Is This GIGS? My Gut Is Telling Me She Will Come Back But I’m Trying To Give Up Hope

October 2, 2018

Also I forgot to mention she texted me after our call asking how my semester was going etc. I just replied “good take care”. Why reach out if she has a new bf and is “extremely happy”.

She is just checking in to see you are OK.

She broke your heart, she wants to ease her guilty conscience I guess.

Dumpers can also want to maintain the friendship too.

They are "over it" so can want to stay as just friends...

Dumpees rarely can be "friends", as it hurts too much, they want "more" and that is not what the dumper usually wants.

October 2, 2018

Well it seems like this guy is mr. “right now” rather than mr. right considering he doesn’t have a high school diploma and no trade etc. we are both from well off families so once the sparks dissipate it is highly unlikely she will want to pursue this long term. Also I forgot to mention she texted me after our call asking how my semester was going etc. I just replied “good take care”. Why reach out if she has a new bf and is “extremely happy”.

Because she is young and inexperienced when it comes to navigating break-ups. This is new territory for her too, and she doesn't yet get that trying to be friendly with you is giving you the wrong idea. She doesn't want to feel guilty and she doesn't want you to dislike her, so she tosses some "amicable" breadcrumbs your way sometimes.

Whether or not her new boyfriend is Mr. Right Now and totally wrong for her is beside the point, ultimately. She was detached enough from you to follow her desire to experiment and explore. She wanted to see what else is out there, and she will probably meet a few duds along the way. The point is that she is not finished dating around and meeting new guys.

October 2, 2018

Why reach out if she has a new bf and is “extremely happy”.

Two words.

Morbid curiosity.

Why do people slow down to look at a car wreck? They want to see the blood and gore even if it grosses them out. They certainly don't want to be IN the car.

October 2, 2018

Two words.

Morbid curiosity.

Why do people slow down to look at a car wreck? They want to see the blood and gore even if it grosses them out. They certainly don't want to be IN the car.

“Morbid Curiosity”

You’re kind of a d*** dude. As far as she and our mutual friends know, I got a promotion and got ripped since the break up. Not really much of a car wreck. Besides, she’s driving in a 1995 corolla now if we’re still following this analogy lol. Appreciate your take though.

October 2, 2018

Well it seems like this guy is mr. “right now” rather than mr. right considering he doesn’t have a high school diploma and no trade etc. we are both from well off families so once the sparks dissipate it is highly unlikely she will want to pursue this long term.

You don't want to believe it but she's with him. Why do you want someone who obviously doesn't want you?

Also I forgot to mention she texted me after our call asking how my semester was going etc. I just replied “good take care”. Why reach out if she has a new bf and is “extremely happy”.

Just breadcrumbs. Pretty typical actually. They all do this. Nothing special here.

Make no mistake this is a part of who she is. Being in denials won't help you.

October 3, 2018

You don't want to believe it but she's with him. Why do you want someone who obviously doesn't want you?

I would pay an absurd amount of money to find the answer to this question. I don’t know why, and I don’t want to want her anymore. I just picture spending the holidays without her and this new guy being my replacement at her family party and it makes me feel sick. If I could let her go right now I would. Logically, I know she’s not coming back and I’m mostly okay with it. A small part of me is clinging onto hope for dear life for god knows why and it’s making this process harder than it needs to be. Like the tittle of this thread suggests: my gut keeps telling me this is just a phase and she will realize the relationship was amazing and she took it for granted. As they say on LS I will move on while waiting I guess.

October 3, 2018

“Morbid Curiosity”

You’re kind of a d*** dude. As far as she and our mutual friends know, I got a promotion and got ripped since the break up. Not really much of a car wreck. Besides, she’s driving in a 1995 corolla now if we’re still following this analogy lol. Appreciate your take though.

OP, you completely misunderstood this poster's point.

The point is not that you are a car wreck. Obviously, you are not. The point is that is people are naturally curious, even when they don't want to be directly involved in the situation. Your ex is curious about what you're up to, but it doesn't mean she wants to get back together. It's normal to wonder how someone you were once close to is doing.

The most important thing is that you don't interpret it a sign that she will come back.

October 3, 2018

I would pay an absurd amount of money to find the answer to this question.

Save yourself a fortune. You want her because you are in love with her

October 3, 2018

OP, you completely misunderstood this poster's point.

The point is not that you are a car wreck. Obviously, you are not. The point is that is people are naturally curious, even when they don't want to be directly involved in the situation. Your ex is curious about what you're up to, but it doesn't mean she wants to get back together. It's normal to wonder how someone you were once close to is doing.

The most important thing is that you don't interpret it a sign that she will come back.

ExpatInItaly,

Thank you for your kindness. You are very elegant with your words and I understand now. I’ve seen the above poster on other threads reply in this kind of brutal manner to others. Thank you for your advice.

October 3, 2018

I have a similar story https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/661687-6-years-gone-gigs#post7615286. What it helped me after 3 months were MGTOW videos, corey wayne and other dating coaches and hodgetwins, google their ex came back videos, it might hurt you at first, but you will get the point.

I know that i have been wrong, putting her on a pedestal and now im back to being a bad boy and having so many dates that some i forget about, some even have boyfriends and im experimenting to see what i learned and its true and the guys are all good guys who put them on pedestal same like we did. They get bored of that and only will remember when they will be hurt or get mature enough, even if before they were in a sense. For example i had butterflies for a girl and i didnt knew why i felt that, now i realise, things like honeymoon etc and stages of love.

Ofc there are some girls who are different, but mostly in West and especially US some are deeply affected by feminism and other things compared with Eastern Europe, but same for men who are into polygamous, while women hypergamous and would monkey branch to another guy. Though in our cases they downgraded and karma already is at the door of my ex. Its because of her emotional imaturity from what i understood from her words and most likely her butterflies for another dude, now giving up on all the things she loved. I mean its better to gather tomatoes in Italy than being a medic lmao.

Almost all my friends at 25 are married by now and some with kids, but i swear im having my own crazy thing going at the moment and i want to experience and marry at 30, now i want to party and live my life like its the last moment.

And im having such a blast that only sometimes at home i think of my ex, i want her to be happy, but i dont want to see her as even looking at her pics make me angry and disgusted. Even if she would come now, i dont want her at the moment as im having my own thing like i said. I also have a backup plan to marry some cute country girl of 18 if needed as here they are into having familly and kids, but also dont aim high like city girls. Also i can have a stable career in secret services, but i feel like going as flight attendant to visit the world and have fun. It will get better once you go out and socialize, at first its hard, but im back to being the old me, before being transformed into a good guy by my ex, just to get bored of me after lmao. Love yourself bro. Its her loss and like you i too know she will come back, but lets be honest, the trust its lost and she would have to do everything to even come closer to the old relationship, so dont even focus on it.

Edited October 3, 2018 by MichaelD

October 3, 2018

I have a similar story https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/661687-6-years-gone-gigs#post7615286. What it helped me after 3 months were MGTOW videos, corey wayne and other dating coaches and hodgetwins, google their ex came back videos, it might hurt you at first, but you will get the point.

You sound like a legend dude good job! I actually have been watching Corey Wayne everyday and it has helped me in the “pickup game”. However, I realized after a few months of meaningless sex, flings, hookups, etc. that it made me feel worse each time and I was chasing validation in other people wanting to sleep with me rather than trying to heal.

MGTOW videos, I think, are a little misguided and kinda the male version of feminism. Women suck when they are young. Men suck when they are young. People suck when they are young. We shouldn’t punish other girls and treat them like dirt just because we were hurt.

But it sounds like you’re moving on with your life and getting your sh** together, and I applaud you for that. If hooking up with girls is helping you, then all the power to you.

I think the ex back videos lead a lot of people into false hope, even if you feel they come back, you can’t look for your story in someone else’s story. Keep up the excellent success bro, we’re in this together. Like my high school football coach would say: become 1% better everyday.

October 3, 2018

Save yourself a fortune. You want her because you are in love with her

Do you think the new guy is a rebound based on my information? I don’t think she left me for him but she met him a few days after when out with her friends.

October 4, 2018

Do you think the new guy is a rebound based on my information? I don’t think she left me for him but she met him a few days after when out with her friends.

That depends what you mean by rebound.

Will he be her next serious boyfriend? Probably not. It's more likely that she's just having her fun now and seeing what else is on the market.

Did she turn to him to ease her sadness about the break-up and fill the void left by you? Also, probably not. She had been indirectly signalling that she was edging towards a break-up, which means she was mentally checking out already. The grieving process is very different for the dumpee, who is often blindsided and doesn't want to break up. The dumper, however, had been emotionally preparing for it, even if they don't consciously recognize it.

Even if they don't last, it doesn't necessarily mean she will come back. That sometimes happens, but what I have seen (more often than not) is that the dumper often leaves again when the next interesting prospect comes into the picture. This happens because they just don't have the same interest in their exes they once did, so it doesn't take much to turn their heads again and leave. The likelihood of a long-lasting relationship here is made even more slim by the fact that you're both still in your teens. There is so much growing and changing ahead of both of you that you likely won't even care what she's up to anymore in the next year or two.

October 4, 2018

Do you think the new guy is a rebound based on my information? I don’t think she left me for him but she met him a few days after when out with her friends.

I dont know mate. Some people say that if there is no time between relationships then its a rebound. Whether she was over you when she left you we dont know. She says she is now and that she sees no future. Will she wake up in a few months and think wtf have i done. Again we dont know. Pretty certain her new guy wont be around for ever id say you could bet your life on that.

My ex changed in the last 3 weeks of our relationship. I can see now she was provoking arguments. Then we split. She could not give me a reason for leaving me. I asked her was there anyone else she said no. Even though i knew she was close to one of my friends who she is now with.

She told me she needed " find herself"

My ex has never shut me down. Shes never said its 100% over. 3 weeks ago she told me she was torn between me and the new guy. That she still has all her feelings for me. But didnt want to be with me right now. Whether or not she means this and is genuinely confused about her feelings, or is playing games to keep me on the hook i just dont know. Im not waiting thats for sure

I made a thread posing as the new guy heres what people said.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/664449-situation

October 4, 2018

I dont know mate. Some people say that if there is no time between relationships then its a rebound. Whether she was over you when she left you we dont know. She says she is now and that she sees no future. Will she wake up in a few months and think wtf have i done. Again we dont know. Pretty certain her new guy wont be around for ever id say you could bet your life on that.

My ex changed in the last 3 weeks of our relationship. I can see now she was provoking arguments. Then we split. She could not give me a reason for leaving me. I asked her was there anyone else she said no. [/url]

Sounds like we’re in similar situations mate. I guess I can’t believe she could have an honest genuine connection with someone else right after our departure. She was honestly obsessed with me for most of the relationship and even if feelings faded towards the end one would think she would still have to mourn the loss of someone so dear to her before starting another committed relashionship. Even towards the end when she was distanced we were still two peas in a pod so I feel like it does have to do with filling some kind of void because I was her whole world for years. Maybe it’s the ego talking? If she doesn’t see a future with me I’m ceartain she absolutely doesn’t see one with this guy based on his life choices. Time will tell.

October 4, 2018

More than likely she was infatuated with the new guy rather than being in love after only a short period.

I very much doubt they will grow old together by what you have said.

She said shes over you. Well she either is or just thinks she is or is just saying she is. Funny she blew up social media with pictures of herself and her new guy after telling you she was over you? Is she trying to prove to you shes over you or herself?

My ex was literally ALL OVER ME during april. Like blowing up my phone all the time. Within 5 weeks she had left me and was in bed with someone else.

I cannot see how she would fall out of love in just this small window of time

I understand looking back that i had made mistakes but she never mentioned anything to me. She told me she was " so so so so so happy" so i really couldnt see how id know i was doing anything wrong.

I know exactly how you feel. Everything was going good and it just evaporated into thin air in no time. What bothers me is how im going to put faith in someone again after seeing how fast it can go wrong

Edited October 4, 2018 by an0nym0us123

October 4, 2018

Sounds like we’re in similar situations mate. I guess I can’t believe she could have an honest genuine connection with someone else right after our departure. She was honestly obsessed with me for most of the relationship and even if feelings faded towards the end one would think she would still have to mourn the loss of someone so dear to her before starting another committed relashionship. Even towards the end when she was distanced we were still two peas in a pod so I feel like it does have to do with filling some kind of void because I was her whole world for years. Maybe it’s the ego talking? If she doesn’t see a future with me I’m ceartain she absolutely doesn’t see one with this guy based on his life choices. Time will tell.

On the surface, these are contradictory ideas, so I'm curious - how were you still good partners when she was pulling away from you?

October 4, 2018

More than likely she was infatuated with the new guy rather than being in love after only a short period.

She said shes over you. Well she either is or just thinks she is or is just saying she is. Funny she blew up social media with pictures of herself and her new guy after telling you she was over you? Is she trying to prove to you shes over you or herself?

I do believe she is infatuated with this new guy. He is originally friends with her best friend who leads the same lifestyle as him. Funny thing is, her best friend broke up with her boyfriend of 3 months because she wanted to experience new things. One week later... we were broken up. She is very easily manipulated by her new friend and their connection wasn’t even close to ours based on interacting with them etc.

The pictures she posted weren’t really special or flattering to either of them. Just a mirror pic in bummy clothes. This was posted a day after I blocked her. It seems to me she’s trying to convince herself she doesn’t care and has fully moved on but I know her so well that likely it is impossible based on how big a chunk of her life I was.

October 4, 2018

On the surface, these are contradictory ideas, so I'm curious - how were you still good partners when she was pulling away from you?

When she asked for space, I gave it and she would come back. Example) she would pull back, so I would pull back, and she would push. We still went to events and parties together where she would be very affectionate and we would still talk for hours and flirt like we first met.

I can’t help but feeling like she cheated on me with this new guy and after that she went distant, cold, told me I deserved better with tears in her eyes but wouldn’t tell me why. Maybe she adopted this new lifestyle to numb pain? She also refused to have sex the last week we were together. She told our friends that she thinks I would never take her back to which I didn’t respond when they asked. My friends say that maybe she doesn’t want to see me because she knows she still has feelings for me and if she sees me it will hard to be cold and her feelings will surface.( we haven’t seen each other since the breakup.)

October 4, 2018

It sounds like you did what i did. I felt my ex becoming distant so i did the same. Basically mirrored her behaviour. I thought it would have gotten her attention but it didnt seem to work.

She claimed when we broke up that she didnt feel wanted and that i wasnt interested in her. So maybe me going distant was not the best thing but thats what is suggested.

I was seeing her less and less. So i just made my self busy with work. I did not chase even though i knew things were off. She was texting my friend a lot. But i did not say anything as i thought it would look like i was insecure. And shed known him and had been friends with him for ages so i tried not to over think things but i guess i should have. Like you i wonder if she cheated. If she did im 100% done with her and she knows that i wont stand cheating.

I got the "you can do better than me" "i dont deserve you" a few weeks after breaking up. Guilt?

I saw my ex in at the bar she was with her new bf. I kept catching her looking at me. So i decided to show some power and just made and held eye contact. She imeadiately put her head down. Guilt?

We can only assume they are not coming back. And move on. Maybe when she sees you with a new gf you will finally get her attention?

October 4, 2018

Do you think the new guy is a rebound based on my information? I don’t think she left me for him but she met him a few days after when out with her friends.

When a person leaves a relationship but has not processed the end of that relationship and starts dating, then that is a rebound relationship.

Dumpees tend to do this, they grab the first person around to get over their heart ache. They slot the new person into the old slot pretty quickly.

The new person gets treated like their old love and the new person is thus loved and adored, that is until the hurt dumpee wakes up and realises the new person is not their old love, just a stand in and so they then dump the new person. Unfortunately the rebound tends to get very hurt.

Dumpers on the other hand tend to have processed the break up pretty well before they dropped the bombshell. They are often ready to move on and their next relationship does not tend to be a rebound.

As they are already over their ex, their next relationship can have the same chance of lasting as any other.

October 4, 2018

Dumpers on the other hand tend to have processed the break up pretty well before they dropped the bombshell. They are often ready to move on and their next relationship does not tend to be a rebound.
As they are already over their ex, their next relationship can have the same chance of lasting as any other.

I have found on LS, other forums, and ancecdotally from friends, that while the dumper thinks they have processed the breakup, they are never 100% certain. Furthermore, they can’t fully predict what they will feel after the relief period subsides/ after the honeymoon ends with ‘rebound’ or new relationship if you are opposed to calling it that. According to an article from Psycology today, a bad experience or experiences with new relationships after can still cause dumpers to realize what they had whether it is a rebound or not. There are different schools of thought on this topic I guess.

Many older girls I know did the same things my ex did, sowed their oats so to speak, and 6 months- a year later came crawling back as they realized they entered unfufilling relationships after they had the real deal.

October 4, 2018

So you actually want her back after she has "moved on", so to speak?

That wouldn't leave you wondering when it would happen again if she came back? Or you could just leave it in the pass and start over?

October 4, 2018

I have found on LS, other forums, and ancecdotally from friends, that while the dumper thinks they have processed the breakup, they are never 100% certain. Furthermore, they can’t fully predict what they will feel after the relief period subsides/ after the honeymoon ends with ‘rebound’ or new relationship if you are opposed to calling it that. According to an article from Psycology today, a bad experience or experiences with new relationships after can still cause dumpers to realize what they had whether it is a rebound or not. There are different schools of thought on this topic I guess.

Many older girls I know did the same things my ex did, sowed their oats so to speak, and 6 months- a year later came crawling back as they realized they entered unfufilling relationships after they had the real deal.

You are obviously very much hung up on this girl. I know how you feel as im in the same boat. You want her back but the moment you get that opportunity you will probably feel totally different.

I think you should view this as an opportunity to see what else is out there. You might well be sitting in a year with a new gf wondering why on earth did i put myself through all this torment. Because you may find something way better than you had.

October 4, 2018

You are obviously very much hung up on this girl. I know how you feel as im in the same boat. You want her back but the moment you get that opportunity you will probably feel totally different.

That’s probably true, separating what was and what is is very hard to do. I probably wouldnt be so hung up if she was honest and told me how she was feeling instead of just giving me a list of cliches. When we broke up I just told her to get out of my car when I got to her house even though she wanted to talk more and we didn’t even say goodbye. Dumb move on my part probably but she wasn’t giving me any real answers and kept insisting she still loved me and wanted me in her life and that she was just confused.

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Is This GIGS? My Gut Is Telling Me She Will Come Back But I’m Trying To Give Up Hope

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