Friendship between men and women

[just1looking2]

Can men and women really be just friends?

 

I know this question is asked all the time and generally women say yes and men say no. But I thought I’d throw it out there anyway and see if I could gain any clarity on my personal situation.

 

My general feeling, despite my personal experience at the moment, is that men don’t cultivate female friendships, not ones that are more than casual and situational. But - I have several male friends that I enjoy talking to and hanging out with. We know quite a bit about each other’s lives and thoughts and feelings about a lot of things. They are all aware I'm recovering from a recent heartbreak and not looking to date right now, although I plan to in the near future.

 

Some of the time, like happened last night, I end up going somewhere after another event with a few of them and I’m the only woman. Suddenly I started to feel a little weird about it. I’m the only woman they ask, so it’s not a matter of my just being the only one to say yes to going.

 

I don’t consider myself to be a tomboy whatsoever. I also spend time with just groups of women friends.

 

For reference, we're all around 50 years old.

 

What are your thoughts?

 

 

Its funny, I am around your age and one of the challenges for men are making and nurturing friendships. I have a couple of female friends, and I have a lot easier time in some ways with them. Im not a huge sports person.

 

Men tend to ond over external things maybe? When I worked in europe I found it much easier to make male friends - they make time for friendships, understand it better.

 

Yes its possible, easier for the woman as most men I think would often have an ulterior motive....most not all.

[Mrs._December]

I must admit that I get along with men much better than women, and I've always had guy friends.

 

Sadly, every single ONE of them, at one point or another in the friendship, either proclaimed their 'love' for me or hit on me sexually.

 

Every.

Single.

One.

[snowcones]

Most men are not interested in the things that I'm interested in, and if they are, they are either pretending to be just to get close to me because he's secretly attracted to me, or he is just weird which would quickly annoy me.

Edited October 25, 2018 by snowcones

[Art_Critic]

There is so much truth in this series of words it should be the "Can you be friends? bible"

The scene from When Harry met Sally:

 

 

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.

Sally: Why not?

Harry: What I'm saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally:Yes I do.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: You only think you do.

Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: How do you know?

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too.

Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?

Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry: Guess not.

Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York

[alphamale]

There is so much truth in this series of words it should be the "Can you be friends? bible"

The scene from When Harry met Sally:

 

 

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.

Sally: Why not?

Harry: What I'm saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally:Yes I do.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: You only think you do.

Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: How do you know?

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too.

Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?

Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry: Guess not.

Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York

 

hahahahahahaha, so true

[NuevoYorko]

Of course. Even if one of them would like to bang the other.

 

But not if one of them has romantic interest in the other.

[thefooloftheyear]

I must admit that I get along with men much better than women, and I've always had guy friends.

Sadly, every single ONE of them, at one point or another in the friendship, either proclaimed their 'love' for me or hit on me sexually.

 

Every.

Single.

One.

 

Nope....You had no guy friends...You thought you did, but the reality is that they wouldn't have been your "friend" if they didn't think that at some point they would get a shot...

 

TFY

[FMW]

I'm keeping this in my old thread for full disclosure and to avoid possibly breaking any rules about making new threads about the same topic, although this is taking it in a different direction.

 

I read a lot here about FWB, but it seems that usually the posts are about how to progress into something more meaningful.

 

Has anyone had a sexual relationship with a friend that was successful, meaning no one ended up wanting more than the other wanted to give?

 

I posted on someone else's thread recently about not being a casual sex person and needing an emotional connection to share my body. I have an emotional connection with a particular friend and love him as a friend, I trust him, I like him as a person. We agree, for various reasons on both of our parts, that things could not go beyond an intimate friendship. We are attracted to each other physically. Neither of us are involved with anyone else, we're both "taking a break" from actively looking for love/romance but miss having a physical relationship.

 

Are we fooling ourselves or can it work? I'm guessing the answers will be overwhelmingly no, but if anyone has had a positive experience I'd like to hear about it.

[elaine567]

We agree, for various reasons on both of our parts, that things could not go beyond an intimate friendship.

 

This is perfect for a FWB arrangement. Best there is some sort of a deal breaker that makes a real relationship impossible.

That keeps it at the FWB level, no-one wants "more" and thus gets hurt.

 

Trouble is some do want "more" almost from day one, they agree to a Fwb in order to get closer and be in with a chance of forming a relationship, then it all gets "complicated".

[DKT3]

Its always kinda shaky....there is usually a underlying sexual component there, most likely going unsaid.

 

Men tend to want to have sex with women, should the opportune time arise men usually jump.

 

With that said, I had a very close female friend who grew up next door to me. We never had sex but there were times when it felt like we were dating and there was always some sexual chemistry. There was also a creepiness because we were so close and we knew everything about each other.

 

After I started dating my wife and she got a boyfriend it kinda changed and we were not as open with one another.

 

I've truly believe it was the sexual component that drove that friendship, once it was taken away the closeness wasn't the same.

[FMW]

This is perfect for a FWB arrangement.

 

That's what I was thinking. I really don't see either of us wanting more from each other. I just don't recall reading any FWB "success" stories though. Of course people only post when they have problems.

[Alamo657]

Real world observations makes me believe that SOME men are able to completely restrain their desire for a woman who treats and consider them as friends, for the sake of having a great platonic relationship.

 

In return, they get a greatly increased social value, their woman-friends will arrange dates for them out of kindness, they are not always alone at home, and get invited to all kind of parties.

 

If you can stomach ONE girl treating you as a real friend, there is great value in the potential benefits.

 

Also, while ALL men will desire the body a good looking woman they are close to, they won't necessarily catch "love" feelings, and that's the key to maintaining things platonic without drama.

 

Not all men are made the same; many of us want to bang women and thus our interest in them fades as the object of our desire is denied to us. Some of us are either smarter or luckier, and can reason with their libido, and get great benefits from it.

 

 

While i've always been the first kind of guy, i recently met a girl 15 years younger than me, and altho she's hot as hell, the difference in age makes me consider her as a sister more than the object of my desire.

And i have to admit, i like it that way : since i met her and been hanging out with her, other woman are more interested in me. It's magic.

[nospam99]

Real world observations makes me believe that SOME men are able to completely restrain their desire for a woman who treats and consider them as friends, for the sake of having a great platonic relationship.

 

In return, they get a greatly increased social value, their woman-friends will arrange dates for them out of kindness, they are not always alone at home, and get invited to all kind of parties.

 

 

LOL ... From your mouth to god's ear. I recently started a new job and am working with a sweetheart of a women. She's married, apparently happily. Though, to me, she's is super hot, I have no trouble restraining myself. However she has yet to arrange a date for me . To be fair I've given her no suggestion that would have her aware that it would be okay to play matchmaker on my behalf and, given the nature of our professional relationship, it would be WAY out of line for me to make such a suggestion. The thing about arranging dates makes a great daydream though.

[ElKay]

I'm dating a guy who's friends are 90% female, mostly friends for a long time and most have their own families now. Threads like this make me a bit nervous, but he's shown me nothing to doubt his fidelity and is super sociable, but not flirty. I'll just hold onto my trust for now.

[Mysterio]

In order for mn and woman to b friendships to work. Thrr has to bb a Mother/Son, Aunt/Nephew, Brother/Sister component to the relationship of it won't work.

 

None of my male Friends that are attached is wanting their wives to have male friends, and they really don't have female friends.

 

I think its hard for Men having or wanting female friends. Not with the way men are socialized today with woman romantic imagery in their face 24/7. At no time do I really want to have a platonic female friend on a regular basis. I have a couple and I am fine with them.

[thefooloftheyear]

I'm dating a guy who's friends are 90% female, mostly friends for a long time and most have their own families now. Threads like this make me a bit nervous, but he's shown me nothing to doubt his fidelity and is super sociable, but not flirty. I'll just hold onto my trust for now.

 

 

I'm no woman...But if I was and a guy I started dating had 90% female friends, it wouldn't be infidelity that I would be worried about..

 

TFY