Amethyst68 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Hi Nikki So if you are saying you and your husband didn't get married for love only for visa issues, to allow you to live in the same country, then what's stopping you sitting him down and letting him knew what's going on in his life? After all if what you say is true then this is the one time then you could make the the argument about a marriage licence only bubble a piece of paper with no other meaning attached to it. Don't you think it's time you let your husband have the knowledge to make an informed choice in hid own life? At the moment you have all the power, are making the unilateral decisions and are still unhappy. You don't need to stay married but what the hell gives you the right to think it's your sole decision to make the choice? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Personally, I think you really messed up. You’re being too hard on your husband about the job issue and I have to wonder why you didn’t move to where he was if he had a secure job in his own country. Not having work is a huge blow to men. Other than the drinking issue, he sounds like a pretty good guy. And if you guys have funds to go on vacations, then you can’t be hurting that badly. Well, it’s too late to rewind your actions. And now you’ve lied to the other guy. None of this bodes well but the worst is, you betrayed your spouse. If nothing else, I hope you’ve learned from this. That’s not the way to treat a decent man, even if you don’t want to be with him anymore. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 Personally, I think you really messed up. You’re being too hard on your husband about the job issue and I have to wonder why you didn’t move to where he was if he had a secure job in his own country. Not having work is a huge blow to men. Other than the drinking issue, he sounds like a pretty good guy. And if you guys have funds to go on vacations, then you can’t be hurting that badly. Well, it’s too late to rewind your actions. And now you’ve lied to the other guy. None of this bodes well but the worst is, you betrayed your spouse. If nothing else, I hope you’ve learned from this. That’s not the way to treat a decent man, even if you don’t want to be with him anymore. Hear, Hear, What she said. Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 op, take a deep breath and try to find your centre. You will get through this, but if you don;t mind a word of advice, your first step should be to accept responsibility for your actions. I know that sounds trite, but it can be really freeing. Once one admits to making poor choices, it frees them to earn from them so they don't make them again. If you don't love your husband in a romantic way, I would advise taking a bit o time to get your thoughts together. Write them all out if you need to get further clarity. Once you feel you are ready, sit down with your husband somewhere neutral like a cafe, park or some other public place and hash it all out with him. Be completely honest about cheating, how you feel and what you intend to do. DOn't give him false hope, as that's cruel. Also, I would suggest you speak to a counselor, not to save your relationship ( if that's not what you want) but to help the two of you "uncouple". Link to post Share on other sites
overtherainbow1 Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 op, take a deep breath and try to find your centre. You will get through this, but if you don;t mind a word of advice, your first step should be to accept responsibility for your actions. I know that sounds trite, but it can be really freeing. Once one admits to making poor choices, it frees them to earn from them so they don't make them again. If you don't love your husband in a romantic way, I would advise taking a bit o time to get your thoughts together. Write them all out if you need to get further clarity. Once you feel you are ready, sit down with your husband somewhere neutral like a cafe, park or some other public place and hash it all out with him. Be completely honest about cheating, how you feel and what you intend to do. DOn't give him false hope, as that's cruel. Also, I would suggest you speak to a counselor, not to save your relationship ( if that's not what you want) but to help the two of you "uncouple". I like this advice. And if you do this, everything is going to seem different. In what ways? No one knows... The truth is freeing, and you will be mentally and emotionally handcuffed in many ways by continuing the lies. Either path is going to be hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Corazon de Leon Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 From what you’ve written, you’ve started out by lying about your marital status. Is he interested in starting a relationship with a married woman? Maybe you should ask him. Do you know how long it takes to get a divorce in the U.K.? I don’t but have read here and elsewhere that it takes awhile. Will he wait for you during the legal delay period? Your H’s immigration status is another concern. Will he be deported if divorced? Is that what he wants? If he is subject to deportation does he have any continuing ties there that will let him get his feet earlier than simply being dumped at customs? If you tell all to both, you may find yourself in the position of being dumped by two men at the same time. Are you prepared for that? I echo this. Tell BOTH your H and the OM asap because neither of them "know" you and your capacity for deceit. TBH I doubt you know yourself. These men "love" a mirage. PLENTY of men will dump a WW and PLENTY would never want to marry a woman who lied so badly at the onset of the relationship. Neither man can trust you. Divorce your betrayed husband so he can go home and live a happy life. Far better weather and beaches! Less reason for gaming lol. Your complaints about your husband range from justified ie excessive drinking as I assume you are a tea totaller? Otherwise that's a "do as I say (or think but not tell you) but not as I do" paradigm. And you appear to contradict yourself by other complaints ie you think walking in the park is boring but walking along the beach is what would make you happy. Really?? Wow. I don't fancy that any man would be able to read your mind being it changing ironically at whim. At this point your husband who repeatedly worships the ground you walk on is being a dirty door mat unbeknownst to him. Big girl panties on. Fess up to both men. And while you're on the subject tell BH to get an STD check, his life could depend upon it. Corazon de Leon Link to post Share on other sites
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