ktmiller222 Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 So I've been casually dating a guy for 5 months. We got along great and never fought. Our last two dates weren't so good. One of them he got into a small argument with his friend at a bar and he ended up ending the night with me because he was so angry. He apologized and everything. I just let it go even though it made me sad. Our last date, there seemed to be tension. I don't know why and we haven't talked since. We are both stubborn and have a hard time talking about our feelings. I was really upset and even mad. I ended up going back onto the dating apps and bought additional packages so I can see people who already swiped right on me. He swiped right on me. I don't understand why he would swipe right on me and not text me. I want to talk to him but I am scared. We had a great time together. Any advice?
MidwestUSA Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 (edited) So I've been casually dating a guy for 5 months. We got along great and never fought. Our last two dates weren't so good. One of them he got into a small argument with his friend at a bar and he ended up ending the night with me because he was so angry. He apologized and everything. I just let it go even though it made me sad. Our last date, there seemed to be tension. I don't know why and we haven't talked since. We are both stubborn and have a hard time talking about our feelings. I was really upset and even mad. I ended up going back onto the dating apps and bought additional packages so I can see people who already swiped right on me. He swiped right on me. I don't understand why he would swipe right on me and not text me. I want to talk to him but I am scared. We had a great time together. Any advice? He swiped right to let you know he's aware of the game you're playing. What a horribly passive aggressive thing to do. If you can't talk to him, end it and get some counseling to help you learn some communication and conflict resolution skills. ETA: you don't need to end it, you can assume it's over. Edited September 7, 2018 by MidwestUSA 3
Author ktmiller222 Posted September 7, 2018 Author Posted September 7, 2018 He swiped right to let you know he's aware of the game you're playing. What a horribly passive aggressive thing to do. If you can't talk to him, end it and get some counseling to help you learn some communication and conflict resolution skills. ETA: you don't need to end it, you can assume it's over. He was already on the app!
MidwestUSA Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 He was already on the app! Ah, then you know where you stand. Maybe he was still on it, having never deleted it, but you took the extra step to buy packages, whatever that is. Two wrongs, you know. My advice about learning communication skills stands. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 If after 5 months you two lack the communication skills to talk about where this is heading (if anywhere) then I would move on. 1
basil67 Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 Personally, I'd view him having to end the evening because of an argument with a friend as a red flag. Points to problems managing his moods. 2
d0nnivain Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 I see multiple problems here. 1. His argument with his friend has nothing to do with you. Knowing that the argument put him in a bad mood I think he was right to end your date. He was no longer in the mood. People are allowed to be upset. That doesn't mean he needs anger management. He managed his anger just fine. He didn't take it out on you. He handled it. 2. Your response to your upset -- to go on the app -- signals that you have poor conflict resolution skills. Doing anything other than talking to him was the wrong way to address whatever was wrong. You claim you are stubborn & have a hard time talking about your feelings. Until you learn to do that every relationship you ever try to have will have problems. 3. He was already on the dating app -- very bad sign. It means you & him weren't as exclusive after 5 months as you thought. Him swiping right on you may have been some sort of passive aggressive acknowledgement that you both suck at dating & some indication that he was open to talking but his failure to contact you is bad. You have two choices. The way you are going to pick is to sit there, do nothing seethe & never talk to him again. You two will never speak again because you refuse to overcome your own stubbornness & emotional detachment. You will miss this opportunity for personal growth. You will then probably bitterly complain that all men are awful. The better was is to pick up the phone & talk to him. Ask what is going on. Talk about what happened. Either break up knowingly after having cleared the air or get back together & off the apps, promising to communicate before you go running back to cyberland to solve problems because that is no solution. Personally I think you should break up because if both of your responses is to check out so quickly, & you paid money for extra access, deep down you don't have the desire to see this through. 3
d0nnivain Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 The app is the dating app where they both met. She bought a new membership with extra bells & whistles. When she got on there, he was already on there & swiped right on her again but hasn't talked to her. 1
PRW Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 The app is the dating app where they both met. She bought a new membership with extra bells & whistles. When she got on there, he was already on there & swiped right on her again but hasn't talked to her. The "Swipe Right" that he did may have very easily been the original time they first met. It is probably not "recent". Also I have had those Apps bring up a person that you had already "swiped" to earlier,...so she came up a second time for him in the App,...what is he supposed to do? Of course he swiped right, and he didn't need to message her because they were already in contact. Your other post with the three numbered points was dead on, I couldn't add anything useful to that. 2
Gretchen12 Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 After 5 months you should know if you want him. If you want him don't play games. If you don't want him don't contact him. Don't base your actions on moods (yours and his). Think about what you want.
damni Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 Oh my at 5 months you both should not be on any dating apps still and least be exclusive. Why has this not been discussed? are you just FWB?
MidwestUSA Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 Oh my at 5 months you both should not be on any dating apps still and least be exclusive. Why has this not been discussed? are you just FWB? OP admits they are both poor communicators. Shrug.
LoverOfDance Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 OP, you've written about this man before. One poster told you that he is keeping you on the hook. You can't seem to see this for some reason. I think the problem is that you can't tell when a man REALLY likes you. This man is lukewarm about you. From everything you've written about him, it seems like he is keeping his options open. You like him a lot and you are seriously falling for him yet you're accepting his bare minimum efforts. He is doing just enough to keep you around. He is not crazy about you. If you ask me, you should be with someone who is so into you that they want to spend time with you as much as possible. Someone whose feelings match yours. If he is still on the dating app, he is either poly and can love multiple people at once or he doesn't like you that much. Please stop playing pointless games with this man and move on with your life. 1
Gaeta Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 How old is everybody involved? because it sounds like a high school drama play. How do you want to sustain a relationship if each time you feel frustrated you run back to a dating app? Hope you took back that $300 gift.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 OP, I just realized who you're talking about here. This guy? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/660557-how-should-i-go-about I am surprised you're still hanging on. What is it going to take for you to realize he's not going to become your boyfriend?
basil67 Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 1. His argument with his friend has nothing to do with you. Knowing that the argument put him in a bad mood I think he was right to end your date. He was no longer in the mood. People are allowed to be upset. That doesn't mean he needs anger management. He managed his anger just fine. He didn't take it out on you. He handled it. My view is that he can't compartmentalise. Someone who can't compartmentalise is likely to have a bad day at work and come home and be unpleasant/have walls up with the partner and kids that night. When you live with loved ones, you can't just pack up and go home if you're in a bad mood. I think it's far more healthy to have a quick vent about what happened and then do your best to behave normally with those who it doesn't affect.
Recommended Posts