Dating situation hard to read!

[Mardelis]

Insist on paying the bills on the first few dates.

 

 

Disagree. It sets a dangerous precedent. Also there are lots of women looking for a guy based largely or entirely on his wallet, you want to be weeding those out early on.

 

 

 

When I was single and dating it was exactly the opposite of what you said. If she didn't offer to pay in the first handful of dates I'd bring it up and I'd get the invariable "I'm an old fashioned girl" or words to that extent. In other words some women want equal rights in every way except they want the guy to pay for everything. When I'd get an answer like that I knew I was on the last date with her.

[PRW]

@Lotsgoingon you honestly sound like a robot the way you calculate every single thing.

@PRW, you are an even bigger robot yourself, smh.

 

I just meet a woman and I tell her that I have run the numbers, done the calculations, carried the "1", divided by "2", and told her it is in her statistical best interest to go out with me.

 

It works every time!

 

But it helped a lot with the last one since she was a Nuclear Scientist and we spent the evening discussing why the Japaneese power plant melted down after the earthquake and how it would be much better if they would switch to the LFTR reactor design (seriously, this last paragraph isn't a joke, it happened).

[LoverOfDance]

@redhead5 I am not that different from you. I like my space too. This means i wouldn't be suitable for a man who wants to text all day. There's nothing necessarily wrong with texting all day if you are doing it with the right person. Some ppl keep in constant communication everyday and are literally attached at the hips and it works for them. They get married and grow old together. It happens. I'm saying that if it works, it works. There's no recipe for this whole dating thing. I don't know why this is so hard for ppl to understand/believe.

 

As humans, we all think too much for our own good. Calculating everything and complicating things that are simple. Just freaking be yourself.

 

Op, feel free to update us on how this goes. Like i said, take your time and let things develop naturally. If you notice, i haven't told you exactly what to do because only you can decide that. I have only given general suggestions. I hope it works out.

[Lotsgoingon]

Far from encouraging the OP to play games, I'm actually counseling the OP to share some authentic thoughts and feelings when he contacts this woman.

 

Say what he genuinely liked about the date or about her. Tell her what he enjoyed about her and her energy or her presence or heck, about her life goals and interests she shared.

 

If this woman is a good potential partner for the OP, then there should be something (actually multiple somethings) about the date and her energy and her ideas and her life that truly impressed him and interested him.

 

And of course, I say, open up and say you want to go out again. What's the game playing in this?

 

Right now, I worry that the OP is partly playing games. He doesn't really care how her day went. He's only asking about her day as a way to say he's thinking of her. Well, why not go a bit deeper (and more vulnerable) by sharing a bit more specifically exactly what he's thinking of her and why he's thinking about her based on the first date?

 

Expressing genuine and specific thoughts and feelings is what allows two people to figure out if they are a good fit for each other.

[PRW]

Far from encouraging the OP to play games, I'm actually counseling the OP to share some authentic thoughts and feelings when he contacts this woman.

 

Say what he genuinely liked about the date or about her. Tell her what he enjoyed about her and her energy or her presence or heck, about her life goals and interests she shared.

 

If this woman is a good potential partner for the OP, then there should be something (actually multiple somethings) about the date and her energy and her ideas and her life that truly impressed him and interested him.

 

And of course, I say, open up and say you want to go out again. What's the game playing in this?

 

Right now, I worry that the OP is partly playing games. He doesn't really care how her day went. He's only asking about her day as a way to say he's thinking of her. Well, why not go a bit deeper (and more vulnerable) by sharing a bit more specifically exactly what he's thinking of her and why he's thinking about her based on the first date?

 

Expressing genuine and specific thoughts and feelings is what allows two people to figure out if they are a good fit for each other.

 

 

After maybe the 3-4 dates. This is too much too soon after a first date. They met through Bumble, she probably has a list of guys she's going through. Let the other guys bomb her with their "feelings" while the OP does not and stays more "mysterious". He will come out on top. Don't let your inner Robot be shaken, I think we were right the first time and I stand by it.

[LoverOfDance]

@PRW I met my bf through bumble. I had 4 other guys who were doing pretty much what you are suggesting that the OP does. I am currently dating my bf and those men are still liking my pictures on instagram and viewing every single story i post, lmao.

[PRW]

@PRW I met my bf through bumble. I had 4 other guys who were doing pretty much what you are suggesting that the OP does. I am currently dating my bf and those men are still liking my pictures on instagram and viewing every single story i post, lmao.

 

 

Then they aren't doing what I want the OP to do. I'd be head slapping them for doing that. That is the Beta Male Orbiter behavor. You may only be considering a small part of what I want the OP to do. It is only post 1st date, when they get several dates in things begin to change.

Edited September 25, 2018 by PRW

[AussieGuy2018]

Update...

 

So we’ve scheduled in date 2 for next Thursday night and we’ve been exchanging a few texts during the day and night, which is more than usual...but she’s gone quiet again. I’m just going to put it down to inconsistent/bad texter. I’ve taken the advice of not over texting since a time and date has been agreed to for the next date...so will only text infrequently until then.

 

Advice had been good...cheers to all who took the time.

[shydad]

I probably made the mistake of texting too quickly and again the next night to see how her day was

I don't agree. If you want to text, send your text, then play it cool. If she responds, great. If she doesn't, assume she has a life.

 

Advice varies, and personal preferences for text frequency vary. I purposefully chose not to text a woman on the second day (per advice), despite my strong desires, and guess what... That evening I received a text, and in part of it, it was said: "I was looking forward to hearing from you. When I didn't, I thought may be my last email might have created some misunderstanding." So her interpretation of my not texting her was that she said something wrong, when in reality, the reason was that I was listening to advice which didn't apply to her. Does this advice apply to the woman you're interested in? Who knows! There's only one way to find out if she wants texts or not, and that is to send them, then play it cool and feel things out. If she doesn't respond, don't keep sending more.

[PRW]

I purposefully chose not to text a woman on the second day (per advice), despite my strong desires, and guess what... That evening I received a text, and in part of it, it was said: "I was looking forward to hearing from you. When I didn't, I thought may be my last email might have created some misunderstanding." So her interpretation of my not texting her was that she said something wrong, when in reality, the reason was that I was listening to advice which didn't apply to her. Does this advice apply to the woman you're interested in? Who knows! There's only one way to find out if she wants texts or not, and that is to send them, then play it cool and feel things out. If she doesn't respond, don't keep sending more.

 

 

Just because you met one that is a little insecure doesn't mean you throw out good advice and try to redefine what is a better or best way to do something.

[PRW]

If two needly insecure clingy people meet each other and "text the crap" out of each other till their phones quite working,...then have their insecurities go into a feedback loop of cross feeding each other daily in their behavors,...and survive,...that doesn't make it the right way to handle things. At best it just shows that people of a certain "type" probably should "aim level" and date others more similar to themselves. However many times that can prove to be very volatile and drama filled. But you certainly can't take a confident secure person and match them with someone who is the opposite and think that is going to work,...it isn't.

[MaleIntuition]

You can text, flirt and keep in touch without being “needy”. This fear of being seen as needy can sometimes become a bit ridiculous...

 

Kids these days don’t text by the way, they use Snapchat. No idea how that should be taken into account...

[Jane Deaux]

I have to wonder at your texting style?

 

If your style is a few words or even a simple haha without engaging her then you won't hear much from her. I have a friend that texts this way. I HATE texting him. I did have an interest in meeting him at one time but I just cant bare texting him. Be engaging, asking questions, being funny, be interesting.

 

If you are doing all of that and she is still not responding well, then she is not that into texting and you should see how the date goes.

[Jane Deaux]

Just because a person enjoys communication and flirting and banter through text with the person they are interested in doesn't make them needy OR Insecure. DON'T listen to this advice that you were given. ALL that matters is that your style of communication matches the person you are texting and if it doesn't and you want to match their style or consistency then its fine.

 

No one is necessarily needy or insecure because they ENJOY COMMUNICATION. It can be an indication of neediness but isn't ALWAYS the case. You can be a very confident person and still enjoy having a chat more often. There are many more better indicators to neediness besides this. An open communication style and honesty actually shows confidence. As long as you aren't playing games. There is always an element of taking it easy that shouldn't be considered games though.

Edited September 27, 2018 by Jane Deaux