Mr. Lucky Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 You are in an open relationship with your husband, your "lover" is in a relationship with his life partner. Agree with Elaine and I'm further confused by your desired goals. Love brings rewards but also responsibilities and attachments, the latter certainly problematic in your situation. Let's say you and your FWB fall deeply, passionately in "love". Then what? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucky-girl Posted November 28, 2018 Author Share Posted November 28, 2018 (edited) Agree with Elaine and I'm further confused by your desired goals. Love brings rewards but also responsibilities and attachments, the latter certainly problematic in your situation. Let's say you and your FWB fall deeply, passionately in "love". Then what? Mr. Lucky It is confusing! I am deeply and passionately in love with my FWB but I don't actually want any material change. Even if our other partners somehow disappeared, my FWB and I would not live together or be any more committed to each other than we are now. So I've asked myself over and over why I feel this deep need to know he loves me, why it feels like my heart is breaking to know he doesn't. Why can't I just be content? (It would help if he was more forthcoming with expressing his feelings and what he likes about me apart from sexual things) Since starting this thread I have learnt (from TED talks etc) that the desire to be loved is wired into our brains. It's expressed in the same part of the brain that craves other things like chocolate and drugs. It's the part that is associated with motivation. And just like with any addiction, when we don't get love, this part of our brain fires up. Wanting to be loved is a physiological craving. On top of this is our cultural programming. I can't watch TV, listen to music or read a novel without getting the message that love is the most valuable thing in life, and the most worthy goal, that relationships are worthless without love, etc. No wonder I want to hear those words even though our relationship is otherwise pretty perfect and it wouldn't change anything - except how I feel. I just have to keep telling myself that he loves me in his own way - or close enough, and that I am very lucky to have everything I do. And I have to accept that although I may be happy most of the time, I will never stop longing for him to say to me, "I love you" Edited November 28, 2018 by lucky-girl Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 If a guy tells you he doesn't know what love is or know how to love, believe him. . I agree- when someone tells you something or who they are, believe them. The bottom line is, if you question something or you are unhappy, then maybe itÂ’s not the situation you should be in. You should trust your instincts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Oh gosh I just read the rest of the thread—you’re having an affair?! No wonder why you are so confused. Good luck to ya. Link to post Share on other sites
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