this is NUTS

[cordell]

Sounds to me like something is going on with this guy Scott.

 

 

 

not in any way shape or form , i know for sure nothing has happened beyond him stopping by job sites 2 times a week a his partners request and him and my girl have NEVER been alone even for 5 min . i'm not sweating or accusing Amy of cheating , just acting a tad shady and the disrespect nothing more

[Estes]

What exactly are you looking for? You are sure she isn't cheating, you aren't happy with the way she's disrespecting you, you told her as much, yet she refuses to change.

 

 

 

Not much anyone else is going to be able to do for you.

[salparadise]

She said she knew if she got back to me by phone i would have turned into an argument ,or if she stopped by we would have got into this long drawn out discussion and she already had too much on her mind.

 

Don't you see what she's doing here... turning it around on you and making you responsible for her not calling back or stopping by. That is BS my man. She refuses to be accountable, and blames it on you.

 

"...and she already had too much on her mind" Unh huh, his name begins with Scott.

 

You have a flawed strategy. You think she will give you the respect you deserve if you double down on the nice guy routine. When she's walking all over you like this you have to command respect, and you do that by allowing consequences to do the talking. Now, if she doesn't give a flip it's because she's already checked out, in which case all you can do is try to preserve your dignity.

 

Here's a clue... when she comes back and you talk, do NOT say please, pretty-please don't disrespect me by not taking my calls while you're with Scott at 12am. If I were you I'd make her chase me down to have that talk, and if she starts turning it around again instead of apologizing, call BS and walk away.

 

She's wearing the pants in this R, and she enjoys it. It makes your feelings/respect insignificant. You need to fix it. But my guess is that you'll say please, pretty-please. She knows all she has to do is pacify you with a few words and then continue doing as she pleases.

Edited September 22, 2018 by salparadise

[cordell]

Well if you know me the words '' pretty please'' etc never came nor will come from my mouth ,she knows this also .her having a lot on her mind ,she has for a while now with her mom and her health. i know her and she'll bury herself in work just to not think about that situation .her regular job she works until 4 pm but has called me and said i have the chance to stay a bit later it keeps me from thinking of what's going on .i said cool do what you need to do .she's right IF she would have taken my calls guaranteed we would have had a heated discussion . whatever reason she gives to me is no excuse .IF i was aware of things first hand from her mouth this issue wouldn't be at the level it is .IT would be much better her seeing her mom and sister to relax some ,Then we can discuss what we need to .no solution talking with someone when their mind is on something important and argument will erupt quickly .

Least she acknowledged what i'm saying,why i said what i said .maybe the 4 hr car ride home from her moms she'll think,put herself in my shoes.

 

 

I only posted this '' issue'' to see if maybe someone else had a similar experience and see how they dealt with it, and what the outcome was .

not to even hint of a cheating partner,though i know when it's a male and female involved first reaction is to come to the cheating conclusion . theirs different forms of cheating i guess and not just sexual .her going out of her way to see Scott over me i'm not concerned with .she's their for the extra cash and to learn some home repair stuff . she's had many opportunities to go have dinner on Fri after pay was handed out and always declined and it would have been more than just 2 people .

 

 

IF i get a flat out lie about the phone conversation then i walk no problem doing so .a lie is a lie ,little white lie whatever people only lie to cover something up .i can even see . why my name was mentioned ,because the issue just happened and i told Scott not cool exchanging numbers as you did .don't know if she said heres my # if you need me for more work , or if he said give me your number [ i'll ask her ].IF i get an honest replay i can live with that and let her know my feelings so hopefully it doesn't happen again .in 4 yrs this is the only time dealing with something like this with her . she has other males numbers in her phone all from the office ,people work weekends and may need to log in her computer or look at a document she has whatever ,theirs no ex's #'s or anything .don't know what sh talks about with others not my business .this time it became my business because i heard my name come up and it wasn't a business convo ,could have been a work related convo before or after i heard what i did don't know so wont accuse . we'll either iron out this disrespect thing or we wont guess it's mostly up to her .

[salparadise]

Well if you know me the words '' pretty please'' etc never came nor will come from my mouth ,she knows this also.

 

Metaphorically speaking.

 

not to even hint of a cheating partner,though i know when it's a male and female involved first reaction is to come to the cheating conclusion.

 

Nobody is jumping to that conclusion, but everyone is cognizant of the fact that every time she blows you off it's because this other guy has her undivided attention... whether it's on the phone or hanging out at 12am.

 

 

i told Scott not cool exchanging numbers as you did .don't know if she said heres my # if you need me for more work , or if he said give me your number [ i'll ask her ].IF i get an honest replay i can live with that and let her know my feelings so hopefully it doesn't happen again.

 

Exchanging numbers, or whose number is in her phone, is not the issue. It's the fact that she's ignoring you and prioritizing him that's the problem. The fact that he's throwing some cash her way doesn't change that.

 

because i heard my name come up and it wasn't a business convo ,could have been a work related convo before or after i heard what i did don't know so wont accuse . we'll either iron out this disrespect thing or we wont guess it's mostly up to her .

 

I wish you luck. I hope have a talk and get everything back on track. I have nothing more to add.

[Mardelis]

I only posted this '' issue'' to see if maybe someone else had a similar experience and see how they dealt with it, and what the outcome was .

not to even hint of a cheating partner,though i know when it's a male and female involved first reaction is to come to the cheating conclusion .

 

 

People with similar experiences dealt with it by doing some serious investigation and not burying their heads in the sand and denying the possibility and ultimately found out they were being cheated on. Your story has lots of elements that go hand in hand with a cheating partner, including denial on the part of the betrayed spouse who can be strung along for months or even years because they keep the blinders on.

 

 

Is she cheating on you? No one can say for sure. Is it a good possibility that she is cheating on you? Yes, absolutely. Can you find out for sure by doing some covert investigative technques including planting a VAR in her car and gaining access to her social media and email accounts? Yes.

 

 

Will you find out anything by simply asking for opinions and advice and ignoring what you are told because you flat out refuse to believe it could possibly be true? No.

[cordell]

AGREE with you 100% my story sure does have all elements of '' cheating''

ABSOLUTELY ...BUT i don't need a car tracker or any other tactics to know for sure their is any kind of '' ATTRACTION'' to this guy from her.so confident on that i'd bet big money even my life on it .

it's an issue of acting '' shady '' and '' disrespecting'' done to me ,which i never experienced anything like before . she does NOT do any social media [ nor use any friends accounts ] she's had big problems in the past that stemmed from Face Book ,she's not using another name ,etc on the internet . we share an e mail account [ she has a work one separate ] at night she checks it and i'm usually right next to her [ it's done on my lap top ] .

IF i was so insecure enough to hire a private eye her daily routines would be the same and boring .

Just like to know A- why my calls went ignored [ she has called back but it was much later] NOT really new for her she's been talking to family members a-lot since her moms health issues . B- why i was blown off for a dinner date C- why did she go and give his car a jump at around 11:30 at night [ it's cool she did that he wasn't alone his car is known for not starting i've jumped it before ] BUT why she couldn't call or text and say hey his car wont start it's near the place were working on not far from me i'm gonna go help .i would have been fine knowing she was out that hr and would just ask to call when she returned so i know she's safe . D- why no one even thought of.seeing if i'd be o.k, with the number exchange.

SHE wants to continue the project for the extra cash i'm good with that , others will be their also no one is going to cover for her or this guy and no one will leave them in the same room together i know this for a fact [ since 2 of the workers are my flesh and blood ]

[Mardelis]

What exactly are you looking for here?

 

 

Numerous people have suggest she's cheating, the 4 examples you provided in your very last post can all be attributable to cheating and yet you say "no way, it's not happening, it will never happen, she's being disrespectful".

 

 

Agreed, she's being disrespectful at the very least and screwing another guy in the middle of the night and ignoring your calls while she's doing it at the very worst.

 

 

Again what advice are you looking for?

[CKJD]

This reporting of events is very hard to sift through and decipher...it seems you are bothered by her behaviour but at the same time have an explanation for everything which makes it hard to help you out of this bind.

 

Let's start with Amy.

How well do you really know and trust Amy? Just because you think you know someone or they tell you certain things at earlier stages in a relationship does not mean they are immune to change. Changing feelings lead to compromised values.

You say you would put your life on there being no attraction between them, so why do you think items A, B and C are shady? You don't really trust her anymore and you may have good reason not to. Scott's unreliable car not starting could be the perfect line to feed you regarding her late night meeting, for example.

 

Ask yourself: have you been controlling or dismissive to Amy? It doesn't justify her cheating and lying (if she is) but it is a sure-fire way to make her receptive to somebody who is showing an interest in her. The way you talk indicates to me that you are pretty hard nosed when dealing with things of this nature, but ultimately taking the authoritarian approach could push her into his arms.

 

As for Scott, this guy does seem like a bit of a snake but considering you all work together it would be a disaster if he started humping Amy. And yet people do these things, regardless of the obvious consequences.

 

I think you have may have made it worse by calling Scott out. You don't have the right to tell him who he can and not talk to, and you have alerted him that you are on to him. This will actually help him if he is pursuing her, because now they have justification to turn to each other. It would be hypocritical of Amy, yes, but potential cheaters will use your poor behaviour as reason enough to jump ship, even though you are responding in an emotionally honest way to the evidence of an impending physical betrayal of your formal relationship. Meanwhile, all Scott needs to do is continue to drop hints and stir the pot in an effort to allure her. He is, after all, a snake.

 

My advice would be to dial back your concern. Let this matter go and watch from a distance. Don't call her on anything else shady. Just build your evidence in line with an escape plan. Remain cool, calm, collected and sexually protected and you will soon know what to do.

[Marc878]

You are here for a reason.

[cordell]

The events that happened to me i consider ''shady'' that's how i view them , BUT not shady as in ''cheating'' is occurring . sure people change it's inevitable

 

i just posted here to see if their were other similar [ i guess cases ] and wanted to see how other people handled it, and what their outcome was .

i'm not some disrespecting or controlling guy with my girl , people at her job and even outside work show her attention and praise her because she's a helper if she knows someone and their in a jam and need something , or just want to vent etc . she'll make the time to be their and do what she can .so this other giving her praises is nothing special , just wondering more her than him why the lapse of thought process in certain events .when she told me it was ''nothing'' when i asked what she went and did NOW knowing she helped him with the car jump i see it was '' nothing'' and no reason for me to see red flags because a third party was their .

don't know if an all of a sudden behavior issues is maybe something someone you trust can just happen because maybe their thinking '' well if i give this guy my # i'm sure my guy wont have an issue with it because we work for his company and he's sort of the manager'' OR maybe even a weird game like '' lets see if this would upset my guy see if he's the jealous type'' or how would he react to this. which of coarse is a lame dumb thing to do .

sure i'll never figure out why the lapse of judgement , i'll only be able to by what she tells ,IF it sounds fishy then i got to deal with it .I dam sure don't want to go through this again cause it's b.s. .you can always send a quick text ,give a quick call to your partner in these instances to avoid a confrontation .

[CantTakeMySmile]

Why do you think she would ignore your call to chat with him on the phone?

[cordell]

Why do you think she would ignore your call to chat with him on the phone?

 

 

 

No idea , can't say for sure .

[CantTakeMySmile]

Did you not ask her? Or did you not want to know?

[cordell]

Did you not ask her? Or did you not want to know?

 

 

 

We only speak briefly by phone , due to our work hrs. usually it's how's it going , how's mom etc .[ her moms pretty sick so that's on her mind ] .told her we need to talk , she said o.k. haven't sat down and did it yet . will bring up the issues of calls, not taking mine and everything else

[Mardelis]

Did you not ask her? Or did you not want to know?

 

We only speak briefly by phone , due to our work hrs. usually it's how's it going , how's mom etc .[ her moms pretty sick so that's on her mind ] .told her we need to talk , she said o.k. haven't sat down and did it yet

 

 

You started this thread 6 DAYS ago. In all that time you haven't discussed your concerns with her because she's busy due to work and her mom being sick. That's a big problem my friend- there's no communication between the two of you other than routine matters. The important stuff doesn't get discussed, the conflicts simmer but don't go away.

[preraph]

Yes, just talk to her. Tell her you're not comfortable with her hanging out with other guys alone like she did.

Start that convo by asking her, Hey, if you came over to Linda's house (single lady down the street) and found me sitting there ignoring my calls for an hour and a half, would you find that disrespectful and suspicious?

[cordell]

Start that convo by asking her, Hey, if you came over to Linda's house (single lady down the street) and found me sitting there ignoring my calls for an hour and a half, would you find that disrespectful and suspicious?

 

 

 

EXACTLY she'd fly off the handle .as i said a situation happened a while ago involving a female cousin of hers , saw me in a store asked me about doing work for her ,wanted me to go and look at it . i said i'd talk to Amy first before going to look and Amy can give you my # ahead of that .her cousin thanked me and understood why handled it that way , and Amy thanked me for respecting her .

 

 

You started this thread 6 DAYS ago. In all that time you haven't discussed your concerns with her because she's busy due to work and her mom being sick. That's a big problem my friend- there's no communication between the two of you other than routine matters. The important stuff doesn't get discussed, the conflicts simmer but don't go away.

 

 

AGREE but when someones mind is on other things ,something involving family and can be life changing .don't think they can keep an open mind and i don't want to add more to her plate .i'm respecting her cause it would just end up a huge argument from the start , and i'll hear '' all i have going on with this work deadline and my mom an now you give me this etc . ''so i'll wait

[CantTakeMySmile]

If I heard my Significant Other on the phone with someone and you know for a fact (because you heard them) say oh my bf is calling, and they don't click over... yeah, that conversation would have happened in THAT moment. Not a moment after.

 

 

Not to mention all the times she stood you up or blew you off.

 

 

It doesn't seem like you want to face the facts. Which is fine, but you will continue to feel this way until you communicate.

[Mardelis]

EXACTLY she'd fly off the handle

 

 

Are you afraid of her?