PRW Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 I am puzzled by this conversation about where he should be moving. Is the OP originally from the US? Him and I know what we mean, let's leave it at that. I don't want to say more about it in an open forum. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 It may well be an unconscious decision to seek unavailable women. What’s wrong with those women who didn’t meet your standards? So you have no trouble attracting available women and reading their signals. Just that you’re really picky. Again, this issue is not specific to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ProfessorOptics Posted October 16, 2018 Author Share Posted October 16, 2018 So you have no trouble attracting available women and reading their signals. Just that you’re really picky. Again, this issue is not specific to you. I wouldn't necessarily say I'm picky. If it's even wrong to be so. I just don't want to fall into the place of "beggars can't be choosers" and going for whatever I can get, regardless of my preferences. I know what I like, and when I see something I like, it always turns out that they're emotionally unavailable to reciprocate that attraction. Regards to your previous question: I attract gay men, I attract girls who are having trouble with their weight, or psychotic on some level. Just girls I know I do not want, as bad as that may sound. I just don't understand why the ones i do find, are always emotionally unavailable. Why can't I just find someone who fits my preferences, i fit hers, and we're both emotionally available? What the hell is wrong with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Rotn'roses Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 Is this topic worth this much dissection? Ask her or dont ask her, what is the big deal here, exactly? Just saying... Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 I wouldn't necessarily say I'm picky. If it's even wrong to be so. I just don't want to fall into the place of "beggars can't be choosers" and going for whatever I can get, regardless of my preferences. I know what I like, and when I see something I like, it always turns out that they're emotionally unavailable to reciprocate that attraction. Regards to your previous question: I attract gay men, I attract girls who are having trouble with their weight, or psychotic on some level. Just girls I know I do not want, as bad as that may sound. I just don't understand why the ones i do find, are always emotionally unavailable. Why can't I just find someone who fits my preferences, i fit hers, and we're both emotionally available? What the hell is wrong with me? I was just trying to say your dating issue doesn’t seem to be related to your inability to read social cues. I’m sure those women who are “having trouble with their weight” and whom you have rejected have exactly the same issue. Wouldn’t it be clear that, for them, the simple solution is to lose weight? No amount of mind reading is going to make them more desirable to you. By the same token, just make yourself more desirable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ProfessorOptics Posted October 16, 2018 Author Share Posted October 16, 2018 I was just trying to say your dating issue doesn’t seem to be related to your inability to read social cues. I’m sure those women who are “having trouble with their weight” and whom you have rejected have exactly the same issue. Wouldn’t it be clear that, for them, the simple solution is to lose weight? No amount of mind reading is going to make them more desirable to you. By the same token, just make yourself more desirable. Thing is I do that. I keep my hair short, my beard neat, and my clothes of choice includes a waistcoat and chinos. Whenever I go out, I try to look my best, smell my best on the off chance that I meet someone amazingly beautiful. Yet, it feels like it's not enough. I even got girls buying Me drinks because of how I look going out. Except those girls are, again, not emotionally available for me make anything of it. I just wish I know what I was doing wrong, because, honestly, this sucks... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ProfessorOptics Posted October 16, 2018 Author Share Posted October 16, 2018 double post, please ignore and delete Link to post Share on other sites
SmartDude Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Have you looked at dating websites specifically aimed at Aspies? Perhaps it will be easier with someone who 'gets' you. I highly agree with this ^^ I also have the condition. I recently met a woman who also has Asperger's. It was like talking to a human after a lifetime of growing up with aliens who comunicate in a strange language. Amazing experience.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ProfessorOptics Posted October 17, 2018 Author Share Posted October 17, 2018 I highly agree with this ^^ I also have the condition. I recently met a woman who also has Asperger's. It was like talking to a human after a lifetime of growing up with aliens who comunicate in a strange language. Amazing experience.. I don't know of any decent aspie oriented websites. the only one's I've charge a membership fee which is a bit beyond my capacity at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 I highly agree with this ^^ I also have the condition. I recently met a woman who also has Asperger's. It was like talking to a human after a lifetime of growing up with aliens who comunicate in a strange language. Amazing experience.. I've shared this anecdote before but I will again because it's applicable. I have a son with an Asperger's diagnosis. Generally he has difficulty 'connecting' with NTs. However years ago I had the occasion for it to be my turn to be the parent driving several of the Aspie kids to a party. So I had three or four of them in my car on the way to the party. It was pretty 'cool' for me to notice that the bunch of them were all chattering away with each other in a way that at least my son never talked to NTs. It was as if they had their own language among themselves. It was not vocabulary, rather the way the conversation flowed in a train of thought from topic to topic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ProfessorOptics Posted October 17, 2018 Author Share Posted October 17, 2018 Honestly, I have no particular preference as to whether I want to date another aspie, or an NT. I just want to make that connection with someone. Why do we tend to be attracted to unavailable women? How do I differentiate between an available woman who's actually interested and an unavailable women who is just being friendly? How do I stop attracting unavailable women into my life? Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 (edited) How do I differentiate between an available woman who's actually interested and an unavailable women who is just being friendly?This one is the only one you have to worry about. How do you accomplish it? With practice, lots of practice. Come out of the cave and interact with people, all people, any people. Stop worrying if you "get the girl", stop worrying if you even "get it right" at all. Just practice interacting with people. You will get better at reading women just simply as a by-product of that. This video below is not specific to what I just said, but it pertains to the general theme that I am getting from where this thread has been going. Overthinking/Worry/Regret Edited October 17, 2018 by PRW Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 Why do we tend to be attracted to unavailable women? How do I differentiate between an available woman who's actually interested and an unavailable women who is just being friendly? How do I stop attracting unavailable women into my life? 1. People are attracted to unavailable people because they may have issues with intimacy, or they may be commitment phobes, or they want to avoid the reality of going through the process of dating (including lots of rejections) and finding a partner. All these are likely subconscious decisions. 2. You have had no problem telling a woman is available and interested in you romantically; remember those women who are “having trouble with their weight” you have rejected? You also have had no problem knowing your crush is not unavailable: Just ask her relationship/marital status. Simple as that Link to post Share on other sites
Author ProfessorOptics Posted October 18, 2018 Author Share Posted October 18, 2018 1. People are attracted to unavailable people because they may have issues with intimacy, or they may be commitment phobes, or they want to avoid the reality of going through the process of dating (including lots of rejections) and finding a partner. All these are likely subconscious decisions. I have intimacy issues, because frankly, I've never truly been intimate with someone. Commitment issues, probably. If anything I'd be afraid to commit out of fear of eventually getting rejected. Dating is an issue for me, because there is just far too much going on to focus on the person I am with. Put it this way, everything you feel, hear, smell, taste and see, right now, is ten-fold for me, all the time. 2. You have had no problem telling a woman is available and interested in you romantically; remember those women who are “having trouble with their weight” you have rejected? You also have had no problem knowing your crush is not unavailable: Just ask her relationship/marital status. Simple as that I've always believed it's unbecoming of a man to ask a woman about her relationship status. Also, it usually takes me a little while to realize when someone is attracted to me, as well as when I'm attracted to someone. Both plays in my favour and plays against, because on one hand, the indifference of not knowing means I don't care either way. This has on multiple situations increased my attractiveness. On the other hand, I often realize when it's too late. Problem now is, I'm starting to become more and more aware of my own attraction, and the attraction of others, and when i find someone where the attraction is mutual, it's like everything else stops, and I set my focus on that person. I don't know why, and I don't how to stop that. It's never been a case of "oh, this girl likes me, let's see where this goes." I've always battled with "Finally, a girl I like, who likes me back. Maybe now I can stop being a virgin" or somewhere along those lines. In all honesty, I think my being a virgin is playing a huge part on that, because until that happens, I'm still constantly wondering about it, and that is playing it's part in me seeing women as a piece of meat, which I do not want. Because I know what it feels like, I have a lot of gay men after me for some reason, and I feel like how I think i make women feel. I do not want that for anyone. I just don't know how to stop, but I am 99% certain that it will stop once I've given away my vCard. That is a conundrum, on one hand, all i have on my mind is getting laid, making women feel like meat. On the other hand, I don't know how else to stop it other than, getting laid and stop wondering about it... if that makes sense. I've replied in bold within the quote. Link to post Share on other sites
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