She needs some space!!!!!

[ExpatInItaly]

Does this sound like a 'there's someone else' scenario, or does it sound like a woman who's truly just all over the board emotionally?

 

It could be either, really.

 

She might really have emotional issues, or she might have met someone else but she wanted to keep you just warm enough until she knew if it would go somewhere with another guy.

 

At the end of the day, it doesn't change anything for you. She still isn't a candidate for a relationship with you.

[newyorker11356]

Does this sound like a 'there's someone else' scenario, or does it sound like a woman who's truly just all over the board emotionally?

 

At first, I definitely thought it was a "there's someone else' in play scenario. A lot of the time, that's usually (but not always) what it is.

 

However, the fact that she's been texting you the stuff she's had and still wants to hang out with you, I'm going to attribute it to the fact that she's all over the place.

[ExpatInItaly]

At first, I definitely thought it was a "there's someone else' in play scenario. A lot of the time, that's usually (but not always) what it is.

 

However, the fact that she's been texting you the stuff she's had and still wants to hang out with you, I'm going to attribute it to the fact that she's all over the place.

 

See, that's precisely what makes me wonder if she does have another guy in her orbit.

 

I have a couple friends that behaved a lot like her in our younger years. They'd date a guy, then a shiny new object would roll into view. They'd run off after that, but still seek attention from the first guy just in case Shiny Object turned out to be a dud. Or, they would do so when Shiny Object wasn't giving them the time of day and they panicked and went looking for the first dude. Immature, yes. But I've seen it happen plenty, unfortunately.

[kendahke]

Does this sound like a 'there's someone else' scenario, or does it sound like a woman who's truly just all over the board emotionally?

 

 

Either way, it's not an attractive emotional space to be sucked into.

 

 

When she's telling you to go date others, it doesn't matter what her reasons are---you've been dismissed.

[Travis_T]

Either way, it's not an attractive emotional space to be sucked into.

 

 

When she's telling you to go date others, it doesn't matter what her reasons are---you've been dismissed.

 

See that's the thing......we sat on my porch swing last night, wrapped up in each other. Candle going, music down low, the whole 9 yards. I asked her if she really meant it when she said go out separate ways, when she said for me to move on, if being apart from me is what she really wants. Her answer was uequivocally 'No'.....I believed her, and I still do. The issue is, I believe that she really, genuinely, honestly feels that way when we're physically together, but it's like those feelings are gone when we're apart.

[Travis_T]

Like today at work, we texted constantly for probably 3 hours (my position is somewhat cushy lol), and after she told me about the therapist, and reverting back to breakup mode, she was flooding me with pictures of the two of us that she'd had in her phone, with plenty of crying emojis and such. She called after work today, and what I heard in her voice was indifference, a lack of emotion. So she's hot in person, could go either way over text, and cold over the phone. Seriously, my head is so twisted it's not even funny.

[kendahke]

Like today at work, we texted constantly for probably 3 hours (my position is somewhat cushy lol), and after she told me about the therapist, and reverting back to breakup mode, she was flooding me with pictures of the two of us that she'd had in her phone, with plenty of crying emojis and such. She called after work today, and what I heard in her voice was indifference, a lack of emotion. So she's hot in person, could go either way over text, and cold over the phone. Seriously, my head is so twisted it's not even funny.

 

 

It's time to put her on block on everything. She made her choice: let her live it without your input.

[ExpatInItaly]

Like today at work, we texted constantly for probably 3 hours (my position is somewhat cushy lol), and after she told me about the therapist, and reverting back to breakup mode, she was flooding me with pictures of the two of us that she'd had in her phone, with plenty of crying emojis and such. She called after work today, and what I heard in her voice was indifference, a lack of emotion. So she's hot in person, could go either way over text, and cold over the phone. Seriously, my head is so twisted it's not even funny.

 

You need to stop communicating with her.

 

She sounds like she has the emotional development of a teenager.

[Travis_T]

I forgot to add, about 2 weeks ago or so, we got in somewhat of an argument about this back and forth crap, and she dropped off the map for about 12 hours. She calls me up the next day and says that she had gone out with a recent ex, TO HIS HOUSE. Says that for the last few days, she had been struggling with wondering if she still had feelings for him, says she went and visited him just to see whether or not she did. He apparently owns some land with a fishing pond, and she said they sat ol his dock and fished and talked......said she basically ditched him when she met me (which was news to me), and that she felt guilty and wanted to apologize in person, etc. She said that absolutely nothing physical took place besides talking. Said that while she was there, she felt sick to her stomach with thoughts of me. She told me about this the very next day, and said she didnt spend the night there, said she got home at around 0300. Lol.

 

Is this absolute lunacy or what? And am I a complete and utter MORON for continuing to entertain it?

[ExpatInItaly]

I forgot to add, about 2 weeks ago or so, we got in somewhat of an argument about this back and forth crap, and she dropped off the map for about 12 hours. She calls me up the next day and says that she had gone out with a recent ex, TO HIS HOUSE. Says that for the last few days, she had been struggling with wondering if she still had feelings for him, says she went and visited him just to see whether or not she did. He apparently owns some land with a fishing pond, and she said they sat ol his dock and fished and talked......said she basically ditched him when she met me (which was news to me), and that she felt guilty and wanted to apologize in person, etc. She said that absolutely nothing physical took place besides talking. Said that while she was there, she felt sick to her stomach with thoughts of me. She told me about this the very next day, and said she didnt spend the night there, said she got home at around 0300. Lol.

 

Is this absolute lunacy or what? And am I a complete and utter MORON for continuing to entertain it?

 

OP, I think it's time to come out of denial and acknowledge what you already know: she's still hung up on her ex and that's the real reason why she's decided to call it all off with you. She wants to go back to him.

 

I would not buy for a moment she went to "apologize" nor than nothing physical happened.

 

You have known since you started this thread what was really up with her, no? The answer to your questions has been staring you in the face this whole time.

[coolheadal]

I forgot to add, about 2 weeks ago or so, we got in somewhat of an argument about this back and forth crap, and she dropped off the map for about 12 hours. She calls me up the next day and says that she had gone out with a recent ex, TO HIS HOUSE. Says that for the last few days, she had been struggling with wondering if she still had feelings for him, says she went and visited him just to see whether or not she did. He apparently owns some land with a fishing pond, and she said they sat ol his dock and fished and talked......said she basically ditched him when she met me (which was news to me), and that she felt guilty and wanted to apologize in person, etc. She said that absolutely nothing physical took place besides talking. Said that while she was there, she felt sick to her stomach with thoughts of me. She told me about this the very next day, and said she didnt spend the night there, said she got home at around 0300. Lol.

 

Is this absolute lunacy or what? And am I a complete and utter MORON for continuing to entertain it?

 

I told you she made you an option, because she is open to options. You are option for her and the other guy is option too. So both of you are fornicating her as options. She'll never be what you want her to be because she doesn't want to settle with one she needs more and more options. You got caught up in her web of options. It's time for you to end this madness. If you don't you'll be in it for a long haul!

[Travis_T]

Denial is an addictive drug, apparently. She's sooooo genuine and caring in person, it's extremely easy to take her at her word. What would that be, a sociopath?

[smackie9]

She's not a sociopath....just because she's backing off doesn't mean she's intentionally messing with you for her own benefit. So I was right, she is confused about her feelings for an ex. Like I said, back off, tell her to go figure herself out. Clinging onto her isn't going to make things right. You gotta be cruel to be kind....cut her off.

[Desesperado]

Whatever she is, whatever she does and whoever she plays with, there are 2 cold hard rules your should never forget when dating.

 

1° When people have excuses for not dating you, 99% of the time it means I don't care so much about you, especially the ones telling you to wait for them, they just are affraid to be alone and keep you as an option. People with genuine stuff keeping them are extremely rare and won't ask you to wait for them, that's respecting the other person.

Reality is always that waiting on people didn't work anyway, moving on is the right thing to do and if really you'd be the exception, moving on will tell the other you have self respect and that they are missing out.

 

2° Relationships between 2 mature adults, will bring good stuff in your life and your partner will support you.

I know it's difficult to quantify, but to schematize, this girl brings you up to 120% joy and then down to 30%, back and forth. Why would you want a relationship where you aren't joyful most of the time, if it brings you even less than half of the time misery and doubt, this isn't worth it.

 

Based on these facts, your relationship is bad on both accounts, block her immediately nothing good for you here !

 

I'd say she more looks like a female narcissist, telling stuff and doing things which make you feel the stars, only then to strike you by being so cold and missleading, that you're craving for the stars more, getting hooked up just like on cocaine, don't fool yourself these people know what they are doing.

Edited August 24, 2018 by Desesperado

[ExpatInItaly]

Denial is an addictive drug, apparently. She's sooooo genuine and caring in person, it's extremely easy to take her at her word. What would that be, a sociopath?

 

No, she's not sociopath. That's a label that gets tossed around here so causally, but she's not displaying genuine sociopathic behaviour. Let's not be extreme.

 

Simply put, she is selfish and emotionally immature. She thought she wanted you, but realized she's still in love with her ex. She leads with her emotions rather than her head, which is why everything seems fine in the moment when she's with you, because it makes her feel good and forget about her ex for a while. But as soon as she's not, she's thinking about him again.

 

Next time, be wary of people who engage in whirlwind romances. It's almost never a good sign.

[Gaeta]

Denial is an addictive drug, apparently. She's sooooo genuine and caring in person, it's extremely easy to take her at her word.

 

 

She's good at playing genuine and caring. Not the same. You must enjoy self flagellation to keep feeding this relationship.

[kendahke]

Her answer was uequivocally 'No'.....I believed her, and I still do. The issue is, I believe that she really, genuinely, honestly feels that way when we're physically together, but it's like those feelings are gone when we're apart.

 

She said that to manipulate you and maintain the status quo.

 

How is she BEHAVING? How is she ACTING?

 

She can say whatever til times get better and it doesn't mean it's the truth.

 

Believe her if you must, but keep your eyes open for inconsistencies in her behavior/actions because they will rear their ugly heads.

[kendahke]

we got in somewhat of an argument about this back and forth crap, and she dropped off the map for about 12 hours. She calls me up the next day and says that she had gone out with a recent ex, TO HIS HOUSE. Says that for the last few days, she had been struggling with wondering if she still had feelings for him, says she went and visited him just to see whether or not she did.

 

Ȍ_ő

 

So now it's she's struggling with feelings for an ex and she went to see if she could kindle something him because SHE WAS MAD AT YOU? That's being vindictive and it shows you exactly what she is.

 

said she basically ditched him when she met me (which was news to me), and that she felt guilty and wanted to apologize in person, etc. She said that absolutely nothing physical took place besides talking.

 

Ȍ_ő -_- Ȍ_ő

 

What she did could have been accomplished with an email or better still, silence. I'll bet dollars to donuts that he wasn't still trippin' off of it.

 

 

Said that while she was there, she felt sick to her stomach with thoughts of me. She told me about this the very next day, and said she didnt spend the night there, said she got home at around 0300. Lol. Is this absolute lunacy or what? And am I a complete and utter MORON for continuing to entertain it?

 

Yes it is absolute lunacy, but some people love their denial drug so much they mainline it.

 

She's not done with her ex and that's why she told you to go date others. Yes, I'm still on that because I dare say that's the last truthful thing she's said to you. The rest of it was manipulating you into not leaving until she figured out if her ex still held the candle for her.

 

You know what you need to do, so why don't you do it?

[OatsAndHall]

Denial is an addictive drug, apparently. She's sooooo genuine and caring in person, it's extremely easy to take her at her word. What would that be, a sociopath?

 

 

 

 

No, she's not a sociopath.. I doubt you'd be posting anything on this site if she had a personality disorder of any kind as you probably would have turned and run in a hurry.

 

 

 

She's simply immature, unstable and I wouldn't say she's fit to be in a relationship.

[Redhead14]

When someone tells me they need space, I become NASA. They can contact Houston when they figure out what their problem is. If they take too long, they will not have a place to land their craft.