either or feel that I own a person or their actions so transparencies and integrity will enlighten me with time. While I hear and ya and feel what your saying I'm kinda thinking it's much easier to run then stay for me. It's always been easier to run than stay for me. She has shut him down, it was in person, and missing from the messages above. Sounds good to me. "Cut & Run" as soon as the other one sneezes the wrong way is the easiest and often the most cowardly choice. I never did see anything wrong with her responses even in that text string you shown. I interpreted her responses to actually be "shutting him down" in the vague indirect way that women often do. Guys like that will glom onto a women just because she was friendly because they think she was showing interest. Then they are further encouraged by her just continuing to be friendly. Most women won't shut the guy down "cold & directly" because it is not in their nature. But that doesn't mean they are going to take the guy in or cheat on their BF/Husband,...they just keep hoping he will take the hint on his own. I didn't see anything in the original message that "proved" it was anything more than that. I was more concerned about you worrying about it, I was more concerned about your level of security and stability. I thought you should have just been laughing at it rather than being so concerned you would write into this forum asking about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 I can understand not blocking a coworker. Not everyone is in a workplace where management is progressive and actually cares about harassment. This guy could be friends with the boss, someone on her team, threaten to leave her negative peer feedback, etc...depending on the circumstances I think this makes a lot of sense. It doesn't sound like she did anything wrong, either. She showed zero interest and was basically playing it off as a joke. It doesn't seem like you have anything to worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 I feel I have free will. Free to control my body, mind and emotions. So, Yes, I get to choose many things. Perhaps I am minimizing, I'm not controlling either or feel that I own a person or their actions so transparencies and integrity will enlighten me with time. While I hear and ya and feel what your saying I'm kinda thinking it's much easier to run then stay for me. It's always been easier to run than stay for me. She has shut him down, it was in person, and missing from the messages above. Having boundaries isn’t about controlling others. It’s about respecting yourself. It’s about saying to your SO that a particular thing isn’t acceptable. Glad to hear she shut him down. That’s what she needed to do. Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 There are many good points here. I appreciate all that everyone had to offer. This guy is indeed a coworker. One that is leaving the company soon. Email, texting and instant messaging is a main form of communication for the employees and so I've requested that any conversation between them be kept strictly professional and platonic and responses not work related shall be avoided to make me feel better about it. The GF has promised me everyone knows she has me and is very happy. I know, from my own experiences that many don't care and will prey on other with vulnerabilities just to get laid. My girl if you will, is very strong in the mind and heart and also caring and sociable so she doesn't feel the need to be super mean to him on the way out the door but instead she ignores the "hey how are you?" texts and only responds to ones work related. She admits that she has occasionally responded to personal type messages from this guy but is much more outwardly sociable to the other employees. In other words, she just doesn't want to have be a bitch and make unneeded waves just to buy a weeks before he is gone anyway. I've asked her to be open to me about these and that I didn't want to feel like I had to go through her messages and texts and emails. I don't feel like that harbors a good "trusting" relationship by either of us however transparency is big for meso we agreed to share passwords and things. So with all this I think we are both learning and growing and feel like we have something amazing going on and yet we try not to drag the past around in a bucket behind us sometimes we just get a little scared and need a little reassurance. As soon as you have to request your partner treat you with respect and integrity, it's all over. In time you will realize this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 As soon as you have to request your partner treat you with respect and integrity, it's all over. In time you will realize this. I completely agree with that. In fact I think doing that can be seen as weakness in the sense that it was felt it needed to be done. I think the OP should have just "laughed it off". This would have given the girl the idea of what the OP thought about it while yet not being confrontational or showing distrust or that the OP felt threatened by it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 I haven't been snooping. The GF and I have both been hurt badly in the past and have since discussed many things recently and one of those is a trust and transparency. I've come to the conclusion on that part that my trust levels are just really low for fear of my well being taken from me again. I'm very much a "trust but verify" kind of person. By that I mean I listen carefully and I watch even closer and look for patterns of behaviors to match up within reason Those are just words that mean nothing when you do find something and you do nothing about it. I find it interesting that people that have trust issues often will date distrustful people. Same with people afraid of cheaters will often fall for cheaters. When you have 'trust' issues you don't date the type of woman your gf is. You find a woman that has a clear understanding of what boundaries are and has no fear of implementing them. I would have never, never in a million year, let a co-worker text me something like this. I would have shut him down politely from his FIRST try. I don't let men 'disrespect' me and my relationship to be 'nice' to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 My girl if you will, is very strong in the mind and heart and also caring and sociable so she doesn't feel the need to be super mean to him on the way out the door but instead she ignores the "hey how are you?" texts and only responds to ones work related. She admits that she has occasionally responded to personal type messages from this guy but is much more outwardly sociable to the other employees. In other words, she just doesn't want to have be a bitch and make unneeded waves just to buy a weeks before he is gone anyway.. Collection of non sense from a woman that don't know, or don't care, about applying boundaries. The guy is leaving so who cares if she wrinkles his feelings?? She will never see him again. There are many ways of letting a man know he is being inappropriate without being a b1tch to him. This man also needs to be told what he is doing is inappropriate so he doesn't prey on a much younger woman who will not know how to protect herself. Your girlfriend is full of it. She enjoyed his attention that's why she didn't shut him down. She shut him down in person? :-) ya right! I've asked her to be open to me about these and that I didn't want to feel like I had to go through her messages and texts and emails. I don't feel like that harbors a good "trusting" relationship by either of us however transparency is big for meso we agreed to share passwords and things. So with all this I think we are both learning and growing and feel like we have something amazing going on and yet we try not to drag the past around in a bucket behind us sometimes we just get a little scared and need a little reassurance. That's all you do carry your past behind you. There are 2 reasons you can't trust, A)you're dating the wrong woman 2) you are still hurt and not ready to date. It's shameful a man your age asking for his gf's passwords! There is nothing beautiful here, she doesn't request respect from other men, she doesn't have boundaries and she's weak. Not the type of woman you should date when you suffer from trust issues. Sorry for being harsh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr.Me Posted November 21, 2018 Author Share Posted November 21, 2018 Sorry for being harsh. Your honesty and no nonsense is refreshing actually Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr.Me Posted November 26, 2018 Author Share Posted November 26, 2018 So last week just before the holidays we were sitting close to each other watching TV. She was playing games on her phone and turned it too me to show me a funny meme when a text pops up. It's from the same guy in the previous threads. She tell me he was asking if she was the one on call or not and she said she replied that she was not. An hour later she went into another room and I read the rest of the messages. Lets just say they were not at all work related. Minutes later when she returned too the room I casually asked her a few questions about the texting. The lies just kept coming until I cornered her with her own words. She admitted to the lies and apologized for them. It was mostly innocent and platonic between them. They have a very short fling lasting only a few days of just texting 3 years ago. She lost interest first. He's been chasing her ever since. She been ignoring it for the most part. I'm glad we had the chat. It was pleasant and respectful and I really felt like we could get past this and we both really felt good about it as both of us understood where the other was coming from and we both super good and super close and we ended up having amazing sex. After a snack and a drink she walked out for the last time... per my demands. I can't, I won't, live with that kind of thing. It hurts pretty bad right now, still better than the hurt it would have been later. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 I'm glad we had the chat. It was pleasant and respectful and I really felt like we could get past this and we both really felt good about it as both of us understood where the other was coming from and we both super good and super close and we ended up having amazing sex. After a snack and a drink she walked out for the last time... per my demands. I can't, I won't, live with that kind of thing. The paragraph contradicts itself. 1. Pleasant, respectful,...we could get past this. Then 2. She walked out for the last time,...per my demands You should have just laughed at the loser that texted her. Treat it as something humorous rather than something to get twisted up over. What you act jealous about, you will cause to happen. You said yourself that the texts after you seen them were not worth worrying over, yet she took it in the other room because she knew your insecurities would flare up. I'm not telling you to stay or go with her. What I am telling you is that your behavor concerning this will just become another problem with the next one you meet. Every girl you meet no matter who they are is going to have a past guy she was involved with. Every girl you meet is going to have some Beta Male Orbiter hovering around her. You get bent out of shape over these and it will keep ending just the way this one ended. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 So, you pretended all was well, had a nice chat, sex, and a snack - and then you told her it was over?? Lol. Gotta admit, that’s pretty funny. Link to post Share on other sites
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