kendahke Posted September 13, 2018 Share Posted September 13, 2018 I like reading "mortensorchid's" threads/updates... I'm retired and it fills the day. They have a journaling feature on here that might be more suited to this application. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted September 13, 2018 Author Share Posted September 13, 2018 Hmmm … This is strange. Yesterday when texting I noticed there was a link created by my texting app to his Facebook page and I went to his Facebook page. He told me when we met that he had had a gf and they were together for 9 years, have been broken up for about a year. Of course a search there lead to other things, as in links to people featured in the photos. There was a woman in these photos with him who I assume was the gf from sometime last year. I identified her and found her Facebook page and she is now with some other man and they are posting lovely dovey photos of the two of them together and saying they're in love and whatnot sometime this year. So yes I believe that she is now with someone else, but then … I find another photo of him that looked familiar. He and I had been chatting on another dating website about two or three years ago, it never got past "Hi how are you", "How was your day" type things. But he was with this woman during this time apparently when we were talking before on other dating websites. I think I will just let this stand. He doesn't seem that into me to begin with (as in only responding when I texted last), and this seems somewhat shady as he's a Repeat Offender from other dating websites. Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted September 13, 2018 Share Posted September 13, 2018 Hmmm … This is strange. Yesterday when texting I noticed there was a link created by my texting app to his Facebook page and I went to his Facebook page. He told me when we met that he had had a gf and they were together for 9 years, have been broken up for about a year. Of course a search there lead to other things, as in links to people featured in the photos. There was a woman in these photos with him who I assume was the gf from sometime last year. I identified her and found her Facebook page and she is now with some other man and they are posting lovely dovey photos of the two of them together and saying they're in love and whatnot sometime this year. So yes I believe that she is now with someone else, but then … I find another photo of him that looked familiar. He and I had been chatting on another dating website about two or three years ago, it never got past "Hi how are you", "How was your day" type things. But he was with this woman during this time apparently when we were talking before on other dating websites. I think I will just let this stand. He doesn't seem that into me to begin with (as in only responding when I texted last), and this seems somewhat shady as he's a Repeat Offender from other dating websites. Wait, so he was on OLD while he was with his ex??? Ummm...that's a dealbreaker But honestly, your negative attitude is manifesting all of this Self-fulfilling prophecy at the most extreme level 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted September 13, 2018 Author Share Posted September 13, 2018 Wait, so he was on OLD while he was with his ex??? Ummm...that's a dealbreaker But honestly, your negative attitude is manifesting all of this Self-fulfilling prophecy at the most extreme level It seems to be the case that he was OLDing while he was with the now former gf, yes. So that's that like you said. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted September 13, 2018 Share Posted September 13, 2018 It seems to be the case that he was OLDing while he was with the now former gf, yes. So that's that like you said. Is it possible they were on a break? After one date, do you really know every detail of his supposed 9 year relationship with her? I also agree with Midwest that you shut down the conversation with him last night pretty abruptly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted September 13, 2018 Share Posted September 13, 2018 It seems to be the case that he was OLDing while he was with the now former gf, yes. So that's that like you said. Well, if it smells fishy...throw it out. You could ask him about it, if you really care that much. Maybe they broke up for a short period of time and that's why he used OLD. And maybe he was cheating and you'll never get an honest answer from him. IMO, if I were you...I'd call it a day for two reasons. The first being it would be risky to continue to date him considering recent events and the second being, you're in no position to date unless you work on yourself. I mean, you're threads are defeat after defeat after defeat plus you say you're in your 40's and you haven't had much success in your love life....ever. The reason for that is because you're not addressing what's going on with you so you end up projecting all this negativity that manifests itself in your dating life. Dating sucks and we have to kiss a lot of frogs before we find our prince but I find it hard to believe you haven't found the right person for you at 40 years of age unless you're just sabotaging yourself along the way 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted September 13, 2018 Share Posted September 13, 2018 Ask him about it. Don't waste time creating stories in your head that may or may not be true. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 14, 2018 Share Posted September 14, 2018 There was a woman in these photos with him who I assume was the gf from sometime last year. Or it could be his sister or a cousin or a co-worker or just an old friend... Don't throw this guy away just because you think you maybe found something on old social media sites/pictures. Like others have posted... If this was a girlfriend, they could have been on a break. I dated this one woman that broke up with me every third or fourth month for 3 weeks or so. I dated during the break. During a 9 year relationship I sure they hit bumps in the road and I'm sure the first breakup didn't stick. If its concerning you that much, ask him next time you see him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted September 14, 2018 Share Posted September 14, 2018 Or it could be his sister or a cousin or a co-worker or just an old friend... Don't throw this guy away just because you think you maybe found something on old social media sites/pictures. Like others have posted... If this was a girlfriend, they could have been on a break. I dated this one woman that broke up with me every third or fourth month for 3 weeks or so. I dated during the break. During a 9 year relationship I sure they hit bumps in the road and I'm sure the first breakup didn't stick. If its concerning you that much, ask him next time you see him. Agree with all of the above, except the asking part. How do you explain to someone you can barely converse with that you went to all this trouble to stalk his profile, and that of an ex, and came to the conclusion you've reached? He's gonna think she's crazy. OTOH, there's nothing to lose, because OP has already convinced herself it's dead in the water. OP, why not take a break from dating? Concentrate on your new job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 14, 2018 Share Posted September 14, 2018 Agree with all of the above, except the asking part.. Hmmm.... You might be right, "MidwestUSA"... I was basing that statement on my current long term relationship. Early on, my girlfriend had a couple questions about a previous relationship I was in and I had a few questions about her previous marriage. We both got our answers, the subject was put to bed and we've been doing great ever since. But now, I don't know... You make some good points about all of the social media research OP performed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted September 14, 2018 Author Share Posted September 14, 2018 I've had enough experiences where I know now that if something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. You may never know what that is or is not, but if you choose to ignore it, it will always linger. Thanks to social media we have certain tools that we didn't before in order to do some research. I'm not making things up, I know I had talked to this guy before in the past on a dating website. And ... Something's not right here. I'm throwing him back. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted September 14, 2018 Share Posted September 14, 2018 You didn't let the convo just fade out, you shut it off. And the way you relay to us - 'I turned off the phone, went to bed, nothing since' sounds so defeated! Did you expect him to magically know when your phone got turned back on and jump on it? How many hours has it been? Stop counting! And you can initiate, you know. Are you a better conversationalist with some liquor in you? Ask him out and get a couple of drinks in you. What's the worst that can happen? (No, don't answer that ) Yeah even my 90yo nan would have been up for a chat. Turning in..Why not joke and have some fun? Ask him some interesting and fun questions. I can't understand this "my day was drama filled, but better than boring" "well, time to sleep now bye" It just doesn't seem to be working. The thing about the ex seems odd but I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. Wouldn't it have been risky for him to go on a dating site while in a 9 Yr relationship? It seems the final nails in the coffin though so you can relax now and forget him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted September 14, 2018 Share Posted September 14, 2018 Thanks to social media we have certain tools that we didn't before in order to do some research. I'm not making things up, I know I had talked to this guy before in the past on a dating website. And ... Something's not right here. I'm throwing him back. Maybe it's a 'guy thing'. Or maybe it's a 'nospam99 thing'. But I'm not that jaded yet (but definitely getting VERY close as the ghosts, flakes, and liars pile up). I don't stalk 'my women' on social media - it's all one degree or another of bull**** anyway. And if it gets to the point where I am communicating and, dare I say, dating a woman who blew me off years or even months ago, well ... that was then and this is (or would be) now. People have relationships. If the relationship is serious enough to them they don't start other relationships when they've got one going. Those relationships don't always mature. I'd have no problem with a woman who was at one time not interested in me becoming interested at a later time. I'd judge her interest and integrity (mostly) on her present actions. Just sayin' 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted September 14, 2018 Share Posted September 14, 2018 I've had enough experiences where I know now that if something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. You may never know what that is or is not, but if you choose to ignore it, it will always linger. Thanks to social media we have certain tools that we didn't before in order to do some research. I'm not making things up, I know I had talked to this guy before in the past on a dating website. And ... Something's not right here. I'm throwing him back. I never responded to guy whom I had previously talked to on OLD If it didn't go anywhere then, there was a reason for it Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted September 15, 2018 Author Share Posted September 15, 2018 I never responded to guy whom I had previously talked to on OLD If it didn't go anywhere then, there was a reason for it I didn't realize it was him until I saw the photos on his Facebook page. Otherwise I think he was not that into me to begin with. I haven't heard anything from him so next. Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted September 15, 2018 Share Posted September 15, 2018 You liked him. Go for it! Put yourself out there. Screw what happened years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
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