PRW Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 Or the message is "people can't be trusted to show up for first dates because they're flakes" which isn't all that unreasonable. Yes it is unreasonable.
rightondude Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 maybe it went so well they are still goin' at it? 4
PRW Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 So what happened? FWIW I would not have gone. I confirm with dear friends I have had for decades. If 1/2 hour before I was supposed to meet a stranger off the internet I hadn't heard from him no way am I wasting my time / gas. I would have sent a follow up text to that effect however. It's common courtesy to confirm. I never confirm,...ever. I make the date, say, "Sounds great, see you there", and then I show up. With strangers on dates, I give them enough rope to either hang themselves, or show themselves honorable. I would redefine the common courtesy this way,...it is common courtesy to keep your word and show up as agreed. 2
SevenCity Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 I never confirm,...ever. I make the date, say, "Sounds great, see you there", and then I show up. With strangers on dates, I give them enough rope to either hang themselves, or show themselves honorable. I would redefine the common courtesy this way,...it is common courtesy to keep your word and show up as agreed. I’m the same. Posters here ripped me and called me arrogent (even doctors do it!) and off putting. Yet now, it appears as if people are on the “no confirmation” band wagon. I was stood up once and she tried to blame it on me for not confirming (date was set a few days prior) and wanted to talk on the phone later that day. I promptly unmatched her. 3
SevenCity Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 You're not feeling good about it, because you're projecting past experiences onto the present. And because you seem to have a negative outlook about EVERYTHING. You confirmed the night before. Now this guy is wondering 1) if you have a problem with reading comprehension, and 2) if you, in general, have a complete lack of faith in the rest of humanity. He may be thinking 'damn, I'm a man of my word, what's up with this chick?' If you HAD to send another text, it should have been 'looking forward to tonight, see you soon'. And I believe this was covered in a prior thread when you did the flaking. But since you rarely follow up with the threads you start, or acknowledge advice given, I'm not surprised you didn't take this approach. I do hope you'll report back, however it goes. I'm sure some of the others who consistently give you advice are hoping the same. :headbang: Ouchies. But all true. 3
PRW Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 I was stood up once and she tried to blame it on me for not confirming (date was set a few days prior) and wanted to talk on the phone later that day. I promptly unmatched her. I had something similar. I found out the restaurant was closed for a special event. I didn't want to complicate things so I message her (while driving to the date) to tell her to just meet there as planned and we would find a new place once we got there. She messaged back to cancel saying, "Her dad was sick". I was 15 minutes from getting there. So I figure had the restaurant not been closed prompting me to message her,...she would have stood me up. She also needs better excuses,...the classic "sick family member" was pretty lame. 1
MidwestUSA Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 I had something similar. I found out the restaurant was closed for a special event. I didn't want to complicate things so I message her (while driving to the date) to tell her to just meet there as planned and we would find a new place once we got there. She messaged back to cancel saying, "Her dad was sick". I was 15 minutes from getting there. So I figure had the restaurant not been closed prompting me to message her,...she would have stood me up. She also needs better excuses,...the classic "sick family member" was pretty lame. This is why I keep a recording of a nasty, metal twisting car crash with me. 'Hey there, I'm only five minutes (hit play), OMG, WTF? Whaaaaaat! Someone help! Please!' 2
PRW Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 This is why I keep a recording of a nasty, metal twisting car crash with me. 'Hey there, I'm only five minutes (hit play), OMG, WTF? Whaaaaaat! Someone help! Please!' I use voice recognition,... not manually typing, and also why I said we would figure it out when I got there rather than deal with it at that moment.
Author mortensorchid Posted September 7, 2018 Author Posted September 7, 2018 SOrry I haven't responded to this until just now. Guess what? I did go. I scanned the interior of the restaurant and he was not there, so I stood outside near the front door for a bit ... And he DID show up! He parked his car right next to mine! And ... I actually had a good time with him. I didn't think I was going to at first, I thought I had made another date with just another one who ends up being an average guy / complete tool. But I was surprised. I'm not sure how we got on these topics but he said he loves hang gliding and skydiving, and he was going away this weekend for a firewalking event! Where he will walk over fire! I was impressed, truly. This might turn off the average gal but I was impressed he had traveled so much and that he had this edge about him. I didn't say much about myself, I don't want to overwhelm him with things about my past adventures (which has happened before). He walked me to my car! He hugged me good bye and said he wanted to see me again! He was busy that weekend going firewalking but can we get together next week maybe? I said yes. And he texted me as soon as I got home saying he had a good time! And he never answered my text because I switched two numbers. I said I had texted him earlier and he didn't respond, but I double checked the number and he said I switched the numbers. 5
nospam99 Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 I actually had a good time with him. Good to hear! Best wishes for continued 'success' with this guy! And, hey, if it 'doesn't work out', I hope this starts a dating 'winning streak' for you - just stay 'positive'
PRW Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 ...and that he had this edge about him. That is the part you liked the most,...even if you don't realize it yet. Even if it doesn't work out with this one,...this will be the thing to look for in the next one, and the next one.
kendahke Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 I am supposed to have an internet date tonight. We were texting last week through Bumble and he asked to meet. I said okay, Thursday was a good night for me. He said it was for him as well. He said he would choose a place to meet, I said okay (once we had confirmed where we lived in relationship to one another). Yesterday we confirmed the location, he said he'll be there at 7 pm, I said okay good for me and my cell was (number) in case. He gave me his and said he was looking forward to meeting me. This afternoon I sent him a text saying "Hi this is (my name) we still on for this evening 7 @ (location)?" No response. THat was about 3 hours ago I am supposed to meet him in about an hour and a half. I'm not feeling good about this, that he's not responding to things. Just want a confirmation. You keep creating the same problem over and over and expect a different outcome. It's really time for you to stop online dating because you're not in the right head space to even be trying. The guy told you what time he was going to be there. You confirmed it yesterday--there was no need to text him today to reconfirm a confirmation with him. The only reason to text would be if you or he couldn't make it. Period. 3
Happy Lemming Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 And ... I actually had a good time with him.. YEA!!! That is great news!! Way to go!! Here's hoping the relationship continues to grow in a positive direction!!
Lotsgoingon Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 GREAT NEWS Mortensorchid!!! You went and you had a good time ... and How ironic is it that you actually did NOT text him. You got the numbers wrong. Wow!!!! I'm actually glad he didn't get the text because there's a high chance that he would have been turned off by it. Dates are huge events ... I am notoriously spacey ... and I forget things, but rarely do I forget a meeting with someone ... and I can't ever remember forgetting a date--even if it was scheduled a week earlier. I'm a guy--a date goes to the top of the priority list on the calendar! ... even if I'm not using a calendar! BTW: I really appreciate the way you are willing to come on here and share your real thinking and worries with us IN REAL TIME, NO LESS. I'm rooting for you!
rightondude Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 that's awesome! Now, don't screw it up! :-) You've got folks on here rooting for you.
Author mortensorchid Posted September 7, 2018 Author Posted September 7, 2018 I had something similar. I found out the restaurant was closed for a special event. I didn't want to complicate things so I message her (while driving to the date) to tell her to just meet there as planned and we would find a new place once we got there. She messaged back to cancel saying, "Her dad was sick". I was 15 minutes from getting there. So I figure had the restaurant not been closed prompting me to message her,...she would have stood me up. She also needs better excuses,...the classic "sick family member" was pretty lame. At least she didn't say her cat was sick. She used an actual person. 1
guest569 Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 Congrats! Glad this date worked out! As I was reading this, I was thinking, darn, my prediction was off. I really hate being wrong. I was at least glad for you that he showed up. Then I saw that you texted the wrong number. Now both of our egos are assuaged. You're rarely wrong but neither am I so I was torn. But I think it's reasonable to assume it's on unless stated otherwise when it was confirmed so recently. If she didn't go along, she would be none the wiser about the wrong number and have written him off as yet another flake and more reason to doubt the hell out of the next guy. Does he have 2 numbers or were you texting someone else? Maybe you will be engaged a year from now and look back at this unenthusiastic thread title and remember not to give up too easily. 3
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 Great news! You soo deserve it after all the cra* you have been through
MaleIntuition Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 That is the part you liked the most,...even if you don't realize it yet. Even if it doesn't work out with this one,...this will be the thing to look for in the next one, and the next one. Care to elaborate, what’s an edge?
Author mortensorchid Posted September 8, 2018 Author Posted September 8, 2018 Care to elaborate, what’s an edge? In this case, he said he was into some things that the average person is not. He said he was into hang gliding, and he'd done things like firewalking, fire eating, traveling to exotic places, had a knowledge of Star Wars and James Bond and comics, etc. I was happy! He wasn't a loser or a tool, he wasn't totally bored or awkward with me, he seemed like he could hold his own in that way. But of course I can be average as well. I stay home on Friday and Saturday nights like everyone else can and does, life is not a 24 hour party. Especially now as I'm older and not in my early 20s anymore, but hey it's what it is. But I want someone who will also acknowledge these facts. Now … It's Saturday … Sunday … I am going to think what my next move will be.
Gretchen12 Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 That is the part you liked the most,...even if you don't realize it yet. Even if it doesn't work out with this one,...this will be the thing to look for in the next one, and the next one. I used to be attracted by that. But in my experience, those did not work out as warm, stable, mature, long term relationships. Attraction only gives you about 3 months of fun. I like the edge, but then I don't like it when I want loyalty, rational behavior, and accountability in the life partner. So now I know it's unfair to the edgy guy as well. I chose him for that, then I don't want that in a LTR. When the edge turns into relationship-edge, that's drama I don't need. 1
guest569 Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 I used to be attracted by that. But in my experience, those did not work out as warm, stable, mature, long term relationships. Attraction only gives you about 3 months of fun. I like the edge, but then I don't like it when I want loyalty, rational behavior, and accountability in the life partner. So now I know it's unfair to the edgy guy as well. I chose him for that, then I don't want that in a LTR. When the edge turns into relationship-edge, that's drama I don't need. Attraction - 3 months of fun. What? It sounds like in this case is just means he is a bit quirky and adventurous.. and does some interesting things with his life. Which gives him that edge. Whereas in your cases it made them a bit "edgy" personality wise?
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