Understanding Bumble

[JuneL]

OP: I’m just very curious what has this cashier done to make you think she has an unusually kind heart?

 

I appreciate the responses and am hopeful for more input.

 

 

Excellent information and tip. Thank you! The last (unquoted) thing you said cracked me up. I think the example you gave of what worked for you could be an excellent idea to try, and I appreciate the details on response rates. This helps set expectations. I went through about 15 before I posted this, then maybe another 20 afterward. Most of the women look attractive in their photos.

 

I did get a match a couple hours ago and now I'm all excited and can't sleep. She's a scientist, introverted (like me), looks nerdy, and has my body type. She's about 25 miles away, though.

 

Regarding the kind heart, my thoughts keep going back to this grocery store cashier I noticed a few months back. She just oozes kindness. I've never met anyone like her before. This will sound horrible, but if she didn't already have a man (which she does), and if I had a chance to marry her today, knowing NOTHING about her other than her name, I would, in a heartbeat. Her appearance is average, yet I'm drawn to her more than anyone else. Had I seen her on Bumble, I might have swiped left, I'm not sure. So that's where my concern lies.

[shydad]

OP: I’m just very curious what has this cashier done to make you think she has an unusually kind heart?

This is not something which can be quantified. However, what I can say is that I've never met a human being (man or woman) with the warmth emanating from her. The things she says, the tone, how she says them, the look on her face, in her eyes. Possibly you're thinking, "Oh, she's just being nice, like all cashiers." You'd be wrong, and there is no way to explain it without you talking with her.

 

My dating coach (a woman), was blown away by her, and kept gushing about how amazing she was. What she said was "She is SO SWEET!", "Taken. I can see why too!", "Oh man she is the best!", "That's an angel!", "I haven't met many like that.", "I walked up to her and she says, 'Wow you're beautiful!'".

[Andy_K]

Thank you, Andy K. I found this to be unpleasant and discouraging to read, but informative. Breaking bad news is not fun, so I appreciate you stepping up to share this. I don’t quite understand it myself. Coming into OLD in general, I thought being a dad was a selling point, but quickly found articles stating otherwise.

 

Well firstly, obviously it makes no real difference to the single mums, it's just the childless ones that might not be so keen. So there's that.

 

In real life it's less of a big deal, but you have to think about who your audience is online - these are for the most part, women who are still single for good reasons. Many of them are still wanting to fill their life with 'adventure', or waiting for their knight in shining armour, and a guy with a kid dispels that fantasy instantly. And they can get away with it, because if they can get a dozen matches with decent looking guys with a few swipes, why bother with the guy who has obvious baggage?

[shydad]

I thought I should follow up, now that it's been a week. (Ok, honestly I want to gush.) So Bumble is working out! The two women who messaged me before I put "dad" in my bio stopped responding (no surprise, per Andy_K), but I "super liked" a kind eyed teacher and after a few days of messaging, she gave me her phone number and we talked and scheduled a meeting! So I haven't made it a secret that I effectively have had no dating experience. I basically started three months ago. Seriously, this is the first time I've talked with a woman on the phone for dating purposes, and I'm 41 years old. Her voice was amazing... Oh my gosh! I love the way she talks and laughs. She has the same openness and non judgemental views I have on faith, even the same idea of taking turns of which church to go to. I think I did well. We talked for 45 minutes. Against my desires, I ended it by asking about meeting, then getting off the phone when she said yes. I'm so excited! We will meet for lunch on Thursday.

[Andy_K]

Congrats, good luck! Let us know how it works out. Sometimes it's good to hear the success stories, since you naturally hear most about the unsuccessful ones here.