Sammygirl Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 . I've been dating this guy for a little while now and he has a pretty busy schedule but it has not bothered me because when I do see him everything is amazing. I found he's been hard to text with recently and I brought that up. Big mistake. I didn't really mean to sound like he has to talk to me more and I demand attention or anything but he kinda went off the rails after that. Just a few days ago he's saying how he can't wait to see me again and how much he loves being with me and then a few days later to this week he didn't respond to me when I checked to see if he was okay. Then he sent me this long message 24 hours later about how he's upset because he really likes me but he's torn because he does not think he can give me all the attention I deserve and his schedule just keeps getting worse. I asked him to call me. And he didn't. Does he just need some space because we were fine with the... See each other when we can and have small chats daily and now he thinks that I want more than that and he's upset that he can't give it to me... Has he already checked out... Even though he was fine a few days ago. Why didn't he call. Honestly I feel like we're not on the same page and if we could just talk it out it would be okay but he didn't call me. And didn't respond to my message. Does he just need time? When and how should I reach out... Kind of confused because right before the exchange of the messages where he says he's torn on what to do... There are messages from a few days before that where I say hey it's no big deal ill see you some other time soon and he said sure will with a smiley. I don't want to hear the... he's not interested crap because that's nonsense. he's just in a mood or he's thinking we won't work based on some scenario he's focussed on without even asking what I want...
Logo Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 You’ve been together a little while. What’s a little while?
stillafool Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 . I don't want to hear the... he's not interested crap because that's nonsense. he's just in a mood or he's thinking we won't work based on some scenario he's focussed on without even asking what I want... What do you want to hear?
Author Sammygirl Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 You’ve been together a little while. What’s a little while? A little over 2 months
Kelliousme Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 Two months in and he's already ignoring your "call me" and not really responding to your texts. Is he really THAT busy? I mean I've been busy before. I've had to work 2 shifts a day for quite a while. But.. I still had time to eat.. and sleep.. and go on the computer for a bit. I had time to talk to people throughout the day. I had time to make phone calls during breaks. So it's hard for me to understand people who say they are so busy that they can't respond or they respond a day or more later. To me, it's not that they're busy.. they just don't care enough to respond. So yeah, I'm basically saying he might not care about you as much as you think. You might not want to hear this.. but what do you want to hear then? If he's emotionally unavailable to you and he's not satisfying you, why do you want to be in a relationship with him?
preraph Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 He pretty much told you it's not going to work out. He just wants someone there for handy sex or companionship on standby and isn't making any concessions to a relationship and I don't think he will. I am pretty sure if he was real into you, he'd find a way to keep you happier, but I do know that some people can't be texting at work and all that nonsense and people should be mature about that.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 (edited) I don't want to hear the... he's not interested crap because that's nonsense. he's just in a mood or he's thinking we won't work based on some scenario he's focussed on without even asking what I want... It seems you've got it all figured out then. What advice are you really after? You ask if he's already checked out, then go on to say it's nonsense that he might not be interested anymore. What exactly can we help you with here? EDIT: Same guy? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/665450-how-do-i-salvage And here? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/667806-mixed-signals Edited October 28, 2018 by ExpatInItaly
snowcones Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 (edited) Yes, he needs time, but he needs time without you texting him, calling him, or checking in on him. Do absolutely nothing, almost like you consider it over. Some guys, especially young ones, do get overwhelmed when they have a stressful life (i.e. work, family, etc) outside of you. He has to learn how to have a work-life balance, everyone does actually. You may have just fell right in the middle of him learning that. One thing you must be sure not to fall into is being his FWB or booty call. If you're okay with him seeing you infrequently (after he has initiated contact), tell him that he has to respect you and take you out on a proper date and not just netflix and chill. And then you can decide if you want to have sex with him or not and if you're okay with seeing him infrequently. You may have to tell him that you're seeing others if you decide you want to do that. Or stop seeing him altogether. Whatever you want. The point being, to only do things you want to do and how you want to do them, given his parameters. Edited October 28, 2018 by snowcones
Zahara Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 I don't want to hear the... he's not interested crap because that's nonsense. he's just in a mood or he's thinking we won't work based on some scenario he's focussed on without even asking what I want... He’s not asking you what you want because it doesn’t matter to him. If he was interested he’d talk you about it and work on a compromise. He’s telling you he can’t give you what you want because he knows his limitations due to his mediocre interest in you. It’s great when you’re together but bland when you’re not. Not so good. When a guy tells you that he’s “busy” and isn’t able to give you the attention you need — listen and accept it. He’s doing you a favor. The worst thing you can do is lower your standards because you’re trying to appease him to keep him in your life.
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