All Encompassing WPN Thread of Jealousy

[Artdeco]

It might be her nature. I have a friend like that, bubbly, engaging anyone and everyone out in public.

 

OP, I'm glad you gave the example of her talking to the woman at the pool. That means she does this with all kinds of people, not just men. So she's not just coming on to men. She's like my friend who chats with anyone.

 

True. My BF is that way, too. I like it, because I am more the quiet type. Doesn't make me feel left out, or mad at all. Makes me happy actually.

[basil67]

That's what she tells me. She said one guy even asked her "why don't you adjust me anymore?". That in itself means there are guys who take yoga for more than the physical benefits.

 

It could also mean that men are aware that their postures need adjustment to keep their bodies safe from injury and to get the optimum results from yoga.

 

Unless she's also hands off with the women, her approach is discriminatory and unprofessional.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

You could join in these conversations instead.

 

 

 

I am an introvert with some social anxiety in group situations. I chatted for a bit to be nice to this crazy lady but after she latched on to my gf, I just stopped being apart of their conversation.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

 

I don’t know with you 2: On the one hand I’m thinking it’s good that she’s still honest about what she’s doing (with other guys around, or things in general that might make you jealous and upset), despite her knowing you’re insecure and overly jealous.

 

On the other hand I’m thinking the exact opposite: Why is she doing this if she knows how jealous you would be after she tells you. I also get the impression that she cherry-picks WHAT she tells you. Why is she doing this?

 

 

 

I really tame down and keep inside my jealously around her. I might make subtle comments after a situation happens. She may be guarded in what she tells me but I think it's minimal. OTTH I don't know what I don't know and there could be many instances of guys flirting that she doesn't tell me about.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

It might be her nature. I have a friend like that, bubbly, engaging anyone and everyone out in public.

 

OP, I'm glad you gave the example of her talking to the woman at the pool. That means she does this with all kinds of people, not just men. So she's not just coming on to men. She's like my friend who chats with anyone.

 

 

A big part is that we live in different cities and do not get much time together. When we are together and she has long conversations with others, I think it is disrespectful.

 

 

It is in a different thread maybe but I previously told the story when we were at a charity dinner. She headed to our assigned table while I used the restroom and got a drink. When I arrived she was having in depth conversation with 65+ year old man. She introduced me and they continued to chat. I chatted with him and her and tried to get her to focus on me and have conversations solely with me. This old man thought she was so friendly and into him that he invited her on a business trip. She told me this after we left or else I would have said something to the old man.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

It could also mean that men are aware that their postures need adjustment to keep their bodies safe from injury and to get the optimum results from yoga.

 

Unless she's also hands off with the women, her approach is discriminatory and unprofessional.

 

 

 

She's a well respected yoga teacher and an adult and can decide on her own who she wants to have physical contact with. If a guy had poor form, she can also verbalize what he is doing wrong. Students can find a different teacher if they feel they are not getting the proper instruction and assistance.

[basil67]

She's a well respected yoga teacher and an adult and can decide on her own who she wants to have physical contact with. If a guy had poor form, she can also verbalize what he is doing wrong. Students can find a different teacher if they feel they are not getting the proper instruction and assistance.

 

In her personal life she can decide who to have contact with. In a professional world, one should treat genders as equal. Unequal treatment of different genders by a professional is discriminatory.

[RecentChange]

She's a well respected yoga teacher and an adult and can decide on her own who she wants to have physical contact with. If a guy had poor form, she can also verbalize what he is doing wrong. Students can find a different teacher if they feel they are not getting the proper instruction and assistance.

 

I would be smokin’ pissed if I was paying for lessons and I wasn’t getting the same quality of instruction due to my gender.

 

I horse back ride. Dressage trainers will touch your legs, lift your leg and touch inner thigh, back etc to correct posture. Male and female instructors regardless of gender.

 

If a male instructor touched and corrected the male riders, and then in turn told me verbally instead of the much more clear approach involving touching- I would be pissed, that isn’t what I paid for.

 

WPN, back to square one, you can’t control her, you can’t change her. Your only options are to change yourself and accept her, her profession, her personality, or go find someone you are compatible with.

 

What you are doing is totally unfair to her, and I am flabbergasted that she tolerates it.

[Tamfana]

I am an introvert with some social anxiety in group situations. I chatted for a bit to be nice to this crazy lady but after she latched on to my gf, I just stopped being apart of their conversation.

 

Are you willing to work on that? Your GF might be great for you in showing how to interact more. She's going to continue being friendly and social and your social anxiety is going to clash with that forever. Maybe when you're not together in the same town you could set a goal of engaging one person a day or week yourself in a friendly manner. That could affect how you engage when she's being chatty and it might even affect your outlook on her and her chattiness overall.

[basil67]

I am an introvert with some social anxiety in group situations. I chatted for a bit to be nice to this crazy lady but after she latched on to my gf, I just stopped being apart of their conversation.

 

Your social anxiety is not her problem. It's your's. As an adult, it's perfectly reasonable to expect you to be able to entertain yourself talking to other people for an hour. In both this conversation and the one with the 65yo guy, she's done nothing wrong. I would also say that this isn't an issue of jealousy - but of neediness.

 

She may be guarded in what she tells me but I think it's minimal. OTTH I don't know what I don't know and there could be many instances of guys flirting that she doesn't tell me about.

 

Of course other guys flirt with her. She's an attractive, friendly woman.

[elaine567]

As Tim is her boss, then what was she supposed to do?

Hide away in the changing rooms until he has gone home in case he happens to want to talk to her?

BUT saying that I am not sure why she feels the need to report everything back to you, unless of course you are quizzing her about her day and she feels the need to account for every second...

 

And as for altering her professional conduct to pander to your insecurity, it is madness and could land her in trouble.

My God if she was a doctor not only could she not touch her - shock horror - "naked" male patients, she would not be able to talk to them either...

[NuevoYorko]

Holy crap, guy. Please try to get a grip on yourself.

 

How she conducts herself professionally is none of your business.

 

She owes you no reports of guys flirting with her.

 

She is entitled to choose her own clothes without any input from you unless you give her a compliment.

 

If you two are at a dinner event and she has a conversation with another person - this is normal behavior, even if it's a guy.

 

Get a grip.

[Amethyst68]

You're fooling yourself if you think she's not physically readjusting her make client's posture. As a professional she owes a duty of care to her clients and I'm pretty sure she's not going to leave herself open to any kind of complaint out lawsuit due to an injury being caused by her negligence!

 

Not to mention it's not her own studio so I doubt her boss will let her get away with this unprofessional conduct.

 

You could always try and guilt her into women only classes and clients next...

[Wookin Pa Nub]

She sent me unusual text Friday...."I forgot to mention I have a new private at 1 today". I am a very skeptical person and it's the nature of my profession to look for things that are out of the ordinary. I didn't ask specifics but she was very general in describing the private class.

 

 

After a couple drinks Saturday she tells me private was for 3 guys - fitness trainers at the club. I was upset but didn't get angry with her. Here's why?

 

 

This is what our past conversations have been about her yoga teaching.

 

 

Her - Does my job make you nervous? Me: No, I know you don't put yourself in bad positions.

 

 

Her - Do my outfits make you mad? Me: No but prefer you not to show side boob or too much cleavage.

 

 

Her: Yoga is very personal and close form of exercise. I can see how some men can take her or other woman's instruction the wrong way. Here are my rules and are you ok with them?

 

 

1. I don't touch men except to adjust their knee.

 

 

2. I don't do privates with men.

 

 

3. I don't have men at my home studio.

 

 

4. I don't give students my phone/cell number.

 

 

Me: Yes I am good with all those. I trust you and know you don't put yourself in bad positions.

 

 

So she didn't consider the private with 3 guys a problem bc it's 3. I said she told me should would not do privates with men. I felt she lied/deceived me. Also, it's still a private with more focused attention and interaction. Also, who's to say if one or two don't show up one week and she's just with one.

 

 

She said it seems like I don't trust her. I said that is not it, it's bc she told me one thing and did another.

 

 

I later saw that she had texted one of the guys which also goes against her claim that she doesn't giver her number out.

 

 

I know I am probably being a bit too jealous but it bothers me more that she tells me one things and does another.

[Orokotikki]

Well if you are trusting her to follow her rules which she laid out, than you obviously have your blinders on... GLHF.

[Wallysbears]

Does it not get exhausting being this insecure?

[RecentChange]

So lets recap.

 

You place completely unreasonable demands on how your girlfriend will conduct her professional business - and she does not comply.

 

Surprising!

 

You paint your girlfriend into no win corners where is ends up lying to you - telling you what you want to her.

 

Surprising!

 

When you say you are "not mad" or jealous, you are in fact mad and jealous.

 

Surprising!

 

Soooo tell us again why you are so compatible with a hot yoga instructor who loves to solicit male attention and show off her breast implants.

 

Dude, she tells you what you want to hear because YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

 

Honestly, I think the more she finds that lying to you is much easier than truthfulness, the easier and more rampant these lies will be.

 

She isn't going to change who she is, nor her line of work for you. Accept her how she is - if you CAN'T, well there is your answer.

 

So glad that her alimony is making you delay marriage - I really do not see this relationship lasting till death do you part.

[oldtruck]

A private lesson is with one man.

 

Three men is a group lesson and not a private one on one lesson with a man.

[basil67]

She's a yoga instructor. Of course she gives men private lessons and touches them to reposition. No different to my ppersonal trainer. If she doesn't do so, then she's not giving them the best possible service and will get a bad reputation.

 

It's unfortunate that she lies to make you happy. But it's worse that you put unrealistic expectations on her professional life and she feels she has to lie to you to give herself peace.

 

And even if they do get the wrong idea, do you not trust her to nip it in the bud and refer them on?

Edited February 12, 2019 by basil67

[usa1ah]

She sent me unusual text Friday...."I forgot to mention I have a new private at 1 today". I am a very skeptical person and it's the nature of my profession to look for things that are out of the ordinary. I didn't ask specifics but she was very general in describing the private class.

 

 

After a couple drinks Saturday she tells me private was for 3 guys - fitness trainers at the club. I was upset but didn't get angry with her. Here's why?

 

 

This is what our past conversations have been about her yoga teaching.

 

 

Her - Does my job make you nervous? Me: No, I know you don't put yourself in bad positions.

 

 

Her - Do my outfits make you mad? Me: No but prefer you not to show side boob or too much cleavage.

 

 

Her: Yoga is very personal and close form of exercise. I can see how some men can take her or other woman's instruction the wrong way. Here are my rules and are you ok with them?

 

 

1. I don't touch men except to adjust their knee.

 

 

2. I don't do privates with men.

 

 

3. I don't have men at my home studio.

 

 

4. I don't give students my phone/cell number.

 

 

Me: Yes I am good with all those. I trust you and know you don't put yourself in bad positions.

 

 

So she didn't consider the private with 3 guys a problem bc it's 3. I said she told me should would not do privates with men. I felt she lied/deceived me. Also, it's still a private with more focused attention and interaction. Also, who's to say if one or two don't show up one week and she's just with one.

 

 

She said it seems like I don't trust her. I said that is not it, it's bc she told me one thing and did another.

 

 

I later saw that she had texted one of the guys which also goes against her claim that she doesn't giver her number out.

 

 

I know I am probably being a bit too jealous but it bothers me more that she tells me one things and does another.

 

What, you want us to act surprised.

 

Surprise, she gives private lessons to guys all the time.

 

You really have no clue if she is or isn’t cheating on you.

 

She lies to you then said it seems like you don’t trust me.

 

Red flag after red flag.

 

So, how long are you going to play the head in the sand game?

[usa1ah]

Any updates

[yololin]

The traditional view on courtship is that men are mainly chasers and women are chased. When a man isn't proactive and doesn't chase women, he doesn't get much attention. A pretty woman can just stand still and count to 10 for guys to to form a queue of passes.

 

In my experience, it is all about self esteem and seeking validation. Every girl has her nature. She is friendly, chatty and naturally flirty. She says that she doesn't flirt and that guys are just being friendly. She fails or purposefully does not recognise that guys are only after her looks and pussy. As a source of self esteem, she gets validified and affirmed by male attention. She says she doesn't seek it, but subconsciously she does. She thinks this is just normal life and doesn't understand why and how much it bothers you.

 

The scary thing is, it would be better if she was doing it on purpose, because then at least she knows what she is doing.

 

The more you complain about it, the more one-sided it becomes. You voice your insecurities whilst she doesn't recognise hers. She thinks you are insecure, and your insecurity emasculates you.

 

You need to talk to her about it, and make sure that both of your boundaries are understood. You aren't looking to change her, you are looking to compromise together.

 

If she isn't willing to change in this aspect of not controlling her space with guys and crossing your boundaries, then your options are either:

1. Remain together, hope that you can beat better men by your abilities and care, and trust that she'll still be interested in you, or let you know when she's found someone better.

2. Dump her and find someone else that doesn't have these tendencies.

3. Join her lifestyle. Meet other women and flirt around while in a committed relationship. Maybe you'll find someone better.

 

I recommend option 3. You'll be freed from your feelings of being hurt. Actions speak louder than words. She might finally share and understand your feelings of insecurity when she sees other girls being interested in you and your response. You might just find someone better and be happier.