Good rules for men in the dating world

[basil67]

What about if they are bitter? Like bitter or nasty about their ex?

 

Male or female - avoid bitter people like the plague.

[littleblackheart]

Then you must live in a cave. I'm surrounded by them.

 

You think I live in a cave because I think extreme mysandrists or misogynists are a minority? This is a bit weird. Do you not think that maybe where you live is the problem since you are surrounded by them?

 

Have you considered that maybe it"s your perception rather than a fact?

[carhill]

Rules ,,,, what the !!!!!!!!

Be attractive and don't be unattractive.... oh, and be handsome.

[Woggle]

You think I live in a cave because I think extreme mysandrists or misogynists are a minority? This is a bit weird. Do you not think that maybe where you live is the problem since you are surrounded by them?

 

Have you considered that maybe it"s your perception rather than a fact?

 

The extremists are the minority but they are not who you need to worry about. It is the subtle gender haters of both sexes who are capable of being civil and polite with the opposite sex but have tons of resentment underneath that they unleash on innocent people when the time is right.

[littleblackheart]

The extremists are the minority but they are not who you need to worry about. It is the subtle gender haters of both sexes who are capable of being civil and polite with the opposite sex but have tons of resentment underneath that they unleash on innocent people when the time is right.

 

The sexism I've experience has always been quite easy to spot and what you are describing is also quite extreme, I guess, but I think I know what you mean with the subtle type - a victim-like, almost obsessive compulsion to turn everything into a gender issue even when it blatantly isn't one. I've seen that with struggling men piling it onto all womankind for their lack of success. Is that what you mean?

[Woggle]

The sexism I've experience has always been quite easy to spot and what you are describing is also quite extreme, I guess, but I think I know what you mean with the subtle type - a victim-like, almost obsessive compulsion to turn everything into a gender issue even when it blatantly isn't one. I've seen that with struggling men piling it onto all womankind for their lack of success. Is that what you mean?

 

That is one example out of a number of them. They are the kind of people who can be civil in superficial situations but get too close and you see the hate.

[Mysterio]

To me. The day Dating is these days. We live in a very hyper world, where we think we need to feel/get everything at once.

 

So when we date some of us are going way to fast. It should not be this difficult for people to date and mate.

 

My honest view is this. Making an effort does not bring about a favoured outcome. One is more likely going to have a great outcome by going about their life. Letting a romantic relationship organically come to them.

 

All the online dating/going to the bars/asking out random people. At least 75 % of the time is not going to work. In my lifetime. Things seem to work for me, when I least expect it or when I am not really trying to scope out a romantic prospect.

 

When I do try. It never works out as much. I am not doing anything really odd or awkward when I ask out a woman. I don't use sex talk or anything like that.

 

 

I think that most of us are really going to have to let love organically come to us. So its better to date someone at the gym like a YMCA, than just go out to a park and ask a random stranger out.

[Imajerk17]

The harsh responses this thread received seem puzzling to be honest. I am still trying to figure out what was said that was so controversial

 

 

 

I see all these men struggling when to me it doesn't have to be so hard. There are some simple rules to follow which have helped me greatly.

 

Always respect yourself and know how you deserve to be treated

 

Respect women and if they don't respectably then cut them off and move on

 

Work on building up your own life which means, career, finances, hobbies and passions and good women will naturally come into your circle

Be a gentlemen but don't be a doormat and don't let yourself get taken advantage of.

 

Women just like men have the right to say no and not be interested. Some people just are not into you and if that is the case just move on. It is nothing personal so don't get angry

 

Women are neither angels nor demons. They are simply people who aren't much different than you.

 

Stay away from women who hate men and say next if you hear her use misandrist dog whistles like toxic masculinity, patriarchy and mansplaining. Most women wouldn't touch an incel or mgtow with a ten foot pole so treat their female counterparts the same.

 

Just be you instead of feeling like you need to apply PUA tactics or run game or buy into the alpha vs beta crap. I said before that women are simply people so deal with them as such instead of treating them as chemicals that can be manipulated using tactics some snake oil salesman sells to insecure men.

 

This is how I operated when I was single and it worked perfectly.

 

 

Most of the above seem like good advice. As far as what I bolded: Thing is I have been on many dates and I have never heard a woman use these terms on a date. I find it bizarre that so many people reacted to that. If at some point in the future these terms ever come up on a date that I am on I probably will just look at the context. The advice not to date a woman who looks down on men, seems to make decent sense, just as a woman should not date men who look down on women. *shrug*

Edited September 1, 2018 by Imajerk17

[Woggle]

I would certainly advise a woman to avoid dating misogynists so why can't I advise men to avoid the female version?

[carhill]

That would fall under the date rule of 'if it don't flow, let it go', along with women who rant about exes, have their face in their phone, or engage in other rude, anti-social, or impolite behaviors. Just let them go. They're going to be who they are. Accept it.

[Woggle]

Another thing is stop being afraid of women with their own money. Some of us call women gold diggers but then don't want to date a woman who actually goes out and earns her own way in the world. I don't know about you but when woman doesn't need you to avoid homelessness but still wants nothing more than to share her life with there is no better feeling in the world. I have found with these women if you can be their cheerleader they are more than willing to yours and are loyal as hell. Educated and successful women these days actually have the best marriage rate and lowest divorce rate. I have no idea why some actually want to be used as a walking wallet. If she feels the need to go around telling everybody how much she doesn't need a man then stay away but don't hold it against a woman who gets her's in life the honest way.

[Woggle]

I think the reason some guys stay away from those ladies is that they often refuse to date someone who makes less money than they do. I have a friend that was broke her entire life, and thanks to her husband supporting her, she was able to finish nursing school. Now that she makes 80K per year and her marriage is on the rocks, she says she expects any new guy she meets post-divorce to make 100k.

 

This is actually a good argument against men being the provider instead of an equal partner. I can't help but wonder why the marriage is suddenly on the rocks now that she has finished nursing school and no longer needs his money.

[littleblackheart]

Another thing is stop being afraid of women with their own money. Some of us call women gold diggers but then don't want to date a woman who actually goes out and earns her own way in the world. I don't know about you but when woman doesn't need you to avoid homelessness but still wants nothing more than to share her life with there is no better feeling in the world. I have found with these women if you can be their cheerleader they are more than willing to yours and are loyal as hell. Educated and successful women these days actually have the best marriage rate and lowest divorce rate. I have no idea why some actually want to be used as a walking wallet. If she feels the need to go around telling everybody how much she doesn't need a man then stay away but don't hold it against a woman who gets her's in life the honest way.

 

I agree with the sentiment here, and I know a lot of women around me who earn more than their husbands and no one really cares; it's much less of an issue than is perceived, but I guess it depends on where you live.

 

On the bolded, it's actually a good thing when a woman tells you she doesn't need a man, from my perspective.

 

To me it means that when they enter a relationship, they do it because they want to, not because they need to.

 

From my experience, I put myself through a PhD programme on a fellowship with 2 young kids, a job, no financial help as a single parent and the sexism and prejudice (from both men and women) I've received at work and in my personal life has been very unpleasant.

 

I don't date because I realistically don't have the time to fit in developing a relationship with someone new as well as working and looking after my kids full time, and because dating really is not something I enjoy to do.

 

When I say I don't need a man in my life, that's the plain truth. In fact, I don't need anyone other than my family, a solid group of friends and my gorgeous kids at this point in my life.

 

This doesn't make me a misandrist or a man-hater.

 

When / if the time comes that I meet someone, I hope the relationship will happen because we both want it.

[Woggle]

I have found that most women who feel the need to tell everybody how much they don't need a man usually are at least low level misandrists and the low level ones are the ones you need to watch out for. The ones who wear it on their sleeve can be easily avoided. If a successful man went around telling everybody how he doesn't need a woman most women would avoid him and with good reason. The advice I give men can also be applied to women but men are allowed to have standards as well.

[littleblackheart]

I have found that most women who feel the need to tell everybody how much they don't need a man usually are at least low level misandrists and the low level ones are the ones you need to watch out for. The ones who wear it on their sleeve can be easily avoided. If a successful man went around telling everybody how he doesn't need a woman most women would avoid him and with good reason. The advice I give men can also be applied to women but men are allowed to have standards as well.

 

Of course men can have their own standards - that's a given, no one actually said they shouldn't.

 

The flip side to this is that most men who are oversensitive and overly judgemental of the type of language women use without paying attention to the context have got a huge chip on their shoulder. They too should be avoided at all costs.

 

I'd much prefer someone with no hangups who is comfortable in his own skin and doesn't prejudge women based on preconceptions.

 

I guess we each have our own experiences to draw on.

[Woggle]

Language does matter though. What a person says says a lot about how they think. Like I said before most women rightfully would avoid a man who went around telling everybody that he doesn't need a woman.

[littleblackheart]

Language does matter though. What a person says says a lot about how they think. Like I said before most women rightfully would avoid a man who went around telling everybody that he doesn't need a woman.

 

Yes, language matters in context. You can make any man or any woman sound like a low / high level anything if you're so inclined.

 

Measured reasoning over knee-jerk reaction for me anytime; to each their own.

[preraph]

Women with little or no money or financial future will be the most likely to use men for their money, there is no doubt about that. Now, you're talking about women who start having money and that they are leaving the men because they don't have as much money. I have never seen that, but what I have seen, and it's just as bad, is many women who only stayed with a guy they wished they could leave until they were financially able, but it had nothing do with wanting them to make more money. Women without money get stuck in bad relationships. Women without money take up with men because they either find it easier or find it their only option. Women with money who stay with their men love their life and their relationship. Women who acquire money and immediately bail on the man, whether he's been taking care of her or not, were wanting to bail for quite some time. It was never going to last.

[snowcones]

I see all these men struggling when to me it doesn't have to be so hard. There are some simple rules to follow which have helped me greatly.

 

Always respect yourself and know how you deserve to be treated

 

Respect women and if they don't respectably then cut them off and move on

 

Work on building up your own life which means, career, finances, hobbies and passions and good women will naturally come into your circle

Be a gentlemen but don't be a doormat and don't let yourself get taken advantage of.

 

Women just like men have the right to say no and not be interested. Some people just are not into you and if that is the case just move on. It is nothing personal so don't get angry

 

Women are neither angels nor demons. They are simply people who aren't much different than you.

 

Stay away from women who hate men and say next if you hear her use misandrist dog whistles like toxic masculinity, patriarchy and mansplaining. Most women wouldn't touch an incel or mgtow with a ten foot pole so treat their female counterparts the same.

 

Just be you instead of feeling like you need to apply PUA tactics or run game or buy into the alpha vs beta crap. I said before that women are simply people so deal with them as such instead of treating them as chemicals that can be manipulated using tactics some snake oil salesman sells to insecure men.

 

This is how I operated when I was single and it worked perfectly.

 

 

Do you think it's worth mentioning to not let yourself go? To try to look your best and that you will feel better when you look your best?

[Woggle]

Do you think it's worth mentioning to not let yourself go? To try to look your best and that you will feel better when you look your best?

 

I do. If you want an attractive be attractive yourself and vice versa. Be willing to deliver what you want in a mate.