What’s to going on here?

August 15, 2018

I’m not making assumptions, it’s just to stone wall for me. Makes me wonder if I’m wasting my time or not and her even giving me the option stating “ if you don’t want to wait I understand” ‘no one that wants to lose someone says that ..

Keep your options open my friend. I am in the same boat as well on my end. Try not to bother her with text or calls. Let them chase you and I know you like to know what the heck is going on in her head. Excuses from her just doesn't cut it anymore. I feel you never get the right answer with her. Now you know why the other guy left. Now it's your turn. Oh your letting her pay for the meal, oh my LOL. Do what you want as it's your life. I wish I was nearby I would talk to her for you. Or get some idea from her mind what the heck she's pulling on you. But woman do whatever they want until they figure out what they want? Sometimes they just don't know what they want. LOL

August 15, 2018

Alright, then.

Assume she's not interested then so you can let go of this and find someone more suited. You haven't lost anything here. It's been 4 dates. Just move along.

I guess so if she keeps this up, I understand if she has issues now from the past or damaged but she needs a little enthusiasm and trust with me or me or no one will work out. I understand is she’s “guarded” but I haven’t done anything for her to think otherwise. It’s just frustrating and she knows what’s shes doing. I don’t want to be taken as a fool

August 15, 2018

Keep your options open my friend. I am in the same boat as well on my end. Try not to bother her with text or calls. Let them chase you and I know you like to know what the heck is going on in her head. Excuses from her just doesn't cut it anymore. I feel you never get the right answer with her. Now you know why the other guy left. Now it's your turn. Oh your letting her pay for the meal, oh my LOL. Do what you want as it's your life. I wish I was nearby I would talk to her for you. Or get some idea from her mind what the heck she's pulling on you. But woman do whatever they want until they figure out what they want? Sometimes they just don't know what they want. LOL

Yeah well that’s what I don’t like women think they can just have all the power and the guy is the fool. It works both ways. Anyway I asked her “are you free tonight” I’ll see what she answers and tbh I don’t even know what I’ll do if she says yes. Because reason why I asked now is because I wanted to talk to her about being crap but not sure if it’s a good idea . How can she chase me?

August 15, 2018

I guess so if she keeps this up, I understand if she has issues now from the past or damaged but she needs a little enthusiasm and trust with me or me or no one will work out. I understand is she’s “guarded” but I haven’t done anything for her to think otherwise. It’s just frustrating and she knows what’s shes doing. I don’t want to be taken as a fool

You're not. Chill. You have to get out of this "woman are the enemy"-mindset you've displayed throughout this thread. People sometimes don't develop an instant attraction, and despite what you've convinced yourself, not all women are out to play games with you. Your thinking is astonishingly negative and victimizing.

If she doesn't like you, so what? Keep moving.

Edited August 15, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

August 15, 2018

You're not. Chill. You have to get out of this "woman are the enemy"-mindset you've displayed throughout this thread. People sometimes don't develop an instant attraction, and despite what you've convinced yourself, not all women are out to play games with you. Your thinking is astonishingly negative and victimizing.

If she doesn't like you, so what? Keep moving.

It’s just what I’m used to.. I’m damaged myself. They don’t treat me right therefore making me think that and having inner anger

August 15, 2018

It’s just what I’m used to.. I’m damaged myself. They don’t treat me right therefore making me think that and having inner anger

I have to disagree with the other poster, but like I said you do what you have to do. It's your life and what you do counts for who? You are number 1. Women will do what they want because who counts? They count as their are number 1 also. I know you love this girl and you don't want to give her up but you don't want to be subjected to her crappy ways too long. Date 5 nothing changed. Friends without benefits is where you are with her. She's not dating you she's just hanging out with you.

Find out this much for me.

Using this scale where are you with her? When she talks to you? Can't ask where you are with her she has to blur it out of her month one of these words below:

1. Like you

2. Care about you.

3. Love you

4. In love with you

5. Totally head over heels in love with you

6. Deeply in love with you

Edited August 15, 2018 by coolheadal

August 15, 2018

It’s just what I’m used to.. I’m damaged myself. They don’t treat me right therefore making me think that and having inner anger

And that is why I said a while back that dating right now is not a good idea. You're quick to anger and jump to conclusions, and evidently still very hurt from your past. You have yet to figure out effective ways to cope with your disappointment and anger; dating isn't the solution, as you'll continue to project onto girls who have nothing to do with your past at all.

I too have dated a couple of horrible men. But I cannot make the same assumptions about men in general, or I would never have found myself a wonderful guy. Yes, there were a couple of duds between a toxic ex and my current lovely partner. But I didn't paint all men with a black brush and assume they were all out to hurt me and play games the way my ex did.

Until you learn to distinguish decent but uninterested women from women who actually are toying with you, dating is going to be disastrous and emotionally exhausting for you. That's not a criticism; I've been where you are. And I found nothing but more pain while I was there.

August 15, 2018

I have to disagree with the other poster, but like I said you do what you have to do. It's your life and what you do counts for who? You are number 1. Women will do what they want because who counts? They count as their are number 1 also. I know you love this girl and you don't want to give her up but you don't want to be subjected to her crappy ways too long. Date 5 nothing changed. Friends without benefits is where you are with her. She's not dating you she's just hanging out with you.

Find out this much for me.
Using this scale where are you with her? When she talks to you? Can't ask where you are with her she has to blur it out of her month one of these words below:
1. Like you
2. Care about you.
3. Love you
4. In love with you
5. Totally head over heels in love with you
6. Deeply in love with you

She knows I don’t want friends I don’t think we are friends or she would split the bill on occasion because what would she care then? And me introducing her to one of my friends? She knows I don’t want friends I don’t think she does either but she is doing a very bad job and I don’t even know what to do if she agrees to hang out tonight...

August 15, 2018

She knows I don’t want friends I don’t think we are friends or she would split the bill on occasion because what would she care then? And me introducing her to one of my friends? She knows I don’t want friends I don’t think she does either but she is doing a very bad job and I don’t even know what to do if she agrees to hang out tonight...

What do you mean?

You go out. That's why you asked her if she was free, no?

August 15, 2018

And that is why I said a while back that dating right now is not a good idea. You're quick to anger and jump to conclusions, and evidently still very hurt from your past. You have yet to figure out effective ways to cope with your disappointment and anger; dating isn't the solution, as you'll continue to project onto girls who have nothing to do with your past at all.

I too have dated a couple of horrible men. But I cannot make the same assumptions about men in general, or I would never have found myself a wonderful guy. Yes, there were a couple of duds between a toxic ex and my current lovely partner. But I didn't paint all men with a black brush and assume they were all out to hurt me and play games the way my ex did.

Until you learn to distinguish decent but uninterested women from women who actually are toying with you, dating is going to be disastrous and emotionally exhausting for you. That's not a criticism; I've been where you are. And I found nothing but more pain while I was there.

I know you’re right.. it’s been a very tough road for me as I find very funny how every girl I see is almost the same in behaviour it’s sickining. I even told my friend before I got into this I don’t need another disaster he told me she’s hd very nice and family oriented etc so I went with it but now I don’t know what gotten into her. Only big deal I’m making is she sounds self centred or comes off like she doesn’t care what I do. I know it’s still early in it but by 4 dates at least a hug or something. Feels weird sometimes her and I just walking and I’m like uhhh so no holding hands in my mind I’m saying..or even at the movies I expects her head to rest on mine or something. Her whole body was almost shifted the other way like she was allergic of me or something

August 15, 2018

What do you mean?

You go out. That's why you asked her if she was free, no?

Yes but partially to ask what’s tbe deal and how I’m offended she said “I don’t know what I want and if you can’t wait I understand”

August 15, 2018

Yes but partially to ask what’s tbe deal and how I’m offended she said “I don’t know what I want and if you can’t wait I understand”

If you're going into this with the goal of confrontation, don't bother going out. It's a waste of time.

August 15, 2018

If you're going into this with the goal of confrontation, don't bother going out. It's a waste of time.

It’s not the goal, just wanted to bring it up at some point?

August 15, 2018

It’s not the goal, just wanted to bring it up at some point?

Your right and you do what you have too with her. Ask to go out and it's not considered a hangout. Your going on Date so she should dress casually. Be nice to her and talk about things outright. She might not be able to do all this at first so your going to have to understand where she's coming from. Again keep going out with her even if she wants to treat you for dinner etc.

August 15, 2018

Your right and you do what you have too with her. Ask to go out and it's not considered a hangout. Your going on Date so she should dress casually. Be nice to her and talk about things outright. She might not be able to do all this at first so your going to have to understand where she's coming from. Again keep going out with her even if she wants to treat you for dinner etc.

What do you mean talk about things outright? And yeah I dint think it would be hanging out it never was it was always dates. Anyway I’m not sure yet she hasn’t answered me she will but not sure when. She probably busy at work. Anyway not sure what that was about this morning. I thought she would say good morning too not just answer so little she could of asked me more ..

August 15, 2018

What do you mean talk about things outright? And yeah I dint think it would be hanging out it never was it was always dates. Anyway I’m not sure yet she hasn’t answered me she will but not sure when. She probably busy at work. Anyway not sure what that was about this morning. I thought she would say good morning too not just answer so little she could of asked me more ..

She answered me all she said was “Tonight I’m meeting up with a friend for dinner” what kind of response is that so like.....

August 15, 2018

She answered me all she said was “Tonight I’m meeting up with a friend for dinner” what kind of response is that so like.....

Then I answered Okay no problem let me know when your free.

She said: Ya sure I will. But I do still need time to think and figure things out

I said okay no problem, ill give you some space to figure things out let me know if you need anything.

August 15, 2018

She answered me all she said was “Tonight I’m meeting up with a friend for dinner” what kind of response is that so like.....

She said with a friend and didn't say who was the friend? She left you hanging on that statement. She's so clever isn't she. Your not dealing with average girl her. Best be on your guard with this one.

August 15, 2018

Then I answered Okay no problem let me know when your free.

She said: Ya sure I will. But I do still need time to think and figure things out

I said okay no problem, ill give you some space to figure things out let me know if you need anything.

So this friend is more than a friend then. See what about face with her.

How you should answer this one by saying nothing. Don't you see she's going out with someone else. Instead of you. What 360 she pulled on you. Do not contact anymore. Move on and forget her. Let her chase you but I don't think she will because she just introduce a friend into the picture and is going out with him or her? How can you find out who? Call her up and say So you going to hang out for dinner with your girl friend (think of a name here) If she said no then it's a guy. Be clever as well. If you want to go in this direction, you can or not.

Edited August 15, 2018 by coolheadal

August 15, 2018

Then I answered Okay no problem let me know when your free.

She said: Ya sure I will. But I do still need time to think and figure things out

I said okay no problem, ill give you some space to figure things out let me know if you need anything.

Ahhh!!! She finally gave you an idea about what is going on...

When a woman says they are doing something with a friend and does not elaborate on it more about who then she is seeing another guy.

If it was really a friend they would say a name and such, she is seeing another guy that she likes more than you.

She is a game player and you are now on the backburner in her dating pecking order. I would not contact her anymore, if she contacts you with a good morning or hi, respond back. If she does not bring up meeting within a couple of texts let her know you are really busy and have to go.

Do not ever initiate with this woman again. Move on and find someone who wants to date you.

I wish you luck

August 15, 2018

Then I answered Okay no problem let me know when your free.

She said: Ya sure I will. But I do still need time to think and figure things out

I said okay no problem, ill give you some space to figure things out let me know if you need anything.

You handled it well, OP.

Unfortunately, let this be your indicator that she is not interested. She doesn't know how to come out and tell you, but those are not the words of a girl who is into it. And no, her excuse of being out with a friend does not automatically mean there is another guy.

You tried. I know it's disappointing. But it's time to let this one go.

August 15, 2018

You handled it well, OP.

Unfortunately, let this be your indicator that she is not interested. She doesn't know how to come out and tell you, but those are not the words of a girl who is into it. And no, her excuse of being out with a friend does not automatically mean there is another guy.

You tried. I know it's disappointing. But it's time to let this one go.

Not sure if it’s another guy but it is suspect.. I also added to the message- I’m just wondering, if you don’t mind, could you expand on “what figuring things out” means? that would help me understand as well more clearly? I would really appreciate that! .

So now I’m waiting for a response I really hope it isn’t what I think it is I’ll be really pissed off because that’s not how you do it

August 15, 2018

So this friend is more than a friend then. See what about face with her.
How you should answer this one by saying nothing. Don't you see she's going out with someone else. Instead of you. What 360 she pulled on you. Do not contact anymore. Move on and forget her. Let her chase you but I don't think she will because she just introduce a friend into the picture and is going out with him or her? How can you find out who? Call her up and say So you going to hang out for dinner with your girl friend (think of a name here) If she said no then it's a guy. Be clever as well. If you want to go in this direction, you can or not.

I rather not ask and show I could careless tbh. I don’t know for sure if it’s a guy but if it is I’ll be very disappointed. It’s is suspect

August 15, 2018

I rather not ask and show I could careless tbh. I don’t know for sure if it’s a guy but if it is I’ll be very disappointed. It’s is suspect

She said to me : Figuring this out with me. Idk what’s going on but I just need to understand where I am right now in life, If you don’t want to wait around I understand

August 15, 2018

She said to me : Figuring this out with me. Idk what’s going on but I just need to understand where I am right now in life, If you don’t want to wait around I understand

This is the second time she's mentioned this, if I recall correctly.

Whatever her reasoning, (and I suspect she's too timid to be direct) take the hint here, my friend. She is not interested in going out again.

Leave it be now, so you can move on.

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