j.ane Posted September 2, 2018 Posted September 2, 2018 Hi guys, I could really use all the support I could get right now, I am so lost and confused and terrified. I posted a thread about my boyfriend a few days ago, talking about how unappreciated he'd made me feel. And everyone suggested that breaking up with him would be the best way to go - though in my heart, I never wanted that. I'd been feeling so low and neglected all day and decided to call him and talk to him. I wanted to have a mature heart to heart with him but ended up crying the moment I started talking. I told him that I'd been feeling neglected by him and that I was worried, and he told me that he's already explained his situation to me and that his responsibilities have been getting in the way. He also said that I was allowing my fears control my actions and that I needed to be patient. Although he was right, I also felt like I was not being heard by him. I felt so tired, and said, "Do you think you'd be happier if we broke up?" He went silent and his tone became so cold. Then he just said, "sure". I asked him again, I begged him to be honest. He just mumbled another "sure" to me. I then asked him if we could talk about it again face to face before really ending it, and he just simply said, "yeah". When I asked him to promise me, he just sighed and said "yeah" again. Then after seconds of silence, he said, "you don't deserve this. I love you so much. Please take care of yourself, goodbye". And the call was over. I didn't wake up this morning expecting to break up over the phone. I love him so dearly, and my mind isn't accepting this at all. Despite everything, we were each other's best friend and I never expected things to end up this way. I feel so confused, like something's missing. This can't be it. I was supposed to meet him for lunch tomorrow and now I can't even talk to him anymore. I don't know what to do. I feel like I made a huge mistake. My heart's with him, I don't know how to just walk away from someone so dear to me.. just like that. I don't even know if we're really broken up. I don't know what to do. My chest physically hurts, I have no one to talk to. He's the first person I've ever really been with, I've ever genuinely loved. I still love him so much. I'm freaking out so much.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2018 Posted September 2, 2018 Base on your other thread here, https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/663580-valid-reason-break-up-someone, this relationship wasn't on solid ground and hadn't been for a while. It hurts now, but when you heal and meet a great guy, you will see that good relationships don't look like this one did. 1
Author j.ane Posted September 2, 2018 Author Posted September 2, 2018 Base on your other thread here, https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/663580-valid-reason-break-up-someone, this relationship wasn't on solid ground and hadn't been for a while. It hurts now, but when you heal and meet a great guy, you will see that good relationships don't look like this one did. I never spoke of the good things he did for me, only the bad. I love him so much and I really feel like he loves me too. He just doesn't know how to make me happy, because his style of affection is so reserved and practical. When he was good, he was the best. I don't know how to look at that face and not immediately think that he's my home, as corny as that sounds.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2018 Posted September 2, 2018 I never spoke of the good things he did for me, only the bad. I love him so much and I really feel like he loves me too. He just doesn't know how to make me happy, because his style of affection is so reserved and practical. When he was good, he was the best. I don't know how to look at that face and not immediately think that he's my home, as corny as that sounds. Yes, and that's how you know he wasn't the right guy for you. All relationships have good and bad points. But when you start feeling neglected, stressed and unhappy more often than not, you know the relationship is over.
Author j.ane Posted September 2, 2018 Author Posted September 2, 2018 Yes, and that's how you know he wasn't the right guy for you. All relationships have good and bad points. But when you start feeling neglected, stressed and unhappy more often than not, you know the relationship is over. I just need clarification, just for me to be able to move on. He didn't even say the words "break up", he didn't say anything. I asked him so many times to tell me if he wanted to break up and he just sadly said, "just be kind to yourself, I love you so much". I need the truth, I always tend to hold onto things that are vague. I need something. I have no one.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2018 Posted September 2, 2018 I just need clarification, just for me to be able to move on. He didn't even say the words "break up", he didn't say anything. I asked him so many times to tell me if he wanted to break up and he just sadly said, "just be kind to yourself, I love you so much". I need the truth, I always tend to hold onto things that are vague. I need something. I have no one. You don't need him to say it, do you? You can say it. Tell him you want to end this. My assumption here is that you suggested breaking up to see if he would reassure you that's not what he wants, right?
Author j.ane Posted September 2, 2018 Author Posted September 2, 2018 You don't need him to say it, do you? You can say it. Tell him you want to end this. My assumption here is that you suggested breaking up to see if he would reassure you that's not what he wants, right? Because I don't want to break up, I never did. But if he wanted to break up with me, I would accept that. Now it's just vague.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2018 Posted September 2, 2018 Because I don't want to break up, I never did. But if he wanted to break up with me, I would accept that. Now it's just vague. I don't really understand why you suggested it if you don't want to break up, then. But now that you have, and he agreed it would be best, I think you have your answer.
BaileyB Posted September 2, 2018 Posted September 2, 2018 You give yourself closure. You were not well suited, the relationship had run its course. When you are ready, look for someone who is better suited to you and can provide the love and affection that you need. He has clearly demonstrated to you by his words and actions that he wanted to break up. It's not vague. Would you feel better if he told you all the reasons why he knew it wasn't going to work. Probably not. He is being kind to you...You must accept that fact and move on... 1
Author j.ane Posted September 2, 2018 Author Posted September 2, 2018 You give yourself closure. You were not well suited, the relationship had run its course. When you are ready, look for someone who is better suited to you and can provide the love and affection that you need. He has clearly demonstrated to you by his words and actions that he wanted to break up. It's not vague. Would you feel better if he told you all the reasons why he knew it wasn't going to work. Probably not. He is being kind to you...You must accept that fact and move on... I feel like I would prefer that. Because right now, I feel like he's just doing this because I made him feel like he's not good enough for me. I stupidly brought up breaking up and he sounded so upset, and just had a "whatever you want" tone to him. If he directly told me everything he felt, at least I'd know for certain there's no hope in this relationship and I can finally move forward.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2018 Posted September 2, 2018 OP, I think it's time you let go of this guy. He was nowhere near as committed and invested as you were, judging from your other threads about him. He didn't do much to show his appreciation or commitment to you, left you feeling unseen and undervalued. You were clinging to whom you wanted him to be, not who he actually is. He was not the boyfriend you were hoping for. Stay broken up. This wasn't going anywhere anyway, unfortunately. 1
BaileyB Posted September 2, 2018 Posted September 2, 2018 I feel like I would prefer that. Because right now, I feel like he's just doing this because I made him feel like he's not good enough for me. If he directly told me everything he felt, at least I'd know for certain there's no hope in this relationship and I can finally move forward. I doubt that this is the reason why he broke up with you. Again, you give yourself the closure you want. If he wanted to fight for the relationship, he wouldn't have walked away like he did. You need to accept that it's over - it's nothing you did, you were just not compatable. It's very doubtful that this relationship would have been long term. I'm sorry. 1
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