Author RedHead5 Posted September 19, 2018 Author Posted September 19, 2018 You thinking this is OK is why you will have a history of being cheated on. He is 40 years old for goodness sake! He's not 20 anymore! he fully knows what is appropriate and what's not. The fact he has not seen her in 20 years is even more inappropriate! She's practically a stranger!! The right thing to do would have been for him to tell her things have changed, he's now in a relationship and he'll book her a hotel room. Also what kind of people invite themselves to people they have not seen in 20 years!!? The answer is the type you don't want around your BF! I mean, I do agree she had to have some level of interest to book a flight but why can't I trust someone who JUST went official with me to not be interested in her? He obviously told her about me the first day and must have talked about me like he said because she knew things about me before I told her and said it was because he told her.
hippychick3 Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 Yes, OP. This is totally inappropriate. I would not be okay with any female who wasn't a relative staying overnight at my bf's place. No way. He should have told her that he was in a relationship and then booked her a hotel room.
Gaeta Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 I mean, I do agree she had to have some level of interest to book a flight but why can't I trust someone who JUST went official with me to not be interested in her? He obviously told her about me the first day and must have talked about me like he said because she knew things about me before I told her and said it was because he told her. This is not about trust. This is not about him going after her. This is about good judgement, and men with good judgement don't put themselves in these types of risky situations. You trust him and that's alright, I trust my boyfriend and I know he would not touch another woman BUT I still would disagree with a woman from 20 years ago sleeping at his place while he's there. I'd see it as a disrespect toward me. Also he doesn't know this woman at all, she could have gotten herself drunk and high and throw herself at him or even worse, when he would have rejected her she could have accused him of rape and whatsnot! Again, it's really bad judgement on his part to let this woman stay at his place alone with him.
PRW Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 So I am nearing 3 months with a guy. .......... We had the boyfriend girlfriend talk last week and ended up spending alot more time together this week. Nothing bad happened but I suddenly want my space. This is the key part of the post. The rest doesn't mean much. Let me guess. You did not bring up the "talk". He did. You agreed to it because you were afraid if you did not that it would cause problems and that you might lose him.
Author RedHead5 Posted September 19, 2018 Author Posted September 19, 2018 This is the key part of the post. The rest doesn't mean much. Let me guess. You did not bring up the "talk". He did. You agreed to it because you were afraid if you did not that it would cause problems and that you might lose him. No, it was me. It was very simple, "Are you my boyfriend?" He says "ummm yeah I guess so, I'm not seeing anyone else and I kept my pants on last weekend" (he went to a biker rally) I fogot what I said next. Then he says something about me wanting to be his ol' lady and I said the thought has crossed my mind. End of convo. We cuddled and went to sleep. This convo happened one day last week. I have been the one to ask about exclusivity and boyfriend title. And I'm sure I just opened some floodgates saying he is a biker. Haha. And I may as well tell you he is a radio DJ. Both those have bad raps, I know. Honestly if he continued to have girls staying at his place it would be a deal breaker. But considering the timing, the relationship, and the way he approached things I dont think it is worth squashing the relationship. He knows I didnt care for it now. He told me two weeks in advance and I never said a cross word about it. If I had said something before, who knows, maybe he would have done something different.
Author RedHead5 Posted September 19, 2018 Author Posted September 19, 2018 I originally just felt like we were already bf/gf for the same reasons he said. So I just wanted to get rid of awkwardness when talking about him to others. But honestly, I have kept referring to him as the guy I have been seeing and not bf. Lol
PRW Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 (edited) No, it was me. It was very simple, "Are you my boyfriend?" He says "ummm yeah I guess so, I'm not seeing anyone else and I kept my pants on last weekend" (he went to a biker rally) I fogot what I said next. Then he says something about me wanting to be his ol' lady and I said the thought has crossed my mind. End of convo. We cuddled and went to sleep. This convo happened one day last week. I have been the one to ask about exclusivity and boyfriend title. And I'm sure I just opened some floodgates saying he is a biker. Haha. And I may as well tell you he is a radio DJ. Both those have bad raps, I know. Honestly if he continued to have girls staying at his place it would be a deal breaker. But considering the timing, the relationship, and the way he approached things I dont think it is worth squashing the relationship. He knows I didnt care for it now. He told me two weeks in advance and I never said a cross word about it. If I had said something before, who knows, maybe he would have done something different. Yea, I'm not concerned about the woman staying at his place in this particular situation. I think you may have asked for the "title" out of a little insecurity and wanting something more "substantive" to hang on to. You probably did it before he was fully ready (hence his lackluster response), although this is unusual for the guy to not be ready first. Yet that may be a good sign for him in that he doesn't sound needy/clingy,...that boosts him in my eyes. The arrangement with the woman staying at his place boosts him in my eyes too. It shows he is social, has a social life, and is capable of interacting with women. He's not "bad with women" and doesn't sound like he gets all giddy and pees down his leg if a woman approaches him,...that is good. Well, you are "there" now. You probably feel like you want space now because you got the "title" and the pressure is off, so you feel you can relax a bit,...so now you want a little breathing room. I think that is normal,...so don't over think it. He doesn't seem to me to be the kind of guy that is going to get butt-hurt if you're not constantly following him around like a lost puppy and you might want to spend a little time with family or other friends without him once in a while. I'm sure he would enjoy spending time "with the guys" sometimes without you tagging along. If I am correct in my assessment,...you'll probably be fine. The "biker guys" tend to be more "alpha",...more masculine,...and that is a good thing. Once you have the loyalty of a masculine/alpha type of guy, he will move heaven and earth for you and not be afraid doing it. Edited September 19, 2018 by PRW
Author RedHead5 Posted September 19, 2018 Author Posted September 19, 2018 I think you may have asked for the "title" out of a little insecurity and wanting something more "substantive" to hang on to. You probably did it before he was fully ready (hence his lackluster response), although this is unusual for the guy to not be ready first. Yet that may be a good sign for him in that he doesn't sound needy/clingy,...that boosts him in my eyes. Hindsight, I think it was before either of us were ready. And I agree it was insecurity - think that was brought on by the female visitor. Well, you are "there" now. You probably feel like you want space now because you got the "title" and the pressure is off, so you feel you can relax a bit,...so now you want a little breathing room. I think that is normal,...so don't over think it. He doesn't seem to me to be the kind of guy that is going to get butt-hurt if you're not constantly following him around like a lost puppy and you might want to spend a little time with family or other friends without him once in a while. I'm sure he would enjoy spending time "with the guys" sometimes without you tagging along. If I am correct in my assessment,...you'll probably be fine. He is definitely not the type to get butt hurt about that and neither am I. One of the reasons like him. He is very social and leads a pretty interesting life. I can't keep up with all of it and I don't try to to. We hang out 2-4 times a week. The 4 times is what freaked me out. I still want my space even if I'm hanging out alone. I spent the last year single and doing whatever I felt like and I'm not ready to give that up 100% yet but can give up some. He takes me out with the guys sometimes, just us sometimes, and I think I am sometimes his reason to skip his nights out with the guys and 'hide out' and we just chill at home. I come off as a bit of the good girl type and I think he likes that. He has said to people I keep him "grounded". "biker guys" tend to be more "alpha",...more masculine,...and that is a good thing. Once you have the loyalty of a masculine/alpha type of guy, he will move heaven and earth for you and not be afraid doing it. I need an alpha type, otherwise they defer to me and I hate that. I can be a take charge person but that is not what I'm looking for in a SO. What you described there is exactly what I'm looking for.
PRW Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 Looking back at the thread it looks like some people are bound and determine to force a wedge between the two of you come hell or high water over the woman staying with him. Don't let it get to you. Everything you have said about his attitude and responses concerning this have been right on key. He has always responded in the correct way,...in fact so much so that I am even impressed by him (and that is hard to do). The plans were in place before the two of you were together, he does not appear in any way romantic with that woman,...and if he told her suddenly that she needed to stay in a hotel would just mean he was a "dick".
PRW Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 He takes me out with the guys sometimes, just us sometimes, and I think I am sometimes his reason to skip his nights out with the guys and 'hide out' and we just chill at home. I come off as a bit of the good girl type and I think he likes that. He has said to people I keep him "grounded". I need an alpha type, otherwise they defer to me and I hate that. I can be a take charge person but that is not what I'm looking for in a SO. What you described there is exactly what I'm looking for. Sounds awesome to me. I think that is exactly the way it should be. The differences between the two of you help, enhance, and compliment each other. Having proper sexual polarity works every time it is tried. "I need an alpha type, otherwise they defer to me and I hate that." If only I could get all the Betas to understand that.
Gaeta Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 I need an alpha type, otherwise they defer to me and I hate that. I can be a take charge person but that is not what I'm looking for in a SO. What you described there is exactly what I'm looking for. There is a wide variety of male that will suit you without being Alpha. Alpha males are often cheaters, and feel no remorse doing it. You'll find plenty of research debating it. Here is one. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2011/may/22/alpha-males-sex-scandals If you want peace of mind find yourself a good Omega male. He's the type of man that runs his own life, doesn't feel the need to impress other males or females. 1
Gaeta Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 "I need an alpha type, otherwise they defer to me and I hate that." If only I could get all the Betas to understand that. There are the Alpha, beta, omega, gamma and sigma males. Why people think it has to be alpha or beta! The in-between is always better. Alpha isn't good and beta isn't either. 1
Author RedHead5 Posted September 19, 2018 Author Posted September 19, 2018 Sounds awesome to me. I think that is exactly the way it should be. The differences between the two of you help, enhance, and compliment each other. Having proper sexual polarity works every time it is tried. "I need an alpha type, otherwise they defer to me and I hate that." If only I could get all the Betas to understand that. Thank you for your insights, I have seen you answer on other posts and I respect your opinion. I just need to let this go and enjoy the concert tonight. Maybe even after a few drinks I will bond with this chick lol. I'll give it a shot.
PRW Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 There are the Alpha, beta, omega, gamma and sigma males. Why people think it has to be alpha or beta! The in-between is always better. Alpha isn't good and beta isn't either. I'm an Omega. Omegas and Alphas are very similar within their positive traits. The difference being that the Alpha is energized by Extroversion (being a Extrovert) while the Omega is energized by Introversion (being an Introvert). The Alpha is energized by being around others and is drained when alone. The Omega is drained by being around others and is energized by having "alone time". But people who think an Alpha is a bad thing don't understand what an Alpha is. They think Alpha is being a "dick" or being a "bad boy" with no integrity. The real truth is that most "dicks" and "bad boys" are either Betas trying to overcompensate for their insecurities (like the school yard bully),...or the more extreme cases are really the Sigma,..and the Sigmas are often mistaken for an Alphas since they are obviously not Betas and most people don't know the Sigma even exists,...so the Alpha Type is falsely accused. ---------Definitions---------- Alpha male: You are confident and your own man. You do your own thing and have complete confidence in everything you do. You have your self doubts, but you don't let it cloud your judgment and logic. You are well liked by almost everyone, and you just have an easy charm and swagger about your presence. Women are drawn to your charisma and presence. You enjoy being social and having lots of people around. You are a natural leader Beta male: You are kind of shy and introverted and not very confident in yourself. You are constantly plagued by insecurities and self-doubts and you can never commit to anything in the fear that you will fail in it. You are somewhat liked by people but they tend to look at you rather condescendingly and woman tend to friendzone you. You are nervous around other people and social situations because you're always afraid that people are judging you. You are a born follower. Omega male: You are very much like the alpha male, the primary distinction being that where the Alpha "recharges" in groups you "recharge" by being alone. You are the polar opposite of the alpha male, but in a good way. Like the alpha male you are confident, intelligent and have a sense of charisma about you, but unlike the alpha male, you are completely your own person. You do not need anyone, and you can even be emotionally distant due to your complete self-possession. You trust few people and foster even fewer intimate relationships. Omegas do not care for leadership by others as they are perfectly capable of leading themselves Gamma male: You are sort of the "invisible" guy. There is nothing really spectacular about you. You are not a beta, but neither are you an alpha. your personality and presence usually blends in with the rest of the room and you're just sort of...there. People like you just fine and you usually don't have too much trouble with girls, but all the same, there is nothing particularly memorable or remarkable about you. You are not a born leader nor an inherent follower, although you can take on those tasks depending on the situation. Sigma male: You are a manipulative mastermind. You are a spider waiting to lay your trap. You possess a cunning, intuitive mind and can sway people to your will. You don't have the casual swagger of the alpha or the omega but you do have a clever presence about you and people tend to be both wary and respect you for that. You can often be even more powerful than the alpha or the omega male in social situations due to your ability to persuade and manipulate them. You are neither a follower or a leader but rather a wild card.
PRW Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 None of the personality types are inherently immoral. All of the types can be moral or immoral,...even the Sigma. It is all about using their "powers" for good rather than evil. The Sigma type is excellent for Police Detectives, Covert Ops, Military Intelligents, Government Intelligents. Those people are important and we need them.
Gaeta Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 The alphas are not always bad boys I agree but I view them as having a constant need to conquer the world, conquer in business, sports....and of course conquer women. I have dated my share of alphas and no more.
PRW Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 https://www.theguardian.com/world/2011/may/22/alpha-males-sex-scandals I work in the Main Stream Media and have for 20 years. I know "The Narrative". I rub shoulders daily with reporters, producers, anchors, the executives...I know them, I know their bias, I know how much they "really" know (and what they don't), I know their politics. That is as much as I will publicly reveal about myself on that.
Author RedHead5 Posted September 19, 2018 Author Posted September 19, 2018 A true alpha is not a jerk in my opinion. He really has no reason to be, because why would he care? Think that's a Beta with a dominant personality? I don't know if that's accurate, but I have heard that before. Is it possible for these to apply to women as well? I sound like a total Omega lol
PRW Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 A true alpha is not a jerk in my opinion. He really has no reason to be, because why would he care? Think that's a Beta with a dominant personality? I don't know if that's accurate, but I have heard that before. Probably accurate. Think: "spoiled brat" grows up to be an adult, what do you get? I firmly believe Betas are the more common rapists along with other sexual crimes. They are suppressed, made to be Incels, until the pressure builds and they "pop". The "shooters" are often found to be this type as well. We have a new term now-a-days called the Male Feminist that studies now show that they can be similarly dangerous. They may often be Betas but can equally or more so be Sigmas, maybe a few Gammas but probably only a few. But the one thing they won't be is an Alpha. "Uncle Harvey" and many other Hollywood execs that got in trouble were more likely Sigmas using their subvert craftiness to get where they got and manipulated women. The safest is probably the "true" Alphas. They don't hide anything, what you see is what you get, whether you like what you see or not. Is it possible for these to apply to women as well? I sound like a total Omega lol The personality types apply to everyone. I think in real life Omegas are very common (and I'm happy and proud to be one). It is just the words "alpha" and "beta" get all the attention in societies vocabulary.
PRW Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 The alphas are not always bad boys I agree but I view them as having a constant need to conquer the world, conquer in business, sports....and of course conquer women. I have dated my share of alphas and no more. I don't deny your experience, so don't take the things I say as that. I am more curious about it actually. I think what you may have experienced was this: One our our modern society's problems is lack of integrity and morals,...the moral relativism (Postmodernism) is epidemic. In my teens and early twenties one of my favorite things to says was "You can't trust anyone, they will say whatever they think you want to hear, and will do whatever they think they can get away with". I still believe that, but I now have the experience to spot the worst ones before I get too involved with them, so it is less of a problem. In your relationships it was the Alpha traits that attracted you to the guys, but it was their lack of integrity that stung you. The "alphaness" wasn't the problem. You will find the same lack of integrity in all the types but the other types, particularly Beta, Gamma, and Sigmas will hide it from you much more successfully, they may even suppress their desires until one day they just snap. Attraction is not a choice. If you are attracted to Alpha traits, and I am sure you are, then anyone else you settle for will be exactly that,...just settling. Unfortunately Alphas are hard to find today, and then you have to find a "good" one out of the small selection,...so not an easy task.
Gaeta Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 In your relationships it was the Alpha traits that attracted you to the guys, but it was their lack of integrity that stung you. The "alphaness" wasn't the problem. You will find the same lack of integrity in all the types but the other types, particularly Beta, Gamma, and Sigmas will hide it from you much more successfully, they may even suppress their desires until one day they just snap. I met a lot of beta, alpha, sigma without integrity. As for the alpha what stood the most was their character. They like to control the situation, they're not good listeners and quickly turn the conversation toward them (because they're so damn great), often they live by it's my way or the highway, lots of cockiness, lots of me me me look at me. Attraction is not a choice. If you are attracted to Alpha traits, and I am sure you are, then anyone else you settle for will be exactly that,...just settling. Unfortunately Alphas are hard to find today, and then you have to find a "good" one out of the small selection,...so not an easy task. I used to be attracted toward them because at the time I was lacking confidence in myself. This attraction toward alpha male died when I grew into a confident woman. Now I want an equal partner, not a leader.
PRW Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 Now I want an equal partner, not a leader. Without hyjacking the thread too much more,...where are you at now with that in terms of success? I'm always open to PM but that is up to you.
Gaeta Posted September 24, 2018 Posted September 24, 2018 Without hyjacking the thread too much more,...where are you at now with that in terms of success? I'm always open to PM but that is up to you. Been in a very rewarding, healthy, and equal partnership for 3 years now. Sometimes I lead, sometimes he does, it's a back and forth depending on our individual strength and weaknesses. I would identify him as omega. He's confident, assertive, driven but doesn't need to rub it in my face or anyone else's.
Author RedHead5 Posted September 24, 2018 Author Posted September 24, 2018 Can I get some opinions on this? Do guys like this? Trying to decide if I should start this habit. Been seeing this guy for almost 3 months, we are exclusive. He sent me one last week, we typically text 2-3 short interchanges on days we don't see each other. Not actual good morning/ good nights but typically around those hours. I dated a narcissist briefly that got me all self-conscious about this. So, just looking for some general man opinions on the good morning text. It feels obligatory once it gets going so I'm just skittish about starting it....
smackie9 Posted September 24, 2018 Posted September 24, 2018 Like I always say, date those who treat you the way you want to be treated...IMO when a guy is excited about you, he would want to be letting you know he is thinking about you, am I right? Throw in a good morning text to let him know you are thinking of him....see where it takes you. If he makes zero effort, time to re-evaluate.
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