I'm so afraid to lose my grandma [she passed]

[vla1120]

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this loss. Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful woman, and someone whose lessons you will carry with you through your life and pass on to your children. I know there is nothing anyone can say that makes the inevitable loss more bearable. Just know that you carry her inside you always.

[Lorenza]

Thank you.

 

My granny was buried today, we held a traditional Catholic funeral for her and did everything the way she would have liked. So many people came to say goodbye to her, she was well loved by everyone.

 

Never in my life have I heard her talk badly about anyone. Maybe just a matter of a fact way of talking, but she didn't really dislike anyone. "I don't understand how you can hate a person" is something she'd say if you'd ever tell her you hate someone. Granny was so patient and tolerant with everyone and hospitable to no end.

 

Me and my cousins have a hard time coping. It all seems like a dream. Watching pictures, videos, sharing memories. I made my mom tell me stories about grandma in her younger days. All I want to talk about is what would grandma say, think or do. My mind is replaying all the things I remember. It's so hard sleeping and eating, none of us have had a good night sleep ever since my grandma had a stroke and went into coma. None of us believe this is all true.

 

I know, this isn't interesting for any of you, but I am living in "grandmaworld" these days and it's my only way of coping - surrounding myself with anything that reminds me of her and talking about her, or writing. I took some of her clothes to keep, the ones she has worn the most. Her notebook. I got some of her golden jewelry.

 

You guys don't have to comment, as I believe it isn't interesting to anyone... I guess I'm just grief-stricken

[d0nnivain]

We've all been there. I still talk about my parents. You do what is going to help you cope. It will take time. Try to take care of yourself. Your grandmother would not want you to make yourself ill.

[No_Go]

It is so sad, and so much reminds me that November day 14 years ago...

 

But you know what helped me then? I'd write her letters. It sounds crazy but I picked a big notebook and wrote my thoughts that I'd otherwise share with her every day. Give it a try...

 

Also, nice you have her jewelry. Another thing that gives some comfort.

 

It will get different it time... We are made to adapt. But these first days, take them one at a time.

[alphamale]

Sorry for your loss, I sent best wishes to you and your family

[Lorenza]

Thanks, guys.

 

I'm having a hard time moving on. Flying back home right now and terrified to stay alone. Feels like tears and sadness will overwhelm me again as soon as I'm alone. All the funeral organisation, then my mom's aunt's sudden passing (so yesterday I was at another funeral again), disputes over the inheritance and today's flight took my mind away from sadness, but I think it will come again. I so want to talk to my granny.

[d0nnivain]

That is a lot. Unless you personally stand to lose hundred's of thousands of dollars from granny's inheritance, just stay out of it. People do get really ugly sometimes & it can rip families apart. Let the ugly ones be ugly & treat them distantly going forward.

 

If it's too much when you get home, join a local grief support group when you get home. I know my local churches all have bereavement events at the holidays.

[Lorenza]

That is a lot. Unless you personally stand to lose hundred's of thousands of dollars from granny's inheritance, just stay out of it. People do get really ugly sometimes & it can rip families apart. Let the ugly ones be ugly & treat them distantly going forward.

 

If it's too much when you get home, join a local grief support group when you get home. I know my local churches all have bereavement events at the holidays.

 

I would have stayed out of it, but my mom was being accused and yelled at so I got involved defending her... It was right after granny's funeral on the way to the next one, absolutely horrible. I'm glad granny isn't here to see to see this... But at the same time, she tried so hard to fix everything for us, wrote an inheritance that she thought was fair to everyone, she even held on in coma for enough days so that my mom would be able to make all the transactions and died right after she did the last one...Always thinking about others, even in death... Still it didn't work out the way she wanted and it's just so so sad

[d0nnivain]

Well I'm glad you defended your mom. Sounds like she was trying to fulfill grandma's last wishes. In grief people can be so awful.

 

Hang in there.

[Lorenza]

Well I'm glad you defended your mom. Sounds like she was trying to fulfill grandma's last wishes. In grief people can be so awful.

 

Hang in there.

 

More like greed can make people awful. Why is it always the ones who were the least attentive and most problematic that complain about their share of inheritance being too small. One of my mom's brothers was a useless son. The only reasons he kept in touch with my grandma is because she was the most patient person in the world. My mom was always there for her and did so much for her. So my mom got a little bit more than her brothers. Not much, just a little. She's also the eldest. That is apparently the reason for her brother to completely lose his temper and act unforgivably.