3 Months and Relationship Anxiety

[RedHead5]

Well, actually I'm concerned I am making too little of effort, hence the question. He texts me first about 75% of the time. He texts back super fast like 90% of the time. I always text back fast too but just concerned I am not showing enough interest/emotion.

 

Things are getting a little comfortable so I'm questioning what's normal because I dont know that I am good at normal.

[smackie9]

At 3 months it should be intense.

[RedHead5]

At 3 months it should be intense.

 

Intense in what way?

 

I'm not sure how intense we can be. Neither of us are emotional. Guess that's part of why I'm questioning too. We aren't very affectionate either. But, I know how much he likes me and he knows how much I like him.

 

Example, I went to his house Saturday. No kiss or hug hello, watched movies, we sat close enough on the couch we were touching. Cuddled up to go to sleep, no sex that night but stayed close all night. I initiated sex in the morning, he cooked after we got up, I hung out till like 4pm because he had to leave with a friend at 5. When I went to leave he walked me out - short kiss, big hug, that's it.

 

It's odd. I never dated anyone like this. It's not that I'm unhappy with the situation, just wondering if I should be doing more? Do guys expect the female to be more affectionate or text more? I don't want to be fake either.

[RedHead5]

Let me also say - he HAS kissed me hello before and he HAS sent good morning.

 

That's why I'm wondering if it's me and he actually wants this stuff. Am I holding things back?

[Zahara]

Three months in -- you shouldn't be worrying or questioning if you can send someone a good morning text -- if you're having sex with him, you can send him a good morning text!

 

Also, if being less emotional and not as affectionate works for you, then that's a compatibility factor. If it's what you want in a partner and a relationship, then perfect. But if you're expecting more and can't exhibit more affection and attention because you're afraid or insecure of how he may respond or react, then that's another issue.

 

If you can't be yourself, then it's not the relationship for you. I've been in relationships where I questioned everything, walked on eggshells and couldn't be myself and now I'm in a relationship where I can text anytime, call anytime, hug him, kiss him, etc. without any apprehension.

 

Text if you want to text. It's just a good morning text. You don't have to do it every morning if you feel it will be overkill. But you can throw in a text here and there just to show him you are thinking of him. It's not a big deal.

[Gaeta]

I agree, I worried about texting too often at 3 weeks, not at 3 months. You are who you are, if you are not affectionate then this is who you are, don't force yourself because you won't be able to maintain it anyway. If you like daily chit-chat, if you like being affectionate and be it. Be yourself.

 

 

 

If something is missing in this man's life he'll tell you.

[RedHead5]

I'm not really worried about texting too much. The opposite. He has never given me any indication that I'm doing anything wrong. I'm just feeling like I am not normal.

 

I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells. He makes me very comfortable and secure. It's not him guys, it's me. :lmao:

 

I just really like him and don't want to eff up being too standoffish. But I am not the text all day type and I told him that on our first date. I have just been very direct and told him that I like him alot. He has said the same. We never go a day without communicating at some point.

 

But like right now, we haven't texted or spoke since I left Sunday. I am not bothered by that besides wondering if he is wondering why I don't text him.

[No_Go]

BF started with Good morning texts around month 2, and now, 9 months in, we haven't skipped a morning I'm not an 'affectionate' person at all, but it makes me feel reassured, connected, and I simply enjoy reading what he has to say each morning (usually is something fun).

 

Even the busiest of people can find a second for a good morning text, so why not start the day that way...

[Zahara]

I read your other thread about having relationship anxiety due to being hurt in your past. Usually, that kind of baggage is notorious for being a saboteur.

 

You both never go a day without communicating so regardless of whether it is a good morning text or not, there is daily communication. Now, you haven't heard from him since Sunday. So, what's the problem with you reaching out today and saying good morning. It doesn't have to be a text marathon.

 

If you don't want to text then I'm sure at some point you both will touch base. If he wants more communication and effort on your part, I'm sure he'll let you know.

[Gaeta]

But like right now, we haven't texted or spoke since I left Sunday. I am not bothered by that besides wondering if he is wondering why I don't text him.

 

 

And why you don't text him ?

[RedHead5]

Andddd so while I was chatting with you guys about texting him, he texted me lol. I should've just texted him this morning. Maybe tomorrow.

[BaileyB]

We text at some point during the day - usually morning or at lunch. Then we text in the evening and say goodnight. I personally would much rather have him wish me sweet dreams than have a good morning text.

[Zahara]

Andddd so while I was chatting with you guys about texting him, he texted me lol. I should've just texted him this morning. Maybe tomorrow.

 

Yes, do it tomorrow. Stop trying to hyper analyze and just be yourself. If you want to text, then just text.

[luvflower]

Things are getting a little comfortable so I'm questioning what's normal because I dont know that I am good at normal.

 

I can completely relate to this... it can sometimes mess things up if we’re not mindful of remaining open. If you’re anything like me, you retreat quickly or give off the vibe that you’re not very interested. It’s not intentional, it’s just being awkward in the sense of internally not knowing how open to be without doing something I’ll later regret. That’s the OCD in me...

[PRW]

Been in a very rewarding, healthy, and equal partnership for 3 years now. Sometimes I lead, sometimes he does, it's a back and forth depending on our individual strength and weaknesses. I would identify him as omega. He's confident, assertive, driven but doesn't need to rub it in my face or anyone else's.

 

 

Cool.

Omegas are my favorite, but I'm biased since I am one.

[RedHead5]

So update. I messaged a good morning this morning. He answered within 10 minutes. I didn't know what else to say. So I didn't say anything else. Haha

[Mardelis]

I dated a narcissist briefly that got me all self-conscious about this. So, just looking for some general man opinions on the good morning text. It feels obligatory once it gets going so I'm just skittish about starting it....

 

 

The word narcissist is thrown around quite often on relationship forums such as this one, usually by the person's ex. Be careful with such labels- often times its just a way of validating the breakup in the eyes of the person throwing out the term. Why is it that the person we are with is so wonderful and great and then once the relationship is over they're suddenly the worst person on the face of the planet? Maybe it's not always them.

[RedHead5]

The word narcissist is thrown around quite often on relationship forums such as this one, usually by the person's ex. Be careful with such labels- often times its just a way of validating the breakup in the eyes of the person throwing out the term. Why is it that the person we are with is so wonderful and great and then once the relationship is over they're suddenly the worst person on the face of the planet? Maybe it's not always them.

 

Oh no, this guy is text book narc. Never ran into one in my life till him. Absolutely crazy and I fell for it. I would need a whole new thread to talk about him. I only lasted about 8 months before I had to break things off for my own sanity because I couldn't continue in his spiral, it was affecting my whole life and I felt like I cried everyday. This guy ****ed me up. Major.

 

It felt like the hardest thing I have ever done. I just made the decision to cut off all emotion and let myself heal. He acted like he didn't care (of course) but then a month later, I miss you. And then started contacting me more and more.

 

The whole time I was dating this summer he kept contacting me knowing I was dating and me being 100% honest. He would rage out on me verbally occasionally. Say nasty things, sometimes untrue things, telling me I was one of many when we were seeing each other then turning around and saying he only said that to me so I would hate him.

 

I can't begin to tell you all the crazy I endured. I have never called anyone a narc besides him.

[MaleIntuition]

There is a wide variety of male that will suit you without being Alpha. Alpha males are often cheaters, and feel no remorse doing it. You'll find plenty of research debating it. Here is one.

 

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2011/may/22/alpha-males-sex-scandals

 

If you want peace of mind find yourself a good Omega male. He's the type of man that runs his own life, doesn't feel the need to impress other males or females.

 

Science is fun. That new article doesn’t even try to address science and the claims are so ridiculous that there are no point in even taking them seriously. Monogamous relationship leads to more oxytocin which inhibits testosterone therefore men cheats in order to increase testosterone? Sure...

 

Alpha, omega, gamma, beta, sigma. Sounds more like blog-material than social research. Now, looking more closely, this is an attempt at personality classification.

 

The only model that’s currently accepted by science is the so called five-factor model which classify personality on five different scales: Openness to experience, conscientiousness, Extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism. Combining these, high in one, and low in one would yield 32 different “personalities”. Seems like we need more Greek letters...

 

The most commonly used personality type indicator, however, is MBTI which classify personality into 16 different types. MBTI is based on jungian typology which deals with how we cognitively process data and takes decisions based on said data. In all fairness it should he’d said that those theories are not accepted by the scientific community (because it doesn’t play by the book, so to speak). But it’s still way more developed than alpha or sigma - so why not simply use it instead?

 

Another obvious fallacy with the whole beta-alpha bull**** is that it’s so darn obviously based on the contextual setting. Take your stereotypical biker-dude and put him on the podium to talk about strategic planning, and his comfort levels will drop tremendously. That high school geek, suddenly becomes The man at the same podium when he explaines the latest within crypto currency development. Point is; confidence relates to the setting and the activity at hand.

[PRW]

So, just looking for some general man opinions on the good morning text. It feels obligatory once it gets going so I'm just skittish about starting it....

 

 

For me personally, I don't like them. I'm not a "morning person",...if ya all can imagine that. It is a quiet time, and alone time, for me. The "good morning text" is just kind of annoying to get and makes me feel obligated to reply. worse yet it may come late after I'm in the car driving to work and can't reply, worse even yet my phone chimes over and over till I open the text so I either have to open it while driving or put up with the chiming for over half an hour, and that really makes me not a morning person. Then on top of all that if I don't respond they think something is wrong. Now, see?...all that drama over a "good morning" text. I don't particularly care for the greeting in person either,...you might get a mumbled mornin' or just a grunt.

[PRW]

Another obvious fallacy with the whole beta-alpha bull**** is that it’s so darn obviously based on the contextual setting. Take your stereotypical biker-dude and put him on the podium to talk about strategic planning, and his comfort levels will drop tremendously. That high school geek, suddenly becomes The man at the same podium when he explaines the latest within crypto currency development. Point is; confidence relates to the setting and the activity at hand.

I don't think it is "bull", but you are correct in that the context is important. However an Alpha or Omega biker dude would adapt and do just fine if the strategic planning was about what the biker club was going to plan to do over the next couple months. Being a biker-dude doesn't make him an Alpha or Omega either,...he could just as easily be a Beta or a Gamma trying to over-compensate. The high school geek might do great in his presentation to the crowd but that doesn't make him an Alpha or anything else.

 

With all the lunacy in the "scientific community" now a days, I'm more likely to accept something as true because it is not "accepted by science" and distrustful of it when science does accept it.

 

Alpha, omega, gamma, beta, sigma way of looking at things is way more practical. The problem is that people who throw the words around don't even know what they mean. Being as ass does not make you an Alpha. Cheating on your wife does not make you an Alpha. Beating someone up does not make you an Alpha. Being confident does not make you an Alpha. Being small and physically weak does not make you a Beta.

If you are an ass then you are an ass, no matter the personality type.

If you are a cheater then you are a cheater, no matter the personality type.

If you are a bully then you are a bully, no matter the personality type.

If you weight 98lbs you are just light, no matter the personality type.

[MaleIntuition]

I don't think it is "bull", but you are correct in that the context is important. However an Alpha or Omega biker dude would adapt and do just fine if the strategic planning was about what the biker club was going to plan to do over the next couple months. Being a biker-dude doesn't make him an Alpha or Omega either,...he could just as easily be a Beta or a Gamma trying to over-compensate. The high school geek might do great in his presentation to the crowd but that doesn't make him an Alpha or anything else.

It doesn’t make him alpha, because there is no such thing. And it doesn’t change his personality but he will for sure be more assertive and confident in that setting.

 

With all the lunacy in the "scientific community" now a days, I'm more likely to accept something as true because it is not "accepted by science" and distrustful of it when science does accept it.

Right... not a lot of common ground for us then. The more likely something is, the less likely you are to accept it?

 

Alpha, omega, gamma, beta, sigma way of looking at things is way more practical. The problem is that people who throw the words around don't even know what they mean. Being as ass does not make you an Alpha. Cheating on your wife does not make you an Alpha. Beating someone up does not make you an Alpha. Being confident does not make you an Alpha. Being small and physically weak does not make you a Beta.

If you are an ass then you are an ass, no matter the personality type.

If you are a cheater then you are a cheater, no matter the personality type.

If you are a bully then you are a bully, no matter the personality type.

If you weight 98lbs you are just light, no matter the personality type.

It’s practical because it’s easy to sell. “Just be alpha and get the girls”; completely ignoring the fact that girls - believe or not - also have different personalities. Should we use the same for girls perhaps? How do they mix and match? Simply put; the model is to simplistic to be useful.