confused83 Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 Long story short we've been dating for almost 2 months. We where already discussing the things you do when its going well, future, and we where all over each other. Now we made plans for tonight but ive not heard from her in 2 days. So i text how im looking forward to tonight, she replied 'sorry cant come im busy, can tomorrow if you want though?' Now im kind of in 2 minds, do i just say 'yeah that's fine let me know' which plays it cool but also shows her that im fine with being let down last minute when wed made plans. Or do i say what i really feel which is annoyed that she didnt just let me know beforehand. As im not Sure she'd of even said anything if i didnt ask.
lindt1111 Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 I appreciate your peed off I would be too but then again you dont know what has been going on that caused he to cancel and be quiet. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and accept her offer to meet tomorrow and go with it. If she meets great see how things go if she doesnt then you have your answer
Author confused83 Posted September 28, 2018 Author Posted September 28, 2018 I appreciate your peed off I would be too but then again you dont know what has been going on that caused he to cancel and be quiet. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and accept her offer to meet tomorrow and go with it. If she meets great see how things go if she doesnt then you have your answer Its just annoying because you dont want to say its fine... and then give the impression youre fine with being let down without warning. Ill leave it and see what tomorrow brings.
MidwestUSA Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 I appreciate your peed off I would be too but then again you dont know what has been going on that caused he to cancel and be quiet. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and accept her offer to meet tomorrow and go with it. If she meets great see how things go if she doesnt then you have your answer Agree. At least she offered the next day as an alternative. If she had left it open ended, I'd go dark. Maybe there's something big going on in her life - give her a chance to explain. The two month mark is about where someone would be comfortable enough, right or wrong, to blow you off in this way. If you have to set higher expectations, now's the time to do it. But hear her out first. Good luck.
ChatroomHero Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 Its just annoying because you dont want to say its fine... and then give the impression youre fine with being let down without warning. Ill leave it and see what tomorrow brings. If I feel someone screwed me over and they ask if I am fine, telling them I am fine is a lie no matter which way I slice it. Someone that ignores a confirmation either way for a couple of days and then last minute cancels with no real reason, I would not be happy. At the very least you know she is not concerned with your time and not concerned with letting you know in a reasonable time if she cannot make it. You know had you not reached out again today, she probably would have just no showed. You know now if she cancels in the future, she will not do it in a respectful time. What happens tomorrow? YOU will have to text her again to confirm when it is really on her to do so, otherwise she may or may not show up. If you say, "Sure, let's meet tomorrow", you know you will be texting her again tomorrow to "make sure". Maybe more than once. Maybe she won't answer until about the time you plan to meet. Frankly, I would respond to her by telling her to call you around 7pm or whenever you'll be ready tomorrow and if she is ready around then and you are still free, maybe you can do something. If I had to estimate, probably 5% of last minute cancellations for a date (no call or text by the offending party) are either legitimate or MAY be legitimate. When they are legit, the other party will not have an issue responding and taking the initiative to let you know before you have to ask. They will say things like...I am busy and prefer to cancel but will make it if you want...I am so sorry I didn't tell you sooner, if you can do tomorrow at 7pm, I'll buy dinner....etc. 1
Straya Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 Long story short we've been dating for almost 2 months. We where already discussing the things you do when its going well, future, and we where all over each other. Now we made plans for tonight but ive not heard from her in 2 days. So i text how im looking forward to tonight, she replied 'sorry cant come im busy, can tomorrow if you want though?' Now im kind of in 2 minds, do i just say 'yeah that's fine let me know' which plays it cool but also shows her that im fine with being let down last minute when wed made plans. Or do i say what i really feel which is annoyed that she didnt just let me know beforehand. As im not Sure she'd of even said anything if i didnt ask. Let it go once and see what excuse she offers. If it happens again, crucify her and don't stand for it. That's the mistake I made...I was late to identify that she was flaking on me. I just posted this a couple of hours ago. Grant it your relationship is a little different than mine, but flaking is just rude AF. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/665620-how-do-you-deal-women-who-flake
Straya Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 Its just annoying because you dont want to say its fine... and then give the impression youre fine with being let down without warning. Ill leave it and see what tomorrow brings. It's not fine....never say "it's okay" or "it's fine" when somebody apologizes for something THEY DID WRONG, especially something as immature as flaking. This is one huge mistake people make, especially guys...there is no need for us to be always apologetic...society thinks men are always at fault...and women seem to think they can get away with it. 1
Author confused83 Posted September 28, 2018 Author Posted September 28, 2018 The only problem is if i have a go at her or say its annoyed me then she says something serious has happened. Ill look horrible. Think my best bet is to agree to meet tomorrow but leave it to her to text me. If she doesnt ill just give up.
Author confused83 Posted September 28, 2018 Author Posted September 28, 2018 The trouble is though its not a good start and i bet 99% of people whos posted an issue on here have gone on to break up. Ive learned over the years that 1 red flag like this and ill hold myself back because its pretty inevitable what happens in the end. I think its true that if Someone likes you, you'll know it all day, not just parts of the day.
Straya Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 The only problem is if i have a go at her or say its annoyed me then she says something serious has happened. Ill look horrible. Think my best bet is to agree to meet tomorrow but leave it to her to text me. If she doesnt ill just give up. If something indeed serious has happened, she would at least offer a basic explanation..."hi sorry, death in family. talk to you later"...or something along those lines. Has she rescheduled a specific place/time? If not, wait for her to respond with that information. If you get nothing, then you have a right to be upset and can call her out on it, but tread carefully initially...if something indeed has happened, eventually she'll offer that explanation. If you get a big load of BS, crucify.
LostOnes05 Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 Should just respond with, "Everything ok?". If she says yes, then tell her to call you when she is free. Don't reach out until then. That frees you up if better plans come along, and if you made plans when she gets in contact...oh well, you're busy too. Busy is vague enough (to me at least) to mean that 1) I doubled booked my day and I'm going on this other date 2) an ex called and we are meeting to talk 3) I just don't feel like it 4) Lady functions might be ending that day. You never know but a late cancellation and "I'm busy" isn't good.
smackie9 Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 If it was me I would be sympathetic, since this is not a habitual thing with her. You could say: "I can't say that I'm not disappointed, but I understand things are going to come up. Hope you can make it for tomorrow. Let me know what time and we can figure out the rest. Hope your day goes better for you , ttyl" There you get the message across you are not happy with the cancellation BUT you will let it slide this time...without being a dbag about it. 1
kendahke Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 Long story short we've been dating for almost 2 months. We where already discussing the things you do when its going well, future, and we where all over each other. Now we made plans for tonight but ive not heard from her in 2 days. So i text how im looking forward to tonight, she replied 'sorry cant come im busy, can tomorrow if you want though?' Now im kind of in 2 minds, do i just say 'yeah that's fine let me know' which plays it cool but also shows her that im fine with being let down last minute when wed made plans. Or do i say what i really feel which is annoyed that she didnt just let me know beforehand. As im not Sure she'd of even said anything if i didnt ask. I wouldn't say anything to her. I'd give her the weekend to think about it, if even got back in touch with her. After two months of dating, she could have texted you when she found out she couldn't make the plans---she didn't. She waited until you reminded her to tell you. She's not thinking of or considering you, which speaks to her still being in that single mindset. You need to decide if the example you set for whatever your action will be is something that you are capable of maintaining for the duration of your relationship, which could be a long, long time.
kendahke Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 The only problem is if i have a go at her or say its annoyed me then she says something serious has happened. . Then text her and find out what her issue is. Two days ago--Wednesday--she knew her plans changed. I don't know--maybe it's me-- but if some huge whatever landed on me and I had to reschedule a date with a guy I've been seeing for two months, then I'd pick up the phone right when I knew and say something to him. I wouldn't hide and avoid him for two days when I know he's thinking I'm going to show up on Friday when I can't. Kind of makes those two months pointless if I can't have a conversation with him about plans changing.
Juha Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 I would tell her I was busy the next day and reschedule for a day the next week. Make a definite plan of day, time, place and do not contact her between then. Something tells me that she is more interested in someone else and is trying to do a slow fade. She knows she can't make a date with you yet does not say anything... I would give her one mulligan after two months. I would then see how she is when we are together next time and judge things from there. If she is not engaged I would just give her the "I don't think things are working out, wish you luck" 1
ChatroomHero Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 The only problem is if i have a go at her or say its annoyed me then she says something serious has happened. Ill look horrible. Think my best bet is to agree to meet tomorrow but leave it to her to text me. If she doesnt ill just give up. So what you are saying is she treated you poorly but if you mention it, you will look bad. So her cancelling on you will make you the bad guy if you don't ignore it. The type of person that screws you over but would make you feel you must remain silent or kill the relationship is the 99% issue, not calling her out. If you cancelled on her after 2 days of no contact and only after she reached out to you, her calling you out would make her the bad one or no? See, if she has low interest and you're a low priority, it doesn't matter what you do. When someone cancels like she did, that shows low interest. Eating up her bad behavior will not fix it. If she can't handle the truth that you are not thrilled with her not showing you respect, it's not going to work any way. That's your 99% reason, it's not from you being honest and command a little decency from the people you date.
Author confused83 Posted September 28, 2018 Author Posted September 28, 2018 Shes agreed to meet tomorrow so ill meet and give everyone an update as you dont see many updates on here after the advice is given. If she cancels in future ill say its not the 1st time and call it a day before she assumes that behaviour is acceptable. I agree that if it was me id of text the second i knew id got other things on. Not waited for her to ask me. 1
Versacehottie Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 If it was me I would be sympathetic, since this is not a habitual thing with her. You could say: "I can't say that I'm not disappointed, but I understand things are going to come up. Hope you can make it for tomorrow. Let me know what time and we can figure out the rest. Hope your day goes better for you , ttyl" There you get the message across you are not happy with the cancellation BUT you will let it slide this time...without being a dbag about it. Totally agree. Rather than feel like you need to be accommodating ("it's fine") or confrontational, why not state your position ("i'm disappointed") and concern. I think at the 2 month mark (well at any time but this is certainly an excellent time), it's good to work on good communication. 2 months in life can settle back to normal and die down a little after the initial excitement. Patterns will set in where maybe things will become unbalanced. You can grow closer if you accept tomorrow date and then during tomorrow just ask her why she cancelled from more of a concerned place. You probably can't know the totality of how you "feel" about it unless you know what her reasons are behind the cancellation. Based on those reasons, you will learn important info about her--whether it concerns just her individually or your relationship. And you can let her know that you were disappointed and how your preferred way of dealing with something like this (a cancellation) the next time it comes up. Or you can let it go altogether if the reason seems genuine and not in relation to being disrespectful of your time, etc. This is an opportunity, if you chose to see it like that. Good luck 1
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