Simple Logic Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 I wrote and explained that the price is way too steep. But then he insisted that he treats me. I asked him if he really wants to treat someone he might never see again in case we don't click, but he just said he'd enjoy the evening with me despite the outcomes Maybe I'll just suggest a cheaper place? Otherwise he really seems keen on taking me there. I agreed to get dinner instead of coffee just because I'm so tired of coffee dates, been on 6 lately! You discussed the issue and he wants to pick up the check. Maybe he thinks you are worth it! There is nothing wrong with that. Go and enjoy your evening out at a nice restaurant with what is hopefully going to turn out to be a super guy.
losangelena Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 Sounds like he's trying to impress you as well as a place he tends to go offer too. I would go and see if he's the type of person you want to be with. I wouldn't go to a coffee shop as I don't drink coffee. I've taken dates to all you can eat Chinese buffet, then I soon found out that the girl I had taken to it has been there several times prior. Oh well. We all shouldn't judge the place where to take someone on the first date it could anything. What matters is are you liking the person or your not? Atta boy. That sounds like a fantastic date idea! You'd be a keeper in my book, lol.
thefooloftheyear Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 I just can't believe the amount of stomach churning I see on these boards on this issue... He selected the place, who cares what it cost?? Everyone spends their money the way they want...Maybe he hasn't gone out to a nice place in a while and considers it a treat for himself, and doesn't really care one way or another if the date doesn't materialize into something further..Just go and enjoy yourself...Don't expect anything and don't make more of it than it is.. I just don't understand why everyone is so hung up on these things...Its never been an issue in any context IRL, ... TFY 2
BettyDraper Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 I wrote and explained that the price is way too steep. But then he insisted that he treats me. I asked him if he really wants to treat someone he might never see again in case we don't click, but he just said he'd enjoy the evening with me despite the outcomes Maybe I'll just suggest a cheaper place? Otherwise he really seems keen on taking me there. I agreed to get dinner instead of coffee just because I'm so tired of coffee dates, been on 6 lately! If he insists on treating you, then I don't understand what the issue is. Some men enjoy treating women to certain experiences. It could be a turnoff if you keep suggesting cheaper places. This man might think that you aren't exposed to finer things in life like he is. My husband rarely allowed me to pay when we were dating. He felt that women should not pay for dates. I enjoyed being courted like that.
Gaeta Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 But who is he really pleasing if it's not the type of places she likes? Sounds like he is pleasing himself. Last week my daughter asked me where I wanted to eat for my b'day. I said anywhere casual, I much prefer a sport bar to any fancy place. 1
MaleIntuition Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 He is trying to hard too soon... this is OLD I suppose? My guess is that you will say thanks but no thanks because of a lack of “chemistry”...
d0nnivain Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 He may not be trying too hard. He may simply like that place. I know when DH & I eat out with my inlaws it's hard to pick a place. I don't like the places they frequent (mostly chains) and they are uncomfortable in the places I prefer (high end, find dining, with leisurely meals, soft lighting & according to them too may forks) OP if you really don't want to eat there, do offer a different restaurant choice. Try this: I know you suggested Super Sushi but I really like the [insert name of roll] at Sushi Shack. Would you mind changing the reservation? This may be a sign that you aren't compatible.
carhill Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 OP, is this customary in Sweden? Is the man in question Swedish? I haven't been to Sweden but have been to European countries and IME the west part women are more egalitarian. Was approached more and women paid their part of the activities without any real conversation. How does it go for you in Sweden? And, yes, back when I was dating if the activity a woman selected was outside my budget, I told them that. Since men customarily paid for all dates I felt it the responsible thing to do. If that indicated I wouldn't be supporting the lifestyle they were accustomed to, glad we got that out of the way early. In fact, the last first date/meet I went on nearly a decade ago was a lunch date at a sushi place near where the lady I was meeting worked. Good meal, spent a couple hours talking, I think cost about 40 bucks with sake/wine and tip. Typical deal. No biggie for a guy earning a 100per as I was at the time but a guy making 15per, typical decent worker wage back then, would need to work nearly a half day, after taxes, to pay for a lunch with an unknown woman.
No_Go Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 OP, is this customary in Sweden? Is the man in question Swedish? I haven't been to Sweden but have been to European countries and IME the west part women are more egalitarian. Was approached more and women paid their part of the activities without any real conversation. How does it go for you in Sweden? In Western/Northern Europe it's rare a man (or woman) to be 'treating', everyone pays their own expenses unless there is some reason not to. But here he said he is paying, so it's a non-issue (unless he'll use it as a leverage to get the 'dessert' afterwards....) 1
Gaeta Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 In Western/Northern Europe it's rare a man (or woman) to be 'treating', (unless he'll use it as a leverage to get the 'dessert' afterwards....) You're reading my mind. Also, often when a man wants to 'treat you' in an expensive way on a 1st meeting it's to compensate for something else.....that something else could be from him lying about his height, job, appearance, weight, size of.... 2
salparadise Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 He is trying to hard too soon... this is OLD I suppose? My guess is that you will say thanks but no thanks because of a lack of “chemistry”... I agree. And if you don't click it will feel weird as hell. There will also be some implied obligation to accept a second date due to the big investment (assuming you have a conscience rather than an entitlement mentality). If I were you I'd be skeptical of a man who leads with money and tries to buy admiration before you've even gotten to know his character. Seriously, there is nothing more gauche than a man who tries to impress women by throwing money around... probably with the exception of the women who are impressed. 2
alphamale Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 I agree. And if you don't click it will feel weird as hell. There will also be some implied obligation to accept a second date due to the big investment (assuming you have a conscience rather than an entitlement mentality). If I were you I'd be skeptical of a man who leads with money and tries to buy admiration before you've even gotten to know his character. Seriously, there is nothing more gauche than a man who tries to impress women by throwing money around... probably with the exception of the women who are impressed. most women like a man who can provide and isn't cheap 1
Author Lorenza Posted October 18, 2018 Author Posted October 18, 2018 A swedish guy would probably not pick up the check, as it's uncommon here. Many women would take it as an insult. This guy, however, is not Swedish, and I think where he's from it's customary to treat his dates. And I'm from Eastern Europe, in my country it's ok for men to do that too. But 10 years in Sweden has thought me well Well, I'll go and see for myself, at least I don't have to worry to be stuck with a bill that is as high as my weekly food budget
max3732 Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 It's on Saturday evening, prime time:D hope it's worth it! I rarely go on dates on Saturdays Hope it goes really well! Wish I could meet someone like you. The last woman I invited on a date complained it wasn't expensive enough. Hearing that you thought the place is too expensive would impress me because it shows you're not using me for an expensive meal. Maybe he really likes the place and doesn't mind paying. 1
salparadise Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 (edited) most women like a man who can provide and isn't cheap ............ different topic Edited October 18, 2018 by salparadise
Logo Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 A swedish guy would probably not pick up the check, as it's uncommon here. Many women would take it as an insult. Having lived in Europe for a while, I still find myself wondering if I pick up the check I’d be offending her. Some women prefer to feel free, independent and equal. But things are different in the US. It’s more traditional and conservative that way.
Veronica73 Posted October 20, 2018 Posted October 20, 2018 I agree. And if you don't click it will feel weird as hell. There will also be some implied obligation to accept a second date due to the big investment (assuming you have a conscience rather than an entitlement mentality). This is ridiculous. I’d never feel obligated to accept a second date no matter how much a guy spent on a first date. That’s not entitlement. It’s that I’m not a whore. Also, I wouldn’t want to date somebody that thought I owed him a second date (or sex) because he bought me dinner. I have more respect for the men I go out with than that. He’s the one who suggested the place and said he wants to treat. And what is a ton of money for her, as a student, probably isn’t much for him, a computer science professional.
Author Lorenza Posted October 20, 2018 Author Posted October 20, 2018 This is ridiculous. I’d never feel obligated to accept a second date no matter how much a guy spent on a first date. That’s not entitlement. It’s that I’m not a whore. Also, I wouldn’t want to date somebody that thought I owed him a second date (or sex) because he bought me dinner. I have more respect for the men I go out with than that. He’s the one who suggested the place and said he wants to treat. And what is a ton of money for her, as a student, probably isn’t much for him, a computer science professional. I also thought it was a weird thing to say - if I have a conscience, I should accept a second date due to his investment into the first date, hmm... I don't think so. I haven't asked for this investment, didn't assume he's gonna pay and suggested a cheaper place. So it's voluntary. I don't owe him anything and won't go to a second date if I don't feel like it after tonight. As a 38 old guy I'm pretty sure he's got enough dating experience to make his own decisions about how much money he wants to spend. So I decided to not care and just go along with it. 1
Author Lorenza Posted October 20, 2018 Author Posted October 20, 2018 Although I will ask him to pick something for me from the menu So it's also his desicion how much my meal will cost (I liked pretty much everything what's on the menu there, so it doesn't matter). Wel, I just hope there's some spark of interest from my side, so expensive dishes and other things are pretty minor compared to that.
Author Lorenza Posted October 20, 2018 Author Posted October 20, 2018 The date was actually pretty nice and the guy too, but he revealed that the age on the app was incorrect and that he is in fact older. He's 15 years older than me :/ hmm....
elaine567 Posted October 20, 2018 Posted October 20, 2018 The date was actually pretty nice and the guy too, but he revealed that the age on the app was incorrect and that he is in fact older. He's 15 years older than me :/ hmm.... Hmmm... Funny that... 1
Cersei Posted October 20, 2018 Posted October 20, 2018 Oh not cool. I would be mad. Oh well you had a good meal.
SunnyWeather Posted October 20, 2018 Posted October 20, 2018 The date was actually pretty nice and the guy too, but he revealed that the age on the app was incorrect and that he is in fact older. He's 15 years older than me :/ hmm.... is it a big difference than what was on his profile? I know there's a lot of differing opinions about lying about age in OLD, my take is everyone does it. IF you're feeling something downtown, then I say go for it, let the man court you.
Author Lorenza Posted October 20, 2018 Author Posted October 20, 2018 is it a big difference than what was on his profile? I know there's a lot of differing opinions about lying about age in OLD, my take is everyone does it. IF you're feeling something downtown, then I say go for it, let the man court you. Ok, I kinda said it wrong myself now - he hides his age on the app, but my age restrictions end at 37 so, I assumed I'm not shown guys older than that, that's usually the case. So he didn't lie, but I don't get how he got past my restrictions, maybe he does have an incorrect age on his profile even while hiding the number.
elaine567 Posted October 20, 2018 Posted October 20, 2018 is it a big difference than what was on his profile? I know there's a lot of differing opinions about lying about age in OLD, my take is everyone does it. 15 whole years????
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