6 years gone, Gigs?

[MichaelD]

Hello, so story short my ex GF (21 years) dumped me(24) last month out of the sudden, everything was fine before it. We were in long distance relation for 6 years, she lives in another town and i would visit her and stay at her parents house( they also met like this) , we had a great relationship and we were each other first relationship, we did everything except sex due to her wanting to lose it at marriage, she comes from a strict familly.

 

She just started medicine university and has been stressed alot and even failed an exam, now her parents have to pay the fees for this year and she doesnt want to burden them. We had some minor fights like couples and it was mostly because of her, as sometimes i would get pissed at her behaviour and not more than 5 minutes, she is very emotionally unstable, she was bullied when little also, i pulled her out of that when we first met and we influenced each other. her behaviour is that of getting very angry at minor things, like even chewing close to her lol, but most of the time i didnt cared as i love her, she was a great person and these things were minor to me. She would even cry back to me that she is sorry and that she cant stop it, she is the most stubborn person i know.

 

Three months ago we had the greatest holiday, we were so happy not to mention i was sick and i still have some symptoms, mainly due to stress and working to move with her, i couldnt keep a stable job and career due to having to go visit her for weeks, i even lost 1 year of university because of it.

 

Last month she drops the bomb on me, she texted me that we need to talk, that she thought alot about it and that this wont work and that she doesnt love me anymore, even though 2 months before she was super happy and was planning alot of stuff for us and to stay at me for some months and me moving with her in the city in winter.

 

Her reason for not loving me anymore was a thing of the past i did when i was still a kid and she was so mature like an adult, i basically was needy with her and i asked her to spend more time with me than going outside too much, she only had two friends and she did the same to me, while i lost all my friends for her, it was a childish thing of me, but it was mutual and since then i changed alot even after she confessed to me that she wanted more freedom, i was ok with it.

 

I apologized and begged for her that we can make things work, but nothing she said she is ”mature” now, i even laughed at it and that she wants something else, doesnt want familly and kids anymore, even though she wanted and wanted to marry me, in our minds we were already engaged, she started drinking, changed her music style to that she hated, that teens of 14 years listens, she started smoking and now that i think about it she started at least some time ago as she wanted to see me smoking, but was afraid to tell me, she said now she is bisexual and happy to say it, like i would have killed her if she told me lol, she has a group of friends out of nowhere. She also smoked weed, exactly the things she hated, she told me this because ”she trusts me” lol, said i know im doing bad things , but at least im happy, She gave me songs with love is dead etc, not drinking and smoking kills me, but love bla bla.

 

After the break up i talked with a female friend, of old age and she told me she is immature and thats not the reason and she did it too before and she regrets it, but she got back to her ex and married.The reason? She fell for someone else, after first days of brake up this will be confirmed from her own mouth, that she has feelings for someone else and came involuntarly, i suspect the butterflies, which i had too for other girls but never gave in, especially to beautiful girls who they also liked me, could have slept with so many, not to mention the lack of sex which she didnt gave to me as i respected her wish, i cant even believe it now that i think of it. She was even shocked that men give her attention now and teased me as look not only you get attention from women now.

 

I still maintain low contact with her mainly because i still love her but most important care for her, i have mixed feelings of love, hate and disgust, betrayal etc, as of now i could take her back, but i will be honest and virginity is a problem as i also kept myself for her as i promised her and i always respect my promises and loyalty, but if she was to lose it and come back idk , as she cucked me for 6 years now to give it to someone else hurts my pride and i feel that i wasnt worth it and second choice for her, despite all i did for her, i even wanted to work to pay her university so that she wouldnt cry anymore, i havent told her. The irony of fate is that i was the bad guy before and turned into a good guy, i used to play with women and dump them, but wouldnt step so low as to sleep with them, as a kid i found them stupid, sorry if it sounds sexist, but it was what i was thinking.

 

Now im getting my friends back and rebuilding myself, gym, planning to follow my dreams, probably even joining secret services and so on, my friends arent the best influence( due to gangsters), but they always been there for me and so my familly. I learned alot and that is to never put a woman on a pedestal, as she is not happy with neither, good guys, finish last, so its her mother who she follows her behaviour and always took her anger on me as a guest in their home, no surprise her father cheated her mom, he was the one who always took my back in the home against the mom. On skype she told me maybe she will see me in at least 1 year, as if i come now at her door she will call the cops, i also made her angry on skype 3 times, but she didnt deleted me, though now she is going even lower contact, probably because of her new love.

 

I wont even tell father the reason of brake up or he would kick her out and i still care for her. I also hate her for me building walls in me when i will be with another woman, as i dont want to experience this pain again, i will love the woman, but never on the same level at her, as sadly she will always have a piece of my heart, also i feel like i lost 6 years of my life, when i could have done alot of things. Now she told me she is at sea and funny she was pissed when i did a tattoo and called me idiot and that she doesnt likes tattoos haha. I wonder if one day she will look in the mirror and realise, how she changed herself also. If any updates i will post, I wait for the honeymoon period to end and her university to start again, lets see how he handles her, If he does, im happy for her, sorry for my english, its not my first language.

Edited August 5, 2018 by MichaelD

[ExpatInItaly]

She outgrew your relationship, as often happens with teenage loves.

 

She was a kid when she started dating you, has never experienced anyone else, and is moving into a different phase of her life. It doesn't mean you lost 6 years; saying that would indicate that any relationship that doesn't result in marriage is a waste, which is simply not true. You have learned a lot from this, mainly not to completely give up your own life for a significant other. Losing a year of university and giving up all your friends for her was a big mistake, though it appears you realize that now.

 

I don't think it's fair to say you were "cucked" for 6 years, though. Not only is that not what "cuck" means (as I assume she wasn't having sex with anyone else either) but you also had a choice. You didn't have to stay when you knew she wasn't going to have sex with you. You can't be angry at her for that. The door was always open for you to move on to someone who wasn't waiting for marriage.

 

What she does now is her business, though you may not agree with her choices. I agree she does sound quite immature, but that's not too unusual for someone her age. She is discovering herself and what she wants and is ready to close that chapter of her life. It's not impossible that she will be back, but it's more likely that you will both move on.

[Marc878]

Hello, so story short my ex GF (21 years) dumped me(24) last month out of the sudden, everything was fine before it. We were in long distance relation for 6 years, she lives in another town and i would visit her and stay at her parents house( they also met like this) , we had a great relationship and we were each other first relationship, we did everything except sex due to her wanting to lose it at marriage, she comes from a strict familly.

 

Everything was not fine. You were blind

 

She just started medicine university and has been stressed alot and even failed an exam, now her parents have to pay the fees for this year and she doesnt want to burden them. We had some minor fights like couples and it was mostly because of her, as sometimes i would get pissed at her behaviour and not more than 5 minutes, she is very emotionally unstable, she was bullied when little also, i pulled her out of that when we first met and we influenced each other. her behaviour is that of getting very angry at minor things, like even chewing close to her lol, but most of the time i didnt cared as i love her, she was a great person and these things were minor to me. She would even cry back to me that she is sorry and that she cant stop it, she is the most stubborn person i know.

 

Making excuse for her will get you what?

 

Three months ago we had the greatest holiday, we were so happy not to mention i was sick and i still have some symptoms, mainly due to stress and working to move with her, i couldnt keep a stable job and career due to having to go visit her for weeks, i even lost 1 year of university because of it.

 

Big mistake putting her life over yours

 

Last month she drops the bomb on me, she texted me that we need to talk, that she thought alot about it and that this wont work and that she doesnt love me anymore, even though 2 months before she was super happy and was planning alot of stuff for us and to stay at me for some months and me moving with her in the city in winter.

 

Probably met someone else. That's usually what happens

 

Her reason for not loving me anymore was a thing of the past i did when i was still a kid and she was so mature like an adult, i basically was needy with her and i asked her to spend more time with me than going outside too much, she only had two friends and she did the same to me, while i lost all my friends for her, it was a childish thing of me, but it was mutual and since then i changed alot even after she confessed to me that she wanted more freedom, i was ok with it.

 

Excuse to dump you. Anything will do in these cases

 

I apologized and begged for her that we can make things work, but nothing she said she is ”mature” now, i even laughed at it and that she wants something else, doesnt want familly and kids anymore, even though she wanted and wanted to marry me, in our minds we were already engaged, she started drinking, changed her music style to that she hated, that teens of 14 years listens, she started smoking and now that i think about it she started at least some time ago as she wanted to see me smoking, but was afraid to tell me, she said now she is bisexual and happy to say it, like i would have killed her if she told me lol, she has a group of friends out of nowhere. She also smoked weed, exactly the things she hated, she told me this because ”she trusts me” lol, said i know im doing bad things , but at least im happy, She gave me songs with love is dead etc, not drinking and smoking kills me, but love blah bio

 

The old beg, plead and cry routine. It just makes you look weak and pathetic. Worst thing you could've done.

 

 

 

I still maintain low contact with her mainly because i still love her but most important care for her, i have mixed feelings of love, hate and disgust, betrayal etc, as of now i could take her back, but i will be honest and virginity is a problem as i also kept myself for her as i promised her and i always respect my promises and loyalty, but if she was to lose it and come back idk , as she cucked me for 6 years now to give it to someone else hurts my pride and i feel that i wasnt worth it and second choice for her, despite all i did for her, i even wanted to work to pay her university so that she wouldnt cry anymore, i havent told her. The irony of fate is that i was the bad guy before and turned into a good guy, i used to play with women and dump them, but wouldnt step so low as to sleep with them, as a kid i found them stupid, sorry if it sounds sexist, but it was what i was thinking.

 

More weak and pathetic behavior on your part. You are just making yourself look even worse in her eyes.

 

Now im getting my friends back and rebuilding myself, gym, planning to follow my dreams, probably even joining secret services and so on, my friends arent the best influence( due to gangsters), but they always been there for me and so my familly. I learned alot and that is to never put a woman on a pedestal, as she is not happy with neither, good guys, finish last, so its her mother who she follows her behaviour and always took her anger on me as a guest in their home, no surprise her father cheated her mom, he was the one who always took my back in the home against the mom. On skype she told me maybe she will see me in at least 1 year, as if i come now at her door she will call the cops, i also made her angry on skype 3 times, but she didnt deleted me, though now she is going even lower contact, probably because of her new love.

 

Your needy clingy can't let go behavior gets you what?

 

I wont even tell father the reason of brake up or he would kick her out and i still care for her. I also hate her for me building walls in me when i will be with another woman, as i dont want to experience this pain again, i will love the woman, but never on the same level at her, as sadly she will always have a piece of my heart, also i feel like i lost 6 years of my life, when i could have done alot of things. Now she told me she is at sea and funny she was pissed when i did a tattoo and called me idiot and that she doesnt likes tattoos haha. I wonder if one day she will look in the mirror and realise, how she changed herself also. If any updates i will post, I wait for the honeymoon period to end and her university to start again, lets see how he handles her, If he does, im happy for her, sorry for my english, its not my first language.

 

You need a hard no contact. Get strong and stay there. You are like a lurking pest that won't go away. I suspect she'll do the blocking next since you can't leave her alone.

 

Being a hopium addict wont get you a thing. It'll just put you in worse shape.

 

Women can smell needy guys a mile away. You need to grow up and fix yourself for your next relationship or you'll likely get a repeat

[MichaelD]

She is the one initiating the contact actually, she created the skype specially for it, i also agree due to only caring for her, the rest behaviour of me was due to the moment and the feelings i had back then. It actually wont affect me being as friends, even if she ****ed up, if she would come back i wont accept her that easily either without solving the initial problems and lack of trust. I also wont wait but move forward, if it is to be then so, if not its okay, just waiting for the depression to pass. If i know she is ok, it will let me move faster. She also has some health problems and i dont want to blame myself later for not caring, how weak that might sound, i shared a tight bond with her. What im fascinating about is that 180 degree change, i read about it here too and seems identically.

[Marc878]

She is the one initiating the contact actually, she created the skype specially for it, i also agree due to only caring for her, the rest behaviour of me was due to the moment and the feelings i had back then. It actually wont affect me being as friends, even if she ****ed up, if she would come back i wont accept her that easily either without solving the initial problems and lack of trust. I also wont wait but move forward, if it is to be then so, if not its okay, just waiting for the depression to pass. If i know she is ok, it will let me move faster. She also has some health problems and i dont want to blame myself later for not caring, how weak that might sound, i shared a tight bond with her. What im fascinating about is that 180 degree change, i read about it here too and seems identically.

 

Just excuses to justify staying in this because you won't let go. She's told you and shown you she doesn't want you. You should believe her.

 

The only one keeping you in this is you.

 

Wake up

[Noproblem]

I am sorry about your breakup.

 

You need to end it all with her, no contact nothing.

 

You need to follow your dreams and try to be a successful man, leave any bad guy you called a friend behind!

 

That will only happen if you moved out to another place and started fresh even your Facebook should be new!

[ThreeRainbows]

I am sorry about your breakup.

 

You need to end it all with her, no contact nothing.

 

You need to follow your dreams and try to be a successful man, leave any bad guy you called a friend behind!

 

That will only happen if you moved out to another place and started fresh even your Facebook should be new!

 

 

I like this answer.

[MichaelD]

She messaged me again after a period saying ”Hi” late in the night, then vanished for some days and now asked me ”How are you?” and that she is super fine and hardly in house anymore, always out, i didnt answered and she was like ”whatever i have to go now, cya later”. Im waiting to leave the country soon then i will tell her some words to have my closure with her, i will feel better after and i will follow my dreams, already healing. I think she is giving the blame on me for her decision so that she feels better, i wont lie that i want to see her regret, how imature that might sound. Thank you guys for replies, who knows if we would probably get back together, but what i know its that i wont wait for her or if i will feel disgust for her in the future.

[ExpatInItaly]

You are dealing with a very immature girl, and her meaningless contacts now reflect that. This is typical when a dumper wants attention or to alleviate their guilt, but it doesn't mean something more.

 

Good for you for not waiting for her. There is someone much better out there for you.

[MichaelD]

Yeah she is being way too immature, despite her being more mature than me before, happy with her 360 change.

[MichaelD]

And she is back again with the ”Hello” this time we talked alot, she kinda message me weekly, doing a sort of low contact herself. As i said we talked till she told me she is always busy and then i asked her ”doing what” , like she asked me, she then refused to answer and that she is also doing very good like me. I do hope she doesnt do anything crazy with her new lifestyle for her own sake.

 

Then she opens the subject again, that she is having someone else, i told her ”yea i know you left me for him” where she says thats false, that she got with him after we broke up and didnt want relationships anymore ( after 2 days lmao) , i have read enough stuff here to know she already met this guy before and had butterflies making her question love and our relationship. Honestly didnt even hurt me anymore talking about that someone, she already did the damage.

 

After she tells me, ”maybe i should not talk to you anymore so you can move on”, i told her that it doesnt matters as i would care for her anyways as a person and that she doesn understands love. Which honestly pisses me off given how she moved so fast (again suggesting she wanted to monkey branch) not having to cope with the brake up and that is simple to do it and i should do, even though she always come back to message me

 

I then ask her ”so arent you going to keep your friendship request either?” , she then told me ”well at that time i didnt had this someone” (most likely wanted to keep me as an emotional tampon or backup), she has this aggresive vibe towards me from her, like im to blame, she said the reason for brake up was that she couldnt keep her real person inside no more, even though i didnt cared and told her didnt you saw that? She replied ”well now its too late for it” and ”hmm should i delete your or no?” ; i honestly told her she can do what she wants.

 

After that she starts to talk normal again and show me funny videos :lmao:, then i drop the bomb and tell her i have to go out with stuff and we will talk later, two can play this game, honestly she started to even amuse me with this behaviour. I think she comes talk with me when she feels lonely as i was always for her , even if long distance.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why do you even both talking to her anymore?

 

She wipes her feet all over you, man.

[MichaelD]

A little update: I have went no contact, went to parties and hit hard on girls, it was very nice, though this got me into women hypergamy nature, as i got many girls wanting to monkey branch to me, just because im a jerk and they seem to like that and most of them told me their long boyfriends are boring lmao, too bad for them im not that stupid. But was doing good till i receive several calls at 8 am, i call back to see who it is and guess what?

 

They always come back lmao, but only wanted me to be her emotional tampon again, i didnt even feel affected and let her talk mostly, tipical talk about her and questions on how i do and that i should get a gf, i tell her i got to go and done. Next morning she calls again , i told her im busy as i was indeed, she kept insisting, which made me angry, she was acting like she was still my gf and best buds, then i find from her she wants to go in another country and quit medicine school, for which she worked so hard and she loved it, i kept motivating her before to follow her dreams lmao and now shee quits this too, i knew before she loves to give up, which was a red flag, but i was too blind.

 

Finnaly she says will be honest and admit her new bf for which im quite sure she left me for, has a an apartment in another country. This was enough to ruin my recovery process and felt terible and angry, she even said i should be happy for her and not hate her and somehow act like best buds LOL.

 

I cant believe what she does for him an moving on so fast, just because of her stupid butterflies, she probably not a virgin anymore too, funny thingg she comes at me for support, i told her to **** off at that dude for it, maybe he puts her into prostitution there, cant believe how stupid she is for a dude she met barely 3 months or 4-5 given she probably this was going behind my back, at least emotionally cheating. I get a feeling she will regret it so bad, cant believe how immature and selfish individual she is now, old her would probably spit her in the face. She really needs to be dumped to mature about other people feelings.

 

My advice to other people its to follow what they say here about no contact, they are not worthy the time and if they do come back you should probably try when you are over it, though mostly they come for other reasons, but by then you probably wouldnt feel attraction for them anymore, plus the lost of trust. Thank you guys btw.

[Marc878]

No contact works only if you apply it.

[elaine567]

Dumpers are usually well past the grieving, upset, undecided, depressed stage before they dump you.

They will have spent a long time thinking about it before pulling the plug. Even if it seemed like a "spur of the moment" decision, it probably wasn't.

 

Dumpers are thus ready to move on pretty quickly.

They often have someone else, have someone else in mind, or have "plans" for their life that do not include you.

 

Dumpers, unless you have been cruel and abusive, do not hate you, they may even still love you, but see no future with you.

 

Dumpers will often place you in the friend zone fast.

They want to hang out, they want to find out what you are up to, to make sure you are OK, so they do not feel so guilty for "ruining your life". They may genuinely just want to be your friend.

 

Dumpers do not usually want you back, not really... they may have weak moments but usually come back to their senses, leaving you all depressed and grieving... again...

 

Dumpers rarely regret what they did to you, so best not to spend days. weeks, months, years hoping that they will...

[Mardelis]

No contact works only if you apply it.

 

 

If you apply it for the right reasons. It's not a tool to win the person back it's to help you move on with your own life.

[MichaelD]

Sadly i cant change my number, but we solve it today once and for all. She called me again like 7 times, i answered and told her why she keeps doing it and she said she also wanted to tell me this that friendship wont work and we should say goodbye forever for the good of both of us.

 

I already expected this from reading stuff as they say that to feel less guilty and to keep as option. She said she never cheated or left me for someone else, but she was in a new relationship less than 1 week. Her words value nothing as she didnt kept her promises, even made me promise knowing i always kept mine and was one of my morals, to not look for her anymore, even though she looked for me.

 

And i do feel hate for her, for making me waste 6 years of sacrifice on someone who was not worth it and who became too immature and probably always hidden narcisist. We talked after randomly and both of us felt in trap and laughed etc like we were still together, but she probably as she said wants something different, most likely a bad boy, little she know im back at it and worse, seems girls really love it, most regret after when they get older and hit the wall and want to settle and cry for good guys. There are ofc girls who arent like that, like one i met today and complimented after she told a girl who got slapped and dumped by her bf in public that she deserves it, for they choose them in the first place.

 

Now i move on and more motivated than ever to improve myself, she said she learned alot from this relationship, idk what, but i for sure learnt betrayal and to love myself and never put somebody else on pedestal. I dont care if she comes back in the future, she made her bed. And as a guy said. If a woman is not willing to give her best when she was young, dont take her back in your golden years. Its a shame though, she felt prey to influence and her new friends, but proved she didnt loved me enough.